POCKET CARTOON | by OSBERT LANCASTER
H.M. EMBASSY
13
ALL PISSIE TONË S
It's all right, Bill-he
a British Council lecturer!
PARADE
THE CHINA MAIL, SATURDAY, APRIL 2, 1955.
A COLUMN OF THE UNUSUAL ABOUT PEOPLE AND PLACES AND THINGS
WHAT A In Salisbury, And up came a hippopotamus WHOPPERI Southern Rhodesia, wondering what the heck was Fred Tiltman went, going on Half awash the hippo wallowed 祖 back home from a day's quiet reversed, then fishing with the fish story to beat downstream, taking Tillman's
line and rod with it. all others.
And the boys back at the club believed him.
#
a
Tiltman was sitting down at the river's edge, chewing away at his pipe, when he saw Burry in the water. He cast his line at i, hooked something. He gently felt the line.
*
SO
far
"Women BALD WOMEN manage to keep it a secret when they are receding at the temples. But in 23 years, says 74-year-old Bill Robinson, they'll be the bald sex.
THE
WOMEN REVOLT
ALYSISTRATA OF ARISTO-
Then the officials of Deal
Corporation found out about him. They bundled him into a car and bool him to Dover where they put him back in the Channel
again, hoping he would not and his way back to Deal.
scals.
PHANES, English 'version' by Dudley Fitts. Faber and Faber. 12. 6d. 132 pages..
I
has taken the Postmaster-General of the United
and their story is banned by America, 2000 years. after
it was written
WLE
old
of the look, toples and prejudices. He States under the displeasure
American Postmaster-Gentral dulikes the demagogues who Reason--They were afraid that 2,366 years to get round to newly translated into stir the basest passions of the Sammy would get hurt ameng
American-English by mob; the armchair "patricts and the people. Human beings, the a comedy, Lysistrata, writ- brisk
by the were not ten
Athenian Dudley Fitis.
strategists who flourish in war townsmen figured,
time; the informers who batten good enough to associate with dramatist. Aristophanes, Its themé is simple.
en every totalitarian state; the Messrs Faber and Faber war between Athens and Sparta lawyers; the highbrows. Не It like something big..
who liked the "good And Bil knows what be is NEW
· Chinese Red pro- were quicker on the "This Tiltman whispered to
that the women are bored
WAYS. have He has beep WORD Pagandists aby just 37 days.
the absence his wife and two sons, "must be talking about.
of their husbands was a world we can recognise, the scissors" for 80
new word for people
A young down to the taxation: the king fish of them all. Don't "clipping
who don't like them-and they The verdicts "of both on military service.
woman named Lysistrata has make a sound."
especially to describe parties on the play are in the brilliant idea of organising general agreement. against it a revolt of wives and as well as Postmaster General meets. Spartan
Athenian. 25
Tiltman started winding in. is ro bent in half.
A British Crossword Puzzle
2
13.
16
17
18
120
22 23
26
24
19
ACROSS
1 Value (0),
7 Certain (4).
10 Lariat (5).
11 Orient (4).
9 Scum (5).
27
S
7
16
18
DOWN
2 Tempest (5).
3 Follow (5).
Choose (8).
5 Agreed (8).
6 London statue (4).
13 Beginning (10).
8
Custom (5).
15 Wood (4).
12 Lays hold of (5).
16 Welsh name (4).
13 Top of the milk (5).
19 Rivals (10).
14
22 Tie up a boat (4),
17 Seed of the oak (5).
24 Award (5).
18 Scatters (6).
25 Angry (5).
20 Din (5).
26 Need (4)..
21 Stable (6).
12
years.
Far more women are bald. these days than men, really know
Bill. Reison
saya
they've given up the hair brush.
Sixty years ago, when Bill started in the business,. women brushed their hair every night.
They're
of
afraid out the waves they pdy to have put in."
By 1980, he says, it will be as natural to see a bald woman on the street as it is now to see a bald man.
LONELY Dutch, people went HEARTS to New Zealand in
boatloads after the war, helping 10 boost the population of the
thinly propled Dominion,
And now they jorm the biggest loreign colony in the country.
Recently the Dutchmen took a 100%
arcund and
discovered weren't enough girls to go round.
At the same time Dutch girls back home were discovering the same thing-the
here
was short of single men
Dulch
country
Now the Presbyterian Church
use it Americans.
It is "Atomaniacs.” And like soap-powder sales men they're plugging the line for all its worth..
It Agures in set outbursts such us: "The world cannot and will not be taken in by the les of the atomaniacs.”
LAST. Looking for a new life PLACE three Jamaicans stowed
away aboard the liner Resurgent while she was fuelling in the
Caribbean. For three days they hid behind bales of fodder carried for horses. Then hunger drove them out.
During the formal interview with the ship's captain the question of the liner's destina- tion was not raised. When the Resurgent eventually docked the weather seemed very high-class for Britain and the stowaways asked about Southampton," said
This ain't
it.
a startled deckhand. It was the one place in the world where the West Indians did not want to be Capetown, in colour-bar conscious South Africa,"
They are to be deported back
In N.Z. has announced a mar- to the Caribbean. riage bureau scheme whereby single "Dutchmen
team
there
can
up with lonely girls back PLUSH II a man means to be home in Holland.
a careless hasty novelist; he thought that writing should not be too well disciplined, and he turned out his stories as weekly 'serials." He..had, style which,
ls said, could rise to sublimity without passing through the in- termediate stage of being good.. It was too rarely sublime...
But, the vogue will come back because of the vitality; humour and poetry of his gallery of English rustic figures. He is the last great representative of the countryside in English action.
& Dorset Hardy grew up in
of a stone mason.. village, son his father played in the string band in church.
draw has been going on for so long Tory The world he pillaried He taught Sunday school while
broad The
Lysistrata described plainly lewd, obscene and lascivious." Faber Faber call it the "gayest, wittiest and bawdiest of all the classic comedies."
and
But the actions taken by the parties diverge - widely. The Postmaster - General Impounds Lysistrata. Faber and Faber publish the classic comedy.
Political purpose
It
So let it be said at once that Lysistrata is one of the most serious plays ever written.. had a purpose, a political pur- pose. It was written in the middle of a great war to urgè
war
the combatants that the was foolish, and should be brought sutly to an end..
son
Aristophanes, a Conservative aristocrat of Liberal outlook, the of a well-to-do Athenian In landowner, wrote the play the darkest hour of the war be- tween Athens and Sparta.
Applications will be accepted CLASS a high-class waiter, he force
3
A brilliant idea.
by
Either the war is brought to an end by "a parley at the summit,"
and husbands OT lovers will be denied marital amorous privileges. rights and
ultimatum is The women's invested with all the solemnity
of a vow.
"What a great and happy
land it is,
are welcome to
In which
pay up." In 54 plays (of which 11 rêm main) he preach- ex good sense in ап aga given over to frenzied emotions. Every Athenian laugh- ed with him; none of them. took him serious-
The Hardys were good church- going people. Until he was 23 Thomas thought he might be a... parson; when he ceased to
belleve, he sult insisted that church-going was a necessary
moral discipline. He bad the agnostic's usual the interest In
to.
He came
by .- GEORGE occult, MALCOLM THOMSON London to work Athens was ruined, after 27 teet; - dreamt of the stage
an
archim
Lysistrata argues that war is years of war. Lysistrata lives as a profession; acted once in harder on women than on men: on, to be impounded by the U.S.
Then he began to Postmaster-General and to be pantomime, "A soldier's discharged, and translated by Mr Fitts. It is not write nevels and, on his first he may be bald and tooth irrelevant in the age of the success, married a Cornish girl less, wet he'll And a pretty H-bomb.
named Emma Gifford. To escape" But thing. young
the dinner parties and diversions woman! Her beauty has gone with the first grey hair" In the end, the women—and the peace party-prevali. before that point is reached
G.
But
to Dorset..
THOMAS HARDY. By Evelyn of the capital, Hardy went back
Hardy. Hogarth Press, 25s. 342 pages.
He concealed for long, years Aristophanes has conducted. a D" URING his life, Thomas the fact that his childless-mar- Hardy was looked on with flago was increasingly unhappy,
of veneration and a mixture reproach; 26 years after his Emma developed a mild form of death, his Wessex novels are put the had married beneath her religious manla; began to think of fashion.
Las-
1
rollicking excursion into impro priety. The graver the subject, The more ribald should be the his sound treatment: That is recipe as a propagandist,
and tausted Hardy with his Is Lysistrata lewdor
During his life, many people peasant meanness. She startled It is calculated to
were A vast Athenian expeditionary civious?
shocked
by what they Edmund Gosse by the remark,. liable to Sicily had just been amuse the broadminded,
called his "pessimism" -- the ought to start training annihilated. Athens mourned to shock the straltlaced but not sense of life's tragedy which "I beat my husband every from both countries. Each ap
with in a plushy atmosphere.
the loss of thousands of her likely to corrupt anybody.
grew upon him as his. Christian morning--but only plicant
have will
This kind of reasoning "chart
by
rolled-up newspaper." The house of the analysis"
prospective administrators of
It is highly vulgar. But is it belief faded Slough Furons, the cream of the Hellenic race. The most far-sighted" cf and the partner
church will ther Education College-sited her citizens saw that she would really smutty? It has about as
He was, or seemed to be, a was peopled by Emma's cats; get them writing to each other. near England's famed Eton Col-
Then it's up to the couples.
never recover from the disaster. much subtlety as a seaside post dangerous and persuasive here Hardy re.orted with a deg that rift in the
card. It may rouse a guffaw. It tie; the critic denounced him as bit Galsworthy... lege--has caused a
For an Athenian playwright
will hardly cause a snigger. local Education Committee.
to choose that moment of
"the village atheist brooding - It all began when a £175 car moments to present to the pub- The new version of Dudley and blaspheming over the pet was bought so that trainec
lie a scurrilous and witty play Pitts gives full value to the village Idiot." waiters could get used to the pleading for peace showed con- "innocent rough laughter": of.
Now, the ashes of the "village right sort of background. With siderable moral courage in the Aristophanes. His Spartan herald the
to his carpet came more than £15 individual and, considerable is made to speak like a black- atheist" lie contrary
In 1919, after violent words. flagstones of Westminster Abbey Engie herature had an out- napkins.
Now the Education Committee wilent, in the works beg you will be so kind as 10 with the other eminent agnos-
pre- direct me to the Central Com- ties of his era; and the mmittee following Dunkirk, had carpet- | "sented on the West End stage a mittee. Ab have a communicat
lively farce urging negotiated tion." peace with Hiller, he would have been imitating the bold. The stately Greek unpatriotle action of Aristo-trip. along like numbers phanes öf 411 BC.
the latest revue,
ני
Outside way
State of being under age 8 of the society of fishes. Sammy worth of finest damask table toleration, in the public. It face minstrel "Gentlemen, Ah own explicit destres under the the most honoured figure in
21 Animal (5).
23 Precious stone (4).
YESTERDAY'S CROSSWORD. — Aeross;
Sample, 4
Spasm, 7 Return, 8 Berth, 10 Doem, 12 Boasted, 15 Repel, 16 Area, 17 Epie, 19 Alone, 20 Duchess, 21 Tart, 23 Spine, 24 Junior. 25 Pence, 26 Verges, Down: 1 Shredded, 2 Meteoric,
3 Lure, 5 Pheasant, 5 Settee, 9 Dolls, 11 Mechanic, 12 Beast, 13 Treating. 14 Dastards, 18 Purple. 22 Music.
HUMAN Sammy was a seal DANGER with ideas. Sammy was obviously tired
yearned for
So people
be came out of the English Channel and landed on Deal beach. Nobody paid any attention to him few curious starts was all be got.
Next day he was back for another try. Day after day be came back.
Eventually, he became quite ja figure on the beach.
VIGNETTES OF
"AS SOON AS I SAW YOU ENTER
I SAID ---"THERE.
IS THAT RARE.
FLOWER OF
FEMININITY, THE LEOPARD TYPE/" "
THE SMOOTH ́ ́OPERATOR.
LIFE
ween the
is split between men and the rati-carpet man led by accounts chairman Captain M. 5. Davidson, who points out that 1 some, London restaurants where he has dined the lack of carpets did not Worry the waiters at all.
a
This is the once-topleat and ever-fresh comedy which comes
dust side stair built on to his sell- gathers on the novels which designed (and hideous) house In caused so much
could uproar during Dorchester so that he chomises the long, complacent Victorian climb up to his study without
from evening.
When she neering his wife. natural; the died, Hardy found in her room. Hardy was two huge manuscrip.s. One was
called the 'Pleasure of Heaven. and the Pains of Hell; the other, What think of my
It is all very modern, but The Reglect is then so is Aristophanes, in out- vogue will return.
Speaking Of Operations
WHEN IT'S A ·
QUESTION OF OPERATING ON THE STATUE OR THE”. SCULPTOR, OUR ADVICE IS TO GET THE SCULPTOR
FIRST.
GET IT
IN WRITING LADY:
COFL, 1956 BY GENERAL FEATURES -
CORP. TM.WORLD RIGHTS RESERVED.
“WÄEN I HAVE. FINISHED
YOU WILL BE
- BEAUTIFUL- I
GUARANTEE IT/
LOCAL
BOY MAKES GOOD
BY HARRY WEINERT
OPERATION ́DUST-BOWL. MANY A LIKELY LAD HAS BEEN LOST GOING TO THE RESCUE,
TELL ME ALL: ABOUT IT?
Husband.
4
Hardy it are in the gro and burned both.
He took as his second wife, Florence Dugdale, who had been for long a friend both of his wife and himself. He kept to the end his trusira.ed sense of family continuity, At 82; be inade a will, carefully providing cr "the first child of mine to reach 21."!
A complaint
When he died (1928), his heart was buried in Dorset; his ashes went to Westminster, with a Prime Minister and a clutch of literary eminences. In at- tendance, Down in Dorset they complained that he had leit them nothing in his will. It was an ironic touch which Hardy would not have disliked..
His best novels: The Mayor of f Casterbridge and The Return of the Native. His greatest quality as a human being, pity; as a writer, the imaginative eye, eg., from a description of the batile- field of Albuere, “hot corpses, their mouth Blackened by ridge-blin
'ARTIE'S HEADLINE.
"GIVE ME YOUR COAT-
MAKE YOURSELF COMFORTABLE DEAR- | PREPARED YOUR. FAVORITE, DINNER, ETC. ETC.
"CONGRATULATIONS /
I HEAR YOUR GOLF
SCORE IS GETTING.
LOWER AND
LOWER ER, HOW ABOUT? ARAISE 2
IF YOU HAVE AN OFFICE BOY WHO WHISTLES THROUGH HIS TEETH ———- REMOVE THE TEETH!!
SYMPTOMS OF AN IMPENDING OPERATION ON KIS POCKETBOOK.
IS LIKE A MAJOR OPERATION GETTING MONEY FROM SOME PEOPLE ANESTHESIA (SOFT SOAP) HELPS,
"Honestly, you two are:
sperse than Atifte" and