THE
BY
This Funny World
"Play something light and gay."
THE
→
WAY ☺
by Beachcomber
ERE is a grand air and
THEAS
Then why do the auth-or-15-
through tests is no cause al-arm?”
for
Kind of reckless swagger les say that the in-crease of i about mechanical "brains which the merely-human brạm cannot hope to rival.
"Well, if they said there was The Middlesbrough bulcher use for al-arm, the de-mand who received a gus bill for for neg-el-ation lo stop tests £999,00 195, d. must have would in-creure, thus em-bar- realised that no human official rassing the Cov-ern-ment."
HOD, 1
Thank you, eould have overlooked such an alarming error, und that it was tad-dy, for mak-ing it so clear." the work of a machine which
ter.
was feeling or out of forms Tales of the Sca
on that particular dny. Or was
it the rather heavy-handed jest "AND-HOP cried the look-
of a machine with a genre. humour?
ol
In passing HOWLS of unrighteous indig-
nation must have risen from the raw-boned throul of the Society for the Promotion of Fossilised Food when somebody with inside information revealed that refrigeration, even at y most Intense, does not muke stale food fresh. A juverke plaice, thrust into the cupacious and ravening maw of the refrigerator, will kerp Its pris- fine beauty and flavour for while, but a stale halibut, eveni il incarcerated in the ley envern for 8 years, will emerge, as stale as when the prison door closed upon it, and a disgrace
to the world of fossils,
The Tweet-little-thing
THE
The
out man. "Don't be a fool," ronred the captain, "You're furing the land wrong way. That's the we've Just left."
CROSSWORD
32
(13
H
120
FZ
1. Midlande city. 191
V. Hefecatment. (4)
11. Mischievously, 19
12. Before pred. (4)
11. Cold acet of Bone, (8) 16. 17ossos, 187
16. Monarchy symbol. (h). 1th Toller of untrutba (4) -19, Bird (1)
THE cult of simplicity among film actresses is worrying End hotels. the West other day one of them, while In her being photographed £600-a-week sulte, rejected her
and champagne
caviar, and asked for a plate of blsculis and a glass of water. Walters zany
when the fro, and to and manager in person brought the frugal meal on a golden salver, there she was, down on the floor playing ddieywinks Just like
any ordinary girl.
Lit-tle Bo-Prat
AD-DY, is rad-lo act-ive
"DAD
fall-out dung-er-ous, or is
it nat?"
"Of course it is."
Letter... (4)
THE CHINA MAIL, MONDAY, MAY 5, 1958.
JACOBY ON BRIDGE
South Muffs Only Chance
By OSWALD JACOBY
EVERYBODY bid away merrily until North and South ar- rived at their four spade, con tract. East and West could have gone to five clubs as a sacrifice and would only have been down ung trick but they proferred to take the chance of beating South's game contract,
Correct defence would hava beaten South one triek murely, All West had to do was to cash one club and shift to a diamond.
WEST 45
JOJ
◆ KJE
NORTH (3) ⭑AQ
KQ1074
13
• 9643
4Q10
EAST
6432
AK9704
VAR
072 43832
SOUTH
AKJ 10987
♦ A 100
45
No one vulnerable
North
East South
Pass
14
West 24 4♣
Paza
3d 3 Pati Poss Opening lead-♣ K
WOMANSENSE
Page
Continuing The Week-End Adventure
With Nancy Spain
BT DIE VOgos' Moumlaina.
I
berserk, Tyres squealed, preci- Paris, France all right, where along the Avenue LANDED up here this plecs yawned on left, then right, the trees morning, cold and grey bushes loomed and vanished as George Cinq are all wearing a Sheila nung the car at the vell of green, and where, in the and full of sleep, to bends. Tyres scrabbled.
Champs-Elysees, the plane trees rendezvous with Shella Van To be honest I was scared are coming along behind the Damm and her brand-new, stiff. Adrenalin rushed through mad green bursting chestnuts. The cold with great sticky buds of brown. Innocent Sunbeam Rapier, my bloodstream.
Goldets like baby donkey's eata,
to find out how you drive caught on the bus in
Green left me. This went on round mountain hairpin for five blessed milenar, bends in the Tulip and other roar, scrabble, shriek, motor rallios.
"The Swiss mountain passes," said she, "are all covered with nicet ico. So we are going to do the lacets in the Vosges, sit in the back and wedge yourself atid try not to make noises.
From ime time Shells let fall pearls of red-hot wisdom.
brake in "Never There's no future in it, down before the bends.
corner.
Change Give it
a squirt between the corners." And so on.
She was so calm,
ont
"I once did this with a lady At one point the knob came who screamed and hissed and of the gearlever and no whistle all the time, and it did't seemed to mind. I set and half put me off. The sick bag shivered. After 100 yards I was is between the seats All right?" used to it. It seems 'All right," I said weakly. I get used to anything. was anxious not to show fear..
Why had she come
one con
all this
but all that I can truly way in way to teach an embryo rally my favour about this little spin driver, I inquired. Well, it is that i did not have to ure the seems there
ls nothing like sick Eng.
these hairpin beads in England. "All right," I said weakly. I When we came to a sudden, aspired the strange plac-treo- exhilarating halt 1 worked out tufted
with snow still that there peaks;
were Ave separate fying on the windward side of ways of getting killed. Sheila woods, with clumps of cowslips added a sixth, sudden in green felda.
1 ant in Parls and listened to Hazel Scott, looking like some wondrous coffee ice-cream in belge, play, on a belge plano scattered with dark red roses.
We
were all
shouting that where comeone difficult game sings the versc of popular song and everyone joins in the chorus. I stumped Hazel with "The Very Thought of You," and she slumped me with "I Saw You Last Night and Got That Old Feeling," and a good time was had by all.
"Oh, gee, I like playing that game, too," said Liberace when I told him about it. He was
wearing a two-inch gold ring made in the shape of a chande- where the er, with diamonds flames of the candles should be.
"I
TOURISTY
WAS in Paris, too. I wish I'd been there. And I Just love Hazel, I think she's
touristy.
"There's nothing dangerous a great artist. I think Paris is And worming: Its way through about it," she said, "unless, of the greatest too. I had lunch at it all, like a gravelly snake, was course, we meet some chum the Tour d'Argent-pressed duck thin mountain road, with a practising for the Tulip Rally and went to the Louvre and surface like а river bed coming in the other direction. the top of the Eiffel Tower, real treacherous, loose, and twisth. That's called getting 'a face Village people below us walk full of car. Your turn to have ed demurely to church. And
go. Nancy."
"That's what I love to be.... Shella was talking about speed. "Not," I sald, with simple real touristy. In Paris, you
dignity, "on your Nelly."
Eny 'Look, know, they just After this, the journey to there's Liberace, and leave Paris seemed like a winsume alone. In London there's 02 second club. South ruled and SAID she: "This is something little toddle in an Olde English knowing where the fans wil
Proper play also as it was quite likely that East had a high din mond for his club raise.
As it was West tried to cash a
SPEEDS
extraordinary, the
a heart to dummy's which held the trlaic. Four rounds of trumps followed and South led a second heart to word duminy, After long thought he went up with the river whom t otherwise admire
way Stage Conche. quite sensible, intelligent people talk about their average speed at miles an hour. A woman
very much once said she'd come from Salisbury at an average of 70. Allowing for villages, truffle, and lights, that meant she would have been doing 120 most of the way,"
FOODS
WHEN 1 was describing it later
end,"
то
This shook me a little og I ama Liberace fan and belong
to all of his clubs: the Yours
at this party of Dald Jacobs Sincerely Club, the Candelabra (and all his usual party people Club and all.
Liberace was getting along were there, as they always are in his other house in Hove, Bar- very well with Sabrina (whom bara Beck, Cicely Courtneidge, everyone calls "Sabby," belleva Sabrina and all Sally Ann it or not), but then everyone Sheila settled behind the Hawes's mum said to me: "But can get along with Liberace steering wheel and sold: "Zero when do you eat?"
(who everyone calls "Leo'). told me Noel which seemed ilke
Coward once the trip," gibberish to me until I dis- "We had vegetable soup and Liberace was "perfectly sweet." covered that she meant
queen and when East produced the are the hand collapsed. South lost two hearts, 'one club and two diamonds for down two. South's play of the queen of hearts was bad, Truc, West might have held the ace and ducked but in that case South still would have gone down one
Lorraine and river "Sel Quiche
"But that's Lee told me how he had trick. His only chance to make back the mileage recorder to trout," I said. the contract would be the playnought."
because Shella likes eating. On cured the cold in his head (and a proper rally they never seem it was a very different cold cure. Then we were off-slam, bang to eat or drink."
belleve me, from whirling round at the Arst halspin-bend Slosh, don't think it's for me!! the mountains with Shella. Van ♥*CARD Seride roar, snari we went, shattering said Sally Ann Howes's mum Damm) which involved a lot of that Sunday afternoon as it It's not for me, elther, but I glass tubes being stuck up his he seemed quite The whole world hud gono should feel such a sissy telling nose...and
not surprised to see I was Sheila so
Paris, France is for me, touching my salmon and that I though, and this is the week for waved away my turkey.
of the ben,
Бор
1.
20. bene. 10)
Pass
I I
Q-The bidding has been:
West North Fast Double Pazz Double Pais
You, South, hold:
What do you do?
A-4 two hearts.
24: Part of a camera, 16) 13. Tirety. (3)
34. Upside down philosophers, per-
hape) (8)
Down
Min Turner, (4)
4. Flowing from (7)
8. Une.ompon. (9)
• Old good companion. (1)
8. Br
mara!
standards. [vi
6. Olique, I HA
1. Oletha
making, (9)
8811X - ke
material. 151
10. sore serisy.
14. Huntar. (51)
17. In dividund
10. Ray D LADI
Saturday's Solution
godduse. (4)
YOUR BIRTHDAY
MONDAY, MAY 5
BORN today, you are a person of great contrasts in your tastes While wegpls anal in your talentr. interested is, things selemtie. Nyu also have talent in music and the arta, Although you have great originality in mechanical things and Are inventive in the realm of ideas, you are rather matter ot-ract when is comes to the ordinary things life. Ons would hot, Bakpect that, -you had a vivid imaginailon, for you sppear praettest and placid. You actually are u person of varying moods, and it all depends which mood you are in, which side of your personality is showing
The stars have given you unusual' talents, but if you matter your la Corela over too wide an area, 3012 may not become outstanding là any Kogle one. Yet. If you direipime yourself to speciallration, you can become outstanding, reading only fame but fortune.
While outwardly appearing quite carefree and gay, you are at heart **worrier over detall. Some little
ot
By STELLA
living colours. Your emotions are
near the surface and probably need some rather caretol disciplinë. Опа muneris you are
you will succeed, the
Instant you
are equally are that you are going to faili la continual swing from one extreins lo another is not good. More emotional balance in to insired., Cultivate IL,
be
you.
Wel while quite young. I sekret poneone who complernents your own personally, you may make A fine teain, career-wise, as well as In domestic life.
on
Among those who were born this date are: Tyrone Power, actor: Empress Eugenie of France; Bir Archibald Wavell, World War I flekt marshal: Frederick A., F. Barnani, ulential and educator:
W author; Karl
Christopher Morley Herbert
Marx, reformer: Bancrofi, historian; and J, D Stet- son, manufacturer and philanthropist. To find what the stars have in store for you tomorrow select your
thing will get you all fustest. Birthday star and read the come- although when faced with a major ponding paragraph. Let your birth- crisis, you can eine through with day star be your daily ulde
TAURUS
TUESDAY, MAY 6
(Apr. 21-May 21)
hande Take things kato your own
SCORPIO (Oct 24-Nov, 27)- Everything seems in your favour and demand your full dues from today. Make hay whila the sun
If. The outlook is good for the, alines Work on what you' enjoy next few days. Act at once.
OEKINI (hay
mart.
-June 21) SAGITTARIUS (Nov. zi.Dec. XI)—. Artistic efforts should be Wall Take the lead today in some ·re- organisation work at the onter. It rewarded now if the budness details
will improve output as well na give are handled wisely. Just ace that
you a profit. they are!
(Jung 12-July CANCER
23)... Launch your sew plan and merk dhe 09-operation of those who can autel you. You can make excellent рантова
LXO (July ZI-AUX,
-(12
Get into the swing of things at home or at te doe. There times when you must secept routhie work. This is one.
(AU-24+8&p£. VIRGO
If you get so early start tile mord. ing you can complete your work by goonime and then plan some plea-
ent recreatio
There are: Kood inducements for you so works hard, alpon the rewarÚN REU speglast three daya. Improve kone
CAPRICORN (Dec, 23-Jan. 20)— You are in the spotlight now should be able to get just abou
and make gaine.
AQUARIUN {im... 21-Fob. 10) You may be able to help someone who needs your, advice anul umsist- ance. Your good act can business goodwill.
incZORES
上
PIECES ... (F45), 80-Mar. You must be practical today, for daydreams don't count for much. In the biny atmosphere of these times.
ARIES." Chine. ・$1.Apt.
19
A saw idem can easily incarnans, TÚLK accem potential on the jub. It can eves put you in line for a prDMO-
MA VITAS SAKITI SKON
Even if
West has a bona fido boart bid you should be able to make (wo bearis.
TODAY'S QUESTION West bids two spades and your partner passes. What do you do now?
Answer Tomorrow
CHESS
By LEONARD BARDEN
(No. 4390
Hore is a problem specially contributed by B. J. de C. Andrade (Woodford), White to play and mate in two moves. Solution No. 5393: After 1.. QXR7:2P-Q57, white should Landon Represa Service
win.
TARGET
UAI
·JARAY Hword of
four
Cu
O BLOK
KED
from
R
F
$
H
agem no2
the
teliers to the:
the Park EN;. making mach|| word tho. latters 111) sach of tho GOGS
smati wquares may BE CEDULED only. Each word mut the large letter la the contr #QUANY, KDO there must be KE least one mine-letter word ja tas Eat No piarsie: do Conden Horde Do Proper Daines. TODAY'R TAFGEL 1.17 Words Food 1 words, (very good :"#f
tomorrow.
SATURDAY'S
word
*Hairpin bends (in French).
BOYS AND GIRLS' MAGAZINE
Teddy Has A Problem
-How Can He Stand On His Head And Be Nest Too
By MAX. TRELL
"HE'S standing on his head sgain." Hiawatha, the Small-Sized Wooden Indian, said to Knarf, the Shadow Boy with the Turned About Name.
Knart didn't have to ask who Hiawatha meant, He knew very well who was standing on his head. It had to be Teddy, the Stuffed Bear.
went
Knart and Hiawathu into the playroom. They reached the spot where Teddy was standing on his head just in time to hear. Mary Jane, the Rag "Now do Doll, saying to him: please stop 'standing on your head, Theodore,"
It's Too Fancy
"She wants me to look like you," said Teddy.
Of all the Toys in the play- room, General Tin was the neatent. His shoes were always Hia yellow and red polished. uniform was always pressed." You couldn't see his hair under his beautiful red hat, but you ould be quite sure that it was neatly combed.
"I never can be as cat ea you never," sigbed Teddy.
Bald "Of course you can!" General Tin.
do," said "All you have to Knarf, "is to do the things that you haven't been doing."
"How to you do that?" asked Teddy.
"You
Don't Tumble Or Roll
"Well, Sir," said General Tin, "I like standing on my head," "you don't tumble down dights sald Toddy. "And please don't of stairs. You don't roll under call me Theodore. It's too fancy the carpet. And above all-",
"I know," said Teddy. for me."
"But please, Theodore -Oh, I don't land on your head.”
General Th, Teddy-please stand on your feet. Just look at General Hiawath Tin--over there. Look how "Hightl straight and tall he stands," said your head." Mary Jane.
magan
Knart told Toddy he shouldn't be standing on his head.
Knort and Hiawatha walked slowly on. Teddy was all alone. He shook his head sadly.
Should he say still in one place and stay neat, he thought to himself, or should he look messy and have fun.
It was a hard question to de- eldo. Teddy made up his mind to Knari and stay still, nodded and sald:
Hiawatha When Knart and You don't pland on and General Tin and Mary Jane looked into the playroom, the "But if I don't do those things, next morning, they really did find him standing in one place Mary Jane now went off to I won't have any dan!"
General Tin didn't my any- and having fun at the same do some house cleaning. Then
He furt turned around time. Krort and Hiawatha" helped thing.
Teddy was standing on his Teddy to get off his head and and marched back to the place
bend! atand on his feet 'agala.
where he had been s'anding.
sald
"Mary Jane la cight," Kart to Teddy. "You shouldn' be standing on your head all the. time. A head is for thinking with, not for standing oOLM
"Nobody wars shoes on his hend," said Hiawn.
So Much Fun
"Yes, I suppose all of you are right," said Teddy sadly, "but it's so much fun,
"Just Gook at how untidy you are," Bald Knart.
Toddy sadly admitted every- thing
"Mary Jane woyw I'm very: 11- tidy. Sho mys I never comb my -hair, - trusis my feeth or work
behind my ones."""
Just, then, General Tin," the Tin Boller, who wee.. standing at the door at the 'other alds of the room, camo mkrobing over.
"I touch svent Sites Juno sală to you beforeo," General Thai wald to Teddy.
Rupert and the Silent Land-24
to the ground this way?,?''** No you can't,** says" the" mân' Bidonly: t'm the only one who has ever found the way up her from the bottom and "I'm abowion, it to nobody.: it's mine and minos alone. You came by air and you must go.
“The man hu diappeared into a space between, rekke stretchwa ĐỀ rock. "woodár if he wants me to follow ?,” thinks Repert. He grmovna, through "a"spwy int out into the apes on the other ads of "iba" gevat piler. *The hall
usarvellosa,” he calls. "Can i get "'; by Airi”
*
A soft styled afternoon dress. The straight line features in front a broad band of azalea coloured entin that marks the waistline.
HOUSEHOLD HINTS
Season, to ***
salt, pepper
orx
Here's on
unsuccessful In sliced small onion, If you are locating potato four for a favou taste with rite recipe, or for baking potato thyme, bread, you potatoes.
con
usti boiled
sany way to pest, hard-boiled eggi. Crack "the
Two cups of chicken stock shells as soon as you take the become soup in a hurry just by eggs from boiling water. Coven water 10 minutes, adding 1 cup diced celery, with cold cup shredded raw carrots and i then peel.
Vseh warsz for þeru
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