*Page 4
THE CHINA MAIL, WEDNESDAY, MAY 5, 1954.
Nathaniel Gubbins
T
newapaper
The vicar old: "I beg your pardon?"
HE woman who ask-
ed in n
When she had swallowed her "When did you just bun the P.L.W. shouted: "I'm surprise your hus- A Roman Catholic whitening band?" in evidently not my elbows with lemon juice."
The vicar put down his glass aware that most husbands
brisk "Good are surprised almost every and loft with a
evening," day.
For instance, a man can
go off to his business in the Awfie's Column
morning, leaving a
wife
with mousy hair, and come back in the evening to find that
hair has gone her purple.
Older men can kiss a while haired wife goodbye and return to And that her hair has gone blue. if she also used the new
she
慎
blue lipstick he probably thinks has suddenly developed heart diseuse. If
type he might nervous, morbid even think she has gone bad,
Women
who have revived with the ancient cult of yoga, variations, must also Cause some surprises to red business men, When you have had troublesome day in town
be a surprise must certainly
your to come lume and fo wife danding on her head in
or lying upside down corner. on a plank.
The Plucky Lutle Woman, who has endured life with mo for so long, was at one time full of surprises.
There
the WBS when I
rame hom
tron
Occasion to
uf on
her standing in open window, puffing out her checks and going "Ah-n-a
0-0
Pooh-0-0-0-0,
-4-4-4-
a pooh-0-0-0-0 h-4-4-4-1, pooh-0-0-0-0. She was taking deep breathing exercises.
it
CINCE the publication
in
Sunday newspaper of so- calle: revelations by Prince Philip's valet alarm has spread in smart circles where person- al servants are employed.
in-
As almost everybody, eluding boxers, footballers and royal
governesses,
can write
The
these days those in the social whirl are lo constant state of jillers wondering butler is scribbling
ir
a gifted notes In
room, rippin sheets of paper out of the typewriter and tearin them to bits-all for me to clear up later. It was then
that decided to give notice to lequa as I didn't think he was quite right in is cad
I
Later on I come to the con- clusion that they wda bot?! because when Zord barmy Gubbins wasn't cursin his type- writer him and Lady Gubbins would ask me questions about and my usband and what we done of an evenin and they would both roar with laughter like a couple of lunatics,
THC
But if they was laughin at me they will be laughin the other side of their faces next week when I shall reveal that Lady Cubbing reada novels in bed and why Lord Gubbins as only two pairs of socks without oles them.
the pantry and using the tele- Love Letter
callo of articles
phone for Transatlantie to arrange a series for an American magazine.
Among those with the breeze up at the moment are Lord and Lady Gubbins, who have can- ployed many household
helps
of
in the past and are now asking cach other if charwomen also acquire this literary talent
be universal. to which seems
Most of the chars employed have been constant readers the women's magazines. There- fore the terrifying question Trojan these horses Af the kitchen sink
o
style for future studying Kuldance? Were they studying Crawie's Column so that any day now one of them may be writing an embarrassing series called.
<!
nure
AWFIE'S COLUMN
WG3 Lord and Lady Gubbins or what you might call real neter ad clovas preguse they proper dinners at the proper time and I often caught them rul ratli poached eggs on toast in the kitchen. Also their silver wasn't real and as most of their Inform ad andles I often and wonder if wusband I they're proper aristocracy or a couple of twisters,
to
On another occasion I found her lying prone on sofa with: what looked like a dreadful skin
Two wild blue djcase.
Im eyes were staring at 7:
face smothered in greasy, a grey bumps. She was trying out the latest face pack.
reserved She probably
ker greatest surprise for the Church of England Vicar of the Surrey village where we once lived.
One summer evening I met the
and took him home for a sherry, Wh
When we arrived the PLW.
lying
I never knew what Lord downwards. half-dressed, on Gubbins did for a living except the lawn, with
elbows that he was always slitin in his rosting Эта two halves of it
and full of newspapers lemon. She was also eating
and curdin at # cigarette ends cream bun with enormous en Ippewriter. I I shall never forget
the mornin
cleanin I was joyment.
the conversation rassage outside when I card the After a short
આથી about church matters she most awful language the other said, rather
vicar
was
her
Dtimates in the House
■URING o discussion on Ser-
L
of Communa
Mr J. P. W. Mallalleu, M.P., recalling wartime career in the Navy. said that some of his shipmates were so illiterate that he was cbligat to write a love letter
one of them.
for
At the beginning of the Kaiser's war volunteer privates In the Army were not only literate but some of us were 80 good that we earned beer money writing for the news- papers, and gave our friends a wonderful time.
As the war dragged on and conscripts were called up the standard of education was not so high. It was then thnt I. like Mr Mallolleu. became letter writer for love-sick soldier who wanted to pour his heart out to a hidrous girl (1 saw her photograph) who was pining for him somewhere the Midlands,
own
д
In
"NOW ARE THINGS GOING?* ̈*FINE. THRYKE ARGUING ABOUT WINETHINK, CHINA STANDS UP OR SITS DOWN"
LOW
ON THE LIP OF HELL
World Copyright by arrangemant with the Manchester, Quardian
THE
It
for
Was
W
THE
CROWN OF COMMONWEALTH
By Patrick Gordon Walker, MP
London.
it
Common-stakes
the
Common-
Maybe I rather
wealth; but till now, the explain overdid
even to the publics of anxious because I WIK
HEN the Queen iden has been too much a peoples of the Common- wealth. her to think the letter
salls
up
the
But, bringing life all bl
paper one, a matter of legal wealth. work. Anyway,
Thames
Like Canada or Australia, thu and Lon- definitions. this is roughly what I wrote:
to the idea, the Queen has
Indla and republic of
the don turns out to greet her
made it more true than republic-soon-to-be of Pakistan My own darling Queen,
---as only London can-she George V was Well,
eager to ever before that, if there were once parts of the Empire I am ill will not, my queen. thinking of you day and night
this time, be visit the Commonwealth as were no Crown, there could which have decided as sovereign their Com- slates to continue like i always did since we first coming home.' She will be the Queen is now doing. hurdly be A
Their walked out, my queen.
monwealth memberships. coming back to her capital But his British Ministers wealth.
position is special one, because Well, my
queen,
are of London from her other dissuaded him on the
cach has a President as Head of you? am feeling awful. The capitals of Canberra,
in- Wel- ground that it ભાર
would
80 State, whilst all other Members is awful and not fit forlington and Colombo.
There is no symbol
Queen as their recognise the volve too long an absence potent as a real person who Head of Stote. pigs and my boots hurt, One surprisingly: aide of the door. When I opened of the old soldiers here has
of the Head of State from can be seen and cheered, pinched
As she herself proclaimed socks and another my
Britain. That was in 1912. loved and admired by tens hes pinched holdall full of throughout her Common-
It has taken 42 years, and of millions of people, new things such as razor, tooth- wealth tour, the Queen is the present tour, for it to Queen who really brush, etc. When I complained equally at home in
не
"Imes Homan liathic hitening to see what ad appened Lord Gubbins was stampin about the hi hellows ith hemman hoove."
This is
the Gin
GORDONS
DRY GIN
DIRTYMALNY
BY APPOINTMENT
GIN DESTILLERS TO THE LATE KING GEORGE VI Tanqueray Gerdon à Co, 146.
Quality Incomparable
Gordon's
Stands Supreme
Distributors:
DODWELL & CO., LTD.
PHOTOGRAPHS
by our Staff Photographers
pin
how
every
A
under-
to the sergeant he said if I gave part of the Commonwealth. be recognised that the stands and serves the new
him Se. it wouldn't happen
pain
After he had put the She did not go to Australia, Queen is, in fact, money in his pocket one of the | New Zealand and Ceylon as old soldiers pinched me on the the visiting Queen of the Rose and pinched 77014 spare United Kingdom, but 18
their own Queen
strt,
Well, my queen, I am look- Ing forward to BOTIC
when arins
Head of State
realms.
Living Symbol
to
the
New Reality
On the other hand, they are equally Commonwealth is worth constitutionally different from of all her ten times all the flags and all the other republics in the world. Like Burma or Ireland, constitutions in the world.
which left the Commonwealth, they
republics; are sovereign That applies no less to but, unlike them and as a mark the republics in the Com- of their Commonwealth Member- teave The theme that the
ship, they recognise the Queen monwealth than hold you I can
ta sriy
as Head of the Commonwealth, Queen is equally Queen of again, my queen, and
The first reigning sover countries who recognise the This is the common legal link hear your dear voice aging, my each of her Commonwealth eign to set foot In Aus- Queen as their own direct between them and the other queen. I
I was going to send you realms is not new; but it tralia and New Zealand, she sovereign. Let us never Commonwealth countries. a present toith my Arst money has been the Queen's his has made herself the living forget that the Common- but they have stopped my pay
This link can be more than a toric achievement at the symbol of a Commonwealth wealth
la today for lost kit. Am also confined
of legal formality; it, too, can be outset of her reign to give that is a unity of separate realms and republics, We given new reality if, after visit- the idea now reality. Ever and
realms, the Queen independent nations must not stress the Queen's in all her
were to journey to India and since the Statute of West which were once part of an special relationship to her Pakistan as Head of the Com- minster in 1926, the Crown Empire.
realms so exclusively that manwealth, as the living and has been, in theory, the
we cast into the shade her personal symbol of their equal possession of each
a unique freo This is so unique a con- Member of the Common- ception that it is hard to Commonwealth to the
to barracks with pack drill for idleness on parade.
Well, my darling queen, must close now with love and klases, my queen, from your loving
Fred.
X X X X X X X X X (World Copyright.)
T
one
relationship as Head of the membership in
association of sovereign states.
SOMETHING LIVES ON MARS,
SAY THE SCIENTISTS
ها
Ever since man first made high-powered telescopes, ob. servers have been fascinated by the vast green patches on Mars which expand and contract though they wore RIONE vegetation reacting to seasonal changes.
By LES ARMOUR
created The discovery
on earth. Moreover, Mars is
ours,
Conditions
on Mars
seemed
the
far from ripe for life.
There most people left question.
lished the
מת
that there
re-
any chance that Mars sports more complicated kinds of life- men, for instance. /
SHOW OF
FORCE AT GENEVA
By Vaughan Jones
TN other times, the world-
IN
wide publicity given the freedom flights of Red security official Vladimir Petrov in Australin and
MVD agent Nikolai Khoklov in West Germany might
have prejudiced the smooth running of the Geneva conference.
In today's diplomacy, where deadloock and abuse are com- West monplace, both East and will franicly recognise that those defections from Communism in- dicato a further loosening of the one-time rigid Stalinist
front,
Un past experience, it is un- likely that the Red leaders will be the more embittered towards the West. Probably, their re- spect for the Democracies will be increased.
attended nations and to last anything between one and three months, were
The Geneva talks, by nineteen
designed to
Korean peace.
effect
originally
• lasting
The secondary purpose Was to halt the war in Indo-China
purpose which has now be come paramount.
-
MINIMUM DELAY
in
The meeting differs from the
conference recent Berlin that, at Berlin, neither East nor West seemed genuinely pre- pared to carry out one of their avowed aims to unite Germany. At Genova, the West at least East for Far is anxious
minimum settlement with the of delay.
В
The subjects under debato aro symbolic. Underlying them Angle lasue-whether
П
or
not the Communist 'world will continue to launch attacks at one point or another round its periphery.
The West's leaders know that their arguments, unless backed fruitless. by strength; will be Further, thoy. realise the "Com- munists will be more concilia- tory if they suspect weaknesses within the Red front.
As a preliminary, both sides have put on their show of force.
The
Indo- Communists in China, backed by the Chinese, attacks have launched all-out
French to conquer the heroic garrison at Dien Bien Phu and have an ace in their hands for the Geneva bargaining.
GIANT AIRLIFT
The West, represented by the United States, is reinforcing the garrison in a giant airlift from France to Indo-China.
The US, furthermore, have been holding big naval exercises with British and French units off the Indo-China and South China cosats. They have also staged amphibious exercises on Iwolima and in the 'Straits of Formosa, while United Nations forces have been holding large- scala manoeuvres in Korea.
Another new prospect opend up by the Queen's great four is Mr Menzies suggestion that one of the royal homes should be in Australia, I havo myself put
the this idea forward several times,
All these, together with US. H-bomb tests and state- and I hope it will be taken up and extended to other Common-
ments by American leaders that wealth
countries.
the US. could not pilow Indo- It would be
the China to be overrun by in accord with
Common- tho wealth's nature that the Queen Communists, are intended to should live from time to time indicate that the West will con- in her other realms as she does
tinue to fight aggression. in her British realm.
We must, I think, take it for the granted that
Queen will The only answer now is that often be absent from the United I hope, therefore,
More Vivid
OTL part record, Western lenders have noted that, ap- pearances of weakness on their
sido have inevitably been ex- plaited by the Communists,
|POCKET CARTOON by OSBERT LANCASTER
HERE probably
life on Mars.
Current investi- gations by astro immensely colder than the earth stir, however, perhaps because is not impossible. But, if there Kingdom. nomers and biologists in and has 庭 highly ravelled selentists are leery of reports the United States and Bus- atmosphere which is probably from Russian investigators, who are any, they must be scheming that another proposal of mine Now, they do not expect that sla have forced the experta much different in make-up to often employ "Marxist science" desperately to get off the planet. will be accepted. This is that
Geneva will produco' any start- during her absences the Queening results. But they hope that, in ways which make Westerners Mara is nearly "burnt out.” to give their ideas on the
shudder.
should be represented by a subject a shake-up.
whether or not Far East It there ever were min, they Governor-General
Brilain in
NATO can be created, the situa» But when G.P. Kulper pub may well have been there longer just as she is in her other
tion there can be prevented we have been on earth, realms. same conclusion in than
from deteriorating. the United States after a spec- Mars would likely have reached trescople analysis of lichen the point where life was possible Then, two years ago,
before the earth G. A. mosses, the sclentine world was considerably
did. Tikhov, who heads the world's roused from its scepticism. (at Alma Ata, high in the only Institute of Astrobotany Tikhov is convinced that
Such a stop would symbolise Wellsian Idea mountains
are earth-like plants on murrounding Lake there
the very point the Queen herself has emphasised during her "tour For long it was assumed that began to re-examine the ques-, is a fairly strong case.
Issyk-Kul, in Soviet Kirgiz) Mars. Kulper feels they probably wore
areas of tion.
That, you will remember, was the equality of all her peoples. vegetation. Then contradictory
Britain's Now Biology", after weils mind
the idea at the back of H. G.It would also establish, the Crown, more vividly for the evidence began to flood in.
when he wrote | | S Extreme Cold sifting the reports, mys with
people of Britain during the The strongest came from
typical reserve: "It is
"War of the Worlde." more
Queen's prolonged absences if spectroscople analysis of light
cautious' to conclude that the
by reflected from Mors.
And, after all, maybe there the were represented the spectograph
the Queen on Mars, If there were any, does not contradict" the theory dian Government, anyhow, is personal enilly, such as a Council
are flying saucers.
The Cane Person,
Mother, rather than by an im- Light passing through A spectroscope (@ complicated would
spending a fair amount prism) breaks down into
plants in our northern warte- i lands. He noted that analysis component "parts" which_ap-
Actually, in accordance with mosty backing a research proof Regency, which no one can pear as different colours. From of reflected light from the Mars ordinary scientific practice, the foot led by a scientist who thinks the colours. It is possible to green petches showed heavy evidence is strong enough to con- that there is a reasonable chance The Queen's Commonwealth
are and
will be regarded by make general inferences about absorption of the red and Infra- clude that the hypothesis is come from another planet
Bostad enough to the source of the light and about red parts of the spectrum through probably
historians us a turning point in anything ⠀ with ? which it has which much of the sun's warmth ! warrant its preliminary sccept.
the log evolution of the British Furthermore, Mars will be at come into contact.
is conveyed,
monarchy. It can be cotoparod one of its nearest approaches to with the tours on which: Willam Light "frobs"?”: the. "green
This would seem a reasonable Unless someone can show that the earth this July and li. Was the Conqueror, Arat truly hamizomal patcher" on thiers appeared to adaptation to extreme cold, and something quite different could another one of those cocksion dinews sharply from links refaci. he wondered whether barth produce the which, Wait described in "War Kingpingland,HwOKE DIE
plante might show this charma- | there" obema no reason to ̈dile
of the Worlds." SOUTH CHINA MORNING POST. LTD. «l on planta on parth.
Réclatie. He found that the believe Tikhov, yndham Street,
Masonic Ladies Night
R.A.F. Annual Sports Holy Trinity Church Feta International Youth Group, Gala Dance Hockey Dance Club Lusitano
at
Sacred Heart School Bazaar
School Sports Finals
Local Présentationis
Local Christenings
Local Weddings.
Avillable at
It occurred to him that plants, evidence of
probably be most like: that there are plants on Mars.
ance.
- Whatever was on' Blaze, it tendency appeared markedly in vagy 17725) AR
of
they journe
Bach
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want to know whether: Shares
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