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They differ clearly from concubines in that there is no recognised ceremony for their entry into the household. More often their presence is concealed from the wife, at any rate until the birth of a child. Away from their homes and any social conscience born of fear of ridicule by friends or relatives, refugees tend to form relations with each other on a very temporary basis. They drift together and drift apart without much difficulty.
As far as possible, it is best to avoid laying blame too heavily on any party to a dispute since the ultimate object is to persuade them to drop their differences and return home ready to give married life another chance. Too much airing of grievances and bitterness destroys any atmosphere for reconciliation. A trial period varying from a week to a month may help. If, however, things are hopeless, then the only solution is a divorce or separation. A divorce affects only kit fat (*) and tin fong (**) marriages. Where a woman is a concubine or kept, the parties are free to separate when they please. The divorce or separation of the parties is only the first step. The real trouble comes in dividing up the children and the property. Customarily, sons are returned to the husband, provided he is fit to look after them and maintain them. Daughters remain with the mother. Division of property often founders on the question of return by the women of the clothes and gold ornaments given her as wedding presents by her husband. There is no hard and fast rule in the matter but, in general, where the woman appears to be at fault, there may be grounds to require her to return the presents.
Occasionally a dispute concerns maintenance of the wife by her husband. Provided the parties are properly married, there are legal powers to require him to maintain his wife.
Amongst New Territories villagers, virginity in brides is highly prized and loss of it before marriage may form grounds for return of a wife to her parents after consummation. In some parts of the interior, it is the custom that only virgins may ride to their future husband's home in a bridal chair. Non-virgins, e.g. widows, are required to advertise the fact by a pedestrian progress under a black umbrella to which is tied a piece of red ribbon.