1939-03-11 — Page 8

8.

THE HONGKONG TELEGRAPH, Saturday, March 11, 1989,

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1

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The

Geoffrey Suckling continues his series. on his difficulties with Waffles MeTurbot. It appears now that-

WAFFLES HAS A GAS MASK

I'

M LOOKING for an- other assistant.

POSITIONS VACANT WANTED-An Intelligent young who knows the difference between cauliflower and a tulip. Apply-Buck- ing's Superior Seeds Cu.

mall,

"Through gross inadvertency on

Waffles was "paid off" -as he calls it-yesterday, and I'm not a bit sorry, Should he come to your office looking for a job, I me part of the most inexperienced hope you will show him the member of my staff (I gave Waffles. -a-wilting -- glance). I much regret door as quickly as possible. that a label Intended for mustard- The damage he has done to and-cress has been affixed to your pumpkin seeds. I need hardly add my business is well nigh irre that disciplinary action will be taken parable. Several of my best against the individual concerned." customers, including Col. Pim- ( gave Waffles another glance). pleton Boomer, have left me.

His conduct when he joined the Naval Volunteers became impossible.

mic

I don't think anyone can call a hard taskmaster, but I should have to be superhuman if I were to overlook his latest shortcomings.

Mrs. Nimblefoot lifted her lorg- nettes and surveyed the cowering figure of my assistant.

"Then," she said, thrusting the seed packet into Wales' hand," "you can have your pumpkin seeds back, young man. You will no doubt find

suitable place for them."

With that she bounced out of the office,

When ha appeared at the office FEW DAYS later, Col. Boomer wearing a double-breasted cout A rang up. He demanded an ex- with six buttons and his hat planation as to why, d... it, when almost falling off his left ear, he had planted a d... bed with d... I accepted his explanation that lips, d... caullilowers had come up. The explanation was, of course-- Admiral Beatty always dressed d Waffles.

Hongkong Telegraph. in this fashion.

Wyndham St., Hongkong 'Phone 26615

March 11, 1939

Critical Hour

T

two

גום

IS evident that the Republican debacle is to complete in Spain that it is irretrievable. No rally is possible and, indeed, the Loyal ists now appear to have split into three factions, fighting amongst themselves. The balance. not only of territary but of pro- ductive resources and man-power, has been decisively changed by the transfer of Catalonia. Valen- ein and Madrid, if Miaja can quell the uprisings behind his dwn linca, might continue to hold out for a period; but they would be fighting a losing battle against irresistible odds. They could not avert the issue, now foregone: they could only bring further ruin upon Spais and further misery upon i her un- happy people.

-After-two-and-a-half-years-of- fratricidal war it is not surprising ir the adversaries should have come to hate each other. But they have still, under their anta- gonism, one thing in common-- Jove of their native land; and that commmen love should prevail over their mutual hate. On the one side it should persuade to at- quiescence in defeal; and on the other side to forbearance towards the conquered. Unless the open wounds of Spain are quickly staunched her recovery will be be- yond hope. Her last state will be that of an estate ruined by litiga- tion for its inheritance. It is ob- vious, therefore, that when Council of Defence in Madrid pro- claims its intention to continue

But I did make a mild protest

* * WAS sitting in my private offlee. when he started interfering

The time was ripe for a heart with Ah Lum's dress. Ah Lum to heart talk with Waffles. is my Chinese assistant, and 1 ean quite understand his diffid- ence at having to don what Walles described as the "rig of the day."

rong the bill. He appeared.

"Aye, aye, Sir!" he said.

"I am quite aware that it's you," snapped.

"ye, Sir," he said.

"I don't mean '1, I'—I mean 'Aye. I even put up with his nautical

There you go again with your I complained. jargon and his absurd habit of seafaring gibberish!" following me to the lift-when- "I thought I forbade you to use such ever I left the office. Standing expressions in this office!"

"By the way," I added, "this nut

with you, and I'm afraid you are

2

A recent

photograph of

McTurbat.

Waffles

"I mean my people have been con- nected with the sen for generations," "I am degeended from he explained. the old Cornish family of Turbots, who changed their name to McTur- bot when they migrated to Aberdeen to 1575

It was time to put my foot down. "I don't care à dani if you're a Scotch herring. I'm not going to allow you to ruin my business! Either your resign from the navy, or you leave this Dfice. Which Is it 10 be?"

I lured at him, and the poor ligh visibly crumbled.

"All right." he gave in. "I sub- mit to force majeure, I will resign."

Folt A few days all was serene in

the offer. Waßles seemed to be taking real interest in the business. He sang again-but no sea shanties. His favourite air how seemed to be If I Should Plant a Tiny Seed of Lame in the Garden of Your Heart.

I found myself bunning the re- train.

I did record 'business with my hardy-perennials, and, in the Jand- scape garden department, I had per- ferled a new design in window boxes.

I bought some more cigars.

warden.

at the lift entrance, he would tical attitude of yours forms one of raise his hat to me as the lift the subjects that I want to discuss AND THEN came the second crisis. descended-seeing me over the going to And the discussion none too side" he said. I'm sure people pleasint." must have thought he was mad.

It was when it came to my losing customers that I felt bound to take action.

*

I

SELECTED one of my favourite flor de cabbagle cigars, and re- moved the band.

"Sume few weeks ago," I began, "you were constantly muttering to AM the proprietor of "Suckling's yourself something about a Miss At first I suspected you Superior Seeds Co." and, as you Muster.

that any

thinking know, the front of our seed packets might be in lave, but it seemed in- in adorned with a highly artistic credible

woman should treat your coloured pleture, whilst, at the back, young are given the necessary description advances other than in a humorous

light. and planting instructions. +

"I was forced, therefore, to con-

sane

It was part of Waffles' duties to clude that the lady you referred to type out and paste on these pictures must be a nit wit of the same calibre and instructions.

us yourself."

Mrs. Nimblefoot came to our showroom one day for a packet giantTMpämpkin seeds,"

I clipped my cigar and lit it.

" afterwards discovered that you

of had become (Naval Volunteer, and

that Miss Muster was a term which ́ I thought for a moment.

you had picked up on the quarter- Pumpkins vegetable or fruit? deck whatever you call it,"

Was h

I took a draw at my elgar, and ... vegetable or fruit?

or fruit?... cuiitted a cloud of smoke. vegetable pumpkin surely vegetable!

"If it should be for patriotic rea- "Vegetable Department Mr. Me- sons that you are trying to saltorise Turbot, forward!" I called.

yourself, I advise you to desist, as I He does cannot imagine, Waffles McTurbot, Wames bounded in. everything at the double now-it you could do anything else on the seems to be the only bright spot deck of a ship than to get your feet about his naval training.

tangled up in the ropes."

"Show the lady some of our giant pumpitin seeds, guaranteed to win a prize at the Hongkong Horticultura) Show," I ordered.

The "silent navy shifted from one fool to the other, but said nothing.

"What are you going to do about H?" I asked.

"That will be the Fruit Depart-

"You see, sir. it's like this,"" ment (confound the fellow! how Wadles replied. "I'm afraid the sea dare he try to correct me!). This is in my blood, and I can't keep away way, moddam, please," and, as he from it. The tang of the ocean is departed, I heard him singing:

constantly in my nostrils."

What moistens the Ups and

brightens the eye,

What calla back the past

Д

a rich Pumpkin Piel

*

܀

the

Incensed lady waved a packel

the bear it in obeying an impulse TVE MINUTES later, highly which, however creditable to forti- tude, murt be-dictated more by partisanship than by patriotism, unless it is merely standing out for terms.

The vital interests of Spain should not be made a counter in anch bargaining. For the Kame reason magnanimity goes hand in hand with prudence at this junc- ture, and victory could not be more securely crowned than by the vic- tor's grant of a general net of oblivion and amnesty to the van- [quished. The latter have no need, and no power indeed, to ask for

more.

Bath

of seeds under my nose.

joke?" she "Is this your idea of asked. "If so, I think it's in very poor taste, and you had better cross

name off your book)" I examined the packet.

mammoth pumpkin. Surely no one Yes, on the front was depicted i could take exception to that. what was this on the back?

But

"THESE REEDS WILL GROW AL "MOST ANTWHERE, IN FACT THE POSSESSION OF A GARDEN 13 NOT AT ALL ESSENTIAL JUST TAKE ONE OF YOUR OLD DISCARDED SHIRTS, DAMPEN IT, SPRINKLE THE BEEDS OVER IT, AND SPREAD IT ON A WINDOW BILL, IN A FEW DAYS YOU WILL JIAVE A CROP THAT WILL BE THE ENVY OF YOUR NEIGH- BOUND.“

"OR-LUV-A-DUCK!" I thought to myself, "here's a pretty General Franco and kettle of fish! It's obvious that the General Miaja must make their blundering ass has got the pumpkin before next week. the mustard-and-crest. Now, how Whatever they decide will the dlckens am I going to. placate: be critical for Europe, 110 this female fury?" doubt, but even more critical for

She braite out again.

decisions

seed labels mixed up with those of

་

Spain and her people, of whom so "If you imagine for one moment many thousands are refugees in that I am going to grow pumpkins on my shirt, you are Jolly well mis- foreign lands, and still more thou- taken. In the first place i don't wear sands are suffering untold hard-n shirt, and, even if I did, I should ship and privation in beleaguered certainly have other uses for R than cities. As the decision rests with for growing pumpkin! Spanish leaders whose devotion to "A most indelicate suggestion I their country is beyond qucation, consider apart from the question of hygiene. When my husband hears that decision should not be in

how you have insulted me..." Idoubt. It should be to end the "One minute, please," I

interrupt- war as soon as possible, withouted; ""Ailów, ma to apologise and further bloodshed.

explain.

"But, if there is anything wrong with your blood your olfactory organs, you can easily see a doctor,"

pointed out.

Wales beeune [3 A.R.P.

Waffles in a gas mask!!! NO, THANK YOU!

Divorce Of Convenience

A 44-YEAR-OLD German Jew banker, whose Aryan wife divorced him on the advice of the Nazi authorities, hopes to remarry her in England.

This was mentioned at Bow Street recently when the banker pleaded gulity to a charge of landing in Eng- "land by means of in irregular pass-"

port.

His counsel said he had an excel- ient war record in Germany and was awarded the Iron Cross, first class.

For this he was allowed to remain in Munich and continue in the bank- ing business.

"Then," said counsel, “anti-Jewish riots broke out, his house was at- tacked, his cars burned and his property damaged.

WENT INTO HIDING

"His wife, being an Aryon, was advised to obtain a divorce and did

50.

The banker went into hiding and then came to England, where he intended to wait until his wife could come and remarry him.

Sir Rollo Graham-Campbell, im- posing a fine at £5, made no re- commendation for deportation.

GRIN AND BEAR IT

By Lichty

12-10

P 11°

I didn't have a shampoo customer

Andre sido spray An

FIRST OF A SERIES OF ABSORBING

ARTICLES FROM LONDON

ON

Britain Prepares For War

EDITOR'S NOTE: In the next

war Britain, for the first time in 900 years, will be in grave danger of armed invasion. In the past the navy kept her shoros intact. The danger now is from the air... ...To meet this modern peril, Britain is organising her civil population, and Every able-bodied man woman will have a job to do. This series of articles tells the story of Britain's army of "passive defence", and of the hundred-and-one other ways in which Britain is preparing for war at home.

By H. L. PERCY

United Press Sidff 'Correspondent.

I

BRITAIN IS training every

nerve in preparation for the next war. Not only for the war which will be fought abroad, but for the war at home-the de-· fence against aerial attack.

Never since the Danes and the Romans raided her shores centuries ago has Britain felt in danger of invasion. To-day, she knows that she was never more in danger of it.

Every man and woman in the street is aware of it. Elhiopia, China and Spain have provided the ghastly proof that it will be the civilian populations which will suffer most in the next war.

The skies will bring war to the back-yard. It will not be the rather incredible, nebulous thing it was for the civilian of 25 years ago.

Army of the Rear

And to meet this menace Brilain is forming a vast voluntary "army of the rear."

By propaganda on a scale never before attempted here, the govern- ment is making the people realise that those who stay at home will be in as much danger of being killed as those fighting at the front.

1#

By radio, cinema, newspapera und stump-speeching from one end of the country to the other, a vast recruit- ing campaign now under way. calling all those who will not ba wanted for the fighting services to Join the passive defence army,

Service is voluntary at present, but. within a few hours it can be thrown on to a war-time compulsory basis, Alongside this scheme of nationul service, Britain is preparing in a hundred and one other ways. Some of them, like gas-masks, balloon bar rage, and evacuation, are goverrunent schemes. Others, such as air-rald shelters, trenches, bomb protection und air-raid drill, are being conduct- ed by local authorities, private firms and private cliizens.

To get on idea of what Britain is doing, it is ns well to understand what can be expected, and what is feared.

. Experts have estimated that raid- ing planes can reach Britain from. continental Europe in little more than hour. Fifteen minutes after they have been sighted off the coast they can be dropping their loads of death on London, they say,

It is said that Mr. Neville Cham- berlain and other members of the government are convinced that the first move of the memy in the next war will be to attempt to destroy London and the principal cities.

Munich

It is said that it was because Chamberlain thought that Germany would do just that last September, and because Britain was practically defenceless, that he strove so hard to avert war.

It is said that Chamberlain visu- alized thousands of German planes descending on London almost at a moment's notice, wiping out millions of defenceless people with their in- cendiary, high explosive, and gas bombs; reducing Whitehall to a henp of rubble, rozing the Houses of Parliament to the ground, and flat- tening Buckingham Palace.

In its way, the Czecho-Slovakian crisis last September was the best of propaganda for which Chamberlain could have wished.

plece

The Air. Ralds Precautions Act, obliging local authorities to equip and train personnel, to provide shel- ters, and additional fire brigades, and to undertake decontamination, came into force January 1, 1938, but it made little progress in the next nine months, Service was voluntary and the public was apathelle.

Then came the crisis, and that week before Munich when war seem- cd certain; a matter of hours, even minutes, away. The people were shocked out of their calmness. Gas- masks were distributed by the mil- Non---40,000,000 to be exact, Trenches gashed the green. parks and open Брасев

around the ellier. Sond-bags The strangely hid public buildings. evacuation of children to the coun- tryside begun.

These were definite, tangible facts. They made the people realize what they were in for, more than any- thing else.

The crisis passed, and Britain felt more or less safe again at least for

a while. But the traditional fraud-

(Continued on Page 14.)