THE CHINA MAIL FRIDAY SUPPLEMENT, SEPTEMBER 1, 1939
"A DANGEROUS WOMAN"
(Continued from Page 1)
"As far as I can see at present, that would work perfectly, but in case there's a loophole which I haven't provided for, you can put your money on every horse but one, and that one, of course, will be found to be the winner.
"You'll excuse me," she said, “but I haven't an idea what you're talk- ing about."
"You haven't" I gasped staring at her open-mouthed. "But I was simply: going on with that idea of yours that you can force horses to win races."
"Me?" she said. "When did you ever hear me talking such nonsen- se?"
"Well, you assured me, madam, that these three horses that you picked out.
"I tapped the newspaper smartly with my forefin- ger,"
. that these three horses would't have come in anywhere if you'd backed them.”
"No!" said the old lady decisively "And they wouldn't.”
I glanced at the widow and saw. that we were crossing the Thames.
"Well," I said to her as we were running into the station, "we've had a most interesting talk, and here we are in London."
"Or nearly," she said, and no soon- er had she said it than, with an appalling jolt, the train stopped dead, and I felt myself lifted to my feet and flung flat across the carriage at my fellow-traveller, like a long- lost son returning to his mother.
* * *
It was embarrassing and very un- comfortable, and it was some time before I could pull myself together and disentangle myself. "I beg your pardon," I stammered. “I'm ex¬ tremely sorry; extremely sorry."
"No need to apologise," she re- plied serenely. "It wasn't your fault, whoseever it was.”
"You're not hurt?" I asked. "Nothing to matter," she said. “A bit shaken up! Nothing more! Luckily you're not a heavy man.” She smoothed herself down. "But didn't I remark, at the start, that I might be sorry I didn't miss train.
the
It fairly took my breath away, and for a moment I lost my self-
to the
control and went straight point: "Look here." I said, "why do you do it?"
She wasn't in the "Why do I do it?" "Why does it do it? ask."
least offended. she repeated. That's what I
Our door was opened by a porter. "Anybody hurt in here?" he in- quired.
We reassured' him. "At the same time," I said to the old lady, “I do feel that a drop of whisky or some- thing of the kind wouldn't come amiss. What do you say?"
we
She accepted graciously, and made our way through the excited crowd on the platform to the re- freshment' room. "Now what may I order for you?" I asked her.
"A small stout, if you please," she replied promptly. "I've always found there's nothing like a drop of stout after an accident.”
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*
She was intending, it transpired, to take a bus to Southampton-row and as I was going in the same direction I offered-I could hardly do less-to accompany her.
We finished our drinks, crossed the station yard and found a 38 bus waiting. I had just helped her into it and was about to follow when in a flash I realised what I was doing. After all, she had confessed to tam- pering supernaturally with race- horses; five minutes ago she had nearly smashed up my train for me: it was raining: the streets were greasy.
Quite suddenly I lost all sense of responsibility towards the old lady, I touched her on the shoulder. "Such a nuisance!" I said, "I've for- gotten to send a telegram. I must go back into the station. Goodbye! Goodbye!"
Late that afternoon, when I re- turned to the station to catch my train home. I did my best to make sure by glancing into every carriage, that my old friend was not sharing my journey. But whether she was or whether she wasn't. I reached my destination safely, and I was never able to discover whether the 38 bus whose photograph appeared in my evening paper with its bonnet pushed through a chemist's window was the actual bus I had helped
her into.
CABBAGES AND KINGS
LITTLE DIFFERENCE.
In some parts the finding of a four-feaved clover means an early marriage. In other places it's con- sidered to be lucky.
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SAFETY FIRST
A woman claims to have driven 355,000 miles without an accident. One theory is she's the kind of driver every one else gets out of the way of when they see her coming.
*
SENSITIVE.
Bone-setter-I'm afraid it's going to be wet again to-day.
Patient-What makes you think
that?
"I can feel it in your bones."
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CHOICE
*
A registrar says that men often asked to be married when they were under the influence of drink. Let us hope that on such occasions he is diplomatic enough to say, "Which one of these women wilt thou take?"
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NONCHALANT
With half a hundred people look- ing on, he stepped up to his ball, took a mighty swing, and missed. Again he addressed the pellet, swung and whiffed: A third time he tried - but to no avail, The crowd became highly embarrassed. But not so our hero. With a nonchalant smile he turned to the assembled multitude and remarked. "Tough course, isn't it?"
DRY THOMAS
Uncle had left Tommy in the baker's shop, and had told him to. ask the assistant for anything if he was hungry. When he came back uncle asked the assistant what he would have to pay for.
The assistant told him:-"Three buns, four sponge cakes, two sand- wiches, one jelly, five tart, and-"
"Good gracious, boy!" uncle inter- rupted. "Are you not ill?”
"No, uncle," said Tommy, "but I'm darned thirsty."
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* APPRECIATION
Small Bobby had been to a birth- day party, and, knowing his weak- ness, his mother looked him straight in the eye and said, "I hope you didn't ask for a second piece of calte?"
"No," replied Bobby. "I only ask- ed Mrs. Smith for the recipe so you could make some like it, and she gave me two more pieces just of her own accord."
GOOD NEWS
Tommy: Mother, teacher asked about our families and whether we had brothers and sisters.
Mother: It was nice of him to take all that interest in you. What did you say?
Tommy: I said that I was an only. child.
Mother: What did teacher say? Tommy: He sighed and said. "Thank heavens.”
ARREARS
The obliging Tenant
Or The Landlord who wanted his back-rent.
66 You've
got to be fussy
over
horses..
Fussy about their training
-fussy about who rides them. Personally I find it's the only way. For instance, I don't much care to lead in a lucky winner; but it gives me the rarest pleasure. to watch any thoroughbred ridden to a faultless victory.
In the same way I appreciate the good judgment used in the making of White Horse Whisky. I've yet to discover a richer. flavour with a finer frag- rance, a silkier smoothness with a more heartening glow. Till I do, I shall in- sist on White Horse,”
WHITE HORSE
Whisky
·Sole Agents for South China : Jardine Matheson & Co, Ltd.