MUTT AND JEFF
YOU LITTLE FOOL, SLEEPING UP IN A TREE AND TYING A ROPE AROUND YOUR NECK SO YOU DON'T FALL OUT IS JUST PLAIN DUMB! YOU COULD HANG
YOURSELF!
GOSH, I NEVER THOUGHT
OF THAT!
IF I TIE THE
ROPE AROUND MYSELF AND AROUND THE LIMB THAT I SLEEP
ON THEN I CAN'T
FALL DOWN!
CRACK!
By BUD FISHER
?
AND AS A CITIZEN AND TAXPAYER,I. DEMAND TO KNOW WHY DEAD LIMBS ARE NOT CUT FROM,
THE TREES IN THE PARK!!
Good morning, sunshine!” "Go to blazes ! ”
** Now, now temper! That's not like mummy's little blue- eyed boy."
"Oh, go and climb a tree. I hope you get a thick head like mine. Teach to jeer."
you
"Thank you, I can jeer perfectly well I don't need any lessons. As for the thick head -so long as I stick to Gimlets or have a stiff glass of Rose's lime juice before I güde beneath my mos-- quito net
I'll never get one.”
"You'll get one now if you
don't: clear out. [Pause.] What did you say about lime juice ?”
K
My dear fellow the path- ology of the common hangover is interesting. The blood alcohol content falls rapidly after-ad- ministration of Rose's Lime Juice the stomach
Fred does this stuff work retrospectively?"
"No harm in trying. Send your boy out for a bottle of ..Rose's now."
BOY!"
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THE DAILY SHORT STORY
Renewed Contact
"Quit stalling," said Prisoner's Hair- Ted Hampton, being a famous movie star, and having become bored with cut. "You know the rules. When one adulation, having indulged all his of us thinks up a gag the others lay good whims and fancies by virture of his off. That gives everybody a enormous income, had grown bitter to break to get a part in a character pic- wards life. Without half trying he ture. When someone else tries to crab could hate himself and everyone with the gng, we give him a hand." whom he came in contact.“
"Do you mean,” said Ted, "that I on can't wear this beard without your per- He sat to-day in a restaurant Hollywood Boulevard and watched peo- mission?” ple stream past. Some of the people "Take it off," said Goatee. wore outlandish costumes, some had Ted flexed his muscles slightly: Here shaved their heads. One man carried was diversion made to order. All that
a sceptre, another wore his hair long gym work he'd been doing-he had His and tied up in ribbons. A little girl, thought it was going to waste. dressed in a bright blue satin playsuit life had been so protected.
"Let's see you boys take it off," he and leading a mastiff twice her alze,
"usaid quietly.". went by
The "boys" had apparently been ex- Ted Hampton, aneered. "Suckers!” he muttered. "Poor, dumb suckers. pecting an answer like that. They came They think they're going to attract at at him with a rush, all three at once. tention. They think some producer is The suddenness of it took Ted by sur- send. Purple going to pull, his expensive limousine prise. He managed to into the curb and offer them a contract, Beard sprawling with a left hook, but Oh, the suckers! Don't they know Haircut and Goatee were on him like leeches. The former held his arms and they're a lot of ridiculous fools??
He Ernie King, Ted's press. agent, who the latter pummelled his face. sat with him at the table and whose shook Haircut-off, and doubled Goatee business it was to think up gaga, said up with a short jab to the solar plexus, But now Purple Beard was back in innocently:
"The trouble with you is you've been the running. Purple Beard landed on out of that kind of circulation so long him from behind. He bore him to the
By Stanley Cordell
you don't know how the other half ground. Then Haircut and Goatee got lives. Most of the bit players out here up and jumped on him. Haircut held get their breaks pulling a stunt-like one arm and Goatee the other. Purple that."
"You're nuts! That kind of stuff went out before talkies came in. There's too many of 'em. Nobody pays any attention."
Beard sat on his chest, ripped off his beard and began slapping his face. Suddenly Purple Beard stopped.
"Jeepers Creepers!" he explained. "Look what we got here. If this ain't Ted Hampton I'm a centipede!"
"Looks like him at that!" declared Then lemme at him!” roared Hair- And because Ted Hampton was bor cut. "This is too good an opportunity ed, he palled out a five-dollar bill. Then to miss."
"Bet you five bucks you can't wear a purple beard up and down the boule Goatee. vard without being accosted."
he and Ernie went to the prop depart Ted was barely conscious when Ernie ment of the studio where Ted worked, King finally arrived with three cops and after some difficulty, found a pur and a cameraman. The cops pulled off ple beard. (At exactly 3.45 Ted, wear his assailants and Ernie helped Ted to ing the beard, stepped from a car in a sitting position and the photographer Front of Grauman's Chinese and start snapped a picture.
:
ed walking briskly east.) All he had Swell!" shouted. Ernie.
"Great
to do was to reach Pantage's theatre stuff! How about saying something and come back on the other side of the original: now ?" street to win the bet
The looked around, saw his three at- He rot as far as Highland and was tackers, and grinned: "Ernie, you can waiting for the traffic light when some tell my public that my contact with one tapped him on the arm. He turn real human beings, which I believed I ed and was astonished to find himself had lost, was completely restored this staring into the face of a gentleman afternoon. You win the bet, and I'm who was also wearing a purple beard. hiring these boys to work in my next
*Look, mug,
mug " sald, the gentleman. picture.” "How about that beard?"
(Released by The Associated News- papers.)
"How about your own?" said Tedes
The gentleman looked around and whistled through his teeth. Two other men came up. One of them was wear- ing gagoatee and the other had a pri Boner's Halicut.
herman with the ast one.
with the
MANOEUVRING BY THE POWERS
Sir Roger nansworth,
war
were
side
Ger ring by
ving
Ted: