THE CHINA MAIL FRIDAY SUPPLEMENT, MAY 28, 1937
I'm
Sailing To-morrow!
I had intended spending my honeymoon in Paris. But I'm sailing to-morrow! The - honey- moon has been postponed. "I mean,` you can't have a honeymoon with- out a bride, can you? Not that Grace and I have quarreled. We · haven't had a single angry word:
But I'm sailing to-morrow!^^, It was all Grace's fault. She never should have left me alone
4:
What Is Home Without A
Good
Home
the table and called loudly drinks.
for
I'm not so hard on the optic nerves They say I've got that prosperous look. When she final-
in Paris two days before the wedly laughed, I wasn't surprised. ding.
She went to Deauville with her mother for the weekend: Then the boys gave me a bachelor party. Mine was a funny bache-. lor party. They had liquor at it:
'but I was on the wagon,
they wouldn't believe me. Alphonse tells me that I got quite plaster ed. Alphonse is my chauffeur. Been with me for years.
I remember sneaking away about the twenty-second bottle. My idea was to get back to the Ritz while. I was still conscious. Being car- ried in always causes so much comment, and I hate being talk- ed about. What happened after that is Alphonse's fault.
He tries to run me when I have a few on board. And that's just where he makes his mistake. If he hadn't tried to push me past the Steam-Room; I never would have thought of going in. The Steam Room is the Ladies' Bar in the Ritz. You have to have a lady with you to get a drink there. That didn't bother me very much. I staggered in and looked 'em over. I was pretty blue, with Grace away and every- thing. Somebody looked at me and laughed, but it wasn't any- one I knew.
was
**
It's not hard ' when how.Sw
you know
Frank gave me a quick glance. double But he brought the two Martinis. I ordered two more while he was in the humour.
She was delightful.
"I think you've made a mis- I suppose take," she said, "but this is quite usual in Paris."
I said: "Oh, quite!" "But I don't know brother would take it.
how my You see, I have an appointment with him here. He's very late. I hope nothing has happened to him."
"I'm so sorry," I said.
I wasn't sorry at all. I wasn't
used even impressed. I'm
to that story. Sometimes it's their brother. Sometimes it's their uncle. What's the difference? As long as they're with me, I say, let well enough-alone.---
A few Martinis later, she was still pretty mad at her "brother" for letting her down. I wasn't mad. That's the time to get them. On the rebound. But the room was turning around a little too much to suït me. Must have been something I'd eaten for dinner. Frank noticed it too. He wouldn't serve us any more drinks. It was time to go anyway, he said.' 'They were going to close up." So I pulled myself together. I lean- ed toward her and started my coaxing.
Grace says I've got "IT.” · I think it's just a system that I have. I always appeal to their maternal instinct. It's a great Sympathy is akin to love, you know. I worked on her sympathy.
system: saved the
Then I saw her! She sitting alone at a table. She was
those wonderful! One of
little blondes you can see on magazine covers. I tried to catch her eye,. but she was looking at her wrist- watch and comparing it with the clock. Just as I was planning my approach, Frank situation. Frank is' head barman, bouncer and postoffice at the Ritz. He went over to her table. I couldn't hear what he was gay- ing. But I saw him point to the sign that says the bar is reserved for residents of the hotel. That: was a laugh in itself. But the little lady obviously didn't know She took her Paris very well. him seriously.
"I'm waiting for someone," I heard
her say.
That was my cue. The boys will all tell you that I never miss one. Plastered or sober, I know just what to do when! a lady. flashes a distress signal. Why, they're still talking about the time at Ciro's when I
Q
•
Anyway, I knew she was throw- ing out a line for me. So 1 grabbed it. I also grabbed a cocktail off a nearby table" "and --- tossed it off. At. momefits like this, you need courage I believe there was some sort of commos tion over it. But I didn't pay much attention to that. I'm darned good actor, if I do say it myself: When I sat down at the table, not a person in the room suspected that we weren't old friends. Here's the way I did ite I said: "Well, well! If en't
my old friend Clarice!
Then I picked her hand up-be- fore she had a chance to pull it away, and kissed it Continental fashion. She started to protest," but I moved right in, pounded on
I said: "Won't you take care of me? I'm not feeling very well. And I'm going on a long, long journey in a few days, and maybe I won't ever, ever see you I again. Won't you help me? need someone like you to-night!" She said: "What you need is something to eat!"
"Let's go to Montmarte," I said, "and find your brother be-
.
.
Wrecker?
fore some naughty French girl leads him astray.""
to speed the parting guest. don't remember a thing about it: But that's another story.
As I say, I drew a perfect blank.
That was the winning play: She said that if I would be a good boy, she would go. I promised to be good. I always do. I sort of meant it this time, I wasn't feel-w ing very well.
Alphonse gave us an inquiring look as we got into the car. He tried to help me in, but I brush ed him aside. I made the step alone. On the second try. Then! she told him to drive us to an address in Passy. Had to change her dress. That was
all right with me. I was tired-anyway.
In the car we agreed not to tell each other our names; have a *find her platonic sandwich; brother, and that's all. I had a sneaking idea that we wouldn't at all, but I
didn't say so.
reach Month co
We arrived at the apartment în no time. Alphonse woke me when
Short Story
remember,
The next thing I' the bright morning sun was shining in my tired eyes. It had evidently been shining there för sometime. It was broad daylight. I looked around cautiously and tried to collect my bearings. I was stretched out on a divan sin”. a beautifully furnished salon. The furniture was exquisite. The walls were covered în pâle green satin, my favourite colour. From force of habit I glanced curiously at the pillow next to me. It hadn't been used: Here was a funny situation!
The old eyesight
was a little blurry, but I couldn't help seeing a beautiful Corot landscape on the wall. That man could paint! The place was so much to my taste that I began to get worried about my health. I. closed the old eyes and analysed the situa tion. No, it couldn't be the D.T.'s. The D.T.'s always made you see things you didn't like.
By J. E. D. KILEY
he opened the door. He wanted me Then she came in, and I rem to wait in the car. So did she.bered her. She looked like But I made Alphonse help me out. Nobody's going to run me when I've had a few drinks. I stag- gered right in and told Alphonse to wait.
I guess the night air must have been too much for me. I felt myself slipping fast. I re- member getting in the door all right. And- that's all.
Then I drew a perfect blank! Now there are blank and blanks. Sometimes you just pass out and go to sleep. Other times, it's just the brain that goes to sleep. The body becomes quite playful. I never remember anything the next day, but Alphonse tells me that
occasions upon certain
I even manhandle policemen. Upon other occasions, I have been known to become quite amorous. The girls at Zelli's are still talking about the time I chased La Petite Fifi around the place. It appears that tables, chairs, bottles, and clients fell in my ardent wake. I under- stand that Mr. Zelli and some. twenty gendarmes were necessary
Ben-hur
angel. But she didn't talk one. Something was rotten in Passy!
"Here!" she said, pushing pot of black coffee at me. "Drink this and get out of here!**
Pretty harsh words on a hang- over, I thought: Evidently that perfect blank hadn't been quite as perfect as it might have been. Better check up on it.
I said: "What's the ma honey?"
"Don't honey me,'
she snap ped. "You can thank your lucky stars you're not in jail. I would have called the police, but I'm only taking care of this apart ment for a friend. If my brother was only here, he would throw you out the window. You'd bet-- ter leave before he comes."
Rather r'embarrassing, that sort of thing. But I carried it off with an air. S
"Well," said, looking around admiringly, ⠀ "I've never been thrown out of a better place.".
(Continued on Page 7)
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