1936-05-14 — Page 18

6

THE HONGKONG TELEGRART, THURSDAY, MAY 14, 1985.

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LASZLO SCHWARTZ

DISCOVERS

the

man who laughed

at himself

IN my eternal hunt for amateur tap-dancers the Dod

humour, nothing is of well Sisters. Now, you will have to be satisfied with that to- greater importance to me, in day, but I'll dig up something appraising a man's sense of funny for you within a day or humour, than to discover at so and let you have it." the very outset whether the On my way home, I tried to reason why a man doesn't con- Stubbs Rd. incidents he relates are per- tinue when he makes such a sonal or whether he has splendid start, and I began to developed the capacity of doubt if I would ever be pre- laughing at others. Any sented with another laugh by fool can laugh at the other Mr. Dodwell. But I was, the very next day, and I pass it on chap's expense, but it is only in the hope that "a laugh a day a wise man who has cul- may keep wrinkles away," tivated the capacity of Here it is: laughing at himself:

ANNOUNCEMENT.

Mr. and Mrs. Fung Kong Un beg to announce that the marriage of their daughter, Stells, to Mr. Chau Sing Kan will take place at

the Registry on Thursday, May 21st, 1936, No invitations are being issued but all friends will be

welcome at the Recoption to be

held at the Hongkong Hotel at 4.30 p.m.

The

the

Shondweto

Chinese citizens from Colony. As a private soldier in the Hongkong Volunteer De- fence Force, he found himself in the novel position of doing sentry-go outside the Hongkong and Shanghai Bank, of which he dier pidgin? I too muchee fear was then Chairman, a duty England no got soldiers. More which became known as 'guard- better I go Canton chop-chop.' ing one's overdraft.'

"No amount of argument "In those days, the ordinary could convince him that Eng- soldier ranked lower in the land was not in extremis, and he eyes of Chinese society than he packed up and went to Canton, does to-day, and one of Mr. hundreds of his compatriots fol Dodwell's influential Chinese lowing suit. business friends, happening to see him in the garb of a British Tommy, was so surprised and disturbed that he rushed into the office the following day in great

"Incidentally, for this memor- able guard the Bank provided free liquid refreshment in the Guardroom until, in about a fortnight's time, the Board de- cided, much to the Chairman's "You belong No. 1 man this regret, that it would be cheaper At first, Mr. Dodwell's inadvertently responsible for great Bank, he said, how to let the vaults take their face puzzled me for a few quite a considerable exodus of fashion you do this d-fool sol- chance without a guard !"

moments, but as soon as I

found him laughing at him-

self I felt quite certain that

"In the early days of the agitation. Great War, Mr. Dodwell was

Hongkong Telegraph. we were brothers in the ARE WE WISER THAN THE APES?

THURSDAY, MAY 14, 1936.

"COLONIAL EQUALITY"

British questionnaire to

A noteworthy omission in the

Land of Mirth. For to my

request for something to tickle the ribs, he gave this bit of information:

"My chief claim to notoriety

Misusing the Gifts of Science

and humour is that I am one of COME of these dry-as-dust selentista- the joint-producers of our local SOM

Gor-NOTES OF THE DAY

By AN OLD STAGER

the potential fuel as being filthy to

touch and disturbing to the digestion. What they would not have done for monkeys have such sound instincts that, unlike homo sapiens, they reject poisonous foods on sight Is to utilise the coalfields, in their Indecent haste to get rich quick, in such a way as to poison the very air they breathed, Dansest in the World

and solemn-visaged acholars con- of which there is as yet no hint the ceal a ripe sense of humour in their whatever, homo sapiens ronds will academic make-up.. What prize be more slaughierous even than his comedian, for lustance, first conceived battlefields. the sardonic idea of classifying the Lethal Gew-Gews human race as homo sapiens? That Joke must through the ages have The tiny island. of Great Britain If ever a man deserved recog afforded infinite side-splitting amuse- alone sees

snerificed every week nition by his countrymen and the ment to the Olymplan Immortals. about a hundred lives and two or Homo sapiens. And he does not three thousands of human limbs to monarch he served, it is Lord Wil- lingdon. He has just been made even know enough to be able to agree, the overmastering urge that fools n Marquis. In Canada, where he to stop slaughtering his own species. feel to get there quickly. Then we has done and is going on doing, in passed a distinguished term as is an intriguing thought for mortals, bilthely proceed to include those fools face of the most solemn scientifle

who proudly usurp the title of lords in the category of homo sapiens.

warnings and the most palpable facta. Governor-General, he was seldom

Contemplating the manner in which Precise, satistics reveal that during

even

Yet that is just what homo sapiens

Such

our

clear

manner

that

world.

many is the absence of any re- ference to the expectation on the part of the Hitler Government that within a reasonable time, and by means of friendly nego tiations, the question of "Colo- nial equality of rights" shall be cleared up. The explanation probably lies not so much in the called upon to exercise the tact and creation, whether the birds, wer

they endowed with our self- mankind utilises its latest mechanical fact that Britain has declared careful judgment that his Indium complacent chemical àrid mechanical and scientific toys, whether designed the past twenlly years the atmosphere rather than better. 11. MOUTRIE & Co., Ltd. her unwillingness to surrender office demanded. But as Viceroy genius, would at once proceed to for peace or war, any dispassionate of industrial areas has grown steadi-

any of her overseas possessions of that great Empire his devise the most wholesale means of Cook's tourist from Mars must con- ly worse

would be comparatively simple, and creation. clude that homo sapiens is about as highly economie, se to utilise our as in the circumstance that the abilities must have been taxed. It is exterminating feathered issue does not call for immediate probably the highest tribute that Would they revel in the lethal poten-ft to be trusted with these lethal buried fuck weather that the air of citics would be as and pure attention. As has on many oc- the man could have that there is alles of high explosives and poison gew-gaws as would be a baby chimp

My own private conviction with Mills bomb. casions been pointed out, Bri- not a section of the population of is that even ficusses would have with acetonated man brend would as that of Locarna. We prefer to go mo coal reserves in the least selentific and tain could not be expected, sole India that does not hold him in more savvy.

hares. That we were not homo high respect, and there are many

But this is only one aspect of the say we were all as mad as March on gassing ourselves by using up our

her possible. extravagant most ly amongst the nations concern-of whom his generosity and sym- colossal lunacy of homo sapiens sapiens, in fact, but just what the What makes it all the worse is ed, to give up territories over pathy have made lifelong friends. Aerial torpedoes and phosgene gas succinct Americans call "sapa!"

Any fine afternoon at the Zoo you Great Britain is not only intellectual- which she holds mandatory re has said that he intends to re-ure after all employed only in the

admittedly abnormal war-time inter- | may see groups of human bipedsly the densest, but actually the most powers, and it is clear that the tire, and that his health is not us ludes. Though these are frequent laughing uproariously at the inane densely populated, in the

There are about 400 people to the British Government has no such robust as it might be. But, if we and protracted, there do come periods nuties of the apes. It never for a intention. On the other hand, may be permitted to judge the when homo sapiens is at peace with moment enters their craniums that square mile. What sort of air do

inch? it is quite conceivable that she character of the man, we believe himself. Even the piping times of maybe the upes are even more tickled these pairials breathe to the square been According to the latest scienuine might be prepared, provided that active mind, with all the mass pence, however, have become almost, to death about our Imbeelle.

If satisfactory scheme were evolv- of vital facts it compasses, will not quite, as deadly as war. When

homo sapiens is not kling himself populated this world had

not by homo sapiens, but tests they inhale, in each mouthful of air they breathe, especially if, ast ed, to consider the making of go on working for the Empire who are, according to

I won- most of us now do, they live in a latest scientific science, our poor relations the

13,000,000 coal particles, 700,000 town, economic concessions in certain has served so long, so fearlessly thought by

and so successfully.

methods, he does it light-heartedly der would they have developed our of her Colonies and in this way

and for amusement. In the long run, coal resources us we have done. petrol particles, 37,000 rubber-dust dispose of the problem of ac-

unless something is done to stop it, Most likely they would have ignored particles, and 25,500 cess to raw materials. In a re-

There is a commercial gospel in cent debate devoted to this lat- Canada and the United States ter subject in the House of which has won an increasing num Lords, one of the speakers ber of followers in the past de- stressed the point that the evil cade. It is sometimes known as Mr. Robert which at present exists, does not Inter-Pacific Trade.

owner-editor of the lie so much in the possession of Cromie, raw materials as in the absence Vancouver, B. C. Sion was

disciples. its staunchest of open markets for finished of

fle han died suddenly; and goods, whereby payment for the

stalwart has lost catae materials could be made. Lord leader. But another of the same

R

E

F

R

YOUR

HANDS

7

*

2

one

The ELIZABETH ARDEN'S way Lugard, a former Governor of faith is making himself heard in

Wash the hands with LEMONIES SOAP as this is an excellent soap which cleanses and whitens the hands.

To keep them soft and smooth rub on a little MILK of ALMONDS.

eare.

Hongkong, suggested an open- Washington, on the other side of door policy in the non-self- the international boundary, it is governing Colonies, and this idea true, but for all that none the less found a considerable measure of impressively in Canadian support on the part of other He is Mr. John Haussermann, businessman of the speakers, the argument being well-known that there must be, on Britain's Philippines. He, like the Inte Mr. part, real co-operation, shown by Cromie, believes devoutly in the readiness to sacrifice national ad-necessity of raising the purchas vantage for the; benefit of the ing power of the Asiatic peoples

(Continued on Page 41

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hands clear definition of the term But they would have to repre

"Colonial equality of rights," sent some kind of secured Any sort of mere which is a formula that might finality. casily cover impossible demands. piece-meal surrender is unthink- Herr Hitler must say In this connection, Mr. J. L. Gar- able, . vin, the noted British journalist, what he would like to have be comes down to realities when he fore we can begin to consider aake what Herr Hitler precise-practically what we might be ly means by it. The German able to concede." This is the Chancellor, he says, would have position in a nutshell. Economic to state the limits of his claims readjustments may be called before an inolt of progress could for, and, assuming the working be made, adding: "Britain can-out of a scheme of general ap- not be the only nation to maire plication, they might readily bo Colonial concessions. The con- made. But before the issue cessions, partly political, partly comes into the realm of prae- economic, made by us and others Lical politics there must be a in concert, might be pretty large clear definition of terms,

LANE, CRAWFORD, LTD.

SIDE GLANCES By George Clark

always hate to ride down on the sasie lift with our inipan..

I never know what to talk to him about."

one

tobacco-ash It seems n particles.

lot for mouthful, but there it is, and, even. allowing a liberal discount for the known partiality of scientists for making lay flesh creep, it puts rather a now significance on that horrible

"You've sold Yankee cliche, mouthfull"

EL

It is symtomntle of homo sapiens that, these grim facts staring him in the face and knocking at his reputed brain, he proceeds, not to try to cleanse the air, but to atimulate the British Medical Association to launch an anti-C3 physical jerks carnpaigal How it can be expected to build up an Al population on that sort of breathing material passtá comprehen- alon.

Big Business

of

We have by no means exhausted yet the conspicuous examples homo saptena's imbecility. An Act of Parliament has just been put through, with all the swift celerity always forthcoming where Big Bust- ness is interested, which licenses oil- prospecting activities. Strong silent optimists are prowling the choicest beauty spota ali left in the hope of making successful borings and strik- ing oil in both senses.

It might be imagined, in such an emergency, that prayers would b offered up in all churches that such enterprises may prove a ghastly and ridnous flasco, America is a vast continent, and perhaps has room for Bul" anyone prosperous oll-Acids, who has either seen, or sniffed, those liquid El Dorados must be appalled at oven the faint prospect of their aesthetic reproduction. It would turn this country into a stinking eyesore. But, of course, there would be money in it. And what home zaplous la after all the time, before anythidg else in the world, is "boodle." He would and does barter his birth right of divino, beauty or healing peace for a mess of dirty stampest paper.