1941-06-21 — Page 13

Saturday,

WEEK-END WIT

Getting Impatient

Wishing to give his Scots

Safety First

Sergeant (on rifle range):

Taboood

"I'm having A

HONGKONG TELEGRAPH

June 21, 1941

new dress "And remember, the new bullet made, but my heart isn't in it.' steward a treat a man invited will penetrate two feet of solid "But, dearle, you can't wear him to London, and on the night wood, so remember to, keep your it on the street as low as that!" after his arrival took him to an 'eads down!"

Which Sido?

the vicar.

•

Correct

E

hotel to dine. During the early part of the dinner the steward

"In times of trial, what gives was noticed to help himself The club bore was boasting of the greatest comfort?" asked very liberally to the champagne, his family's patriotism.

"An acquittal," replied a "I'm joining the R.A.F. next glass after glass of the wine week,”

he exclaimed. "My voice from the rear.. disappearing. Still he seeined father fought in the last war, very downhearted and, morose. and my grandfather fought in the Boer War. My great-grand- father, I've been told, fought in the Zulu War..

Presently he was heard to re- mark: "Well, I hope they'll no be very long wi' the whisky, ns I'dinna get on verra week wr these mineral waters,"

*...*

Cost Nothing

a

Sergeant: "So you were veterinary surgeon in civil life, ch?"

Recruit: "Yes, serg. Let me know when you're off colour!"

Dwarf

*

"

"On which side?" interjected a fed-up listener.

*

A

Poor Little Ones!

"Why are the two little ink- spots crying?"

'Cause their father was in the pen finishing out a sen- tence!"

Or Even Less!

That's far too loud," inter-

The conductor was rehehrs- ing a new musical piny. Host: "That whisky, sir, is rupted the producer. twenty years old!"

1

Guest: "Rather small for its age, don't you think?"

Boarding House

Landlady: "And ut what time would you like your bath, Mr Smith?"

Nervous Youth: "Oh, er any time that suits you."

"I can't help it," returned the conductor. "It calls for forte." "Never mind that," answered the producer.

"Make it thirty-five."

10

War' Saying

Soldier's Motto: Wine, Wo- men and S'long.

Changed His Mind

"Why so snd, dear?" "That big sap that I was go- ing to sue for breach of promise wants to marry me now!"

Expectant

Teacher: "Now Tommy, cani you tell me the feminine of *bachelor'?"

Tommy: "Yes, miss; 'Lady in waiting."

Hard To Tell

First Artist: "Jenkins has just shown me his new picture." Second Artist: "What's the subject?"

First Artist: "He didn't sny."

Sacrifice 1st: "She treats her husband immeasurable time wondering

The millions who have spent like a Grecian god."

2nd: "How's that?"

"

Game With Now Twist

+

which way the Leaning Tower 1st: "She places a burnt of- of Pisa will fall can now con- fering before him at centrate on the Duce!

meal.".

"Do you happen to remember the exquisite violet of the Perisphere at night?"

Virginia Woolf

AN APPRECIATION

The loss of Virginia Woolf is vation, as a constantly benof). not only a gràve blow to English cont mediator. Others pushed letters, but will also be widely theory to extremes, or alred felt by many who had no per their idiosyncrasy, or carcered sonal acquaintance with her. with scientific or psychologic It was not for nothing that novelties. She kept pace with she collected her brilliant, or the fleetest and remotest, but radiant, studies in Criticism un- her brain having the counter- der, the title "The Common poise of a woman's contained- Reader." The originality of her ness, she kept her own counsel, mind and the acuteness and too; and her counsel was the range of her perception nover artist's counsel, as her religion isolated her, never led her to was the artist's religion. forget that the foundation of

Her novels were in fact poems, the literary art is sympathy, poems which all but satisfy the that we write to be understood, hardest condition that can be to make our vision carry, laid down for the art. For their True, the reading of her form is so closely determined by novels can be a strenuous ex- Idea and subject that the mould ercise, but it is in exercise in breaks in the making. Another intimacy. The greatest of them: novel after the pattern of "The "The Waves," most of us must Waves" is inconceivable. content to wonder at; we can

Her preoccupation was the hardly hope to comprehend it:

But however we may be baf- predicament of the soul in a fled by work of hers, we have world which, through a passing never been offended. Its clusive- overgrowth of mind, is felt al- nesa is the elusiveness of nature, tornatively as cosmos and chaos. Her waters are limpid as the She pitied and shared our be sea's on a solitary ahore; her phrase has the decisiveness, the-wilderments. Sho was a novelist crisp outline of a shell. Her by the scope of her compassion, horizons only, are unfathomable. a modern through her intuition

She has proferred to keep here of individuality as truth, her even for herself a quality of sense of the problem of per- mystery, as if the greatest com- sonality as the special problem munication a writer has to make of our day. Indeed, wo mourn were the sense of an incom- in her a serene and shining ex- municable infinite, of a truth amplo of creative liberty, the always present wholly, and mind's armoury in perfect dis therefore never seizable in any cipline, the spirit alert and res part.

ponsive to every breeze that blows,

One thinks of her, in a period, of chaotle enterprise and inno-?

Basil do. Solincourt

-From "The New Yorker"

every

CONTRACT How to Play

AND"

BRIDGE How to Win

JOSEPHINE CULBERTSON;

+

An Export Slips

VESTERDAY 1 published a hand club sult and dually use dummy's In which the expert declarer remaining diamond us the micans of literally squeezed out the fulfilling entry to his own hand, for the cash- trick. Now I propose to reverse the ing of a fifth diamond. This was a picture by showing how the same ez prelly picture, but it did not mate- pert manhandled a simple problem rinile. East showed out on the scc- of arithmetic. That was the trouble ond lead of diamonds. Thoroughly -the problem was so simple that he disgusted, declarer canhed his re- "couldn't be bothered putting his mining diamonds, then overtool

the club Jack. If the club sult had broken 3-3 (a very unlikely event) threg overtricks still would have been brought in, but East's club stopper held the declarer to his con- tract. Inter, South was highly dis- gruntled to find that he was almost "bottom" on the board.

mind to it"

Match-point dupileate. Both sides vulnerable. South denter,

AB ♡73 08702

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The bidding: South West 10 1 V 2 A 3 NT

A six

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The kindest thing to say about Cenu dechirer's, play is that he was the Colombo vletim of an optical illusion. After Haiphong the diamond salt was found to Hankow breaks 3-1, declarer should have FOREIGN EXCHANGE and Genaral

Banking Business transacted, abandoned his fond hope of bring- ing home all the clubs and the dia-

CUMULENT ACCOUNTS opened and FIXED DEPOSITS received for One Year or shorter periods in Local or Other Currencies al rates which will be quoted on application,

BAVINGS ACCOUNTS also opened in Local Currency and Sterling with interest

monds. He should hove drawn West's last diamond in order to establish dummy's diamond eight as an entry, then should have cash- ed the club jack, and finally should allowed at rates odistriable on application, The Bank's lead Omce in London have led a low diamond to the eight. undertakes Executor and Trustee busl Now the club suit. would have anneas, and clauna recovery of British excellent instead of a bad chance to Income Tax overpaid, on terms which diamond contract would produce six tricks! True, declarer gencies ascertained at any of its have been cold but was difficult to would be left with an uncashed good Agencies and Branches. reach. Indeed, it was not reached diamond in his hand, but he would at any table of this duplicate game, have picked up. three club tricka by West opened the heart king and this sacrifice. At no time would the declarer won. Declarer's first (and suggested plan jeopardise the con- only thought was that if the dia- tract, since even a 6-1 club break

monds broke 2-2 he could cash two certainly not to be expected-would rounds, then cash the club jack,, still permit declarer to win one then lead a low diamond to dummy, heart, four clubs, and four dia- after which he would rattle off the monde.

BOOK OF THE WEEK

the war.

W, II. EVANS THOMAS,**

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METAL POLISH

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that may be ascertained on application. Fisheries Manager. Research

FEDERAL EUROPE. By R. very long ago, when the writer Bankok W. G. Mackay, Michael Joseph, raised the language difficulty,

Colombo .10s. Gd.

one of the party without hesita- tion stated: French of course! Galle HIS book in premature. It There seems no reason why it THIS

attempts to set out a new should not be German or even I mention this to show federal order in Europe after Italian.

thinking one the difficulties before us. It Exchange Business transacted. Whilst no person reasonably expects any is true, as the author says, that thing but victory by Britain it was not the lack of the com- over her enemies, it is none the mon language that proved a less submitted that it is a bit serious obstacle to the working Local Currency and Sterling on her ha too early yet to think as here of of the League of Nations. constitution-making.

Mr Mackay has presented us We have heard a great deal with a very attractive treatise about the United States of hitherto untried in so diverse a based on constitutional theory Europe during the last 20 years. continent as Europe. One of the difficulties confront- not much that is now in his charged for mailing single copies of There is The following rates will .be ing the coming into existence of such a state of affairs will proposals to those who are ac- the

with quainted be the difficulty of a common theory, whether federal or uni- constitutional language. The greatest success- teral. Somewhat fittingly, Sir ful federation of the world is Norman Angell contributes a that of the United States of foreword to the treatise. America. She had no difficulty

in this respect, since there was,

common language-English and common English traditions. In discussing this very pro- blem in a local party not so

Che SNAPSHOT GUILD

OUTDOOR SILHOUETTES

rhys of the sun to enter your loas. You can avoid this by bavlng a tree ́ör same elbar object botwgon the camera and the sun. Bometimes, you can concont the sun squarely bohind your subjuct, and that is an excellent arrangement for good siḥ houette effects.

For decorative shots, try allhouettes-elther Indoors or out. They're simple to take. Fast action subjects, of course, call for a fart shutter, but others can be snapped with any camera. THIS past winter, no doubt, you must be careful. Don't allow direct

ando silhouetto skate indoors, with a bed-shoot stretched over a doorway and your photo lights do bind it. But don't forget that you can also make silhouettes outdoors -and these ara attractívá too.

The trick is simply to have the aun or brightest aky beyond your aubject. Instead of in front, and show your subject ngalast a bright sky background Then you under expose. For example, if the normal exposure would be 1/25 second at 1/11 ĝions-oponing, you would uns 1/25 second nå f/32 lo gol the all- houette, effect.

To show the subject against the sky, you just select a low camera pozition-down closs to the ground. Thio,. In effect, ralios the subject higher. Such a camera position was. used, to lako the pictura abava. Of: courko, on action picture like this calls for a fast shulter-Bay 1/400) With a box camera, you would socond, with the lona set at t/8. takeľa snapsliot an usual, but frat However, there aro hundrede, of you would not the lens for the outdoor subjects that can be plo amallest possible opoatag. Migst | Cured “In' allhouette" brbs with the regular box cameras baro atilo most inexpensive cameras. Water Lovor oralo which enables you to scenos prodid shots of people, dotha. The proper film is the buildings agafael the sunset sky- "chrome" Lypo, because it la a bit there are good examples. And a Bilg slower than "pan" Elm in-Into at houette, sbol always lias 'neal, ternoon and, that is just what you decorative quality that makes it want in this cáss.”............

wotcome in your album. There is one polat on which you

John van Guilder

TELEGRAPH

QUIZ

Who was the first king to be styled His Majesty?"

2

When do you celebrate these weddings (a) cotton (b) woollen

(c) crystal (d) china (e) pearl?

3

A pavane is a

(a) stately

dance (b) lament (c) road pav- ing (d) leather purse.

4

When you see "au gratin" on

a menu, what does it mean?

5

What are known as the seven deadly sins?

In which war was the charge of the Light Brigade an incident?

7.

Your clavicle is your (a) wrist (b) thigh bone (e) neck (d). collar bone (o) pose.

Can

you give the Christian names of Chopin, Beethoven, Mozart, Haydn, Handel, Wagner?

In which year was Sir Geoffry Northcote appointed to the Governorship of Hongkong? Who did. ho succeed?

10

Jip or Gypsy was a dog in a Dickens novel. Do you know the name of the owner and of

·the novel?

Answers on Page 12. 45

NOTICE

D. BENSON,

DEFENCE REGULATIONS 1940

following newspapers abroad:

South China Morning Post China and Macao 16 cents per copy British Empire and Foreign 25 cents per copy The Hongkong Telegraph China and Macao 16 cents per copy British and Foreign 20 cents per copy 25 cents Saturdays.

-

Station

FOR A REAL POLISH

*

Edited by

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