1947-02-19 — Page 2

2

TO-DAY

ONLY

"A

QUEEN'S

Tyrone POWER

THE HONGKONG TELEGRAPH, WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 19, 1947.

At 2.30, 5.15,

POCKET CARTOON

7.15 & 9.15 p.m.

Betty GRABLE

YANK IN THE R.A.F."

▸

with John SUTTON Reginald CARDNER

A 20th Century-Fox Picture

„TO-MORROW

MORE THRILLING AND STARTLING THAN

JOHN

PAYNE

MAUREEN

O'HARA

WILLIAM

BENDIX

20

CLATURE POR

'LEAVE HER TO HEAVEN'!

A LOVE

THAT CROSSED ALL

BARRIERS!

Sentimental Journey

and Presenting CONNIE MARSHALL Directed by WALTER LANG Produced by WALTER MOROSCO

CENTRAL

FUNDATEEATAGU

5 SHOWS DAILY

At 12.30, 2.30, 5.15, 7.15 & 9.15 P.M. THE FINAL EPISODE

WIND!

HE MOVES LIKES, FLASHI HES ERIDES LIKE THE

CAN PUNCH

A BATTERING

BATMAN

with daring young Robin, the Boy Wonder

The mighty red-blooded Ameri can hero comes to thrilling life in new adventure serial

Arun for je Biche peland, Laska Dedlochu, Taty Trou « Fußteal is Bhah C'Elder » Nechá de Laudert (per

ALHAMBRA

TO-DAY & TO-MORROW

2.30, 5.20, 7.20 &, 9.20 P.M.

YANK HEROISM TRIES TO SAVE

PEARL HARBOR

SUBMAR BAIDER

Next Change!

"PINOCCHIO"

ORIENTAL

́SHOWING TO-DAY: 230–5.35—7.15—9.15 P.M.

'A SHOW BOAT LOAD OF LAUGHTERS!

·BUD 3:

LOW

ABBOTT COSTELLO

NAUGHTY NINETIES

ALAN CURTIS RITA 1081

BENRY TRAVERS LOIS POLLIER IDE

Next Change: “LAURA"

*Note, just tell me that

it la that's unusual about your act, Air. Kelton-

WILLIAM HICKEY

•

CRICKET MATCH

Sitting on the Fence:

OLD MOORE GUBBINS CASTS A HOROSCOPE

1947 WILL pursue His unhappy

course through 'strikes, res÷

trictions, man-power shortage, ratio.JNDER the baleful influence of social restrictions

1.

ncarcity. ນາເ? unadulterated misery for all except Sie „Stafford' Crippa, who never seems to want any- thing but a bit of bread and cheese, and Mr Hugh Dalton, who is to amus- jed nl everything, including meirie

tax.

Income tax may be reduced tanner by tanner or hob by bob, but what- ever is taken off ordinary tax will go on to surtax in the anistaken beller

that this is the best methods of sonk- ing the rich.

and malnutrition, Nathaniel Gubbins, famous humorist, offers to his unhappy readers his gloomy predictions for the next five years. Only those of strong, resolute character and independent spirit, impervious to the mass suggestion of sickly pro-

phets, should read these prophecies.

By this time the Germans will be The time lug between the collée- twice as well fed ns the British tion of dirty laundry and the deli- and will be growing arrogant again. very of clean laundry wilt increase Owing to the allignce with France first raid on laundries by arined from six weeks to seven weeks. The we shall be on the verse of war be- businessmen wearing dirty shiria will cause an Albanian hus hit a French- take place.

While rich men esenpe by gamblingman in a cafe. on the Stock Exchange the real au- ferers will be enterprising and talented people who create and maintain employment.

The chief sufferers will be those who provide the only relief to the

The Forces will be mobilised, the

for

1951 WILL &ce Britain an armed

camp agala.

The constant threat of war be- cause a Frenchman, hina tripped up n Russian in the dark or slapped an Italian's face or kicked an Albanian in the pants will call for permanent mobilisation.

This will not only mean the end of the export drive but the end of the middle classes, who will go on strike ut lect.

With income tax at 15/ In the £ and surtax ut la £ after the frat £500, it won't be worth while doing Smithfield Market. anything but hump moat around

mient

But as we shan't be able to buy

from abroad and as Bell farmers will be too disheartened by taxation to grow it, and as nobody · will be able to afford it anyway, the Smithfield Jub Avon't be worth while

Iloine Guard called out, and when 1950 WILL be General Election the whole thing line been settled by

year. Apart from the heat British apology to Albania allowing Frenchinen in Albanian Alliance will get

and dirt of this battle the French either. entes, another bob will go on purnable.

us Into more

HERE is big gap in the collec- Ttion of 5,000 perting prints and paintings which Mr WALTER HUT CHINSON is going to put on per manent exhibition in Derby House. He has only three or four cricketingntional gloom-the artists and enter-income tax to pay for the mobiliss- subjects.

Reason that the first Sir Jeremiah Colman bed a passion for

cricket equalled only by his love of orchids.

He spent years and a lot of money getting together the country's finest collection of cricketing pictures and

There prints.

are more than 200, and the full collection has never been publicly exhibited.

1 talked

with the present Sir JEREMIAH COLMAN át his home near Basingstone, and he has decided in hong in Derby House, subject only to a first choice by Lord's. If they want a few.”

This a fine, porting gesture, nod will make the gallery the most com- plete of its kind.

When I told Mr Hutchinson, who was I in bed, he was so delighted that, in appreciation, he proposes to lend to Colman the Constable which he recently acquired for £43,050, "to bang in his bouse unill the gallery in rendy."

IN

IN London recently was A.* PRIOR KNOCK and he is A.D.C. to Prince Erik of Denmark, which seems so right.

STRANGER in own the other day

was the almost forgotten, nearly legendary JIMMY THOMAS, up from retirement in Wales to be re elected vice-chairman of the Crystal Palace trusices. The boiled shirts have passed into ammoking-room his- tory. He has had the job for 12 years, the vestige of his greatness, and he cherishes the confidence re- posed in him.

Welcoming, Lond AMMON said: There is only

one

Jimmy Thomas and we would not like to lose him."

Stil rubicund, full of the joy of life and all smoking the familiar cigar, Jimmy rose quietly and re- marked: "This is not a speech, but Just to say that I am not dead yet.”

MEN of the Royal Navy throw a party in London for slivery, effervescent Dr ALICE NORTH,

Site is "Doc" to 127 sailors and Marines who convalesced in her country home at Castine, Maine,

lainers who carg big money while tinst. they are fashionable and will have nothing to save for their old age.

But as Old Moore Gubbins in his present mood doesn't think that any- body (but those who are already old) will have an old age, this doesn't maiter very much.

Anything you want will be ex- ported, and anything you don't want, like dried eggs, will be imported.

Countries like Holland, which were on the verge of starvation eighteen months ago, will want to sell us food. Negotiations will take so long that it will all go bad.

Countries like France, which were supposed to be on the verge of star- vation for six years, will continue to send a giant athletes who will win tennis championships, boxing 'mat- ches and any other sporting com- petition that happens to be going.

Although most of us seem to have more sugar than we need, neither the ration in 1947. The Government sugar nor anything else will come off will be accused of rationing for ru- tiening's sake.

The time lag between the collection of dirty laundry and the delivery of clean laundry will increase from four to five weeks..

U.S.A., and added one ton to the 1948 WILL start with a cut in weight of naval personnel...

NE

NEWEST contribution to that sense- less controversy about who wrote Shakespeare if he didn't Is д pamphlet by WILLIAM MARGRIE who, among other things, is chairman of the South London Im- mortals' Club. He has one sound ob- | servailon:—

"It is often said that it does not matter who wrote the plays. It does matter. It was ever proved that Shakespeare was a fraud half the shopkeepers at Stratford would be ruined and the directors of the annual festival would look allly."

That's sense.

LLUSTRATING every-day atoms, n

battle of whisky with the eye- catching tog. "I'm made of carbon, hydrogen and oxygen atoms," was on show when the Atomic Age exhibi- tion opened in London. It vanished. Yel a scientist would have known that the arrangement of carbon, hydrogen and oxygen atoms was the only difference between whisky and this cold tea.

FAREWELL qulp by GEORGE

MUMFORD on leaving Fleet- street after 40 years as a London re- porter:

"Londoners want to know about London because most of them came from the provinces."

STA

TATE of retail business as seen in

the USA

1841: The customer was always right

1942: The customer was always left.

1940-75. Unless you make the cus- tomer, right you won't have a cus torper left.

NANCY

200

20

At first the strike of the middle classes will be a joke timong the

A Frenchman will put out his masses. tongue at a Spaniard across the front- The stocks of sugar will be

choking the grocers' shops. large now that tons of it will beer and we shall mobilise ngain,

All appeals to take it off the ration or send it to the chocolate manufac- turers will be refused.

The Government will be again ne- ralloning's cused of rationing, for sake.

At first the British Government for the incident. But as the entire will refuse, to apologise to Spain French and Russian Press and 5,000

American columnists

Us will call

perfidious ove nhait give way,

The cost of the mobilisation will put income tax back to the wartime The time log between the collection rate of 10/ in the L. Surtax will of dirty laundry and the delivery of be 19/11 after the first £2,000 a year, clean laundry will increase from and 21 in the £ after £3,000 five to six wecks. We shall witness year. This will make It hardly the extraordinary spectacle of bust-Worth while being the Chancellor of nessmen beyging laundries for one the Exchequer. clean handkerchief on their hody to| the office.

1949 WILL open with another

threat of war because a Frenchman bas run bs with m123 Italian's wife.

After a full mobilisation and an- other apology by the British Govern- ment, another bob will go on the income tax, bringing it back to P/ In¦ the £.

The Germans will be eating so much now that they will all have enough strength to raise their right

orm and shout "Hell Hitler."

The British will be so under-nour- ished that they won't have enough strength to stop them.

Q

Up to this time our tiny bacon ration will have been maintained by imports from Canada. But the Min- litry of Food will send one of its lon-haired experts to talk rubbish to Canndian farmers and that will be the end of that.

Foreign athletes, full of Danish, Irish and Canadian bacon, to say no- will now be so enormous that the thing of millions of Dutch cheeses, little half-starved British athletes will have to withdraw from the Olympic Games.

The Argentine, thinking it all rather unfair, will send us another gift of meat. This will be the signal the cheese ration because for a lightning, unometal strike at all negotiations for the purchase of 50,- the meat markets so that nobody 000.000 Dutch cheeses will break will get any.

down.

This will be achieved by long- haired young men of the Ministry of Food who were so terribly clever at economics at Oxford but are not so terribly elever when dealing with Dutch farmers.

Later on, the bacon ration will also be cut because Danish and Irish | farmers will have grown tired of talking nonsense to the long-haired young men and will sell ther pro- duce to the Russians, who, as usual, at least know what they want.

Rupert and Ninky-39

Rupert looks tuefully at the cloth onkey. "He is rather aggravating." he murmurs. He doesn't jump when people want him to, and he. Suddenly, without any warning. Ninky leaps straight up into their faces, catching them so muchy by. surprise that the storekeeper and ti Toy Scout topple over and Ruper himself nearly does the same. Before they can recover, the donkey maker another jump and disappears in. the dark passage outside,

. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Matter of Direction

GROUND

HOOS

|OIRAFFES

The Germans will be so stuffed with food now that they will say that Hitler is still alive.

They will probably be right. tish gifts of food will have kept going all these years.

.

•

It will be a Joke until there are no doctors, to attend the sick, no lawyers (perhaps they wont mind dentist to pull an aching tooth, no that so much) to administer the law. no architects to design houses and public buildings, no theatres, no cinemas, no radio to entertain, mis

books or magazines to read, no pictures to see, no music to hear. and no newspapers to print the news.

All this might be borne except that publicans, who also belong to the enddle classes, will be on strike, too. With Income tax at that rate it won't be worth while opening the pubs.

This is where the joke ends, ex- cept that income tax officials wit ecme out with other members of the middle classes.

Meanwhile sugar will be piling up in the streets, stopping all trade. But it will still be rationed. No laundry will be returned to anybody and desperate, dirty, half-naked businessmen will be charging barri- caded laundries in the face of Intense machine-gun fire from embattled daundresses, shooting at them from the roof, windows and weapon pits. German Army, 10,000,000 sirong, will be the best fed and equipped in the world.

to

The

Hitler will reappear disguised as

Bri-Father Christmas at a party given German children by the last himBritish regiment in Hamburg,

The first cadres of the new German Army will, be formed.

He will announce tha' his patience is exhausted again,

Then a Frenchman will thumb his nose at a German and that will be it.

Christmas 1051 to Britain will be spent in deep ahelters with no

Sugur will not only be piling up in the grocers' shops but will be stacked in heaps along the pave- ments. Thousands of men will be employed to sweep it away. Sugar turkeys. will everything else but canned fish and sweeta will still be ratlaned. So

nobody wants.

Owing to the laundry situation, the British will not only be half atarved but filthy. Businessmen will be known as the Blackshirts and will have many clashes with armed laundresses. The time lap between the collection and delivery of tanne dry will now be two months.

According To Culbertson

(Copyright, 1947, by Ely Culbertson)

Of all the bids in bridge, the cue a trick at the "conservative" six- bid in the opponents' sult is perhaps heart contract! the most dangerous one with which to "monkey."" North learned that lesson in to-day's dea!!

South, dealer.

North-South vulnerable.

Nortti

KD74

• Q543 4K 8 0 0 2

EAST

WEST

AKJB6

❤ B

• J 10 8

+ 9 10 7

Q 10 9 04

+ KOG? +39

SOUTI 478

AQ 3 10 02 + A7

4443

The bidding:

Rent

Weat

T

主丸町

heartade spades (1) rader $.bearis Pas

West, duly impressed by North's control-showing bid, opmed the dia- mond Jack, and thereby established b diamond trick for his side before South could set up clubs.

Thus, as may be seen, North's bid was bad in anore ways than one. Ii not only misled South as to the general strength he would find op- posite him, but simultaneously it warned the enemy away from the' opening tead, a sgade, which would have allowed South to make a small slam.

ܬܚܝ

A cue bid in the opponents' suit Is not used by experts in show mere- ly the first-round control of that suit Is virtually worthless on that sole basis, It is used for the dual purpose of announcing control and a strong supporting hand lo, strong but in high not only, distribution Worth Hat

tards. It's true good support for hearts, but a handt containing only two kings and one total of 1-plus queen→→→

honour-

As he said later (with considerable tricks-can scarcely be regarded as bitterness), South "felt like a alssy" containing many high cardal when he went to only a amali slam utter lack of aces, for one thing, after Northis quo bil in the op-ruled out the immediate cue bil. ponents' suit. That, however, was North's hand was worth a simple what he said after he bad gone down 'free ralne to two heartal,

NOW

THAT'S

BETTER

GROUND

By Frale Bushmillor

GIRAFFES

•

Note: The astrologer Old Moore Gubbins can't see further into 1952. In his present state of depression he believes there is nothing to see.

CROSSWORD

ACTOSA

1. They may be responsible for part

many or discord. (5) D. iardon. Cos

10. Consider. (6)

11. Afin acea she is the making of

ma. [7]

13. The instem's holy of boiten, 1. To come tack to a pretender. (4

Ceam ecarding to the uncis. 15% 15 400-5 on ancaq. (3)

19 taghat overgreen alcud, fo 20. Cama the spice. 14 21. Mix-up. (4).

23, Nannie: Indian

15. Where the head bos 2009. (3) 20. He was a traitor. (5)

DOND

1. Quite enough to menses Tim. (92. 2. Hasticas. (d)

U. Just an R.A. coma troma banat

37

4. The temper of a fireman. (3) D. Dialeat. (0)

1. One way the chest tien. (02 7. Bruit.)

Lt. The sort to make a mtust (8%

14. A clumsy, patois (8) 10. Tako Herd. (4)

22. Bebellious colour. (8)

The

Agree? 18, ifoda

Drug: h, Award: 25, Tick

When You Feel Tired and Restless

take

Elliotts Nerve

andr

Brain Tonic

On" Sale' at Al