1947-11-12 — Page 2

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JEANNE CHAIN CORNEL WILDE LINDA DARRELL WILLIAM EYTHE WALTER BRENNAN CONSTANCE BENNETT - DOROTHY GISHT. Produced and Directed by

UTTO PREMINGER

Commencing To-Morrow: "RAZOR'S EDGE"

THE HONGKONG TELEGRAPH, WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 12, 1947.

Every Wednesday in the Telegraph:

P

Sitting

ERITATS "the biggest fool-

in the world today is a man called Gubbins.

Unlike most fools, who think they're pretty smart. Gubbins always knew he was a fool be- cause, right from his earliest years, everybody but his mother not only thought he was a fool. but told him so.

At school it was always "Wake up, Gubbins. Don't be a fool, Gibbins."

As a 16-year-old office boy it was "Don't ask that dreamy fool Gubbins to do anything. The boy's an idiot."

In the Army it was "Take the.

name of that idle fool in the "Yes, rur rank, sergeant." sir. Private Gubbins,, sir.”

Ever since, smart men have rib- bed their hands at the approach y

to themselves, Gubbins and add "Here comes a fool."

nuss.

Although hurt and Indignant on such occasions, Gubbins does not complain about being called a fook He knows all these people were right. He knows, if Diey still think the same, they are still right, Smarter sell fellows have done The pretty weil for themselves.

one

who used to kick Gubbins's shins and was clever at arithme- tie became a successful greengraver. selling short weight potatoes,

City

The one who used to steal Gub- hing's pencils did pretty well in the knew Smarter ice boys who where to find everything and used to charge Gubbins 3d. for tooking at their ald "Magnets" (the publien be 2d., anyway), tion only rast came what is known as "general dealers or early spiest and smarter soldiers held down responsible job As commissionaires outside cinemans. What was the foot Gulshins doing all this time"

Every day and in every way the foot Gubbins was becoming a big- ger and bigger flop, even in his own professioni.

the

reporter he becanic As a Greatest Dop Fleet-Street has ever seen. He never got his facts right, never had enough interest in other people's business to ask themin - pertinent questions, was never que certain what he was doing or why

it. be was doing

As a panic-stricken sub-editar, time, he would against working

again rend copy over and over with having the slightest what it was all about.

on the

Fence

by NATHANIEL GUBBINS

But, being a fool in more ways front had taken a bashing, and it thur one, he slaved away at his was easy to assume that this was foolery, trying this method and that, part of it."

secret of being when the without effort was no obvicus,

+ fel

On many occasions he has point- ed out that the surest way to make the English laugh is to crack a juke about a sausage. Even to menthu the word, without a joke attached. Is enough to send the English into hysterics,

The latest exemple of this old national characteristic was noted in the Ilus of Commons recently. To quote:-

bread

The difference between a fool and a sensible person in this case would be that the sensible person would before he bought, out first And whereas the fool Gubbins did not.

Therefore, It was consistent with

of the low. -te-known foolishness

Gubbins to enposé à nouse In a dis- -trict crawling with children who must have walked strainig out of a Glles cartoon,

U

Up till now Gubbins has always thought the Giles children were pardonable exaggeration. Although they delight im more than anything In British Journalism today. never thought such revolting little beasis could possibly exist.

he

Now he knows that they not only and scream and xh. Wat shout Burse and blaspheme and bang the lids of dustbins for hours on end Just for the hell of it.

If anything, they are more lik cous than the Giles children. Their cars are set lower in their flat heads; their legs are more spindly: thele 12tle knickers tang just a le fur- damage ther below their knees; their mouths The argument about war went on for about six months, with are wider and in their evil grins you the fool Gubbins' losing every round can serve the inherited evil of all

If those are the future soldiers of hein our next leaveh England,

enemy.

Path to glory

POCKET. CARTOON

SALE 1TODAY

POTELE MINOR

BY THE

WAY

by Beachcomber

CHARLIE SUETS scheme for teaching hens to, lay bricks, by feeding them on brick lust, has failed.

on points. He was knocked out in the ages. the last round with the information

The report of the committee which that most of the damage he thought was war damage was collapse due to

has been examining all the evidence Conservative old age.

for 11 months is out. Among the Mr J, S. C. Beld.

Glasgow: Millicad

a building for member

Andings is this: "It has been 5- The

argument about

went on for another six The use of calories (as a method of

rertabted that most of the liens led Gubbins had to prove that

all. DEGARDING the Salvation Army, mcessing food values) leads to some ecce

Weight for months, results. astonishing

which plays and marches round on brick dust laid nothing at there are more calories in he was either homeless or about to weight.

Nest every Sunday after. When other feeding-stuft of a more cost

building the Sea of The them in stewing strak, and be homeless (which he did), and all

time

Would like to say conventional nature was added only there are twice as many in sausages this

material and labour went up and up. noon. Gulbins

In the case of the that he has nothing whatever against eggs were laid. in chickens, (Laughter.)

From ex. Gabbins thought he

the organisation as such, fox! The You see? It was

the Town, Servier men he has heard nothing Derbyshire hens who laid be- tween them eight eggs of a brick- "sausage" alone that sent the House was pretty smart about

it was Being Schome.

but praise of their good works.

like shape and consistency, working. So far

can Planning 2 Gubbins Fee, there was no joke attached to thing of a bar fly, he had

made careful it and about il.

The Inquiries revealed ubrics, that the Gubbins house won not in so the purchase was the scheme, completed. How the fool Gubbins laughed at the fools who were buy ing houses that were in the scheme,

the

word

Yet for a considerable time the been trying to fool Cubbing has think up better tags, when all he had to do for a laugh was to write "Sausage, sausage, sausage, sausage. atisage" over and over again, year in and year dut, column without end.

THIS

Sea Nest

fool Gubbins recently house by the sea. acquired a Be had always wanted a house by the sea--a house almust on n beach

some- heard

The Town Council.did not strike at once. They walled till the G- bins house was almost rebuilt. Then they thought up a nw scheme, and included the Gubbins house in H.

The Children AS nobody really believes in the

Planing Scheme ("It

VONT #fetime" never happen people say to Gabbins on mornings when he's not looking very well) maybe it's not important.

full of bats and a lot of boatmen in blue jerseys, sitting on boxes and Town setting pipes with nothing in them. So, one week-end nearly two years age, he found such a place. There was the house, there was the beach, mud there were the boatmen sitting im boxes, sucking empty pipes and staring at people.

It seemed as if Providence, who is supposed to look after fools; had rent iden him there on purpose.

to

But two things that are important of the mata the peace of mind Gubbins are the local children and the Salvation Army.

Unike the majority of fools, who fool Gubbins loves love noise, the quiet. In fact, he is so passionate bout it that the persistent barkh the fool To fool the house looked as if

dusule produces In of on dear le By the sheerest luck

It had suffered war damage.

madness in him which Gubbins eventually find the on-

like that to quite temporary vions thing for a fool to do--to be tact, it looked

sensible people.

The rest of the will one day end in dog slaughter. n fool.

Better

with

their

make-up off!

houses. the

lines of

the

miraculous but controlled detail, and

But he would like to say that he found that they were too small to be has always regarded Sunday after-used as bricks in anything but now as a time for sleep. He thinks

were

un!!

2

for

he has as much right to sleep as the doll's house, and

these eight hens is still laying useless Salvation Army has to bang drums human consumption. The oldest of

PEES." and sing out of tune,

Moreover, as he regards the tolera ton of all opinions and

all rell- ions as the first essential to a civi-

"There the matles rests at present," lised existence, he would not dare commented a well-known chick to argue with the Salvation Army In passing about its me.hods of salvation.

DEADING the summer number of The only observation he would

A Wales," which is celebrating its like to make about this is that the Salvation Army way to heaven is tenth anniversary, 1 see that Mat- ago, 80 years And certainly thew Arnold wrote,

words that are as true today as they net everybody's way. now the Gubbing way,

to Wales Indeed, if the Salvation Army were then, 1le referred heaven 18 full of earnest, red as a country "where the past will

has place men blowing their lives, where every faced young

[ to glory way

tir trumpets, tradition, every name its poetry, and Gubbins would rather

Menulne the the fool

people, the [where go somewhere else where there is

people, know this past, this tradi

it. probably some good music,

tion, this poetry, and live with and cling to R.”

Ils

The fact that there is an Eistedd-

fun of proves fod for me to make

So, if the S.A. thinks it is saving the Gubbins soul by waking him up every Sunday afternoon it is making! a grave mistake..

When roused from a health-giving all this.

remind sleep ly tunes which only

he him of rude marching songs learned years _ngo, Gubbins is is no nod to be saved from any- thing unless A's homicide,

'Tibetan Moonflower'

(XXI.)

Daully FIE plane, plluted by

ilimalayan, was slightly west 04, Jon. of Cape Shogarola (lat. As if all this were not enough, 320), 934 miles from Tibet, when it looks as if the poor fool Gubbins Colonel Exhem and Mr D. J. Mince will also have to endure a fair.

"Drop

This fair will be held right out-struggled out of their drunken sleep. side the Sen Nest, with apparently took a drop too much of that no better ohject than to annoy brandy stuff," said Egham. Gubbins and some other silly people is a mild word," said Nimce ruefully. who thought they had come to-live | »And do think that the called-me in a quiet place.

Dunean!" "If it comes to that." said According to reports of horrified Egham, she's been calling the E residenta,

Where there will be swings, for years.

has it got me

Mince, Toptied coconut shies, steam "Well, anyhow." roundaboutts, organs and half the population of we've pulled off our deal. The lust London all over the rond.

thing I remember is the signatures," Gubbins warns the coun-That's true," said Eghan, "though that as the fair is being held on I'm rather vague about clauses and public road without the

conrent things. I don't seem to remember of the majority of residents and much discussion about the delivery against the wishes of most of the of the nuji beans. Let's take a look Colonel this in a move towards Int

document." The Lion, and that one day they will it, and drew out an official-looking find a swastika flying from the Town sheet of paper. Then he turned pale Hall-hoisted there,, of course, by and uttered a low mean. "Look at the fool Gulbins.

this!" he groaned.

the

The

cil

announced that desired effect-desired, that is, by the Fit were

new master by the Victorian collector, not trees are all rendered in the most two dozen

most ceie by the artists themselves-had one has the illusion that it would re picces by the

step across quite possible to brated and

ex in most cases been achieved. therefore

frame into this desirable country- Masters had pensive-Old just been acquired for the

how Lion a mot unjustified would go up on all sides.

Is this the moment, it would some of the more notoriously dirty ber fog and for a moment one has the

pictures, and by so doing has re- vealed a whole bunch of brand-new lery wearing rather thick sunglasses. masterpieces.

of

EQ

Now at last the Director of the side.

Gallery has beer National

In the other a very similar lands- courageouts as u remove the yellow

from cape is just visible through a Noven- accumulation of

centuries

be asked, to go throwing away the public funds on works arl? And it would not be too

Why, it may be asked, should so easy to find an answer.

Nevertheless, on view at the sensible an action be thought parti- cularly courageous? The answer is National Gallery, in the Clean obvious to anyone who remembers which started as Pictures Exhibition, are more the controversy than 50 pictures, many of which soon as it became known that clean no one now living (save the ing had begun. staff) has ever seen before, The cost to the public has been nil.

A

Priceless treasures, one gathered, had been irretrievably wrecked,

view on

the

the

idea that one has come into the gal-town in local administra- pulled out his despatch case, opened

Beliefs upset

XHAT, the public will wonder, Water seeing the exhibition, possibly be the explanation of this opposition which greeted the notion of cleaning the extraordinary

pictures.

explanations. There are several Very sensibly the Director of the First, for those brought up in the National Gallery ignored these out- old belief that all Old Musters are the dark, it is impossible to accept the pourings and decided to let Overall haze

Ac- complete reversal of litis ancient be- public form its own opinion. cordingly, he has placed on exhibi- lief overnight. CENTURY ago it was firmly tion all the pictures cleaned in the For those who are also themselves com-inters there is an additional source believed by the intelli- last ten years (together with a few

uncleaned

way of ones by

annoyance in discovering that the gentsia that no genuine Old

Also parison). Master was really first class complicated scientifle apparatus used Old Masters cult, if they wished, reint in bright colours-a monopoly unless covered with an overall by modern cleaners.

which the public had langt believed Faced with the result, it is hard golden-brown baze.

Jury artists. Usually this requirement, was for the layman to understand what Wes enly enjoyed by twentieth cen- fuss has been about.

Second, for anyone in the know, already fulfilled; for, in order to one wall hang two celebrated paint the groupings of the various partic protect their canvases from dirt tngs by Koninck, both of the Dat in the dispute made it perfectly plain that the fury generated was in soine and damp, all painters in oils sea girt Dutch countryside.

In one a large tract of agricul- measure a reflection of the continu- had long been accustomed

on com- tural land lies beneath a bright blue ous gang warfare prevailing in the varnish. their works pletion. As almost all varnishes across which pass fleecy clouds world of culture.

throwing patches of shadow on the

Osbert Lancaster tend to go yellow in time, the helds and shore below. The posset-

to

all the

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