POP: Dosing The Calf
TOLD YOU TO
GIVE THAT CALF
A
TABLESPOONFUL
OF
MEDICINE!
BUT HELL ONLY HAVE HAD
A SPOONFUL BY THE TIME
HE FINISHES, ANYWAY
THE CHINA MAIL FRIDAY SUPPLEMENT, JUNE 11, 1937′
By WATT The House
HE PREFERS TO
DRINK FROM A
PAIL!
01934, by Bell Syndicate 1 -
Women's Hats Influence Birth Rate
EXPERT CITES SOME FIGURES-
TO PROVE IT
'OMEN'S hats have a direct
Winmauence on the birthrate,
according to a monumental dis- covery made by Mrs. Helen Wash- burn, author of "So You're Going To Have A Baby?”
At least this is true of the birth rate in América.
Mrs. Washburn was asked to elucidate on the mysterious rela- tion between hats and babies.
Not a Mystery
"There isn't a thing mysterious about it," she replied. “Men just aren't interested in women when they rig themselves out in funny hats. When women wear sensi--
hats they influence men. When they don't they drive the men away."
"Remember those awful Eu- genie hats of 1931?” said Mrs. Washburn, who is young, attrac-ble tive, very modern and mother of two children, when she was inter- viewed in New York recently. "Very few persons realize" what they did to the birth rate of the country.
"The birth rate was 18.9 per 1,000 in 1929 and 1930. In 1931 after women had begun wearing those terrible hats, the birth rate dropped to 18. The real effect, however, did not become apparent until 1932 and 1933. The birth rate dropped to 17.4 in 1932 and 16.5. in 1933." -
And then what?
“Well," continued Mrs. Wash- burn, then during 1933 and 1934 gnome hats and others that were not unattractive came in. In 1934 the birth rate rose to 17.1. But it was not to last. Toward the end of 1934, and during 1935 and especially 1988 women start- ed wearing awful hats again. There was plague of berets, pancakes, pillboxes, flat sailors
and toupees.
"As if that were not enough, Schiaparlli in 1986 introduced pagoda, mandarin and coolie hats. And the figures tell what happen- ed. In 1985 the birth rate drop- ped to 16.9 and in 1936 to 16.5, the lowest figure on record?
It seems that Mrs. Washburn discovered all this in course of preparing a new book, on which she is still at work, to be titled, “So You Are Going to Have a Husband. As well as could be gathered, she has reached the opinion that it is harder to have a husband than a baby, and her latest tome she will advige American womanhood that to have a husband successfully it is vitally important to have the right kind of hat.
Back in 1922,
..
"The cloche came in 1922," she said warningly. "The birth rate immediately dropped from 22.3 in 1922 to 22.2 the next year, and finally to 20.7 in 1926. Then the cartwheel bats came in and the birth rate dropped to 19.8 in 1928 and to 18.9 in 1929. The only time it has gone up into last fifteen years was in 1984 after women started wearing more at- tractive headgear.
She ended with an ominous pre- diction:
"The birth rate is going to hit new low in 1987: If you don't believe it out and hats the women are wearing
the
6.-30
GIVE HER A HAND- "Help your wife," says Good- House keeping. “When she mops up the floor, mop up the floor with her:"
Reformer: "Stop.: Do you think a glass of that vile stuff will quench your thirst?”? ...
College Lad: “No, sir,
I'm gonna drink the whole jug."
1.
2.
WOMEN ARE LIKE-
a book always bound to please.
needs
an auto every so often:-
choking
3. a-train often get on the
wrong track.
4. a party platform subject
to change without notice.
5.
6.
a stove often needs a new lid.
a bed spring cannot be squelched.
7. a chair
sat on. 8. a pipe
often needs to be
inclined to be puff- ed, at times.~*
9. a fire apt to flare up and
be put out.
10. a callous - it takes hard work to get it, it hurts when you have it, but you sort of miss it when it's gone,
prospective ten- ant): You know we keep it very quiet and orderly here. Do you have any children?
"No."
Landlord (to be
“A piano, radio, "No."
ictrola ?”
"Do you play any musical in- struments? Do you have a dog, cat, or parrot?"
“No, but - my, fountain scratches a little sometimes."
THE CAT CAME BACK The morning after the night
before a collie? alan Our cat came back at the hour
of four; "a
s
The innocent look in her eyes
had went
But the smile on her face
smile of content!
In The Wood
(Continued from Page 7).
gentleman; there was no Dorothy. They told me that at the inn, but I wasn't satisfied, and I went back myself to the very spot.
There were trees, and a little winding path, through little bushes struggling towards the sun. There was no place where a house could ever have been.
And yet, I've go to confess
it.
L
I can still see that charming.../ host, I can still see Dorothy, dis appearing with Robbie into the newly made garden. I can still: tell you every hole and corner of the house which the old-: man so lovingly showed me. I can even see the old court-- cupboard,bout. of which he brought the decanter of liqueur brandy...
Yet I'm allowed to go about my business while poor Robbie.
Still, they tell me he's perfectly happy. They say he s spends most of his time drawing plans for
grandiose and impossible
palaces.
Well, I've written the thing down now, and although probably not particularly teresting, it has given me
cer
tain amount of comfort in the doing. And if I am going mad somebody will know why.
I shall just put this MSS. in my desk and it will be found afterwards
I wrote this yesterday, with an idea in my head that I wouldn't cumber the earth with my.. presence much longer. Yes, I'd even taken the old Service revolver out of the drawer and had a look at it.
But thank God
God... I'm sane!
thank
They found a note at Robbie's office, saying.
happened to that
if anything
I was the only friend he had, and he would like me to go through his papers. I spent an afternoon carrying out Robbie's wish
*
And all of a sudden I came across a careful and minute plan of the house in Saveríake For- est; the queer roof.": every- thing. I recognised every room, every corner. And just under- neath it, on a sheet of notepaper, I found-a-poem. It was written "To Dorothy," and, though no power on earth would make me write it down here, I can say that it described the Dorothy, I knew beautifully and complete ly
And then, suddenly, I knew erado This was Robbie's ideal, house, Robbie's ideal father. Robbie's, ideal girl. He had created them all for himself. He had lived- with them, dreamt with them,-- and then, alone with me in the forest, his brain, so much more vivid than my own, had made the thing real to me, too.
That's 'all. - _But perhaps you'd like to know the question I al ways put when I tell this story.
"Do you think,” I ask, "that it" is possible for an hallucination which is a real and vivid thing to a lunatic to be so impressed upon the mind of another chap that it materialises at least for the time being?'' ›
When L. asked Bill Whiteman that, he just said: “It's a hell of a proposit
I suppose it is. But Live doubts whatever myself.