THE WORLD GOESHBY
HAVE been Spring cleaning ing the "China Mail'
BY "ULYSSES"
is one of my failing
both in dress and habits, be testified to be my collea
compared with whom I am. somewhat of a phenomenon in this line, or so my flatterers assert.
gue
до
The most The incontrovertible fact that distressing odour in which this Autumn, or Winter, is with us once copy of the newspaper was wrap- more; makes no difference. I use ped, however, lends strong (if not the term to indicate that I have overpowering) support to my theory been indulging in that process so that the copy in question is, in
To resume Having found beloved of women -- dislodging all fact, the first ever to be printed in
further corpses in my desk, b a man's most cherished belongings this Colony. This might be said.
-hardly consider, suspecting that there were other from their accustomed resting to be a doubtful distinction, but it place and removing them to a spot stirs my journalistic soul to its to endure
vict, as the remams bear incontes-measures ten by eight, yards not where they are least likely to be deepest depths, depths not easily however, that any jury would con-entrances in this gigantic affair (it table evidence of having been in feet), I decided to launch a flank discovered when wanted. All this plumbed.
attack After plowing through their badly chosen grave for. in the office, not in my home, where
Various other disused articles
period of years, whereas I have the masses of debris, I emerged un- others perform this unpleasing
have come to light during my been a citizen of this Colony a mere der the towering wall which con- task for me.
Spring cleaning operations. There matter, of months. A jury emstitutes the right wing of the Alp-
of
This Spring cleaning was long was the dead rat, for remains panelled by the directors, con-like structure,
My initiative was rewarded by sisting of the editor, the crime re- overdue, overdue, I think, since the which only the skeleton- year 1845, when the publication He (or she) was found in the deep-
columns, in whose province the discovery of hitherto unsuspected which has the everlasting honour est recess of my deck, and there is Porter and "Adrem” of the sports
lie, cavities, which contained a variety adjudged to matter was of employing me, first came into considerable speculation among my colleagues as to the manner in being.
which deceased met his (or her) unanimously acquitted me of the of documents, ranging from love (all of which I read with avid- in- continue my Spring cleaning Since that date, I have become death and the circumstances which charge. I was, therefore, able to letters of long dead sub-editors terest and which prove beyond hand has led deceased to be present in my convinced, no human delved into the dark mysteries of drawer when he (or she) went to
By now, I should have mentioned, doubt that the Victorian age was the large, rambling and country-his (or her) last resting place. house like desk at which I labour The expression "resting place" is an area of at least six square feet not a whit less naughty than the eighteen hours a day.
perhaps a triffe inaccurate, as, in surrounding my desk was almost so-called Moderns) to details of the These latter proved most interest- spite of the fact that only the entirely impassable owing to the circulation of rival newspapers. I am forced to this opinion by skeleton of the rat remained as mass of papers, unpaid bills, re- the belated discovery of a copy of mute evidence of this tragedy of ceipts (two of them), telegrams,ing and would doubtless cause the "China Mail," the date and the long, long ago, the remains pencil stubs, lead, etc. with which sensation (a word for whose stray- They I had been forced to litter the flooring into this page from the sports most of the contents of which are were exceedingly
I offer my humble apologies) if I reveal this in undecipherable. This, of course, hummed, as some so nicely put it. The floor, by the way, is our was-columns, where it is much in vogue, may be due to the depredations of Dark-looks are being directed at me tepaper basket. the rodents and other fauna which by my colleagues, and "murder" is order to correct any impression published. Apparently in those ployed an espionage department, one of whose many duties was to inhabit the palatial structure hous- the least of the epithets I have had you may have gained that unti-days, way back in the 80's, we em- record faithfully the daily circula- tion of appear to be less interested in or should I say worried by, their sales in this year of grace.
Sälverlong
active.
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Another article found was a pair of scissors bearing my initials. These scissors, a farewell presenta tion from the Sewing Circle of our little village when I packed my bags for the wicked East, had bee lost several moons ago, and their discovery has led to a flood of accusations and counter-accusa- tions. We are thinking of placing the entire matter in the hands of some neutral body, say the Nine- Power Conference.
Also discovered were a decaying
SOCK
since established as the editor's property, an evil-smelling pipe, believed to have belonged to the last sports editor but nineteen. and an artificial fower. This last, without doubt, was the property of a departed Scots member of the staff, who carefully preserved it from year to year and only pro- duced it when that particular Flag Day came round once more. We hope its loss has not him in the other world, be on the roof garden basement.
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132, Nathan Road Kowlogn
el- 50711