Page
VANTONA
bedcovers
THE CHINA MAIL, WEDNESDAY, JULY 22,
1958.
"HOW!
"RED RADIO GOES ALL B.B.C" "say tha¡ headlines, and an East Berlin announcer" says,
Cheerfulness and humour will figure increasingly We will fight our enemies with satire. Even with laughter, W'e' shall use the simple language pl the-worker." So, here we have the East Berkn
by Giles
investigators all over the B.B.C., checking up on how "tia dong. The fact that a telephone caber, saliom of Gilbert Harding's with sorte food" who mistook him for Raymond Clendenning was_Tnis- Interpreted as ** the ample language of the worker"
kala beside the point.
London Express Service
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[BAYER
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Auctioneers
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THE QUEEN'S PLAYERS (4)
Tynant nominates another top contemporary theatre
At ten he was a boy prodigy.
T
O be famous young and to make fame last: the secret of combining the two
is glandular: it depends on energy. Someone once ask- ed Demosthenes what was the most important quality in an orator: "Action," he said. And the second? "Action." And the third? "Action." So with a talent.
Noel Coward, who WRS performing in public at 10, has never stopped being in action, at 53 he retains all the heady zest of adole- scence. Forty years ago he was Slightly in Peter Pan. and you might say that he
had been wholly in Peter
Now he is-
THE
Nathaniel Gubbins
"Continental children, bowler he bowl with one short
Your early cofriment on this -Appre- Instructed to fellow B.B.C. leg, and ze ozzer he bowl with urgent maiter will be broadcasts to learn colloquial two short legs. Even one of ze cinted, English, are- probably A cripple, Pierre?
puzzled by cricket Com
mentaries."
Understatement in one of my
papers.
P
APA.
Popa?
Yes, Piorre?
Are the English cruel,
No, Pierre. They are very kind to animals and foreign
018.
Then why do they make freaks and Imbeciles play their game of cricket?" It is not kind, Papa.
No, Pierre. It is not kind, But perhaps you are mis- taken?
No, Papa. I listen to Monsieur Artott, and he say two of the
English side are imbeciles. Ono
in a
a silly mid-on and the other
1. allly mid-off.
The words may have other
meanings, Pierre
But no, Papa. Silly in English "Mid" is the same na stupid. means "alf way, and my cello quioi English tell me, that "off" may mean the same as of 'la 'cad. So one perhaps is alf way round ze bend and ze ozzer quite mad. It is not nice, Papa.
No, it is not niec, Pierre. í also listen to Monsicur Swanton,
and be say one
FASTIDIOUS ROMPER
COWARD
in private enflogging.
umpires is a cripple,
Monsieur Swanton say he
have
tho
square leg. And one of Sir, poor field-men trighionéd be hide in a jully.
What is a`qully, Flerte? - My dictionary say a gully is <small raving, or a drain.
EO In reply to your undated Jetter. I have no comment to make, except that I was born k normal size, and anything. ibat has happened since is en- tirely your own fault. Self- Indulgence and a slim figuro do not go together. "Be sure your sins will And you 'out."
But why is he frightened, Pierre? L Ha may be frightened of ze fast bowlers. Or 'e may be fightened of ze mad mid-on or ze mad mid-on, 'Or he may be mad himself wiz only one short leg. So he take cover in a grain. It is not sporting, is it, Рара?
"No, Pierre. It là ngt sporting.
Letter To
A Stomach
My dear Stomach,
Since I gave your measure- ment (49 Inches) for
Royal Naval Minewatching uniform
em-
Faithfully,
Your Stomach.
How To Avoid Income Tax
HAVE lost the clipping about the American doctor who said that hypnotism is becoming so: easy that almost any strong ninlet character could practise it with a little training. So I can't tell you the doctor's name. But if I had been harn with
TỪ
3 strong character I would start six weeks ago you have not only the treatment tomorrow on Mr
Bloodsucker, the caused me some personal
Income Tax barrassment but great deal of Inspector
he would be in Inconvenience to the Nore Com-
office,
leaning back in his 'mand.
Up till now I have received comfortable chair, looking one pair of boots, two lovely flectively out of the blue shirts, a black tie, a
watch cont, a
berot mashing blue with
a blue
and gold badge de picting a silver mine blowing up да Bilver
and # sca,
a pair of trousers a foot too long.
They are a foot too long be- cause Service trousers are made for properly proportioned men, who should be at least 7ft. tall if their stomachs - measure 43 inches
I have now had a note from The Nore, where I must be the laughing stock of the quarter- master's stores, to say that my size
In blouse, working dress, i "not available." This is be cause you are a little.
bigger than my chest, and because the Navy does not make blouses for barrels.
The situation now is that I holl either have to resign, trom the ininewatching service, or accept the largest blog, which is made for plants,. and bring ridicule on the Senior Service by wearing a blouse big enough the Queen of Tonga - and tripping over my trousers.
FOT
Another and happier alterna- tive is to take ä", holiday in Paris wearing the pretty blue shirts and the smashing beret, and sell picture postcards out- side the Cafe de la Paix.
and saying:----
window
"I'm sorry, Mr Gubbins, but if you can't End the money I shall be obliged to take pro
cedings."
tv.
"Look at me, Blood gucker," I would say sharp His eyes would snap back from the, window, and into mine.
staro
"You are going to sleep, Bloodsucker, would say. "Sleep, you so-and-so, sleep sleep.. sleep. The lids would come down over, the crafty eyes, his mouth
would sag open, his hands fold across
his stomach, and tho the
catarrh in his nose make morning hideous with his chores, "My name is Gubbins, : Bloodsucker," I would say.
95
"Remember it." G. for Gertchar, U for Ugh, B. for Blast you, Djor Bjart you,! I for! hate you, N.
for Nerts, and S for So-and-So, "When, you trakte, Cubbins will not owe you ang money), What's more, Gubbins tvill arver owe you any money... What's even more, you will owe Gubbins money--all the Tazes he has ever paid, Wake up Bloodsucker, and write a cheque.” And that, children, is how I. became one of the idle rich, and.. lived happily ever after.
-¡London Express Service).
INTO
STEPPING of 53
Pun ever since. No private Novello's profile were the Ing: "I never realised before frigerator and set it considerations have been first and second wonders of that Albeit married beneath on the hob. allowed to deflect the drive the modern world.
him."
bubbling
and
He is a great thawer, as any- To see him whole, public and one knows who has visited his of his carver; like Gielgud The Vertex, a jeremiad private personalities conjoined, home in Kensington. Hidden in
narcotics, and Rattigan, like the late against
with you must see him in cabaret, a mews, it resembles an ultra- Ivor Novello, he is A con- dialogue which sounds today Just before his first season at smart rural tavern, with doors of
not so much stilted as high- the Cafe de Paris, I noticed him glass and wrought-iron, genital bachelor.
watching his predecessor, whose now-smelling panelling. heeled, was described by act was not going too well, I He began like many other Beverley Nichols
is his lofty as "im asked how he was enjoying the Its centrepiece (Evelyn Waugh, for instance), by rebelling morial." Others, whom it performance, and, with a sark, studio, where there are paint- on the shocked, were encouraged in turned take-it-or-leave-It stare, ings everywhere but against conformity, and
he hissed: "Saucet Sheer sauce! floor, come by the proprietor their heresy by an Un- ended up making his peace fortunate photograph for
who is a keen amateur, and of whom, over the door, there is an with it, even becoming which Coward posed, supine
by excellent oil
Clemence its outspoken advocate in a knobbly brass bedstend,
Dane. Two grand planos stand Any child with spark of wearing
antirists
Coward was born.
He bit teacher
dressing-gown A
A finger waggle
A few weeks later he came
BERIA'S SHOES
By RALPH HEWINS
dictors
Stockholm. Malenkov's viewpoint all the ERIA'S successor, Sergei me, and must have been keep- Bios, est en talling a watchful eye on Ber with a square jaw, and a post-Stalin one-man mop of /rygreying hair, ship, as now charged. He 8 15 tone bf muscle, Anyway. Kruglov is the most and tough as you would experienced man available for expect an Ogpå man to be, the job now Berla has - keen. Even more remarkable, to is eliminated. At various thes. a Knight of the British Empire. Curing the last 10 years, He
Received fla
eration has bten Minister of
on rostrums in opposite comers. perah Wings betel sits Interior and Minister of
Potsdam a
The room could, ensity freeze Alot!
1943 10 1048, when he
security offices
"ane) an
Можхона
that he wrote all his plays in an, about demonstrating how these tions--what are you doing, and foizga khot much; mystery
Sauce, he said.
and the other bat's-wing melodies of his youth. Nothing 1:0 docs on these occasions sound strained or arid: hia tanned leathery face is still an enthusiast's.
equally ghastly
With pauses
you
He in the Central
Affairs..
the
fantasy in its soul is prone and "looking," as he said, thudding down the stairs him to react against the English ke
but suddenly ♫ heavily doped self, balanced before the micro conversation: middle classes, into which Chinese illusionist."
even phone on black suede-clad feet Coward enters, and and, upraising both hands in a you are new to him, sets the
is clever as well as tough. of benediction, set ale urgently buzzing with ques-
Hirpitied his pro Favoldet responsibilty for From this sprang the myth Kerture
the doctor plot, fakesh shartly for whom, and for how much, mollon don't know their job. absinthe-drenched coma; in fact, things should be done.
Krugloy has ir No. 2. Sy before falina dorth and "hov and have you had the mis- viet policeman or more than aftribined to Berk as he has been patiently explain- Baring his teeth as if unvelle fortune to meet that terrible 10. ing for nearly thirty years, he ing some grotesque monument man and his
yours Committee of the Communist The fener Master of Stato. The circumstances of his drinks little and usually starts and cooing like a baritone dove, daughter, and how can
his typewriter at he gave us I'll See You Again, bear 117
Party, and has been a Soviet Security Abuku ov, wa's punishing early upbringing, in Ted-m.
deputy since the Ruslan elec Borla's stooge. staging Hem of 1945. 1
accusation that the doctors dington, were "liable," he
Since the end of the war he murdered or tried to murder, wrote afterwards, “to de.
has hold the ranks Leut Soviet riders, generate into refined gen-
General, and has been Vice-
Abukurpov has been under tility unless carefully watch-
Minister of Defence. This sug→ Rests he has been linsen offler arrest ce lastar, and, will between the Secret Police and Probably be key veliness for the the Red Army, Buch experi- prosection Bech.ruglow's ce should stand had in good tank is Collect incitave stend now.
evidence against Berla
This Indlegics that Milenkov has all along been stronger than mort "experis believed si And Malenkov has brought Beria's that Kregler has been, Fluying under Party control, and the ending to to Derin's right-hand state-within-the-sinte, a double role for yeard, pre- Red Army's stock has risen Im man, but reporting on him to mensely. It is higher politie party; secretory Malenicou.:** et ally than at any time since the It remains to be seen whether end 'the, victoriosła dwar
can Kruglov now avoid the agsins: Germany or than in eventual liquidation suffered by 1937 when brilliant. Maushal: all his predecesora centu Tuchachevsky was purged by This will largely depend
ed."
His triumph has been to unite two things ever dissociated in the
of
police
Coward doses his sentences : with pauses, as you dose All the time the hands are at epileptics, with drugs. To be . He
promptly reacted English mind: hard work and their task affectionately calm with him for any length of time and also wit. Toil is commonly the chum ing your too-kind applause, is-exhausting and invigorating against them, against his first
serious-minlodness; and Amused by this own frolicsome. In roughly equal proportions. school-
though, withis Coward, a social ness, he sways from alde to teacher, whom he bit in historian and philosopher are side, waggling Anger if your that he possesses "star quality" He is perfectly well aware the arm-"an action which constantly campaigning to be let attention looks like wandering which is the lodeator of his life I have never for an instant cut, they seldom escape into his. If it is possible to romp In Unis enee, it might be defined regretted." From this orgy work.
fastidiously, that is what as the ability to project with of rebellion he excopted his
Coword does."- His wit in print is variable--
out effort, the outline of mother, a tiny octogenarian, he has not writtens really funny: He owes te to carlier wits, unique personality, which had who is now comfortably in play nincs Present Laughter in such as Wildo or Labouchere: never existed before him in
in private. It is Their boat things need. to be print or paint. stalled in a flat in Baton 1942 but Square.
to delivered slowly even lazily: Even the youngest of us will describe on American ΟΣ Cherry
The With the production of the deep South, as "A. Month In Orchard vet in
* In cato, blind impulsiveness of
ly what we mean by a very In machine-gun."); The Vortex in 1924, the Wrong Country; and
Noel Coward sort of person." mány notoriety hit him. He had other theatrical mots have been, I have heard him accused of already written two other fathered on him. We may never having enervated -English plays and most of n rovue; know, for example, whether, it, comedy by making It languid and had already announced was heho, after seeing a and blaso. The truth, of course, certain actress as Queen Vic, is the opposite Coward took 'that his own wit and Ivor toris, left the theatro mummità sophistication / out (of the so-
.of
unfarging. It tooky Cowan Coward's emergo; with the stace know, in. 50 years' time,” exact- | Stalin on charges of ploiting weiher he continuos fo sulamię !
M
TOMORROW The Best Actress in the English-speaking World
with the Nazis to overthrow the to: party, disciplines or tires his Soviet regime.gillion private army, 20, 2
Anybody in Rusala today who 000 000 slave workers and is not persons grala with thà, myriitä #nies."
Rel
܂
Armyls; in 'a,dapassoUR, QUIA #Igrandiamont, 61024 40 his`
His promotion though means Kruglov, however, murti havay that the Secret: Folice, have not- bem a trusted party men from been; abolishedi.