THE CHINA MAIL,
WEDNESDAY, JANUARY
1955.
Nathaniel Gubbins
☛Y dear Stomach,
M
AB I havo stopped sending down bread and potatoes for three months, can you ex- plain why you are not fint by now? I would also like ~Bome
explanation of your inconsistencles. On one day I find there is a considerable space between you and my trousers. On the following day my trousers will hardly meet across you.
I do not remember swal- lowing a football.
Sir.
୯୧
Yours faithfully,
N. Gubbins.
In reply to your undated feller I enclose a cutting from + nowspaper. In this you will William General that Hoge, commander of United States troops in Europe, has noticed that 100 many soldiers 11 the American with overweight Army Bre
J protruding stomachs. irective intended to correct the situation issued from his hindquarters 20 Heidelber the general does not mention bread and potatoes. He re- commends a reduction in consumption of alcohol.
I remain, sir, faithfully,
Your Stomach,
My dear Stomach,
از
he
Your post about alcohol has been noted, but you appear to
Christmas and have forgotten.
New Year. I presume that you did not expect mo .tu be teetotaller at mich adcult Ume of the year"
I also note that you have not explained the theonsistencies mentioned in my Arst letter.
Sincerely,
Sir.
# Gibbles
I congratulato YOMI OR your effortless appreciation I my point about alcohol
can
assure you that I do not ex- peet you to breine JE totaljer at Christmas, *11 any other time. During our lang association
have learned not to expect much. Regarding The inconsistenOLESAL the explanation is simple. You enmol expect my size to re- main constant day by day it you treat me like the stomach of a bon constrictor, which, f believe. constructed by nature to deal with a month's food supply at one intake. Although you have never seat down a month's supply at one
mial is not unusual for you, babies. They will have to admit to send.down a lot of food' at last that they drink becaLLSO one day and nothing the next, they like tho- stuff. If, in those circumstaners, I fo up and down llku. nn t tated and deflated football it is not my fault. Falthfully,
Your Stomacli.
to send
down
It will be the same with those who eat too much. The excum that they were forced to findali up food they didn't like when by they were young will not accepted. Everybody will know
now
Dear Tum, Why can't you be more pigs. triendly?
If I promise mall regular meals every day und go ofi the water wagon after the hols,
will you
pro- miso to go fint early in the New Year?
Cordially.
Nir, As our
Nat
association has never been on a friendly basis and as your promises made every New Year have never been kept for more thass a week, I can see no reason for ending the state of war which :an always existed between us. Morcovor, since it is impossible to rerify years of self-indul- #ence in a few weeks no use-
consideration
of
ful purpose can be served by the
your proposal. Faithfully,
Your Stomach.
Darling Tum,
I over
Best
Please think
that they are disgusting
Пка-
For years people who know nothing about the subject have boen worrying their tild minda about father and moter tons. Roughly, this jargon means that if a young man falls in love with a woman twice his ago ho has been starved of mather jove, By the samo reasoning a boy, who had been starved of grandmother Iove would marry a tentenarian.
One of my patients WILA ก tho who haunted young man homes for rich, elderly women. He liked nothing better than to in invold push them around chairs. Knowalls said he had, a Bul know muther fixation, what he had.
xation.
It was an aunt
When he was a boy he had a who never pressed mean aunt half-crowns into his little palm. Her birthday presents WATC minuty. When she died she imit
wishes for a happy New Year. her money to somebody else.
Sir.
Nas.
Furious at his bad luck this I have thought it over and refer young mu was determined 10
Voti to my
an aunt with money. He previous letter. Bnd Experience tells me that your pushed several old ladies good wishes are rockcry, around until he found the This
must wealthiest correspondence
with the weakest
now cease.
heart. A few chaney Journeys gainst the trame lights Onished her off.
Filterly,
Your Stomach,
Aunt Fixation
THEORY that the pruelles of psychiatry may be based fallacies has started the en- tire medica) world with the exception of Dr Gubbins,
the notorious Fleet Street quack.
Dr Gubbins writes:
It didn't need a psychiatrist
to tell that he not only had an Bunt Axation but what his mind was fixed on When she died she left him her fortune and he hved happily ever after.
Bon Sante, Denise
QEVEN
le
Deniso YEAR - OLD of Chatelet-en-Brie cried; Although I have been warning “Merel, mais je n'aime pas Leaders for years that paychlutty la?" (Thanks, but I don't like
milk)
of the at the opening is poppycock it is certain the new will come as a blow drink-more-mlik campaign in to millions who are happy to alcoholic France. find an excuse to blame others for their behaviour.
1
that
No longer wil dipsomanines able to say they are ditit ing themselves
into 14 stupor because their mothers snatched half-empty bottles of milk away from them when they were
Miniature
Masterpieces
for Milady.
If she had only added: "Don- nez-moi Le Dubonnet du mon
oncle" (Give me my uncle's Dubonnet) she might have been immortalised in the famous ad- vertisements and got herself a free bottle from the makers
(World Copyright]
ROLEX
Superbly alagant Precisely accurate
Rolex offer
a miniature
auperb elegance, yet with large enough, to be a accuracy-truly the best
atch of vement
able!
REPUBLICAN
OLD GUARD
Judging by recent happenings Ike is displaying more interest in the Asian point of view.-
U.S.COMMENTATOR
"H'M... DON'T LIKE HIS ATTITUDE”
World Copyright by arrangement with the Manchester Guardian
THE WORLD'S STRANGEST
STORIES
HE GAVE GEORGE V
A
NOTICE TO QUIT
TEN-PAGE
ment.
docu- probably unique among the multifarious corres-
Royalty. pondence sent to
Buckingham at arrived Palace one bleak February morning 23 years ago. This document was sealed in an envelope addressed_not The King's Most Excellent Majesty but to George Fre- derick Ernest Albert Wind- sor, Esq.
to
By Stuart Friend
He called himself 'King Anthony 1 of England'
niss
which
Abolition of income tax and death dulkes. (These, he claimed, HiCra non-existent times.);
quiet in his habits. He dressed quito ordinarily and rarely spoke to hla subjects in this road," she said.
The
reason, presumably, was his
hoarse voice, permanently Tudor rough from addressing up to five open-air assemblies a day at this
Hia period.
pen, too, was crusading for the "Royal cause." In April, 1937, he campaigned How? stop the Coronation. Lang, Arebbishop of Canter- By sending an injunction to Dr ter- bury, demanding that he "shall George VI) as King of England not crown Albert Wettin (King ne he is not of the Blood Royal of England."
Full-strength beer and longer licensing hours;
"Redemption" of the £7,030,000,000 National Debt;
Abolition of wireless licenses and better programmes;
Rebuilding of London to commodate a future population of 100,000,009;
Plenics In the grounds of Windsor Castle; and
to
This forthright demand filled two foolscap sheets, each hooded with a Tudor crest.
Divorce Suit
Wis
......
Nazi Who Sank The Royal Oak
By Harold M. Harris
ENS of thousands of
Germana
Tried the streets of Berlin to ac claim
Captain Lieutenant Guenther Prien when he drove to the Chancellery to receive the thanks of his Fuehrer. He had just“ re- turned from one of the most famous exploits of the wir.
The U-boat which he commanded had buret through the supposedly im- mune defences of Scapa Flow and sunk the Royal Oak, with the loss of 800 lives.
Churchill himself acknow- ledged that the raid had been carried out with pre- fessional skill and daring.
Fifteen years later, thus ace U-boat commander'# autobiography is published in Britain.* It cheapens and makes tawdry a fent which might otherwise have occupied an honoured place in the history of naval warfare.
Prien
a brave. was not only тап. He was also a braggart
and a bully. An ardent Nazi, he combined sentimentality and callousness that fearful bination
сой
which produces the recurring and menacing enigma of the Germans,
When he first went to sex as cabin-boy he bitterly resented the contempt of the fully-fledged seamen, As soon as he signed on as a seaman he behaved in exactly the same way to the new cabin-boy.
UP THE LADDER
His resolute pursuit of promo- tion by ingratiating himself with his superiors did not, apparently, endear him to his shipmates. In which fact, it led to a fight →→→ Prien won. Not relishing a punch on the ear from his bigger op- and, bent it back until it broige, ponent, he clutched his thumb
He had the misfortune to receive his master's ticket at the height of the great depression. There were low jobs at that time for British seamen elther, but the unemployed of Britain did not flock to the Fascist ranks. Yot it was inevitable in the Ger- many of 1032,
that Prien should join the National Socialist Party.
Esquire indeed! Who was thin impudent Individual
A Ministry of Pleasure. who dared call King George
Ота the drath of King Va commoner? The letter
George V the dignified monarch
The populace were given a of North London with such ex- gave the answer---and en-
fresh talking-point the following cellent intentions was convinced
your when King closed a "notice to quit"
Anthony that his chance, had at last
the crown of Ireland. served on the King, requir-
arrived to occupy his "rightful" claimed
You see, ho explained, his ing him "in the name of the
place at Buckingham Palace
mother's maidon nome Not to be king he wonders
outdone, law forthwith to relinquish one
King "Eire." offered SCOPE to Anthony-as all North London the Imperial Crown and all served-had
study the psychology of the know the man whose source of
Sull unemployed, he volun- the dignities, honours, pre- masses; he hadn't been a busi- Income remained a mystery-
teered for a Labour Corps. eminences, prerogatives, nes
and en- Canada for again moved man โร
palace
Thanks to the methods 'which more appro- authorities, jurisdiction, nothing; nor hat be risen to the throned himself,
Another relative was to hit had been so successful in the to rank of police inspector
at King's priately, lands and possessions
Croscent, the Hall headlines a few months
later. This time his wife, Etheserchant navy, he was pro- Shropshire Constabulary with Finsbury Park. the same annexed
be-
moted rapidly over the heads of From his sparsely-furnished charged him in the divorce court senfor men. out learning always to be pre- longing
No. 19 he "mind" his with rooms at pared for the unexpected,
desertion. Granting Mrs "Hall?" he would echo at the own pound notes, issuing them Hall a decree nisi, Mr Justice crowds, "Why, surely you know
with at meetings
his fumous Langion described Hall as "a that Henry
VHI
had a male manifesto.
man
of most tempestuous, un- child by Anne Boleyn before he divorced Catherine of Aragan?" This child, he informed the
In 1998, Anthony jald formel The next we host of him is as throng, was brought up in Sust
claim to the Imperial Throne of an onlinary scaman in the sex by a farmer named Hall.
This paper "currency" was a Gormany-because "my armies German navy, steadily mounting could, therefore, trace his on- remarkable piece of handiwork, defeated the Kaiser's armies in the rungs of the ladder ones cestry directly back to this led It resembled an ordinary pound 1914-18, I therefore claim his again, named John Hall, The boy never note in appearance, but bore the territories and titles by right of dared press his "rightful" claim Inscription: "Royal Mint of conquest."
or
If the Palace officials thought this screed audacious, It was
to the feel nothing compared ings of Anthony William Hall, who failed to receive a reply.
To ignore such a demand was, he thought, outrageous; especi- ally as the document had been written by "King Anthony I of England" himself,
Second Summons
because
In the
не
Mint.
Quiet Habits
disciplined and
erratic disposi
tian'
).
"I was far too busy to bolber much about their feelings," wrote this compendium of the Nazl virtues.
*He was First Officer in ons of It would have been England. One Pound." Each note After the Second World War, the German "U-boats "sent by
ainee Elizabeth sat was signed "Anthony," dangerous, So this 36-year-old self-styled
who which even Anthony could not Hitler to all Franco in the rightful sovereign of England on the throne during his man- styled himself Master of the avert, he returned to Hereford- Spanish Civil War. (We were
hood.
shire, still campaigning for the able to hear distant gun fire. sat down in his "palace" at St
Those who scoffed that illogi
The Today they still remember Crown to be placed on his own
wound got into our Owen's Street, Hereford, to pre macy was a barrier to Royal in this strangu mon in King's head, which was by now getting blood..."). By the time war paro R second summons.
was declared he was command- Umo he required George V to. heritance were offered the re- Crescent leave the realm. Still there was tort: "Saxon Harold, William the
Nor
This
1
bald.
How could we forgot such a
His
were shortlived. no reply.
Just before and Henry VII all sovereign?" said Mrs May Eden we postwar efforts, however, ing his own U-boat. to len further Conqueror
1947. had a bend sinister in their os at her terrace house next door Christmas, within
53-year-old demands dispatched
Anthony William Hall died et month to Buckingham Palace. cutcheon, and Henry's claim as a 'to the former "palace."
Lancastrian WRS admittedly She remembered him well. Little Dowchurch, near Here- *So began a one-man campaign
"King Anthony was usually ford. for the Crown; A campaign through a bastardy."
Who,
then, could challenge;
which Hall ecuselessly pursued. for 17 years; a campaign that this self-confessed illegitimate ended only when death came to male Tudor of legitimate Royal
ils instigator.
The world first heard of the man who thought he was king when
laid claim to the he throne in public. Launching his
campaign
In St Peter's Square,
Hereford, night
on a gusty March
descent?"
| 40 |
Little Wonder
At more than 1,000 meetings this tall, thick-set up and down the realm in six man announced: an anthony years corrus of Anthony's retorts Tudor, King of England, tenth to hecklers were moet unkingly
GERMANY'S HAPPY
NEW YEAR
By James Irvine".
He sank more than 60,000 tons of British merchant shipping in ona tour of duty. Not that his was a happy ship. "The least provocation would lead to flar ing tempera and brawls," her commander wrote, "We couldn't stand the sight of each other any more."
KNIGHT'S CROSS
But that was some time after · the night of murpense, in Scape
Bonn. homes built, scelal expenditure Flow. Torpedoed from point- in direct male descent from His and rosulted in a general froe WEST German leaders this maintained.
week looked back on a IL TVDE not political pro- Majesty, King
Adenauer Was
Queen Anne Henry VIII and for all in Hyde Park, on Towet good year that saw their nation' paganda Dr
Hill, at Birmingham, Southend, becoming richer and happler. speaking when he said he was
Hall gavo hla audience the same reasons for his regal claim a he had already stated in document form to George V a dozen times over.
Hereford....
Little wonder that his cam- paign for the Crown took this monarch" on occasions not to His Majesty's Court but to the magistrate court.
And they took a look too into "entirely misfied" with the the new year the year in which events of 1954. Germany will stop out in the now-won freedom Agreement will give her,
blank range, the Royal Oak blew. up in a bursting flash of multi- coloured flame and exploding ammunition. And. Prion took his boat out of the hornets' nest, wriggling through, the, narrows,
and safety.
the Paris together ho seemed michtle until she retched, ie open; sem
»
In Berlin, Hitler pinned the Knight's Cross on the hero's breast.Never, had I felt his greatness as intensely as in this
And he had good nough cause to be. On the "The Crown of England," he
home Not that these judicial visite
most things seemed front, thundered, "Was won in 1485 in
They promised even better rosy. a for fight between my fore- unduly perturbed him. As Police
And Herr Berg · added the father, Henry Tudor, Earl of Inspector Halt he had written things. And all this despite the Richmond, and Richard III, the foxt-books on polico procedure. at sums the nation would final good news that 'ma- moment: What was I in com last Plantagenet.”
Now, as King Anthony I of Enghave to pay to rearm. But both mont would not dent the coun- Unlike himself, he claimed, land, he seized every
"illegal" the present
beloved the president of the West Ger
that Prien, who wis in king of proving his "true"
True It It would. man Federation of · Industry...... Rearmament' would not over- presumed killed at sea:liv 1941, direct descent. from Henry VII, his pedigree springing from one :: in 1930, with ́Ave Camsatening said that rearmament would not tax the economy, he said, Nor wrote; hill book while the war yours behind him Anthony Hall be allowed to interfere with would it call for anggupidal was still being fought True, thes John Wellin or Saxe Goth, doetded to quit the Midlands and Germany's economie expansion and exports, and 'Indústries prob But, oven If thake allowances ard' money measures to maintain Ita he intended Wit for propaganda. Germany.
Blonde his abjects from a more ment could not-and dusing goods for local consuing made, the mallah publisher's Most convincing, thought the
why should the atting location the capital,He
the setup palace in a BRUNI
tion would allowed to hecklers, but why bushy-browed spokker with the storey house in Wilberforce destroy all the things wat either, but not baleated claim that the queries of
Garminty in Itail a reflection, on our he Road, Flisbury Park/3kat Germany, had achieved in 1984: Probably I was just as weh millor coples have been sold
unchecked: For things people v. wondered thresseruarcera of a milion Germ.
ming. What Hert, Bere could have anid
(George V) could claim no oration from the 19 Dr. Adenauer and Herz Borg, bry's economy as many people/ Parison with this mani
threes
woule
dork Hame of acep ence
cations to come the added to have prin
kimmered at this contefof hig
functions was Mbuhan daof
DO) en be
highs, in- If this had not, been › the case «
booming
fer, talsed, For, he had added, this rearman