1947-07-02 — Page 2

SHOWING

TO-DAY

HEW-

"Lossia" thrills to Drip your heart afl OTET

ugaial

KINGS

AIR-CONDITIONED **

THE HONGKONG TELEGRAPH, WEDNESDAY, JULY 2, 1947.

At 2.30, 5.10. Every Wednesday in the Telegraph:

7.15 & 9.15.p.m.

GREAT SEQUEL TO

"LASSIE COME HOME"!

SON OF LASSIE

Starring

Peter LAWFORD - Donald CRISP

JUNE LOCKHART

AN

M-G-M

PICTURE

NIGEL BRUCEE

IN EXCITING

TECHNICOLOR

amity SEVERH - Leon ÀMES - Donald CURTIS - Nües ASTHER • Robert LEWIS

LASSIE and LADDIE

'ADDED: LATEST METRO-NEWS!

NEXT

CHANGE

M-G-M brings you 1,000 Romantic Thrills!

•

GINGER ROGERS LANA TURNER WALTER PIDGEON VAN JOHNSON "WEEK-END AT THE WALDORF"

TO-DAY &

At 2.30, 5.20,

TO-MORROW ALHAMBRA THEATRE 7.20 9.20 p.m.

DONLEVY Be's Rough!

LAKE She's Dynamite!

ALLS

LADD

Heir Tought

DASHI

GLASS KEY

William Bendix

Bonita

Granville - Richard Denning

Jesagle Exlídka + Deichel by Chart Butter

They'll do anything

for a thell

NEXT CHANGE! “THE DARK MIRROR”.

ORIENTAL

SHOWING TO-DAY: 2.305.20-7.20-9.20 P.M. It's Got RHYTHM! It' Got ROMANCE! - It's Got REVELRY! Scintillating Sonja! Never gayer...... nover grandor, never surrounded by so much song and romance!

·Happy

SONGS! Happy SONJA! Happy

HILARITY!

20%

SONJA HENIE

Wintertime

JACK OAKIE CESAR ROMERO CAROLE LANDIS:

CENTRAL

T-BATRE

SHOWING TO-DAY

AT 12,30, 2,30, 5.15, 7.15 & 9.15 P.M.

FINAL EPISODE

New AMAZING ADVENTURES

with A THOUSAND NEW AIR-THRILLS!

ALL-NEW

THRI

CHAPTI

The gangs take to wings ...to blast the Axis splas

· from America's skies!

DEAD END KIDS

LITTLE TOUGH GUYS

JUNIOR G-MEN OF THE AIR

Billy HALOP Gene REYNOLDS

Lionel AFWILL Frank ALBERTSON

Fathia CARRO Richard LAME

TRA MORNING SHOW AT 12.30 P.M.

Sitting on Fence

YOU want to feel a bit

more miserable? Then

, read on.

Here is Qld Moore Gubbins, the world-famous astrologer, in # mean, after-he-Budget mood.

of chain- years Aflor many smoking, de consites do can't afford it any more. He might have seriped along if the standard rate of income tax had been reduced.

tax, that income

by NATHANIEL GUBBINS

But there are not enough roads, even brooms, to go round. So

the

did, Trains are almost useless to people who liave no Incentive to.] travel.

But there are'n few goods trains, though nobody wants to drive them.

There any of fow minera, producing coal by new methods; but mining. even when it becomes enny, is so unpopular compared with the care- free, open-air occupation of road- sweeping, that miners have to be kept in the mines by force.

No luxuries

disappeared.

But he feels except in the lowest income groups, applying for a job of rond-sweeping,

They are all gone. Nobody can will never be reduced now. A which is now the most popular afford to patronise them at Chancellor of the Exchequer is a

week, even if anybody could afford you occupation in the country. men who squeezes you l

ALL luxuries have aqueni.

to run them.

Cigarettes, for instance, went There are not even any Govern-' out of fashion after the 1947 Budget. As the English hardly ever squeal, or they will be squeezed dry. They they must wait their turn, sending ment restaurants, because overy Even when the Chancellor of the will end up a nation of half-dead out demand notices to the few tools. body gets exactly the same rations Exchequer reduced the price, hoping mediocritics because there will be no encouragement to be anything else. But the Chancellor of the Exchequer will be a success. What else mattcra?

these

So, cigarette starved and savage, Old Moore Gubbins offers terrible prophecies. To make them worse, he would like to remind you that he is more often right than wrong.

Ko.

.

Hold tight, everybody. Here we

Looking some years ahead. Old see millions of Moure Gubbins can men with brooms in their hands sweeping thousands of miles of road.

This is because incomes have been reduced to a common level by taxation. Therefore most sensible wont to do a little az people possible, with the least possible the national effort, for mental minimum wage of £3 a week.

Anything earned over £3 a week goes straight to the Chancellor of the Exchequer, so there is no point in earning it unless you are a natural busybody and fussybroeches, bossing people around for the sheer love of bossing people around.

All the chief busy bodies and fussybreeches are heads of Govern ment departments or civil servants of some kind, though some of the more thoughtful ones are beginning to wonder It wouldn't be nicer to be one of the road-sweepers, with no appearances to keep up and a mind

free of worry.

who are still earning £3 a week.

at exactly the same price. There to collect more revenue to balance are no extra railons for restaurants his Budget once agat, nobody because we cannot buy any food would buy them. They had 'from ́abroad, road-sweeping belag the taste:

so unproductive.

The

lost

out Drinking went

of fashion But the old bookshops are sul when the restaurants,

clubs and there. And so are the old books. pubs closed because nobody could No new books have been written afford to run them. Besides, why labour of should a brewer brew beer for £3 for many years. writing books is too great for the a week? small toward, enthusiastic amateurs have tried to write come for the sheer joy of wasting their time.

It

ini

DITORS PRETO SERVICE, INC.

13

"You're looking more like your father every' day!"

BY THE

WAY

by Beachcomber

MRS WRETCH has a fine

idea. She wants to raiso the school-leaving age to 30.

Her critics retórt. "What_about the crisis in man-power?" "Exact- So, for the population generally, y says she. "If the millions of prison. No workers have the status of school- ix like being

boys, they will be subject to school the same discipline. That smoking. no drinking,

means that

the diet, the same job, the same road-schoolmasters, who will be civil ser no theatres, no rants, will have power to direct the sweeper's uniform,

ment thinks fit in tin' the nation cinemas, no cadio and nothing to our of their pupils as the Govern- would become one vast happy, hard- talk about.

No entertainment

Chancellor of the VEN the

Exchequer is looking a bit wor- ried. He has almost taxed himself out of existence. He can't add any- and, na thing more to income tax there are no luxuries, he can't tax those. He is becoming redundant.

He remembers the good old days

theatres were

and when there cinemas bringing in a revenue of nobody entertainment tax. But writes or produces plays or films any more. And nobody would

Besides, there is hardly anything dream of acting in them for £3 a

to write about but rond-sweeping rather week. They would

sweep and road-sweepers--pour

material

or any-

but a working school." for, the romantic novelist the roads.

Oh, and no newspapers, Government sheet, produced with Not in the script The only people who would act body else. **

great effort by a bewildered little

that "Nino Tarakanova I READ In a play. If they could find a good

There are very few policemen; busybody whs "always wanted

will bring the Anal curtain write one for £3 author to

ก and the few look sullen and write."

down with a spirited folk-dance." week, would be amateurs. But as

envious. After all, why be

would Only a fool

produce a Let her take care to be well clear entertain

It amateurs

themselves policeman, with a chance of being newspaper or write for one at 23 of the curtain when they raise their audiences,

newspaper again. I shall never forget few shot up by a murderer, when you a week; and whatever

clutching the more than

can be happy road-sweeper for men may be, they are certainly not Sonia Tumbelova, people would want to see them.

fools. So they are road-sweepers.

gasping for at the end of her leap-frog As for the radio, nobody listens the same money?

dance in "Le baiser du concierge," to it now. They can't even „And

was whisked up with it and

took anybody to read the news for £3.

when they

her call in mid-air kicking her legs a week-that is, not

and roaring at the stage manager can get the same wages for sweep-

Uke a stevedore. Her mother, ing the roads.

widow, was

Radio comedians have offered

few t

old jokes the Government for the money, but as nobody will buy a radio set, or even a llence, their generous offer is refused,

There

ane Very Low

buses, too.

a

partly because bus-driving is hard work compared with broom pushing and partly because there is nowhere for anybody to go except home.

And the majority of the popula- tion, the road-sweepers, live within walking distance of their homes,

E

to

No column

commotion among the mossed LD MOORE GUBBINS can see a road-sweepers.

One of them, n vigorous old man who seems to be enjoying his work,

lowered curtain breath

and

how

to

is approached by a little busybody be made to look a foot?" "My dear in a pin-striped sult.

The little busybody is pleading with the old man, who shouts insuits at him and, threatens to sweep him Into the gutter with his broom. course.Who is the old

road-sweeper?

round early the next day. "Do you think," said she, "I let my daughter go into ballet madum, they all look fools." "Yes, but I mean-hanging on to a car- talu and kicking out like that." "If it isn't that It's being thrown against the scenery or swung round like a sack of meal," sold the

In the Inland Revenue department, where there is hardly anything to Looking along the roads full of do because 00

getting percent. of the road-sweepers

in Taeh

There are no taxis, of population refuse to earn more than other's way, Old Moore, Gubbins £3 a week, thousands of inspectors searches for the hotels, restaurants Nobody wants to go anywhere and why, it is Old Moore Gubbins him- The outcome and collectors of income tax Arc and clubs he knew.

nobody could afford a tax if they, self.. And who is the little busy-THE widow was about to go when

PAUL HOLT

MR

Thinking Aloud

and

her

body? He is the Government sheet,

editor of the

It of the national minimum wage.

After six months trying to be funny about nothing, the amateur culummist has gone raving mad and the editor is desperate.----

Will be hell?

請

manager,

tho manager sald, somewhat inconsequently," "Shall we dance?"

an

It seems that nebody will buy the "Dance?" gasped the widow. And at that moment the secretary put met Government sheet, although the

editor has persuaded an enthusiastic on an old gramophone record, and amateur to write a funny column for a valse was heard. The mannger encircled the widow's waist and murmuring. "I thought you meant ballet, she glided into the middle of the office floor, "but really, feel such a fool dancing round like this," she said, "and in office, too." The manager's Juke- The women argued thus: If a I doubt it. I believe that comics.

warm-breath was on her ear na he soldier returns from the war and are usually stupid and greedy finds his wife unfaithful, the pro- people who lose all sense of Will Old Moore Gubbins come off replied: "I adore you." "Don't be

decency as soon vocation to violence is irresistibie restraint and

as the rond and write column 30 absurd," pouted the widow...

Gentle reader, treasured reader- and society should forgive him. they hear the first laugh. I believe again?

kin, a marriage has been arranged, R DICKSON WRIGHT, the But if a man plans to murder his that to them an audience laughing

wite

offers famous brain surgeon, chocolates.

poisoned is like a

All over the place do drug and they will then he should be anything to get more of it.

pickaxe, a native of has been talking about his purated for murder even if the wife

JSING a old man shouts, he is fine. His Crowborough dug up a pointo method

Very well, of making people does not die.

then. Why does on audience laugh? I believe it is health is better because he can't last week and noticed that it was happy. He opens up their skulls

smoke cigarettes. Ho. always ahoped exactly like a lighthouse. The women, ns you see, regarded done by the simple and disconnects the fifth of their the law as a

method of fancied road-sweeping as he never Two men in long flannel morol Instrument, breaking the pattern of living. The wanted to use his mind. And what's coals threw beetroot at each other brains, sending them away in rather than as a social safeguard. custard pie in the face, the paradox, the point in using

It when the in the Town Hall al Miffham. Each n state of cow-like contentment.

Mr Kavanagh's "Bood-Gve!" This explains, I do not

break

all Government takes all your money? claimed that the beetroot belonged This operation is reserved for why we sometimes have such con- sufferers from restless, irrational fused and Irrational verdicts from destroyers. misery, the kind of people who are need 2 have always thought press-

mixed Juries. It also confirms for ever accusing themselves inga form of questionnaire on the outrageous alns, or are convinced rights, duties and functions of citi they suffer a malignant disease.

He zenship for everybody before they Dickson Wright's scalpel, go to a polling booth or enter however, does little more than most jury box. prople nowadays contrive to do for themselves.

Mr

Dy handing over their lives to

Fishy evidence

doubt

G

tu

it. Comies are the grent

Mr Pied Piper have among us a great man. is Pied Piper in ordinary the nation. a doughty

and romantical fellow by the game of W. McAuley Gracie. He is our champion, n cunning general, wily strategist, a great slayer of

the State and their children to the GRAMOPHONE records made in rats and mice.

decp waler in the Atlantic juvenile delinquent officer they prove that fish van talk. They achieve a kind of browsing peace cackle, squeal, grunt and honk,

In which they do endless crossword Scientists noted that for half an puzzles and radio quizzes.

towards hour cach day, generally evening, they made five times their normal nolie and they concluded they were then feeding.

Women's logic?

men

THREE women and'' two Twere sitting round my are, tale, ing about murder. All agreed that capital punishment is barbarie and should be abolished at, once.

Enter any you will

hear how rightaurant and

Why do you laugh?

I

WAS

listening to

the

And what does he..call himself? Director of Infestation Controj! He devises wicked, irrésistibla schemes by which his Ane human army may sneak up on the rat hosts to annihilate them.

And what does he call them? Rodent Operators.

Having read his tastetul little radio: brochure, "Rodent. Mail," issued by But all at once it struck me, that Some fearful fellow was being the Ministry of Food, I am con- there was the oddest diyision of funny. You could hear when he vinced that however many rats his argument between the sexes. For was being funny by a funny little Jolly men may kill, he will kill or the men, the act of murder required gurgie he gave. It set me wonder- mangle, torture or abuse. тоге punishment, so that society may be ing. Do comics know why they Engilsh words before he is done. protected. For the women, the de- are funny? They know what Rodent Operators, indeed!

Why "Thoroughfare. Thoraplats?" sire to murder was all-important, makes people laugh, surely, but do not the fact secondary.-

Why not "Garbage 'Agents?"

they know why?

NANCY" Nancy's Particular

I HOPE I

[GET SOME. |AUTOGRAPHS

FOR MY [COLLECTION TODAY

OH; JUDGE -- HOW ABOUT

AND AUTOGRAPH

OH, SURE--

For the Arst time in his life, the

over-

"It were that there man Dalton to the other. what started It all with his 1047 While trying to uncork a bottle named the Budget," shouts

old fellow, with a telescope a woman sweeping the editor Into the gutter. Clough swallowed, a large fly. It went on buzzing until she thought "Let him write ee a funny column,

It was the telephone.· He were always-Iughin at nothin.”

CROSSWORD

Across

1. You can say it's wonjul. (f)

21. One way the cat lies; for a good

stretch no doubt, (7) 25. Disincliason. (D)

20% Captivates on the way in? (9)

Down

1. Worker. (B)

2. Might possibly say I'm Alan Í (6) 3. The distanco favoured by Eill.

445

4. Heappear after being hidden, (8) 5. Jan to be driven to be of use.

U. They covor more than a dozen

but long than twenty, 18)

7. 22107, (6),"

B WHE

pay. 19 dog will do for back

11. Och theo Hance1 (3)

19. Figuron that, Surgest silence. to

Inonkort. (0)

16. Jack killed

7. Decay.

one. (5)

29. Deportment in a pine. (s)

22. Button to his friends. E

6. There may be points to this 21. A kingto spot. (3)

attempt. (5)

23, THE gang in a Jackdaw... (2)

9. Make it a name. 37)

Bolgtion of pesterday's palam-Berakus

10. You may not know it but it and a down the Daily Express;

Kelpa, dlgortion. (43)

11. 8.0.8. (

12. It's a small hawk: JO

10. stk. E

18, it's not true. ((3)

10, One of the U. (6)

Ernie Bushmiller'

OH, NOT YOU===

LET.ME

•HAVE

A PEN,

PLEASE

I HEARD R

YOUR: DOG

WON A BLUE RIBBON YESTERDAY

Routes;

When You Feel Tired and Restless

Ask For

ELLIOTTS TONIC

On Sale at Alf Dirpa