1940-05-04 — Page 11

Saturday, MAY 4, 1940.

“TELEGRAPH" WEEK-END MAGAZINE.

How To Be Chivalrous and Up-to-date

Dragons May Be Searce, But

There Are Still Plenty Of

Knights About

Medieval times produced many famous figuras.

If I hadn't been so lato, 1 might have been a big shot in history. Scope is limited those days,

NAKE Richard the Lion-

ТАКОЕ

Hearted!

man

That

would have slammed them all down in Hollywood to-day.

Now, my history is confined to the time I staved off a shroff by telling him that 1 wasn't me.

I got a certain amount of credit for this.

The early battlers used to put on their armour, lock their wives in the turret, have a drink out of the most, and then sally forth with banners,

They had a habit of rallying the troops by slaughtering a whole battalion of the enemy with their broadswords while' their horses were cut from under them and their armour was made to look like a lift- grille.

be

History is not what it used to Once, the emptor would say to

his victim. "Give the the band of your daughter and I will spare you. Otherwise, this daggerplèrces your throat!"

Now, they say, "You call that kirt of yours off me or else

Time marches on. The age of chivalry is very dead.

Any woman who tries to seramble Into a seat in the bus before me gets such a kick in the ankles that she is cured of silting in bus sents for life.

I'm courteous up to a point, but the point can be shifted at will.

Men could afford to be kind and courteous to women when they wore wrought steel singlets.

Now, the only thing to do is to hop in frst and smash 'em down. I ought to know.

The brave days of old have gone. You try rescuing a distressed damsel because she's eight weeks behind with the rent and enn't pay the landlady,

Dragons? Why, the nights of ald were slanics.

There are knights today. girls. We are still here in vast numbers.

Who is it that goes without sinokes all the week in order that he may take you to the pictures

Saturday? Your

Sir

.on

Galidral.

I've tried to

she wife, but word of it.

QWB

explain this to my doesn't belleve a

And who is it who says, "I da like your new hat, deur. I think i's wonderful."

He thinks to himself. "I hope with her while noboty sees me

have

she's wearing that thing."

And takes her down all the back streets.

Note how a gentleman always walks on the outer edge of the walking with n footpath when lady.

if the lady gets bumped be's the one who gets pushed into the gutter.

Pulling chairs out from Inbles so that ladies may sit down is am- other little courtesy.

Of course, if the chair is pulled out too far that's just bad luck for the lady,

The POCKET HISTORY

of WILBER WURTLEBURTLE

Contents of His Pockets At

Ten

1 waleb, Ineking a man spring.

i report card, hadly trayed und

unpresented at home.

1 much damaged cigaretle, un-

smoked.

I penknife.

1 rubber and, for use in sling-

shot.

Remains of an exploded toy bal-

loor.

2 marbles

4 caps of milk bottles, von

competition,

1 dirty handkerchief.

1 piece of chewing gum.

2 keys which do not fit locks.

7 pieces of string.

Contents of His Pockets At Twenty

1'cheap watch.

11

'1 one dollar bill and twenty-one

rents in change.

1 memorandum from wife to stop and buy new goldfish, the old ones having died.

Lili from Hongkong Hotel.

E telephone number, with no name or address. 2 cigars.

1 memorandum, of

Several keys on ring, opening--

(a) his home door

(b) his office door

(c) his ear and

(el) his safe deposit linx. Contents of His Pockets At

Fifty

1 watch, inscribed "From Affec- tional Employees of Milton J. Wurtleburtle & Company, on the Occasion of His 50th 19thday." 1 roll of bills, held together with

rubber band.

silk handkerchiefs and one for display.

1 picture of son in cap and gown. pleture of daughter in riding

-1-letter-on-Invender stationeryhabit.

from a girl in Worcester, shynest with numerous "X's."

1 letter on mauve stationery from

}

a girl in Liverpool, signed with

munerous "X's.'

photograph of a

beautiful giri

4

who does not live in Worcester or Liverpool.

I address bonk, containing nick-

names and addresses only.

Club

1 letter from the Secretory..... regretting the necessity of calling his attention to his ciencles,

1 bank book, showing balance of

$4,20.

I pipe, marked with numerals.

tobacco pouch,

1 key to his own door.

fancy handkerchief for coat poc- ket.

1 packet comb,

Contants of His Pockets At

Thirty

1 initialed watch.

1 Ave dollar bill, one one dollar

bill, and forty cents in change.

picture of Mrs. Wilber Wurtle- burtle and both the children.

I letter from Hongkong Hotel, re-

minding of overdue account.

Star

Ferry ticket.

1 receipt.

Driven Licence,

1 practical handkerchief.

1 pocket comb.

package clgarettes,

Several key on ring, opening-

(a) his front door

(b) his offer dour and (c) his car.

Contents of His Pockets At Forty

1 gold watch with jewelled move-

ments,

1 roll of bills containing $84,

1 practient handkerchief and one funcy handkerchief in cont poc-

kel.

The saine plcture of Mis. Wilber Würtleburtle and both the chil- dren.

from the Hongkong Club.

AceDont's statement of bual-

1 negot

ness of Milton J. Wurlieburtle Co., showing net worth of busi ness now litgh.

1 letter from Jake Hesser from

Muniin, anying Wurtleburtle can expect to hear great news from that mining proposition soon; nil that is needed is capital.

1 circular, advertising hair.

storer.

re-

1 letter from Kowloon Residents'

Association

acknowledging

nual subscription.

1 letter from son, asking for

little more money this 100th.

#1

1 letter from daughter, saying she wishes to stay in Shanghai fer another month.

1 statement of accountant show- Ing Miton J. Wurtleburile & Co. nef worth this s very arge year.

spectacte case coatalning pair of reading glasses. ·

Life membership card of K.R.A. Letters from receivers of Philip- pines Gold Brick Mines, Inc., stating it is doubtful whether stockholders will receive, any- thing from wind-up of concern, 2 cigars.

1 memorandum of telephone num-

ber.

Memorandum of chauffeur's phone

number,

Numerous keys on ring, includ-

Ing-

(n) key to home door (b) key to office door

(c) key to safe deposit box (d) key to club locker (e) key to little apartment. Contents of His Pockets At

Sixty

I watch, inscribed as before, con- taining. In case, 'picture of three grandchildren.

1 rot of bills as before.

1 practical handkerchief,

pictures Tadditional

o! three

grandchildren. Letter from His lawyers, stating

that his ex-secretary has sur- rendered all letters, and accepted the settlement as offered, and vacated the apartment.

1 eller confirming reservations for "Around the World Cruise" for Mr and Mrs:-Milton-J.-Wurtle- Lurtle.

1 copy of tentative report for sub- mission to share-holders of Mit- ton J. Wurtleburtle & Co., show- ing large dividends earned dur- Ing the year.

1 bottle of liver pills.

1 spectacle case Containing bifocal

glasses.

I recipe for cocktail, written by a

friend.

Several keys on ring, opening-

(a) his home door (b) his offer door

(c) his safe deposit box.

4 membership cards in clubs,

Contents of His Pockets Ar Seventy

twatch, inscribed as before, com-

SCORE CARD FOR

WIVES

Rules for Scoring: At the end of each of the following len questions you will find a set of five scoring figures, 0 1 2 3 4. Check the Agure which represents your answer to each question, on this basis:

4 means "never." "not at all."

1 means "somewhut," "sometimes," "rarely," "a little."

2 menus about as often as not." "an average amount."

3 means "usually," "a good deal," "frequently."

4 means "regularly," "practically always." "entirely,"

1. Do you try to make the home interesting, attractive,

cheerful. place of rest and reluxation?

Do you encourage your husband to go out frequently with his men friends, though it manns leaving you konte alone?

3. Do you see that the boy serves meals that are entic-

Inst in variety and ultractiveness?

4. Do you handle household frances in a business-like

way?

5. Do you keep yourself attractive in appearance, In -order that your husband may be proud to have

everyone know. you are his wife?

6. Are you cheerful and uncomplaining, punctual, not nagging, not inslating on loving your own way or the last word?

7. Do you bolster your husband's Ego not comparing him unfavourably with more successful men, but making him feel that he is successful?

8. Do you prevent your own friends froin Intruding un- duly, and do you show courtesy and consideration to his friends?

9. Do you take a sympathetic and intelligent interest in his business--yet leaving him a free hund, not offer- ing advice, criticism of associates, etc., unless asked?

10. Do you cultivate an Interest in his friends and recren- tions, so you can make a satisfactory partner of his leisure hours? ..

ርን

2 3

0

2 a 4

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} 2 3 4

0

I 2 J √

01

2 3

1

t

1

4

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3 4

2 3

4

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2 3

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1 2 3 4

Add up your marks on each of the ten items. The perfect score is 40. The average wife will score around 20. A score between 15 and 25, in other words, will show that one is “Jual ordinary," Above 25 Is good. Store yourself as fairly and honestly as possible; then let your husband also score you. Add the two scores and divide by two to get the most rellable rating.

MARUM

She will always find, however, that the truly chivalrous man will askied to get 'her up off the Bour. even if he has to get her by the seruff of the neck to do it.

Start Early! . COURTESY and chivalry should be instilled into the growing child at an early age.

If you have a caller and your sinal son fails to rect her just fetch him a belt under the car and say, "Say 'Hello' to the lady, you little hound or I'll knock you

taining, in case, picture of Mrs. Wilber Wurtleburtle.

Roll of bills us before.

1 lety handkerchief.

1 spectacle case with glasses and one spectacle case with magnify- ing glasses.

Letters from three grandchildren, thanking him for Christmas pre- sents.

care

Mrs.

Letter from Cemetery, acknow- ledging receipt of cheek for per- of

Wilber petual Wurtleburtle's lot. Letter of praise from Board of Directors of Milton J. Wurtle. burtle & Co, on occasion, of his retirement from active business. Notice to report for júry service. I newspaper clipping, concerning

randson playing of Eton. Two keys on a ring, opening (a) his home abor (b) his safe deposit box, Contents of His Pockots At

Eighty..

down" This teaches him to be polite.

It he doesn't learn after the first Icsson, keep knocking hitm down until he does.

Of course, there la always the danger that he may conceive the iden in his childish mind that the arrival of a visitor simply means that he's got to be knocked lown, and he may develop the habit of immediately falling to the ground at the sight of a visitor.

Teach him niso that he must never sit down while a ludy is standing.

If he says to the Indy. "For Mike's sake, sit down, can't you? Want to keep a man standing up all day?" bring your fist do solidly on top of his hend. This will not disgure him, but merely atun him.

Wonderful Examples

TEACH him those things about the shipwrecked man in an open boat who gave his last drop of water to a lady, leaving himself so weak from thirst that the lady had to do all the rowing.

And about the time when Sir Walter Raleigh threw his cloak in the mud for Queen Elizabeth to step on.

On second thought I don't think the Sir Walter Raleigh one is ad- visable. He would probably come home covered with mud every now and then.

The one about the knight who

the rescued the lady from

dragon

Is not much use these days on ac- count of the scarcity of dragons, but there are plenty of other little atories with an inspiring moral.

Training like this will make him chivalrous right up to the time he gets married. After that, if he doesn't want to lead the hen- pecked life of a doormal, he'd bet- ter forget it.

I am sorry to say that courtesy

in

the

is wasted on some people. I was lift yesterday and trod on man's fool,

"Dash you." he said. "I've got

a corn on that fool!"

I'm sorry." I said, politely, "It I'd known that I'd have trodden on the other foot Instead."

He netually threatened to punch me on the nose!

I had saki, "Serve you right. he you splay-forted old coot!" inight have thought twice about that punching on the nose busi

ness.

BRIDGE PROBLEM

PAGE 9.-HONGKONG TELEGRAPH

LAYETTES

The Treasure" Ship can supply avery requirement for the Layette, Let us help you wisely and economically. Our experience and advico is at your disposal.

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COOK'S

Travel Dept.

makes reservations and issues tickets by steamer, air or train; books hotel accommodation; arranges sightseeing. baggage insurance, automobiles, etc.

Banking Dept. issues Travellers Cheques (the safest way to carry your funds) and advises on other financial aspects of travel.

NO. TE

Freight Dept.

⚫K # 6

AQ84

jxt Lik and carefully folded, there by the undertaker.

pocket placed

N

W

E

33

5

78

AJID 7 6 3

N1

Q

10 9

I handkerchief

Brain-teasers

1. Here are six matche? With- out crossnig any of them can you Tearrange-them-so-that-they-en close two squares? The answer will be given next week.

THE ANSWERS TO THE FOLLOWING TEASERS WILL BE FOUND ON PAGE 7.

2. How many Englishmen have attained the position of Pope?

3. If you were, told that a man was podugral, would you expect him to be;

(a) Athletic.

a

(b) Wealthy. (c) Irreligious. (d) Under Doctor. (e) Mean. (1) Indus trious?

4. Who, in a famous poem, bad two grandchildren, Peterkin and Wilhelmine?

5. Here are the surnames of six comedians. Give to each the name of his or her well-known partner.

West. Lyon. (b) (a)

(c) (c) Gold Holmes. (d) Burns.

(1) Haver.

6. How mitny inches represent one link?

7. What is a dufla? Is it:

(a) Flower. (b) A, Weapon. (c) An Oriental cloak. (d) An animal. (e) A bird. (f) A fish (o) A Lato term?

8. George L. Carpenter is the name of

(a) A well-known boxer, (b) A famous author. (c) The-lender of the Salvation Army, (d) A politician, fe) An actor. (1) A character in Action?

9. Another one for those who study the papers. Who is the new Commander-in-Chief of the R.A.F.

In France?

RECORDS

These new recorde nee worth trying for the party.

1. Vera Lymt singing Trying Merlin's plece of rhythmle optimism "Lovely Vern, the girl from Jay Tomorrow."

East Bank, jelu a Jewish quality of nelancholy into her voice. And she has the courage to leave a tune alotte. (Dorca),

2. Glenn Miller, the new swing king, at work on an infections plece called In the Mood." Over and over again the same phrase repeats and always the rhythm laws. This in the perfect recurd if you feel like dancing to the radiogram at home to-night, (iLM.V.).

Spades are trumps. West lends North-South diamond Jack and must win all nine tricks. Solution next week.

CHESS

By W. HATTON-WARD PROBLEM No. 1

By JOHN NUTT (Bristol). BLACK (14 pieces),

WHITE (9 pieces).

MATE IN TWO.

INANITY FARE

Lord Hankey

Is far from swankey

And you can't start firing

A man who's so retiring.

forwards and collects baggage, stores baggage, furniture, etc.

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