T
THE CHINA MAIL, WEDNESDAY, JUNE 15, 1955.
NOTHING TO
DECLARE
HINGS always hap- pounds, she said. So I tell her. pen to me on aero. I give you three hundred...
I looked ot hin none too planes. A short
sympathetically. Three hundred while ago I had to pounds. Could it be true, I Who had been ad- go to Berlin. I boarded the wondered. American Vising him
-on English prices? four-engined.
Was it some very respectable
aeroplane at Heathrow, lady who had risen to this un- settled back comfortably in expected offer? my seat and was just
"Did you say three hundred fastening the safety belt pounds? A fair young man when a man came lurching with an inquisitive face leaned down the aisle.
over from the other side of the aisle. At once we recognised one When he reached me he another, it was Don, a journalist he was on his way to paused unsteadily, brushing friend,
Bertin, tco, and we were de- my face with the buttons of lighted to see one another. his thick woollen coat as he pushed a case on to the rack above my head. Then he flopped into the place beside me, his body falling across- ways, his elbow on my knee. Slowly a cloud of alcohol formed around us.
"I'm exhausted," he nounced.
an-
Amsterdam," and his hand push- ing a large parcel into my arms. It was a bottle of brands, wrap- ped around in
paper. "What's this?"
"It's from the gentleman." He pointed to Ole, who was wide awake and smiling happily. The steward passed down the zero- plane handing out parcels to "every passenger. Ole.stood up in
his
"Merry seat.
Christmas everyone," he said."
The other passengers were still staring at him in surprise when aeroplane landed. The the
steward. murourced ง forty minute wall for refuelling. Ole -clapped Don and myself on the
FACT or FICTION-that's the problem. Find the answer tomorrow-with another story by a famous author to keep you guessing...
We reached across Ole: to shoulder. "Ole buys you a shake hands; he beamed with drink," he announced. He made pleasure and joined his own a wide encircling movement to- I booked him. He must warm fingers to our clasp. "Don, "wards
at
thre other passengers. have been about forty; his vnice Ole," he said, "Don, Ole, Peter, "You...you...all come." was thick, not only with drink We all brothers, but also with some Scandinavian accent, he had that pasty winter' skin that makes one think of Eskimos and whole blubber, and he did not look very intelligent. He was clearly going to be a tiresome companion.
In the bar
•
"I'm sorry to butt in," said Dan, "but after all. I couldn't help hearing, Three, hundred pounds. That's a hell of a lot, isn't it?**
con-
"Money must be spent," said Ole modestly. Then he tinued. "This morning I wake up and I feel very bad. I think have been vi by wile. We his married
We vighteen
years. have
near Oslo by a fjord, and I think of her waiting for my return, think I must buy her a present. So I go 10 Band
Strcel-you know Bord "Good Ole and Petor, we're Street?-and I buy her brace- brothers!"
let. Eighteen thousand pounds."
Indeed, he had shifted "weight off my knee and was now
pulling my
"Ole?" he said. "I'm Ole! He pointed at
1
sleeve.
"Who are you
"Peter." I replied.
Д
house
The airport bar was warm and noisy, shining. with polished pine and yellow Dutch lager. Oe ordered whisky for us all,
We were soon in the centre of an excited crowd; Ole' had collected friends
like flies. But for some reason. having feted lost them, he interest and Don tumed to and myself.
"Skol!" he said, raising his glass.
When. WE
Ole bung by the between
arm:
two stewards...
By PETER BROOK
DID IT HAPPEN?
"Excuse me," I said, "That's my place."
He looked up at me, smiled politely, opened his hands in a gesture of not understanding and murmured something in German,
There are behind," said Don
"Doesn't matter. two seats over my shoulder,
מנות
It really did not matter: the little
seemed very courteous, so Ole sat next bim while Don and I moved to a couple of other places farther back,
We were dis cussing cur ec-
com centric panion when Den cut me off sharply. "Look?” hefsaid. I turn- edi For a mo meat I could
DING ROUND THE MOON and The Little Hut are only 190 of Peter Brook's Landan productions. He has had the same phenomenal execess in New York and in Germany. which he toured with Measure For Measure' in 1950. All this from the provocative yoang than--he is not yet 30-who was a professional script writer at 16. At 17 he was producing Dr. Faustus at Oxford, where he was a Magdalen ander graduate. At 20 he was transßising Stratford with his talent; And at he was installed at Covent Garden as Director of Productions, Married to actress Natasha Farry, be lives in Kensington, regards air travel as one of his main recreations.
have wonderful dinner, then we see town.
. Don
Drawing by Hesseltine.
"On an American aeroplane," he said, emphasising every word, "It is not customary to question the captain's orders."
We were crushed. There was Rather red in nothing to say. the face we watched Ole led out of the aeroplane, down the gang- way, and the last we saw of him was a tiny Agure frogmarched away across on airstrip, just visible in a chink that narrowed 29. the cabin door was pulled to.
NATHANIEL GUBBINS
DURING the newspaper stop-
We were youngËR
page I read almost every sides, on this occasion"we werd thing from old magazines to cir- nas wearing, an overcoct. culars. I also read holiday You know perfectly well that brochures and even railway the watch coat provided by the time-tables, remembering that a Royal Naval Minewatching Ser- desperate American columnist vice won't button round you. when short of ideas once
It should fit now you have viewed the New York telephone stopped sending down bread and directory, saying that this potatoes.
book has a great variety. Fot Well, it doesn't. characters 'but lacks plot"
Then you must stop sending
I down
other things, such da Among the old magazines found, two letters from readers quids.
shall send down what I of English giving examples courtesy to women, which is please.
You refuse to send down bread famous throughout the civilised world.
and even admired, if, and potatoes, which I like, but only dimly understood, by lesser send down gallons of stuf I breeds who make their women don't like, walk behind them carrying "Gallons" is a wild exaggera
heavy burdens, and strike them regularly as a matter of routine.
To quote from one letter:
"I was in a post office when a gentleman in the telephone bor, obviously speaking to a "lady as the other end, raised his hat as her voice came through, I smiled
Lent should politenes appear only when those concerned are actually present?”
.I
The other letter said:
"After 20 years the sight of my husband rising to his feet every time I enter the room. even when I am only bringing in the pudding, never fails (r, its effect." Although
I am full of admira- on for such gallant behaviour, thinking that the cannot help
are overdoing chaps concerned things a bit. Experience should tell them that once you do
show her a woman a favour or
she soon expects
A few days later Don and I were sitting in Berlin oyer a splendid meal. Coffee had been brought and we were lean- ing back contentedly in chairs when suddenly I had an
small courtesy idea that made me sit bolt UP-such things as a right.
right again.
Cur
"What about the travelling case?" I said.
ing
the
Don stared at me in horror. "You mean
"The travelling case "Yes, Ole's case, with not understand eighteen-thousand-pound brace what
was go- let." ing on. Two and a young
fly- officer
leaning were
I nodded, "I do. He didn't
A scheme
I his pale face sagged. "It is stewards There was a roar of engines He jerked a finger upwards. know places,"
to the fjords, to ing cver, Back and the aeroplane took to the air. It's in my case." I raised my
the factory..." He automatically over Ole, The engines were take it off the aeroplane." For a moment my friend lay head. Thera peering over the
and I exchanged pushed a note that was lying already turning over and they back in his seat, then he turned edge of the rack I could just
Ole's
drowned all sound. Then glance;
places Were see the handle of the travelling obviously worth visiting.
on the counter a little farther to me again.
away from him."
realised that they had pulled Ole "You know the Maplesden bag.
"Tonight
together.
to his feet
were dragging and (use a name that conceals a
him up the passage between the well-known hotel in Mayfair), I' After this he closed his eyes, Tamorrow in the moming I do
"We'd nodded, "Last night I go there, and I must have fallen asleep as my German business and then
seats. I nudged Don. plane back
better do something." I said. We I go into bar. I see a woman. I well because the next I knew take the
followed quickly and got up, go up to her. How much do you was the steward's voice saying: Norway." His large blue eyes
tapped the officer on the arm. wont?' I ask. 'A hundred "Fasten wur safety belt. seemed to lose their colour and
"What's going on?""
we're
Would your watch have kept
WEARING
time on the sea-bed?"
Rolex Oyster Perpetual, a professor of Milan University went for a swim of Capri. But the strap-backle was loose, and his watch broke from his wrist, and sank to the bottom. Without much hope, the professor, asked some divers, working nearby, to keep an eye open for his watch. Sarprisingly, seven days later, they actually found it, and it was still keeping perfect time.
It is not really so incredible. For this superb watch, completely protected from water and sand by the famous Oyster waterproof case, is automatically wound by the Perpetual rotor" mechanism another Roles invention.
It is in their ability to stay accurate under such incredible tests of endurance that Rolex watches prove their immunity from the more normal ills that beset an ordinary watch.
This Ralex Oyster Perpetual is simular so the one in the story. Permanently waterproof in in Oyster Case, it is given perfect accuracy by the Perpetuat selfwinding "rutor." The Rolex Red Scal identifies avery Rolex chronometer
Rolex
After seven days beneath the sea, Ogier Perpetual, brought up by divers, mas found to be still showing the right time? (The original letter of Profeur Catele can bå inspected of the Rolex offices, 1.8 rue du Marche, Gineva.)
ROLEX
d landmark in the history of Time miniere
ROLEX Chronometer~~
Official Timeplece of Papagra, Airlines
10
"To my wife," Then his look softened. He was getting very "Do you think drunk indeed, she will like my present? Do you think she will like the bracelet? Do you think so?"
The officer turned. He was We both reassured him. We tall, blond and very gcod- were
she sure
would
be looking. delighted.
After all, for eighteen thousand pounds he can't have made a bad buy. He nodded, content, "It's true. is very beautiful,”
Ready to leave
1
We both sat in silence for a moment, thinking of all that this meant.
a
tice.
After years of abuse you ex- pect me to stand up to the wea- ther like young unspoiled stomach.
a
There were plenty of older stomachs than you on parade.
They may have been treated with more consideration,
They may have more guts. It's time you understood that we are too old for this sort of
nonsense.
Don't talk Eke that, Remem
ber you are in the Senior Sex- vice now.
Senior Service is right if you're talking about the average age of minewatchers,
And don't insult people who
It's time we resigned. are doing their best.
And don't give me that yel- low talk.
The cold war may go on for 20 years.
What of it?
Are you going to dress up in those silly clothes for 20 years?
Now you're insulting Queen's uniform.
the
I don't want to fool around
To take the Arst example, the whole point of raising your hat to a woman, apart from pander. her delusion that she is to a superior being, is that she playing at sailors for the rest of should the hat being re- my fc. Scould see
Therefore, unless the Are you feeling very bad, Yes. moved. chap says on the telephone. "I am raising my hat to you" the gesture gets him, nowhere. In the second case a hearted womar
realising it does a man's digestion по
big- that
Sick?
Yes.
+1
Would it help I sent down
■ brandy?
It would help if you stopped good to be jumping up and looking at advertisers pictures down in the middle of a meal, of frying sausagee and opened. would bring in the whole din tins of sardines.
I think you'd better havo 2 ner, including the pudding, at
50 that her brandy. the same time, husband would feel obliged to leap to his feet, only ance.
But as all women big-hearted, and as mest
are
not Are
"It's that German," I said, he must have been sitting flattered by small attentions and behind us on the firs: part of exaggerated courtesies, there are the fight and heard Ole talk-those who would bring in the
dinner bit by bit, and ing or rather shouting about tend
they the bracelet. So he hatched a
for the he something. At Amsterdam
even
I'd rather lie down,
I'm opening the bottle..
I don't want it, thank you.
I'm pouring it out
Later on, picase..
Stand by for a double.
.
had forgotten Passionate Robot
Dialling TUM
morbid
"He's drunk. One of the scheme. passengers has complained," he quietly changed seats and sent pleasure of turning a man into a jack-in-the-box with nervous nodded in the direction of Ole's the steward to complain to the seat. The little German was captain that he did not like dyspepsia. sitting walching us primly, his being near a drunk. Then when small pink hands folded on his the aeroplane reached Berlin, be stretched up to the rack, took lap.
down the bag and went quietly and respectably through the
nothing -with
to Customs declare."
WORLD
"Look," said Don. "This gentleman is travelling with us." "Yes," I said in a rather grand "We take complete voice. responsibility for him. He's in a quite harmless state."
Indeed, Ole hung by the armný between two stewards nodding vacantly.
At that moment, through the cacophony of loudspeakers that never stopped blaring out messages in echoing Dutch, an English voice announced that our aeroplane was ready to leave, Ole lurched slightly and Look
bur arins. Feeling" "He never makes trouble." I rather
trio of could not resist the temptation muskeleers, we returned to the and added: "He's our brother." aeroplane.
came on At once I regretted it, but it was man was too late. The young steward was He was looking at me with eyes like
and two stars from the
Banner.
curious
As we board, I saw that a sitting in my seat. small, completely bald unmistakably German.
N
DO YOU
BORE
Spangled
"
COPYRIGHT RESERVED
DID IT REALLY HAPPEN?
YES
NO
Put your fick in the space above and keep this pape! by you until tomorrow ...when the answer will be gheo-rith another story in this, sarías by
ERIC WILLIAMS
Did yesterday's story-A Message to Bayeux-actually happen? The answer" h? YES,"
CHARM, YOURSELF
"I make a little blank in my
their
TULLO. Is that my stomach?
your stomach speaking. What's the matter with you this morning?
SAID to Albert the robot columnist:
"You have a rival. An elec- tronic brain called The Man- chester University Computer has written a love letter."
Albert hung his foolish metal tongue out of the corner of his rectangular mouth 1.5
I think I have caught a chill, doodled a female Agure on You are well wrapped up sheet of copy paper."
Where do you think you caught
it?
he
A
"Stop that" I said, slapping his steel claw. "Here is a beau“ tiful letter written after terma many of endearment had been fed into
the brain. Listen.
"On the Rojal Marines' parade ground on Sunday.. You have been parades before without catch
chill. ing
a
on
We were standing stiil in the pouring rain with a north-east wind blowing.
We have often stood still in the pouring rain with a north- east wind blowing.
BAFFLE OR
SLEEP?
TO
me to send myself to sleep by.
"I
never stay awake, for
RELAXATION
Which brings us to the "bare yourself to sleep" school of which I am a member,
Comedy writer T. E. B. Clarke also believes in sleep through tedium,
EW York television she was once given when she film I see becomes material for viewers are to be was 1 given a soporific after mind, and think about the long." a gruelling night's viewing, gardenias until I imagine I can At one in the morning they smell them. I look at
Leader of the scientific school · "I play a very complicated, will get two minutes' worth colour and purity until I can
feel myself dropping to sleep, is Mr Ernest Marples, MP. Mr very boring word game which of sheep jumping over a stile Even when was, in prison L. Marples has made a study of consists of taking a letter of the -to send them to sleep was able to do this."
relaxation and has brought it to alphabet and adding it to all the happy and grateful for the For Hardy Amies it is Venice, the point where he can achieve letters of the alphabet starting at A. I then have to find some-
A↓ benefits of TV.
"I go up and down the Grandthat politician's prerequisite -
to st the initials. For I would be happy, too, to the stations to myself from San all. see this film. Having given Marco to the railway station First, you have to be able to it A. I then have BA, to which the sheep-counting test a until I fall asleep. Never fails." feel what real relaxation is," I brightly respond Buerce Aires "So or Bachelor of Arts. Next comes
Canal in a vaporeita, naming all the cat nap with no troublé a it I take B and add to
explains Mr Marples,
thorough try, and always STROKE BÝ STROKE clench your fist as hard as you BB, to which I have to think
had my imaginary sheep scampering up the mountain- side instead of over the stile it would be a relief to see them being obedient for
once.
FIVE GARDENIAS
by
can. Now let it go. The lovely of something appropriate, then And Enid Blyton plays mental loose sensation you feel now la BC.
relaxation. And, that is what golf.
"I get termbly bored with it! "Golf is one of my great pleasures and I love to think you have to produce all over in no time
THE AGONY your body, about H. So I imagine I am
"Another boring at your head Standing on the first tee of my centrating on your forehead, is outer bo all the people favourite golf course and play a Make it as tight as you can and have spoken to during the day."
stroke game by myself,
by then relax i Next, do this to
Like T, E. B. Clarke, boredom our nose and cheekbones,
25 is my fullaby tog to play a bad stroke with practice But what do other people would upset my peace of mind becomes very rapid and it is this process do when they want to go to I must admit I play a better amazing how you can refresh taking it permit by second from sleep?
game this way than I do in yourself during the day is this the moment I wake, dwelling (1) Charm oneself to reality. 1 go off to sleep quick way. I taught this method to partidarly on the agony it was who to be awake in the first place, Lady Megan Lloyd George,
Or give me two
mmaginary political
meet- I'm sound asleep and Ing ard wishing never to waken
If I mentally go over the day.
sleep with pleasant thoughts, ly and very pleased with ere badly and she agrees It is I have no further trouble,
(2) Be scientific about Red-haired Anna Mamey who won polphe Abrahams, coach mimites at a bad ↑
ነቲ
(3) Bore oneself sleep.
to win.
self"
has just become a West End
Sir to success in "The Reluctant Debu to Olympic affaletes, bel
tante says she has a favourite deep breathing
believes in
you get
game of imagining herself act By deep breath Steadily to bore oneself to Pleasant thoughts seemezarious rid of the carbon, dióxide at the sleep is the thing, I'm cuvinted.
ing
I have done
ever since centre of the braint be says And as the range of things I find boring is vast, I get, i I asked Odette Churchill what I was very small. It I went to That the scientific theory,
her favourite sleep-sender was the pantomime I would lie and but I'm not so sure it isn't the exything for too much sleep, She thinks of flowers. Not just think about how I would play monotony of deep breathing that any flowers, but five gardenias the leading part, Every play or does it."
Anne Sharpley
Darling Sweetheart,
Ing.
You are my avid fellow feel- My affection curiously clings to your passionate wish. My liking yearns for your heart. You are my wistful sympathy, my tender Wilding.
Yours beautifully,
M.U.C.
"What do you think of that?” I asked.
"Sloppy tripa," said Albert "It's better than some of the terrible love poems you have written to Marilyn Monroe and Gina Lollobrigida. This is the work of a pure-minded and honourable robot"
"You never get anywhere with women by being pure
said minded and honourable, Albert "Listen to this:
"You Gorgeous Animal..."; That's no way to address x decent, modest girl, Albert"
to "I'm not writing
that kind of girl," said Albert. "Let's start again.
You Gorgeous Animal, You
ate my azid felloto feeling and am 1 avid? I could eat you alive.
I' could crunch you like a nut. could allow you whole, like: an oyster..
you don't have to make a meat of her, Albert
"My affection curioushi clings to your-passionate wish and I hope your wish is de passionate as mine because I am hotter than a hot potato "Careful, Albert,
"My liking yearns for your heart,
You are my wistful" sympathy, my tender Hiking, And T you think my Wing A tender, you had better think, again.
It is
Hold hard, wild,
Albert
"It burns. It 'scorcher. OC ?
will do Albert." And it munches.
vum frumum? "I said that will
do"
hotcha, hotcha, hotcha" *Enough" for today,
"Heh, heh, heh, heh, heh. World Copyright]