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SATURDAY, APRIL 28, 1928.
MAUDLIN MAUNDERINGS.
"TOASTS AND HOW TO PROPOSE THEM."
[By Philippa Glass,}
ting their recommendation to the Government. Their manner in making the decision known may not have been the best from the point of view of businessmen; but as it is evident that the Govern-1 ment are confident that they have adopted the right course, it will
Those local speculators and be well to accept the situation investors who dabbled in sugar gracefully, and await optimistic-and whose shares are rapidly dis- ally for the improvement in the solving regard sugar as anything but sweet these days; and in that industry which the Government line the "bulls" have ceased to so confidently predict.
DOROTHY BREWER, (MRS. INSTONE BREWER.) Hong Kong, April 27.
on $
"bear." In the sugary palaces
So that I may get to sleep: Where the Bari stops his
Toning,
And the Battle fails to Dore, Where the Gramo cences
Phoning,
And the Cocka Toos no more."
of high finance lamentations fill the air and the Jeremiads declare After a great deal of cozening that the sugar hath lost its and persuading, my rustic pal. CORRESPONDENCE. savour. But in spite of these Jyan Knox induced me to go with weeping Willics Hong Kong will him to the Punsters' Club. I was still go on and increase, for it at a loss to understand his in-
alone.istence for he knows that above. MR. HAYNES AND MR. BREWER. does not live by sugar
Man. of course, was ever all things I abominate puns au (To the Editor of the "Chlon Mail.") grouser even in the best of times, pünsters. Even all Ivan's Bat-. whenever that was, and so the tery and beseeching would have Sir, In view of the publicity Portuguese epigramufacturer ex-been futile had I not got to which the newspapers have accord-claims: "Every crowd has a Silva know, surreptitiously, that that ed to the Summary Court action whining." And in Hong Kong most despicable specimen of brought by Air, Haynes against Mr. things might be a great deal humanity, Abe Root, had bet Ivan Instone Brewer, I should be glad if worse. As, Milton remarked in $10 that he (Ivan) could not you would accord equal pubifcity to "Don Juan": "What we lose on inveigle me through the portals the of the Punters' Club edifice. the fact that Mr. Haynes has un- the sugar we make on conditionally withdrawn this ac- cheese." Never were words by Root declares that my aversion tion.
noet or prophet more true, for to pens and punning is all a mat- 4 an addressing you myself in the Government Palaeontologist,ter of sour grapes because I have this connection, since Mr. Instone Peter E. Fyed, while examining not the ability to make or appre- Brewer is at present in Shekki the Carboniferous Strata near ciate a subtle pun. He avers that (Heungshan) and thereby unable to Shekko suddenly came across an it causes me the most excruciat- attend to the matter personally. exceedingly rich vein of cheese. ing mental torlure to conceive a
Yours, ete...
At great personal risk, for he was nun, and that when, after much all but gassed by the pungent travail, it sees the light it has fumes, the intrepid Reter procur-whiskers ancient as the hills. Ac- ed a number of specimens which cordingly, just for the pleasure of twenty analysts are unanimous in annoying that creeping crawling labelling high-graile cheese.degenerate, I decided to become Specimens examined, so far, give a martyr for one evening and 18 carat Cheddar, 24 carat Gouda, went to the Club with the aston- EXONERATED.
grade-one Stilton, an extremely ished and delighted Ivan. But a potent Limburger, a superior hitch occurred at the very deor, within an ace of (Continued from Page 1.) Gruyere, 1,000-horse-power and Ivan was
11 Gorgonzola, and several newlosing his bet. He had forgotten Keng to Canten westerly varieties of even higher potential that a visitor in addition to being course at a speed of about 3 The vein, which is, in geological brought along by a club-member knots and had just cleared the language, an intrusive sill, starts must let loose a pun new to the Northern entrance to the Kap Sing near the Gulf Course, dips N.W. sour faced Tyler. This was a Had Ivan re- in a syncline, and, unless if.fizzles dilemma indeed. East, we not only virtually lost Mun pasa. jour Hankow Concession and the Both the latter vessels are Amer-cut or meets with a fault, ought membered this rule we could easi- fruit of years of hard work in ican owned, licensed in Hong Kong to crop out about the Polo Ground, ly have had a pun ready, for Ivan Judging by the experience of our is facile princeps in that question- and in charge of Chinese.
were in able art just as I am happily at many directions in Hankow and
was not When in the vicinity of Brothers nasal organs when we elsewhere in the province of Point, shortly after midnight, and that neighbourhood at low tide the other extreme. I
Northern ahore the we should say that Mr. Fyed is fueling very sorry, for I did not look forward to a happy evening Hupch, but we did so by "climb-close to the
just about right. "Vermont" and the "Taming" came ing down" in a way that seemed into collision, resulting in material
A company is to be floated, and, if I did manage to enter the un-
But my as soon as the necessary gas hallowed regions. to most onlookers, much more damage to the "Taming." ignominous than politic as The Court is of the opinion that masks and respirators arrive, lucky star must have been in the work will begin in earnest. Al- ascendant that evening, and I, leaders in London doubtless in the circumstances did not justify ready attempts have been made who always pun with difficulty, a deviation from the express on- to excavate but the workmen performed the well-nigh impossi- tended it to be. We had at the actment as to keeping on the star were overcome by the noxious cx-ble feat of doing so on the spur of time a very difficult task to ac-board side of the channel and finds halations in a few minutes. Even the moment. Just then, as luck complish, and we were then not that:-
the sampan men from Cause- would have it, I happened to ob- would serve
Parsee a
gentleman. quite so sure as' we now are that 1. The non-observance by the way Bay, whom Mr. Eugene Chen had gone so
Master of the "Taming" of imagine inured to any gaseous Pointing him out to the sullen Article 25 of the Collision Re- concoction less dangerous than Cerberus I said: Ha, my smiling whole-heartedly over to Commun-
xulations, contributed to the neat Chlorine, had to quit after Janitor, beholdest thou yonder. twenty minutes' heroic bathing. disciple of Zoroaster? Prithee, Had we been aware that
collision. such was the case we should have'
But things are to be done in no tell to me why his wealth is akin haphazard fashion, and the great-to niggardliness." Cerberus look- been much more reluctant than
est ghority on cheese-mining, ed unhappy and shook his shaggy token of surrender. we were to enter into any sort of
Odo Rovmuk, is on his way from bead in
thou blockhead."* I Lemberg to train the workers "Why, negotiations with him. We mis-
"Vermont"
disobeyed here. 3. The
Besides the huge income chuckled, because it is Parsi- took his hatred of the ordinary
Article of the Collision Re-which will assuredly come from mony." "Get in," was all I got. conception of civilisation for the gulations relating to side the sale and export of cheese My box me put me in better
lights.
there should be as much, if not humour and raised me in the arrogance that so often accom-
4. The Coxswain of. the more, as is derived from the by-estimation of Ivan who said that panies the actions of fledglings in
"Katonah" made an incorrect products of which the most im-another dozen such efforts would Hong Kong, Saturday, April 28, 1928. high positions, thrust upon them
signal in giving one long blast portant will be disinfectant and qualify me for membership. But- These will be it was not to be. Try as I might largely by chance rather than by contrary to Article 15 of the poisonous gases.
Collision Regulations.
compressed into cylinders. It is I could not perpetrate any more, creatures ability-the poor
5. A proper lookout was not kept confidently expected that a large and a feeling of fatimism succeed "dressed in a little brief author-
in "Katonah."
number of stink-bombs will be ex- that of brief clation.
What I femember best of the Perhaps the most surprising ity." It is, however, still a very
The Court records its opinion ported for use at student jevent of the week in China has debateable point whether we that vessels of the tonnage of the and election meetings, especially Club premises are a large oil- been the advice given by the Bri- should have fared better had we "Katonah" and "Vermont" should in China where the adolescents painting of "Tom Hood, Prince of tish Consul at. Chefoo to his na- 'adopted an aggressive policy, not be allowed to proceed to for are so desirous of emulating the Punsters," and the library. When eign ports in charge of persons methods of the West. Meanwhile I am ushered into a fresh library tionals advising them to remove which would certainly have been whose evidence, showed them to be as Geneva watches, Ice House-I am the most inquisitive, ill-
street is all agog.
mannered boor in Hong Kong (and that means a lot), and so to Wei-hai-wei.. It was doubtless strongly resented by practically ineufficiently qualified
almost as soon as I saw the Pun- given only after the most serious the whole of at least South and positions.
Once those stink-bombs and sters' Library I was gazing at the consideration, for though it, Central China flushed as they cumstances attending this casualty poison gases are on sale. one of titles. But none of my favourites affects a comparatively small were at the time by their re-do not call for any action with re-my bachelor friends intends using were there. They were all books number of people yet there are markably speedy advance to the card to the certificates of the them on his neighbours. His is a of a technical nature pertaining
Time was when the
to the poorest form of wit. First sufficient permanent British re- Yangtsze. What Mr. O'Malley Master or Ocers of the "Taming." sad case.
street where he has stayed for of all I observed three large well the last fifteen years was quiet: thumbed volumes entitled "The sidents in Chefoo to cause such a 'did in the negotiations was in the senior
now it is an agonising medley of History of Punning." Next were one of the sudden exodus to be a very seri- capacity of
sounds cacophonous, saxophon- four tomes. even more finger-
His ous matter to them individually. Secretaries of our Peking Lega-
ous, and gramophonous. One would have.thought that the tion, and he certainly pleased his
The weekly edition, of tho "Chine Mai." Annat subscription, H.K. $13 Inching postage $15. payable in advance.)
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SATURDAY CAUSERIE,
-
isma.
our
2. The Tug "Katonah" disobey. ed Article 8 of the Collision regulations relating lights.
4
to side
for Buch
The Court decides that the cir
SOLDIER ARRESTED.
Private Stuart
Lamb,
•
one
rags
(Continued on Page 7.)
un-
2nd neighbours are exceedingly proli worn called "The Art of Pun- "Great Punsters and their landing of a body of British Foreign Office superiors even K.O.S.B. was arrested on a charge/fic and their offspring favour the wing. Others in that case were Methods":" "Forbidden Puns": marines would have sufficed to though he grievously disappointed of assaulting the driver of a public part beneath his windows as their protect our nationals and their most of his fellow-countrymen, car last night and refusing to pay pitch, so that he hears the noise "Rabelaisian Puns": "A Thou- of their footballs, battledores, sand and One Historic Puns": whistles, drums, etc., all day. The "Chestnuts"; etc. These being property in such a small place as His connection with the "Francs his fare.
maiden ladys next door keeps books of reference were not to Chefoo but, as stated, His Bri- Scandal" was evidently of the Mrs. C. Y. Wang, residing tannic Majesty's Consul doubtless slightest, even though he was at University Path, reports to the P parrot which shrieks from sun be taken away, In the lending
rise till sunset, and cats which took the question fully into con- stated to have been the actual in- Police, that at about 2.45 p.m. yes- make the darkness hideous with department I saw "Peeping Tom,"
terday, she was walking along their feline rendering of “Nighta sideration before advising the stigator of the "flutter."
Calne-road when a Chinaman came of Love and Nights of Gladness." departure that is now about to
up from behind and wrenched her The daughters of the family up- take place. Luckily, Wei-hai-wei The House of Commons debate handbag from her and made away stairs are learning how to play is only some forty miles away, so on the Government's policy with with it. The value of the loss is on the plano, the fellow opposite that it should be comparatively regard to the rubber industry and estimated to be about $12.00 in imagines himself a Caruso, but simple for those British subjects particularly as to the withdrawal money and jewellery. affected to settle down quickly of the restriction scheme initiat- and return ensily to their old ed by the late Lord Stevenson is quarters, which it is to be hoped, of course especially interesting to will escape the ravages of war. us in this part of the world where speculation in Malaya rubber
*
MR. I. CLITHEROW,
of
Clitherow, Mr. Richard Messrs. A. S. Watson and Co., Ltd., Mr. O. St. Clair O'Malley's re- shares is still very active. Judg- has been admitted to tho. Register turn to the Foreign Office will ing from what Reuter telegraph of Chemists and Druggias. probably have aroused mixed feel- ed to us of the debate it is clear ings in the minds of his country-that the Government did not act men in this part of the world, in any way precipitately so far as most of whom have a very vivid determining to withdraw restric recollection of the part he played tion on exported rubber.
KING'S BIRTHDAY.
The Gazetto"; announces
is not, another is a saxophone maniac, and every house round. about has a gramophone. He is in despair. He even sank to writing verse about it. He show. ed me two of his rhymed Philip- pics. The first was in the style
DO YOU KNOW?
To-day's List of
Little Posers.
From day to day in the "China
of Byron and so sulphurous that only the first line could be printed.
nyth: There was a sound of Mail" appear half a dozen questions devilry by night.". The second, of a general nature, for which after Kipling, was just as blas acknowledgment is due to the nhemous with the exception of "Daily Sketch," Answers will ba the last stanza which. though found on page 9 of this issue, more decent, was far below the that rent in every other quality. This
On the King's Birthday will be kept on is it
in the remarkable arrangement the contrary, they acted very Monday, June 4 next. known as the O'Malley-Chen deliberately in placing the matter Agreement by the uthandizgest in the hands of a Research Com-
of practically every Briton Inter-mittee, who evidently made ex-man, Newall Vincent has arrived ested in our prestige in the Far haustive inquiry before submit-here-Beuter.
"Ship me somewhere out of
sewage From this human garbage:
•heap
From the noises of the ne
*age,
1. How far we are from the sun? 2. Which is the wettest dis- trict of Europe?
3. When the British first entered South Afrlen?
4. Where the highest railway in the world is?
6. Who founded the Y.M.CA"?