CHINA MAIL CHRISTMAS SUPPLEMENT, 1928.
CHRISTMAS
EVE IN THE GUTTER.
By GEORGE ROBEY.
never did like it. In
"You know the Chinese?" he said. was aroused. I decided to keep the appoint- I don't like the Strand, In net have chosen "Then what is your honest opinion of the wast
My blue-eyed friend was there. He
to spend Christmas Eve in the Strand, at-economic situation in China?" tired in raiment made for a far larger man, engaged in hawking a sixpenny toy."
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I had my friend, Billy Baker, to thank for this,
I did not tell him my honest opinion of slipped a small packet into my hand. the economic situation in China, but I told him my honest opinion of Kiddington. He said. recognised me then.
Billy Baker is one of those idiots who are`
He exclaimed, "Why, it's George! My always making absurd statements and offer-old college chum!" and shook me warmly by ing to bet you ten pounds they're right.
the hand. I whispered to him to shut up. for heaven's sake. He afterwards pretended he had known me all the time; but that, of course, I do not believe: "
I happened to remark to Billy, as we were walking down the Strand on the evening of December the twenty-third, that those gutter-merchants the place was swarming with at this time of year no doubt were reaping a the Harvest.
Billy said, "Not at all, my boy, not at all. These poor devils make hardly enough to keep body and soul together."
It was the nasty way he said "Now put my back up."
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made me wind up every one, in order, he said, He said he would like a toy, and he
to compare thent properly. I got my hands trodden upon rather severely several times in picking up the figures that had gone too
far.
At last Kiddington chose one, said
Here's five bobs, worth. Quick!" he
Bewildered, I. produced the two half- crowns he seemed to expect. He snatched them and was gone.
,!
I opened the packet. It contained five half-crowns, four shillings, and seven six- pences. What did it mean?
A careless movement, and one of the
at tinkle. shillings fell on to the stones with a curious
In a flash I. understood. Counterfeit! The man was a crook. Unwittingly. I had responded to his signal. He had taken me for a passer of counterfeit money.
good.
As I returned to my pitch, I reflected
He
"You don't know anything about it," 1"Thanks awfully, old man," and walked desperately that I could not possibly win my returned. "If you did, you would know that away without paying. That was how I bet. with this loss of five shillings to make a hawker can easily make a profit of a pound coffee and a sardine sandwich I counted my dington returning from his lunch..
enme to be sixpence short.. Over a cup of At that moment I caught sight of Kid- a day with an outlay at five shillings."
takings: eight-and-sixpence. "Ridiculous!" cried Billy. "I'd like to It came to me all at once, then, that winked at me and would have passed on, but "I bet you I could!" I exclaimed warrply only have realised eleven-ard-six. To win my sixpence," I hissed, "or I'll
when I had sold my entire stock I should
I grabbed him.
"Don't make a scene, but give me that "I bet you ten pounds you couldn't!" re-bet, it ought to be twenty-five shillings. fiver you owe me."
sue you for that torted Billy. "Now then!"
that remained for sixteen-and-six. Therefore I should have to sell the six toys
see you, do it!"
It was the nasty way he said "Now then!" that did it. It left me no alternative,
It was a low-down thing to do. I admit
Early next morning Christmas. Eve But I reflected that, at bazaars and so forth, of all my wrongs, and I was determined, at`
This, at first sight, seemed impossible. it. But I was smarting beneath the sense went to Houndsditch, suitably disguised with
any rate, to get that sixpence. beard and whiskers, in the suit of clothes 1 by dint of charm of manner, even larger sums have referred to. I bought a second-hand had been extorted for less value than my hawker's fray, and, two dozen Chinamen wheeling a wheelbarrow, at half-a-crown a dozen. Armed thas, I wended my way to the Strand and took up an advantageous position in the gutter.
I had selected a really charming toy. It was a pleasure to wind it up and note the simple enjoyment it gave to the tired busi-
ness man,
Just before lunch a familiar face came into sight-Kiddington's. Kiddington's gaze
six wheelbarrow-wheelers.
I made up my mind to sell those China- men for as much as I could get. So when an elderly lady in a pink scarf paused to. examine them I smiled at her with great charm.
"Better than a húsband or a pom, "Never snaps at you- madam," I said. never stays late at the club. Never wants And the thing sold like hot cakes. By to be oiled. Goes when it's wound up, but lunch time I had actually got rid of eighteen, never goes too far!"
The look, she gave me froze the smile upon my lips. Muttering what sounded like fell upon my toy, and he stopped to examine. "Impertinent brute!" she walked away with it. He did not recognise me. "Good! My dig-out buying. It was a little disappointing. guise, it seemed, was perfect,
Kiddington lingered for a long time ask ing questions which he imagined to be witty, He is like that.
.
He asked what the thing was made of I told him "tin." "Why tin?" he asked. 1 informed him that tin was cheap and good "How do you mean 'good'?" he inquired." "Do you mean trustworthy?" I said "Yes," rather tersely. Kiddington wanted to know why the tin figure was dressed like a China- man. I said I supposed it was a Chinaman. Kiddington said "How do you mean, you suppose? Don't you know if it's a China man? Do you mean to say you're selling an article you don't know anything about?"
By this time quite a crowd had stopped to listen to Kiddington's questions and my replies, and people began to titter. y.
I told Kiddington with suppressed rage that I knew it was a Chinaman.
He looked interested.
An old gentleman inquired the price. 1 replied, modestly, "What would you say to two-and-eleven?". "If I said it, I should be arrested," he answered, and retired.
Shortly after this, two striking-looking girls stopped and said "How much?"
plied.
"I'll take half-a-crown from you," I re-
"Not if we know it!" they exclaimed simultaneously, and with a heartless laugh they went on their way.
Kiddington was obviously taken aback. "I haven't any change," he stammered. "Only a pound note."
It was then I had my inspiration. "Hand over the note, I can give you change," I said.
SO,
With a very bad grace Kiddington did
Slowly and carefully I counted out five half-crowns, four shillings, and six six-
pences.
"Your change.” an
Kiddington snatched the money angrily and walked away without a word.
Concealing my delight, I made a rapid. calculation three more toys sold at their original price would do the trick.
..
Then I
I sold one almost immediately. caught sight of Billy Baker.
Billy's office was in Fleet Street. I had taken up my stand deliberately where Billy would be, likely to see me. But I had not told him that this was the locality or the day I should choose.
Had Billy recognised me? No. It was the toy that attracted him. These tired business, men are curiously childish,
Billy, deciding to buy a toy, proffered me
a ten-shilling note. Then Satan prompted
I was beginning to feel depressed when a blue-eyed young man sauntered up. As he stood watching the toy with an engaging and me.... innocent air, he began to whistle softly. I ** 'Alf a mo', 'Guv'nor, while I go an' git recognised the refrain of an old-fashioned.chinge!" long-forgotten song. Half-way through, he I slung the tray round Billy's neck and' faltered in his whistling and broke down. I scuttled off. finished the tune for him. He leant forward as if to examine the goods, on my tray, whispered "Hind Court in ten minutes," and walked on.
What adventure was this? My curiosity
Close by, in a quiet alley, I tore off my beard and whiskers, rapidly removed as much grime from my person as I could, and ap proached the nearest policeman.. (Continued o
on Page 8.)