Page
This Funny World
"I don't care if they haven't television--you get right back to where you're supposed to be babysitting!"
. BY THE WAY.
by Beachcomber
a
SUGGESTION that, wwing tinned kattape-ensence, con-
tinues through the playing of to the lack of hotel nevout - modation for Touriss Let Eng- Beethoven record, highbrows lund, country Ins might be may buy the record intood of "Ingeniously modernised""" would the saukt ge=essence. turn the stomach of a Burmese
sailor.
The countryna who goes to
de
We can't go on like this The newest member of a
brigade
fire
Put ont fre before the
hosen played,
The mutrageti union letter asrer-
tained
his inn to drink beer con without hich lin stools, glare chairs, concoctions fouter thau Ure unspeakable potion which the Sibyl of Samothrace gave to Hippopalninos # Aulis. and putrescent music yuze from gadget By St Declan! I would. And ordered; "This man mitt in
rather see the old inns decently closed than have them destroyeil by a pack of turntp-faced plon- ners for the delectation wagon-louds of tourists.
of
Tomate farcie a l'Anglaise CITUFF a raw tomulo with hot
treacle, steam it for three hours in a basin, ajd a pinct of polash, some greused lemon- peel, and grated cheese-rind. Servo stone cold.
In passing
NOW that
ale
householders
and other putting barrels obstructions in the road outside their houses to prevent inotorists from parking their cars there, the motorists
probably retaliate by shifting the barrels, and then the householders will come out in a body and shift the cars. Pedestriana, Anding their right of way blocked b all this activity, will be arresteil for causing an obstruction and a breach of the undoubted pruce. Aromavision
NOTHER problem for the advertisers. If pleasurat. amell of roses, Used
lo bount
CROSSWORD
Bergss
1. Not yesterday. (0)
D. Di's partner. (2)
V. Cash-liolder, (6)
11. Used in churches. (99
1. Baid of a wood tenury,
S
24. Want and get, in song, 443
18. Direction-anding eqtoptient. (5)
17. Northern ward. I
10. Pesture. (
20. Make certain, 187
21, Bee in awels. Bi
Duwn
1. Pilmoll Dued f. 1995.
2 16 Across a form of thin, 141
Uertainly. 19
Bondinavian; (5)
B. Great story.
6. Material,
(91
7. Tuesday.
10. Underling.
13.
natre.
10. Bree (3)
16. Untied.
[(3)
6. Steer. (3)
Eesterday's politica
TARGET
R
T
NCA
HOW mang
words of
tour letters or more van you make from the
SOBRE An the belly in making eyeb H A $
word. the FOLLETA 1 each of thes small squares may be used onge only. Each word mit contain The Inge Jetter in the centre
square, and there must be ut word in the Ist Nu
torrigu words: no proper Hamp TODAY'S TARGET: 27 words, good; is word, very words, reellent, 1012
Teagt no
tomorrow.
lle was 412 old fire-enter,
highly traineil,
future, please,
Br sent to TCSCUC calz
marconed in trees, Howecer, he mug vut, if he de
sires,
A flame or how at our more
serious fires."
The man availed himself of this
permission,
And died soon afterwards of
inanition,
CHESS
By LEONARD BARDEN
(196, 39(2)
An ending from actual play. White to move and win.
Sulution No. 5341; 1 R-QBN threat KI-K3), R-Q5; 2 RB. or KI--B2: 2 1-3 or KLAS 2 QXQ, or Kt-Q5: 2 Kt06. Tricku nin plan.
Tudom. Lopress Service
THE CHINA MAIL, FRIDAY, JANUARY 31, 1958.
JACOBY
ON BRIDGE
Keen Decisions Pay Big Profit
By OSWALD JACOBY
AST won the opening spade E lead with the bee and còn-
tmued with the queen, South ducked but took the third spade and led that West discarded
club,
South took a rabbit's foot out of his pocket aid remarked, "Even today weren't Friday the Bath I would sure need this."
Now Scull proceeded to lay down the ate of diamonds, West dropped the queen and South saw that his rabbit's foot had
GO
WOMANSENSE
TO SCHOOL IN BROOKLYN
ECENTLY America de-
Rmanded to know wat
was the matter with their the library where we are to system of education. I can tell them. Nothing-I mean 'nuttin'."
After a day at a high school in Brooklyn, Sharpley, whose stormy school career ended in an art school be- cause no other would take her, is ready for
Te education any time New Yorkers will admit her.
Imagine 3,350 teenagers worked. Not only did this play taking over a rather snazzy airport-like building shaped like a banjo.
WEST
636 ❤30762 ♦ Q
109653
NORTH (D) - 12
dî
AK3 ♦J764 *AQ842
EAST
AQ18942
10632 K7
SOUTH AK053 ❤ #54
• AKOR
East and West vulnerable - North East South W'est 14
Fand 3+
Pass Pass
Pasz 3 N.T. Pase Opening tend~▲ J
give him four diamond tricks but it also gave him a colast on the East and, lie know East had started with four dia- monds and six spades.
that
The ace and king of hearts were rashed promptly and East discarded The seven of clubs. South ran the rest of the dia- monds starting with dummy's Jacle so as to be able to finesser for Essl's ten after West showed oul.
Now South had a slight proh- icen. He knew East was huld- ing only one club. Was it the king? South deelded that East would not have made a vulner- oble overcall without that card and therefore played dummy's ace of clubs and wrapped up his contract.
It should be noted that I East had discarded a spade on the king of hearts. South wouki have had no problem at all. He would have used his last spade le throw East in.
V-CARD SeriCKN
The bidding has been:
South:
Foss
East
West North
14
1 N.T.
Pasa
Zale
F055
Pass
2❤
24
Double
34
Poas
Poss
You, South, hold:
AKJET V2 #AQ65 &K:72
What do you do?
A-You have started your ca- reer as a doubler. Keep on
TODAY'S QUESTION Everyone passes and it is your lead. What do you lead? Answer Tumorrow
YOUR BIRTHDAY ·
FRIDAY, JANUARY 31
BORN today, you have
an alert
ng which new to make a securate analysis of a person gra
situatiem at first dance. Your
exreftionally keen Intuitions are
And you have the ability In explain even the most comelicaled this in a simple sizni giữa mwan frahloup You would make a fine iceluret. teurber, Ur patrat) director in a large organization, where these lulents esitta be Sully atilised.
You men may
Tou
smure our student he tells me that he was born in Whitechapel, London.
The school, he tells me, east i3 is
5.500.000 dollars - which £2,000,000
sterling-and
three years old
"Ely dictum is: If you want fo praise it don't only went to hear criticism," he said, as we set our nets for a student with whom I could spend the day. One came along, Ed Krales, a charming, bay
of 196 wandered mildly into our trap.
who
"1"]} spend All tomorrow explaining who you are," ht sek resignedly as he led me off to his French class.
ting dress make the
withal to
By ANNE SHARPLEY
દય
You arrive and just as at an airport relayed announce. ments are being made. You The French teacher in a tight- blonde at the front of the class und the where who I was. I gave her a fatuous make your way through the
tightners and very possessive smile and leisurely well-dressed crowds worthwhile began the lesson thought what fun co-education sidestepping comments like with "Okay, take your seats WAN "She's different. I'll
Sny please." she's different" and arrive at the booth marked In- formation.
A COCKNEY
lunch," said
it's But
only
"Now we go to Alas for La plume de ma Ed. "Lunch? conte. That gentle nonsence has 10.15." "Yea that's why I like yielded to, the tougher stuff of this schedule," said Ed explain- the personally struggle. "Mary ing that the school cafeteria hast is prettier than Susan," "John to work in shifts.
bigger than Peter."
WHAT FUN
You are directed to the principal's suite of offices, The principal thinks coming We had a jolly set of physical back to school is a cat exercises to de lo French idea and suggests toggin instructions and ended up sing
ing Alouette. Ed did his best around with one student from the back of the class to all day. On our way up to explain to an imperious young
BOYS' AND
Merlin Collects Sunbeams
But The Shadows Prefer Collecting Stamps-
By MAX TRELL
of his other pockets he took a
Berzins from Latvia to pac. the
chual's radio station.
He told mo about how he planned to go to work for three hours after school (school ends t 2.30) and how to tell when students were going stendy
exchange Identification
a lot more noise, and they gave up, see," the boys told me do we discussed such toples ar can English kids drive cars at 10, and how to make drinking they
straws stick to the ceiling from where we were ailing
JAZZ REVOLT
Fur our next class we went to the music room where £6,000 worth of musical Instruments were waiting for us.
After stamping out a brushẞre of Jazz in the brass section (where Ed was blowing trumpet) Mr Giovaneli the music teacher set the class sonorously off on the Beethoven Fifth-or a transcription of 1.
bracelets.
Back with Ed I sat happily through a biology class (where I noticed that some of the girls were wearing curlers) and a geometry class which was the first geometry einsy in my life, either understood or enjoyed. then on through the endlessly cburning commenting corridors to the last lesson of the day- at 145-English,
BEAUTIFUL LIFE
"You'll get this one, I guese,” sold Ed, who was becoming used The English
I stole a look at the blurb of to me by now, one of the student's books. lesson was the American round "Stories that are fast-moving.
of the schoolchild's perpetual war with the sonnet. easy to read.. It was written for high school students, for teen- agers, for you!"
to
B
Each had learned one and plump girl with a tiny flat voice had chosen, "Woldswolth's” On Westminster Bridge.
Where
พง Westminster
I lapped it up and came the advice section headed Nix on Necking. "Necking is a lazy way of filling up an evening. 11 Bridge? asked the teacher aftor- shows you don'i have enough to wards. "Rome," mid, one, "New England, do or talk about," is sald and 1 York," said another. To more raised eyebrows than took a careful note of the warn they said, getting closer. London, you see at a deb, ball we queued ing about not steady-dating sald someone at last,
Saturday for our hot dogs, French
night fried "just
Asked to explain the poem, a polatoes and milk and eat at a
security."
boy called Vincent neatly saved table with a bunch of other boys
Wordsworth a lot of trouble by who soon got as used to me as 1
While Ed went off to his gym saying: "That all the things is was getting used to lunching at
cluss (girls aren't allowed in to the boys' gym and old ladies of and that happy note my day'
beautiful like or something," 10.15.
over twenty aren't, either),
J
for
"They tried relaying musle to was taken by delightful 1 back at school ended. keep us quiet but we just made year-old boy called Visvaldis
(London Express Service).
GIRLS' MAGAZINE
the sky."
Hanid unscrewed the lid from ful sunbeams I just caught," he jar, the sunbeams flash off into the jar. She could see something said. sparkling for an instant as Mr "I'd like to see them," said Merlin emptied the net into it. Knart. Then he screwed the cover back on the jar. He put the jar in
Knarf und Hanld went back to pasting their stamps in the Mr Merlin shook his head. stamp book, Stamps weren't as jar, a bug and a little wooden the box and the box in the bag. "That's the only trouble with good as sunbeams but there wa
collecting sunbeams,”
10 he said. ade advantage collecting When all this was done, Mr "You can't ever see them. Be them. Merlin smiled at Knart and cause unce.
You could always look at them you open the bag, Hank. "Those were two beauti- and open the box, and open the whenever you liked
KNARF and Hanid, the box. | A Shadows with the Turned- About Names, were sitting by the window car the bookcase when they heard footsteps be hind them. They looked around. It was their friend, Mr Merlin, the Magnificent Magician,
Mr Merlin. niways friendly, nodded good-morning and asked Knnet and Hanid what they were doing.
"We're coliceting stamps," ald Honid. "We're pasting them in this book."
"Did you ever collect stumps, Mr Meri?" asked Knarf.
"Never," said Mr Merlin.
Strange Outfit
It was just then that Knart
and Hanid noticed that Mr Mer-
J
Nover Before
"Noj. I never collected stamps in my life," Mr Merlin sald. "Well, I'll be going now."
But Karf and Hanid jumped to their feet and stopped tidni
"Please," said Hanid, "tell us what you're going to do."
"I'm going out collecting,” said Mr Merlin.
"Collecting what?" Knarf,
"Collecting sunbeams,"
naked
sald
Mr Merlin.
Knart and Hanid gasped one voice, "Sunbeams)"
in
"That's right," suld Me Mer-
collect coloured
lin was dressed in a strange. "Some people collect stamps. way. He was also at this mo- Some people ment taking strange things out rocks and shells and flowers and
butterflies. Iollect sunbeams." of his pockets.
Wa
Moro Questions
Knart and Hand were about
This is how Mr Merlin dressed.
He was wearing a sun helmet with mosquito netting hanging 10 38k more questions when Mr
Merlin
suddenly looked out
down in a long train behind him. He had on a pair of bright yel- through the open door. For all He was wearing at oner, the garden had become By STELLA low shorts.
sandals with springs on the bright with the light of the mid- soles and heels which made them morning sun, look like the bottom of pogo sticks.
Dav have
ex-
Some at reptionally Reen psychic perventur, You might even" disesver that you have hypostle power. Il so, fake Treat care in what use yint matte of the
You of the fuir DX are in clined bi take life 100 seriously and would rather fit through He Can work too hard. You are furtatious and WD}{
probably have adintzers" velőre you settle down to wedded le.
תכלות
rathead official; «Tallulah Bankhead, Beiress: James Humeker, eritie, and Zane Grey, novelist.
be drawn Into pelles. But, you ar not to im
Aamong those who were born tor regimented int any convenionat day ure: John Kunkel Smal}, pattern of behaviour, an you may American botanist: Ezidie Cantora not be a Fucorsial machine comedian; Willis Seward. Webb, politielan. If you can lead others, Then alt. Is well. But you make a very
poor follower! You know how to be diplomatic. but most of the me you don't bother, With you, farts are thei even though unpleasant, and your now tile use In trying to disguise their er make th, inre palaiable..
Te And what the stars have in store for you tomorrow, select your birthday star and, read the resencing paragraph. Let Your birthday star be your daily guide.
SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 1
cor
23)-
Follow best
AQUARIUS Cam. 31-Feb. 19)—– LEO (July 24-Aug You can make this one of the most The arts, especially, drama, are productive months this year if you espeelatty favoured today. take the Initiative and hold
Intuitiona
the your
for possible, resulta,
VINNO CANIR. 24.Rept.
ARIES
20)-
ГІЯСНЯ (Feb. 20-Mar Romaoue interests are now in thạ ascendancy-lt ipt your own, then Some special honour may come to those of your children, perhaps. you today. Your friends as bring you especial Joy. Really a good (Mar. ZI+Apr. 20) day! A day which your intuitions are
when LIBRA (Sept. particularly keen, especially
21-Oct. 23)-- dumentie evaluating
public You may be responsible for the success of a public event a lecturo given before some organisation?
SCORPIO
affairs.
and
TAUNUR (Apr. 21-May 21) Some member of your family may
(Bel
2Z)--
24-Nov.
almost be taking part in a public peremony. Your Intuitions may be Give early support
your piyeble in their intensity just now. A good time 10 follow your huncher!
مودا
attendance.
VEMINI (May 22 Jun 11) You can mako this quite
40
XEDTEMDAY'A SOLUTION, Blot wload pollo quit, quins met Hat Stewnie zos
Small GULTERM Mullet siku süt glim
BAGITTARIUS (Nov. 21-Dec. 22)-
day, for there are social piramures in domestic affaire involving money
in store for you. Entertaining at matters, make sure you его hart7.
Practical and down to earth.
(Dec, 23-Jan. 29)**
CANCER (June 21-July 23)- CAPRICORN Someone in your family may be on By co-operating with
others, you
the threshold of wonderful can attain a major chfective today. romance. Perhaps you anounce"an" "Enjoy yourwell Bolly enrerpent?
evening.
Out of his coat pocket, Mr Merlin took a butterfly net. Out
"We're collecting stamps," the Shadows Pold Meriin.
Kharf and Hanid ran out of the door to see how Mr Merlin went about collecting sunbeams.
It was a wonderful thing to watch.
There weut Mr Merlin dash- ing across the garden and swooping down on every speck of sunlight that flashed among the flowers.
"Caught some! Caught some!" they heard him shouting.
They ran over to see what he had caught.
"Hero Pve got them in the bottom of my nel," Mr Merlin sold as Knart and Hanld came over to him.
He was holding the bottom of the net tightly.
"Please open the jar for me," ho sald.
Rupert and the Thinking Cap-39
Rupert la aurs his idea is tight" "Don't you remember **When
I wore the Thinking Tigerlily saw what looked like two kicks in the cloud. Only the Gipay Granny was clever wough to know that they meant-sika (" "Well, anyway, they're © jolly"
ti
good!" crica Gregory, '*** I've aber kemping quiet about the
Hello taught me how to use them. You're the first of bay pala to on them. Now come on.” Scrambling on to a tree stump be mounts the stilts and la off towards "schoolztapenade ALL RIGHTS REJSAVEU
Whiteaways
UAR
JANUARY
SALE
LAST
DAY
TO-MORROW
WHERE
YOU WILL
FIND
BARGAINS
Galore
AT ALL BRANCHES
MANY AT HALF PRICE OR LESS
ALL BRANCHES OPEN ON SATURDAY AFTERNOON
Whiteaways
HONGKONG & KOWLOON
WHITEAWAY:"LAIDLAW DƐCOMET