THE
CHINA MAIL, SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 5, 1955.
Page
With all SOHO
respect to
CEORCE CALL
Jack Spot, it's not like the legend
London, Soho la “Hello, my love”
F Soho were film from almost every unused
I
star I'd say it had the doorway.
best publicity agent
in the business,
I'd
If Soho were a crook say It was ruuning a con- Adence trick,
If Soho were a burmuid brassy I'd say it was the kind who sounds worse than
she is.
SOHO is the smart
new
Espresso cafe with throe girls chattering in French. One rises to ask pale- faced macintoshed man for
Slowly he pulls & Knife fights have a light. lighter from his pocket. She focussed attention bends over, suddenly pock- marked in the flame-ight, on Soho, London's
til she tenderly cups her foreign quarter, hauls over his and shiekis
whose name, even the lighter's flame,
thanks to Londoners, If Saho were a collection and moves back to her seat always conjures up of undistinguished streets is luzy, practised eye fulls
bounded by down her legs and remarks some mystery.
Regent her clumsy tourist's wedge-
If Scho
were
Square Mile of Vice I'd say we're
all weak.
and quaICM
She smiles her
in for
A
to the barmaid. He had to say it three times because she did not hear him, and cach time his pink face Krew pinker.
came
His wife
up and told him to book a table for two for dinner.
F
"It won't be necessary,' anid the burmaid, but she passed on the message to a manager.
The smart
man- young ager came round and bent over the couple, drawing them protectively aside. He straightened up and shout- ed, "Two Guignolet Kirsch" to the barmaid.
The barmaid made up Someone's the pretty drinks, deep red
I says. Give them in faucy glasses. Two re-
Street. Oxford Street. Charing Cross Road, heeled shoes, then slowly Someone comes and Loicester Square, with reverts to passionless con- glass of water. cafes in it almost as good as templation of his finger- faintd. Brighton's And inst as mil
Half L
later expensive as Maylair's,
an hour
be few dirty bookshops, a few seves lunch at the Regent junk shops, Borne faney Palave. Hausage shops and Oriental vegetable shops.
Some
Soho is anticlimax, where
some grubby rinema offices, things look worse than they and a collection of dingy are because people like it
clubs that
Soho 13 the drinking basement
way. Tradesman saying: "Of I'd say "That's about it."
curse. Saho's not as bad as There are onfe fights an
but it's good Soho. So there are in the it's painted. back streets of Derby, There for trade." are sinister-looking men on pavement corners. surreptitious Boring 2.30. So there are
having is the garish, strip-
a cheap one. We'll never gulars came in and took up get it back." But we did." the discarded Gulninesses.
A Welshmit bulta in: The smart young manager "Put-up job." The Pessimist left off hovering round the has couple to come to the bar his with a slip of paper in rees with him and another large gin.
hand.
Soho is a giggle of girls outside the Hippodrome singe-door, queueing three hours early to greet Johnnie Ray.
WENT to look for a tour- on the ht. seet-lifted pal with ist in Soho so I went to the best-known haunt. Sure in the The Peasimist
enough, in came a man with a soft pink face and fluffy fair hair and a stolid' wife
sive streets of any big
town.
WHAT IS SORO? Soho is the shady off-centre any big town, only more so,
"Turn that bottle round." he said. "I can never re- nember how to spell it." so the bottle of Guignolet
that
Scho is a phoney, “Soho does e Soho, just as I like Chel
to do. I what it is expected
Bea
in mnail doses.
on
WET loaves lay flattened
the paving in the church- yard. Old, ütled, sooty grave. stones drippet. Only the tower
of the church still stood.
At the side was the house wo had just
where left,
a bowl of stew was being kept hot in mana of a
a gag file in the rector's bed-sitter. The bowl stood on a
of "God in Patristic
42100ght" In the basement of the house, several floors below, the band of the Tahiti Club thumped happily away. Wo through the churchyard:
entered
The curato led the way 1J1 with two of his social workers. the barmaid
The curate and congratulated their picture magazine.
each other
on
In an lustrated
"I'm not a one-man mission
to clear up Soho," sald the "I'm just letting them curata get to know me and getting to know them."
The owner the club camo up, calling the curate "Padre."
Sharp af 11 pm.
the band and the owner kept stoppert shouting: "Finish your drinka so that the band
can go playing."
"Are you going
sald one of
us?" workers to the other.
be one of
the social
was turned round so
Outside, in Dean Street and The Inbel faced him.
Frith Street and Wardour Street, Round the hottie's neck the Boho chorus sang is loud- "Hello, my love, Beile, my was also written
"Garanti cat, Pur Fruit."
The smurt young man w out his revipe and banded it to the grateful couple. The pink- inged man, now emboldened,
Marned to the bar
saying. "Large gin." The armut says: "Don't cry, ducks, no! here. The other night there were Teddy Boys climbing and a northern necent. and lamp-posts
"Two Guinnesses," toddlers on the shop blinds, man whispered doubtfully said "Two gins and Frenen."
of
up
the
the
But he cld not KAY Two Gullet Kirsch."
mor
IF YOU KNEW BURGESS AS I KNEW BURGESS
A Highly Personal Opinion On A Very Public
HE empreity #l our
elected representatives
T
for
infinite Time-
By OSBERT LANCASTER
wasting is well established. rather houding that you will be
Nevertheless, their 1- able to help us to bring up nounced intention of de fate
voting a day *1*
to
discussing Burgess and Maclean surely achieves new high in mistiming.
a
some of our
VOTH
Personally Beports. Now stull we perhaps
with Sir
Kirk patrick? Perhaps you would be so kind us to sketch in his social end political background?"
Burgesa: "Certainly, certainly
But I'm afraid
Commissar is the Len
sometime,
Subject
same-
dispoalcons. Occasionally may be aware of decisiona
be
011
high polfey, taken but not an- nounced.
But as all our Fursign Sere- ties for the lust 10 years have sullered from an occupational then from chense Inhibiting
decision ever coming to such secrets in Mr B.'s time were naturally iimited in number.
any
And Maclean?
AND Mecleon?
What abou
him? As my aquaintance with him was slight and purely social my opinion locks autho- rity.
But I should very much doubt whether in the time he spent in the office between visits to the ho could have Psychiatrist acquired half 03 much In-
With the Middle
Bast in fact I'm very glad you've liable to burst into flame asked me that.
to be rather a long 12 moment,
financial it's going any
story perhaps if I could have a situation so grave that we
drink? thank you so much. must not call it a crisis, plus Well all the usual seasonal ex-
the half-hour For the next unfortunate would have unei recipient of a series of conceivably citements, one thought that any further puzzle
Interesting reminiscences of B's where, be of some use, discussion of the missing youth at Cambridge.
After one or two more such formation tending to damage diplomats might now
this feeling, long account of Mr interviews carried on in the bar.
position in the So fainter, sull prevents him from Anglo-American relations as the
to average Washington transferring e new recrut to No blow
the Vorkutsk forthwith, but does puts into his column every week. But, surely, it may be argued to there is the grave question
of our ame the efficiency
security There most certainly
be
much
Cressman's cialist Party.
Of a brief resume of far arguments with which he, Bur- not shake his determination
KUSH, had
floored Professor get him out of the department. from regarding B. and Bertin in eademic discussion. Bureaucracy being the M.'s departure 29 a gmve Of an interminable series of the world over, he accordingly services?
La
PERSONALLY, I am
Bame
blow to Britain's security laughable anecdotes, but never, sends him off with a warm re- never a single word about Sir commendation to the Commissar and prestige,
Ivone Kirkpatrick.
In charge of Racial Minorities or Popular Culture. Maybe
to
With the inside know- ledge of one who worked for more than a year with Burgess in the same depart
Rus sians have taken him on their pay-roll they're going to have their biggest headache since the Rerlin
do not hesitate ment I maintain that if the
nir-lift.
For among his many excep tional qualities was an ability, developed to a degree, which i have never, encountered els where, to answer at length any and every question except that one put to him.
How vividly can I picture the Béone in the duty office of the charge of the Commissar In Western Department Russian Foreign Office!
Long story
ot
the
ANTER -- Burgess, on
air, of EN
simulated diffidence imper- fectly hasking an hysterical de termination to impart unwanted Information. In his right hand, half-hidden by the palm, three-quarters smoked cigarelle. (All bla cigarettes were always three-quarters smoked)
Commissary Coratade Bur
* Plenso sit down, I am
Finally, the unfortunate man somehow manages to bring the interview to an end. He is left keenly dissatisfied, but also with
an uneasy feeling that B might
POCKET CARTOON by OSBERT LANCASTER
Well, now at ledit the Foreign Office will know where they can gre hold of | Quy when they want him!!!
columnist
Q:
to
But I, like me, you hold the old-fashioned view that the first duty of the Secret Service is to be secret, the value of debating its alleged shortcomings on the AND so the same old routine floor of the House is open
For, after all, these urill the
question. are the serious days of peace. Burgess
It was different in the good short-
ald Umes of total war, when the with
been in usual establishment had nasty hang-over and a gun
host of
goes on and on unlucky day
comes
when against a up tempered Commissar
he docs not, for his powers of mysterious organ cover Ralf-preservation are incredibly ad by a bewildering variety of
his bureau drawer. Or, maybe reinforced by a
highly developed.
Initials all
for
other first and the enemy second. Perhaps, yours hence, some But those happy days are traveller on the Outer Mongo- lian steppe will be astonished to over, and what good discussing hear that anger, well-informed the existing set-up is going to voice, a little thickened by the do is by no means clear. nineteenth bowl of fermented mare's-milk
with
So shrewd
since breakfast,
THE temptation for the. House, sharing laughable reminiscences
"a diminished but still at- O many of whose members tenuva audienco of Uzbek disguised as brigadiera or civil pansies.
themselves servants
occupied in the That's all very well, you prominent positions may say, but think of all the cloak-and-dogger business, is Foreign Office secrets he took obviously strong. That they will with him! What secrets? For resist it is probably too much to one does not need any inside hope for. knowledge of the Foreign Offic But let no one forget that the to realise that secrels are there unhindered departure of B. and very few and far between,
M. behind the Iron Curtain was
By and larger Foreign Office probably one of the shrewdest socrots, are like hot news of moves in all the glod, cold was. strictly limited. And none the less effective for oldom mceeding 24 being more OF OLE hours gy
diplomatie triumphs, presumably The average employen knows undatentional PANEVZA
COOPYRIGHT) no stoteile formula, no sérstudio nge
6.2017
love."
shone bri- THE wet
tiantly in the neon light. Some of them may have been stoleni Some of the aimless. damp men may have been
crooks.
But
the
Boot
the
big money went West to Mayfair, drunken sailors disappeared
down the escalators, and the tourists went off
their hotels.
Gone midnight Scho pretty quiet place.
(COPYRIGHT)
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