CHINA MAIL CHRISTMAS SUPPLEMENT, 1930.
CHRISTMAS JOKES.
23
A SCOTSMAN'S CHRISTMAS PARTY.
A number of Scotsmen was invited to a Christmas party, and told to bring some- thing with them as a surprise. The man from Edinburgh brought shortbread, and the man from Glasgow, whisky. The Dundee man brought marmalade, and the Aberdeen msn his brother.
JUST LIKE SANTA CLAUS. Molly and Juck were on their way home from Sunday school on the Sunday after Christmas, where the lesson for the day had been on the power of the "evil one."
"Jack," asked Molly, "do you really think there is a devil?"
"Rot!" said Jack scornfully, memories of Christmas Eve fresh in his mind. "It's like Santa Claus--it's father!"
GIVING THE SHOW AWAY.
An innkeeper and his wife conducted a goose club every Christmas. The country folk round about always took part in it, with the hope of obtaining a goose or the price of one. The publican also took tickets for it, and somehow he always won prizes. The simple country folk wondered, but attributed
ACTING ON GOOD ADVICE. Father: "Never put off till to-morrow what you can do to-day."
Small Boy: "All right, Dad, what about letting me have a go at that Christmas
of now, instead
waiting cake
until to-morrow?''
THE RESCUER.
UNBEARABLE.
The house was still. All the Christmas guests but one had gone. Suddenly through the silence rang a passionate voice.
"Answer me, Dorothy!" cried the voice. "Answer me. I can bear this suspense no longer!"
"Answer him, Dorothy," echoed the voice of Dorothy's father in the hall, think- ing of the coal and electric light bills, I can't bear this expense much longer.".
A REMINDER.
A lord asked a clergyman once, at the tottom of his-table-Why-is-the-goosen always placed next the parson at the Christ- mas dinner?"
"Really, my lord," replied the clergy- man, "I can give no reason for it; but your question is so odd that I shall never see a goose for the future without thinking of your lordship."
A PRIZE TURKEY.
An old country woman, famed for the turkeys she bred for a high price, sold one just before Christmas to a neighbour. At dinner on Christmas Day Mr. Smith found the bird.particularly tough, and the next day he went to the old woman to complain. "What do you mean by selling me such a
it to good luck. Small pieces of metal were Mother (entering room prepared for cut, numbered, and put into a large bag, and Christmas party): "Where have you been, they were drawn by the publican's seven-you naughty boy, your clothes are dripping year-old daughter. drawing was proceeding gaily, when sudden- the carpet!"
On Christmas Eve the wet? See what a mess you have made of bird," he cried.
Boy: It's all right. I've just waved five boys and three girls from drowning."
Mother: "How?"
Boy: They were just going on the ice when I fell through."
SHE'LL KEN.
it was market and Christmas day, and John Smith, farmer, Bogfaxie, after finish- ing his business in the corn market, went to celebrate the season. He patronised several public houses, with the result that he got fairly well to do," and missed the last train home. Making his way to the Post Office he rolled up to the counter, and from the young lady on duty, brusquely demanded-..
"Gi'es a form."
asked.
ly there was a stop. The little girl was puzzled, and held her hand in the bag for a time. Her father called for her to bore quick, and was almost stunned when she replied: "I can't find the hot one, father!"
GOOD OLD-FASHIONED. CHRISTMAS.
"A good many Christmas customs are quite modern," says a writer. Which is more than can be said for some of the jokes in the pantomimes.
PARTED.
A young man who has a lot of invita- tions for Christmas says that he does not care whether it is incorrect to wear a watch with dress-clothes, because he never has a watch and a dress suit at the same time.
"What sort of a form do you want?" she
"Oh, ane o' yer telegraph forms, an' will fill it up for me?"
"Oh, yes, what shall I say?" "Lat's see.
Oh, ay, jist address it to Mrs. Smith, Bograxie, and say, 'Lost the train-Jock"
"But won't you give some reason for lusing the train?" asked the young lady.
"Oh; ye needna bother aboot that she'll ken!"
UNCERTAIN.
There is nothing to be done for the small boy who after the Christmas revelry: won- ders if he is as bad as he feels.
TAKING THE FLAVOUR OUT,
It's too bad the way some people try to spoil sport! Here's a doctor saying that Christmas pudding is good for us.
"Why," exclaimed the dame, "was there anything wrong with it?"
al!!!!
"Wrong, madam? It was no good at
"I can't understand it," she rejoined. "That bird won the first prize at the local poultry show for eleven years in succession!"
!.:
Poulterer (to woman buying turkey); "This one, madam ?”·
Woman: "No!".
Poulterer: "This one, (pause), this
one?","
Woman: "No!"
Poulterer Well, let me know when I'm getting warm,”
Husband: "You must not make any more pies for our next party, my dear."
Wife: "Why, my dear, there is none of them left
Husband (lifting up top of the piano): "Yes, there is, dear. Look in here; they are all left."