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Saturday,
HONG KONG TELEGRAPH
WEEK-END WIT
What A Chap!
Not Much
Airman: "Aren't you the little girl "My husband plays tennis, swims, and goes 'In for physical exercises., who used to shrink froin my em- Does your husband take any regular braces?" exercise?"
"Well, last week he was out seven Hights running.”
Too Obliging
"When you paked her, to dance did sho accept quickly?"
"Did she? Why she was on my feet in an instant."
Said Ho
the Secret Service
She: "I don't recoil at the mo- ment."
Didn't Like It
"Molly doesn't speak to me since I took her horse-riding."
"Perhaps stic feels sore about something."
Accommodation
Visitor: "What a large skating, rink!" "Ab," suld
Instructor: "Yes, we have a sent- Agent when he caught a spy, "S0 g enpacity for 5,000." I've enuight you mapping!"
Seeing Double ·
It happened that twa separate Army wedding receptlens were given at the same time in a West End hotel in adjoining rooms, and this led to confusion, as sume of the guests got into the wrong rooms. At length was decided to throw open the divid- ing partitions and make one party of the two,
BAVINGS ACCOUNTS also opened in
A little later a walter approached Local Currency and Sterling with interest allowed at raten obtainable on application, an officer who was standing against The Bank's Head Oftes in London the wall in a semi-dazed condition, undertakes Executor and Trustee and offered liha champagne.
British ricks, and claims recovery of Income Tax overpaid, on terms which may Lo
any ancertained at Ageneles and Brancher.
"No, thank you," he replied, "I'm
of it not feeling very well. In fact, I can see two brides already,"
W. IL EVANE THOMAS,
staniger.
THE MERCANTILE BANK OF INDIA, LIMITED
Read Once-13, Gracechurch Street, London, E.CA..
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D. BENSON,
Aanager,
The blend that's in demand
NA OVE SEDADE VE
"This walthy of maruze your, inequity and dužinaitwa favour is in
be found as the tables
of the discriminating the world over ....... For Militarnen Bewer chat- soter,however,VAT&T Dosteypu only the same es vidinary whiskies.
VAT 69
SCOTCH WHISKY
AT
69
Lon Lex
DISTILLERY,
LEITH, SCOTLA
quality
Fell's
Sanderson's
LUXURY BLEND SCOTCH WHISKY
Imported.by
W. B. LOXLEY & CO, (CHINA) LTD.
York Building, Hong Kong,
Distilled and battled in Scotland Winj. Sanderwon & Bon. Lid, LITTL
ESTABLISHED 1863-
BCH
He Couldn't Tell'
Reporter (referring to distinguish ed guest): "And is the prince in- cognito?"
Hetel, Porter: "Well, no, sir, I don't knów us I'd say that. But 'o's cer- tainty ad a few,"
Good Tidings
She: "You're becoming absolutely unbearable! Soop it will be .im- possible to live with you."!
He: "How soon?**
Yes, Does He?
The small errand boy was deliver-
My, My!
Prim Old Clerk (to office man- ager): "The painters are in my room now, air. Is there anywhere I can veeze a typist for a few days?"
Locked Up Maid: "The master's locked up, mum."
Mistress: "Good. We can all go to bed."
Kaid: "Bul-it was the police tint phoned, mum,"
Anchored
The young naval officer was stay ing late, and paterfamlilas wanted to retire to bed.
Just In Cass.
Boss: "What do you want? sacked you two weeks ago."
Once Boy: 1 camo back to see if you're still in business!"
Now Shoot!
Film Producer; "You're an English aristocrat's butler, sec. Let your "Yep' be 'Yep' and your 'Nopo' be 'Nope.""
乖
Actor: "Okay, boss. I gotcha." Good As Gold
Wite (calling from the next room): a baby all right, darling?" Husband: s good as gold, deur. He's just playing with your com- plexlen."
Right!
"That's just like you. Here we are shipwrecked, and all you can Ja Case of think of rescuing is whisky,"
"But, my dear, just think pt the messages we can send out in the empties."
In Court Magistrate: "You are sentenced to pay a fine of ten guineas, plus five Have you anything guineas costa, to say?".
Offender: "Rather. And you'll
PH Books, Books, Books!
TERAPH
QUIZ
An Andalusian is a native of (a) Australia (b) Spain (c) Peru (d) Lithuania (o) Turkey.
2
In which book or books of the Bible are the Ten Command- ments given?
3
A thesaurus is a
(a) pre- historic mopster, (b). dictionary (c), tropical frog (d) Egyptian burial vault.
4
·
What is olla-podrida?
5
Which of these are spelled]
"I can't see," he exclaimed, "why promise not to increase the fine, I'll correctly:-managable, hygčine, that young chap calling on Hida suy it.". hasn't sense enough to go home! It's nearly midnight!”
"Oh!" returned ttle Bille, who had been peeping through the key hole, he can't go, dad. Ling on hunt"
Hilda's sit-
Too Late
"Don't you think a man has more
sense after he's married"
"Yes, but it doesn't do him any good then."
BOOK OF THE WEEK
WITS." "ENGLISH
Edited
ing to a new runtomer and had en-by Leonard Russell. Hutchin Wilde's wit, but claims that there is countered a huge dog in the yard.
"Come in," said the lady, the dosen't bite."
yes," said the boy, hanging back, "but does he swallow?".
Irritating Colonel; "What's all that swearing for in there?"
Private Jones: "It's the Sergeant loolting for his hymn book, sir."
Goodness! "Why did you run home last night?
"I was being chaste."
Anti-Climax
Sho: "Do you want to see where I was operated on?"
He (cagerly): "Yes," She: "Well, we're just two streets from the hospital."
Absent
A lawyer wis cross-examining a witness in a court of law.
"You know the prisoner weli?" "Yes, sir."
"And you have observed that he
es to himself?"
"Yes, he often talks to himself." "One final question; does he talk to himself wher he is alone?"
"I don't know, slr. I'm never with him when he is alone." -
+
sun. 88. Gd.
own
been
perseverance, charteil, minature, promisory.
6
Who first had the title of Prime Minister of England?
7
· Hands are used to measure a horse. How many inches in a
hand?
8
If you married a person related to you, the marriage would be called (a) continguous (b) con- consanguineous trapuntal (c) (d) connatural.
If you weep casily you are (a) bellicose (b) lachrymose (c) bibulous (d) jocose.
He admits the frivolous and merce- ly playful character of much of
wisdom in many of his aphorisms, such as: "Nothing is so dangerous LEONARD RUSSELL has as being too modern-one is apt to MR, LEO this book a portrait grow old-fashioned quite suddenly." gallery of wits, the oldest of whoin
There are people who associate is Alexander Pope and the youngest
wit with malice, but several of the of whom in Sir Max Beerbohm.
Some of the wits-Dr Johnson and wits portrayed here, it is emphasised,
conspicuously good Wilde. Oscar
for example have have ded a store of witticisms to the humoured, Wilde, Mr Shaw and Sir
Others,
such as Max Beerbohm among them. Even English language.
Dr Johnson and Labouchere John Wilkes charmed Theodore Hook (whom Mr W. W. Hadley writes of with his fundamental good humour. with knowledge), were wits for their Other wits portrayed here arc tline rather than for all time. Sydney Smith, with h delightful:
attractive Yet one of the most chapters in the book is that in which "I never read a book I review. It's Mr A. J. A. Symons gives us a char- apt to prejudice me" Whistler, on acter-sketch of Theodore Hook, the whose brilliance Mr D. B. Wyndham Lewis comments brilliantly: "Saki," bon viveur living beyond his means whose bubbles have all burst gencra- young poseur turned into soldier; I champions-of what? (la) R. T.
and MISS
Mitford, the very original choice of Mr James Agate. Perhaps the best thing recorded of
The reader will find many things him is his address to a pompous, over-dressed stronger in the Strand: to disagree with in the book, from "Pray, sir, forgive the question: but, Miss Dilys Powell's chapter on Pope may
I ask, are you anyone in par- to Mr Harold Hobson's on Mr Shaw. But the disagreement will be accom- ticular?"
Mr Desmond MacCarthy writes Ponted by pleasure, with beautiful critical delicacy of he Wilde, whose `conversations, points out, have been more fully re- other corded than those of any writer in English except Johnson.
tions ago.
CONTRACT How to Play
BRIDGE
AND
How to Win
-By JOSEPHINE CULBERTSON-
A Seven-Spot vs. a Six
Is a very good idea for players Orat lead of the suit und now, on
To for the tof watching East's diamond return, he played the "spot cards" and noting their pre- cise denomination. Aside from the elementary polat that an eight, for example, can take seven, there are vital deductions to be drawn from the play, or lead, of one rather than the other. Note to-day's hand:
Rubber bridge. North dealer.
a
Both sides vulnerable. North-South 30 part-score.
♡ 8482 OAK 43 AJ970
A 1062 VA Q 10 ◊ QJ 10 G AKB
N
IW E
AA43
KJ76 002 S 4Q848 AKQJ080
096
The bidding:
087 102
South
Wei
· Pass
North East ---INT Гам 24.
ENT Par 34 PASA: Paw
Pass -
eight-spot. West, winning with the diamond ace, did exactly what the declarer had hoped he would do he led another heart. Dummy's acc was played, the spado ace knocked out, and declarer could then claim the balance of the tricks and
his, contract.
Was
West was surprised and crest- fallen to discover that East could have ruffed a third round of dia- monds for the setting trick. "How could I possibly tell that?" he asked virtuously. "You didn't echo in diamonds; you first played the deuce and then the six." East replied that that was true enough and then ly asked what would have happe to the defensive heart trick if he had echoed. He further
out that
⚫ three rounds of diamonds, with
ruff by East, would have left the de- fence high and dry Inasmuch-
4
East could not have started the heart sult from his position, and West could never regain the lead..
7
3
West saw East's point, but still wanted to know how he could tell that East had started with only two watching On the 30 part-score, three spades diamonds. "Merely by would be enough for game, co North the spots!" East said. "I played the properly stepped aside and let South deuce on the first round and then I had taken my heart king; I play the hand.
after. West opened
the diamond king returned the six: Meanwhile, and East, after a second's study of clarer had shown the nine and the the dummy,
carefully refrained from
so the only diamond you were cight, high-lowing:
lastead, he played the missing was the seven. Can you douce, demanding a switch. West conceive of my returning the six if obediently shifted, leading his fourth I originally had held the 7-8-2? No,
heart highest
through dummy's my dear partner, the seven-spot was fenace
posities. As may be scop, absolutely marked in South's hand," this shift put declarer in a bad posi-
Of course, East's argument was tion. It would do him
no good to put up the heart ace and lead a 100% correct. East had been un- trump, because in that case East able to call for an immediate con- would cash his heart trick, then re- tinuation of diamonds-first, it was turn a diamond, and still be able to necessary to establish a heart trick get his third round diamond ruff, but on the return of the diamond caso alx, West should have known that Thus declarer's decision to finesse
the hoart lead was quite correct the missing seven-spot was held by The queen, however, lost to Enst's the closed hand and not by his own king and East now returned the dia partner. mond mix..
It is through such delicate but] Doclaror
carefully false- sound inferences as this that, con- carded the diamond nine on the tracts may be defeated.
10
All of these
were or
are
Jones (b) R. C. F. Nichols (c) Young Perez (d) R. Bergman E. L. fel Megan Taylor (1 Phelps.
Answers on Page 12
Che SNAPSHOT GUILD
CONTINUITY IN THE ALBUM
A FAMILY album is a family his-
tory-ar should-be- and for
that very reason a well-kept, well- filed album is one of the most treasured. family possessions. The pictures nood not be works of art - they simply provide a clear cut record of the family's lito, 11 mombore and its activities, that le Buficient.
Any first-rate album picture tolls
you a number of things. It is like
a news flow, whose first paragraph gives the "who, what, when, whore, why, and how” of an evont. If your album pictures answer these ques tiona; or most of them, they will be thoroughly satisfactory.
Every good, eloar pieturo tell "who"-you can' daally recognize two people in ft. It may also toli. "whoro" by including a familiar, recognizable aceno. However, tho "when" is sometimes missing. The subjects' costumes may indicato it, In a goporal way--but you should. also note down the date under the picture when you placo if la tho album.
Often, too, pictures don't explain "why" or "how," Why was the plo ture taken? What was "going on? If you were on an'outing, why don'l the pictures show what you did? Evory good picture tells a story- and this is especially Important in family album 'shots.
Continuity is important, 100, The album is a continued story, day to day and year to year, Don't leave broad gaps in it-include the ovary, day happenings as well as the big | family events. If you havo chlidren, Includo a month-to-month record of their growth-with`a familiar back; ground as a "measuring rod.", And
• arrange tho pictures in proper or sfer as you take them, so the story will run smoothly,
V.
I have a friend who maintains his album in this manor. First, he sboote at least one rolt of family - pictures ovory singlo wook-tome- times moro, but always a minimum of one full roll.
Then lo sola aside one half-hour each week for the album. He inworta the now pictures fa thoir proper placos-writes the date under daòh' adds any explanation that's nood- od and the job is done. It taxos V but a short time, yet it koopm' kla album neat, complete, and strictly. up-to-data.
* There's "a" lót of satisfaction in
j
"Growing-up" shats, such as this, lond continuity to an album, Take them frequently-put-story" Into each of your other album shot and write the date under each one.
such a "family history book"--and you can have one just as qasily an anybody else. All you need to to put in a tow odd minutes each wook. and arrange your snapshots accord- Ing to an orderly plan
Pictures incorrect order-with the date and any other Informa tion under each one-and a "story" in orory shot. That's the formula fara usoful, informativa: album:; that, you will fṛcksure in years' to como-and now is the time to start kooping four album along thara · lines,
John van Guilder'
at
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