1934-03-08 — Page 18

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The

Hongkong Telegraph.

TELEGRAPH.

THURSDAY, MARCH

8, 1934.

NOTES OF THE DAY THE LITERARY BURGLAR The Very Idea!

MAKING UP LEEWAY

By ROBERT LYND

TR. Guedalla complained the summoned my comrade Hoskins,

Met Gala

WE PLEAD SPRING FEVER By Eddie Kelly, Warm Date

Around about this time of the month our articles are in- clined to get a bit like our- self-attort,

Besides, someone, bitten by the Spring fever women- tloned yesterday, had taken up half our column with a' poem.

In accordance with axpecta tions, Britain's Navy Estimates call for a considerable increase in exponditure. Whatever hopes the

of an ance of phrase-making in recent Invitation to tea, sallied blithely forth, but, on observing my posi Government may have eventual disarmament agreement times. being reached, it is clearly felt

Certainly the politicians, whem on, his countenance registered that there has been quite enough cutting down for the time being. Mr. Guedalla had chiefly in mind, intense consternation and pro- Britain has certainly done her are poor enough hands, at coining found deprecation. When I offer- fair share in this direction. A sentences, but, if he had pursueded him an orange it was accepted One. gathers that the house- goodly part of the increased eum. needed is due to retardation in his Investigations among some of with marked reluctance.” the past the humbler sections of society, I

Speaking of Spring reminds us construction during

food from the flourishes as borrowing some three years. Under the new pre- think he would have found that breaker had no purpose beyond gramme, of course, Britain will English prose atill

limita.

statolily na. In the days of Dr. family that had departed in search that an enterprising local insur- still be well within Treaty

search of the larder he found photograph of a child from R Next year, however, will bo, a vital one for all the big Powers, for Johnson, Gibbon, and Mr. Micaw- of pleasure. But when he went in ance company recently clipped a that "the apartment in which thot local morning contemporary," and attaching it to a letter, suggested. the future of navel construction bor.

sounds Mr. Mieawber never showed a worthy closet is usually situated" will again be under international

more consummate mastery of the was, according to the consideration. It remains to be

of

the emanating from it, occupied by that the mother should insure har. language than seen whother there will be any pomp

This seems to be a great idea. fresh yard-stick agreement, or

house-breaker who was sentenced several capable members of the daughter. to two years' hard labour at the canine persuasion."

my In the near futuro we shall pre- whether the Conference will be

Being anxious to "retsin faced with a situation in which Surrey Quarter Sessions the other

nether extremities in a state of bably be receiving letters like one or more nations refuse to be bound further.

The house-breaker had careful-preservation," he withdrew from this:

Dear Sir,-Enclosed is a photo of ly prepared a written statement to the apartment in question" and, sudden Impulse for and the opening acting on a read in court, sentence, with its Defoc-like de- the second time, went upstairs a pair of your trousers hanging on suggest to you that the two holes tall and its feeling for the eloquent and "purloined" certain articles your clothes line. May we discreetly They thon carried off that the rear of them are not in keep. word, is one that any best-selling of jewellery. novelist might envy.

jewellery to a field, where they ing with what the well-dressed mina

it, examined the apoll, and, not of to-day should wear? knowing what to do with "Interred it in Mother Earth."

day.

"About B o'clock in the morning of Friday, January 12, 1934," the statement began, "a casual ob server would have discerned my and myself comrade Hoskins emerging from the stately portals of the Epsom Poor Law Institu-

PLANES V. CRUISERS

Britain how plans to spend nearly a quarter of a million ster- Hug more than the year before on the Fleet air arm, but in some din- quarters there will be a position to doubt whether this expansion is by any means suffic

Mr. ient. It may be true, as

recently Neville Chamberlain asserted, that aeroplanes are no substitutes for cruisers, but there are numerous angles to this question." tion, and the varying schools of thought are disposed to cling ideas. tenaciously to their own One point which suggests itself Is that in time of war the suc- cessful convoying of shipping might well be offact by hostile perial attack near its destination.

CRUISER DESIGN

.

ALL THE LATEST

•

miado from the

santo

May we take this opportunity of offering you our "Special Trousera Old-fashioned writers of tracts Bargain," price $2250. A coat and worthles tossed in their sleep that material will be given free. Yours would have described how the two waistcoat night, tortured by the nightmares in anticipation, Clothem and Co.

It was not

Or perhaps this:-- How clearly the picture of the of a bad conselence.

Dear Madam-We have taken the emergence of these morning ad-their consciences, that interfered venturers is brought before us with their sicep, however. The And how the phrasing prepares us bad night they endured was due

casual ward to which they turned We are enclosing the photo and ask for astonishing events to follow! simply to the fact that at the liberty of photographing your hat. Had the day been fine, the two in, the entire stock of mattresses you, as one woman to another, "is friends would apparently have

We feel sure that you, being a fair been in favour of seeking work: was "already supporting the per-your hat chic

not minded woman, must admit that it is Micawber himself could but as the victim of fate put it: one of wayfarers." "The rainy condition of the day in question being unfavourable have described the experiences of not. We also enclose a photo of our for our vocation, and being on the the night in lordlier language than latest creation in hats, which we feel

were relegated to! verge of a financial crisis, our cir- this simple house-breaker. those of mendicaney."

cumstances

RO11.

To read this passage is to read, not only an extenuation of a crime, but an indictment to society:

sure poilt immediately captivate your fancy. Yours truly, Maris et Gic.

In a

communication to Edward Kelly, the Secretary of the new Association, Mr. F.Ö.X. ("Terry") Terrior, says,

Sir, My Association, realizing

THURSDAY, MARCH 8, 1934.

With naval matters so much to WAR DEBT RUMOURS

the fore at the moment, more than information

"We disposed ourselves," he Amongst the numerous sug-ordinary interest attaches to the

first authoritative

rolates, "as best we could upon guestions which have been put which has been made public re-

Woodman, Spare That Tree ! If they were mendicants, how-the floor, and spent a third-rate forward for a settlement of the garding the design of the new

ever, they were not ungrateful night, the visitations of Morpheus

Although Government has changed war debts question none can Leander class of cruiser, In the

beams being both brief and sporadic." Gratitude now lasue of "Brassey's Naval

its mind about those Kowloon trees, surely have been more fantastic Annual," Mr. J. A. Narbeth, lato mendicants.

I confess that, if I had been on than that Britain should cede Assistant Director of Naval Con- from the sentence in which the

difficult to join in a verdict of finished with yet.. No, Sir. Several certain Empire territories to the struction, compares the qualities lunch given to them by a generous the jury, I should have found it we understand that the matter is not

of the Birmingham Class, which magistrate is immortalised. United States to offset the aum

cost £350,000, with Leanders cost-

"No event of consequence oc- guilty against such a musician of indignation meetings will be held $1,628,000 excluding tho which she, is still owing. Suffing cient notice has, however, been gans). He points out that "the curred between Epsom Town and the English tongue a man who during the latter end of this month. taken of the matter to warrant increase of 2,000 tone has been Redhill," we are told, "except can make a cliche shine like a new For instance, the K.RA. is on the accompanied by an Increase of that we called at the domain of a penny. His prose would have its being raised in the House of seven knots in speed and of about venerated justice of the pence been suficient defence, and, be-war-path, and now the K.D.A. has Commons, with the result that £1,250,000 in cost, while the arma-and, having acquainted him with sides, who could have helped being been formed to look after the in-

promptly regaled with shepherd's with which he quoted Dr. John the Prime Minister has given the ment has been reduced by ane & the degree of our adversity, were moved by the deadly pointedness terests of canines on the mainland.

inch gun

pie of comely proportions." only possible answer to his ques- tioners namely that under no circumstances can there be any

These facts are attributed to an 1,000 question of such an arrange-increase of approximately

cent. In specialist-office ment. This story undoubtedly per arises out of reports which have accommodation; to the enormous wireless equipment which makes been current latterly that nego of the Leander "a veritable tiations were under way between Broadcasting House" to the increase of en- the United States, Britain and extraordinary

soda- France, looking to the cession by closed spaces on the mess decks

which include the two last-named Powers of fountain bara, reading rooms, certain South Sen islands which bookstalls, and recreation rooms. mar- might be used as aerial and naval Women would enjoy reading Mr.

Narbeth's account of the bases in the event of war break- vellous cooking arrangements, ing out in the Pacific. Accord-mincing machines, potato poolers, ing to these reports, the United electric toasters, and other items

of labour-saving housewifery. States had tentatively offered partial cancellation of war debts in return for such action. At

The ship is provided with a oil-fuel the back of these suggestions, of course, is the matter of pre-sufficiently

past every British strategical. paredness by America for even-storage to enable her to steam tual war with Japan. It is this base in the world, avoiding them nis though they were enemy bases. scare which has given rise to

The fighting qualities of the ship are dismissed with a few lines. it the rumours, as well as to many

will find

themselves others which are equally absurd. Indeed, readers The fact that the United States difficult to convince

design and construction of has not seen fit to deny the story that they are not considering the has given it greater credence in small luxury liner rather than a some quarters than it deserves, British fighting ship. Mr. Nar- up his fascinating but it is to be presumed that both sums

vessels of the Leander class on Washington considers the whole chapter thus: "The production of matter too absurd to call for 7,000 tona must therefore be re- refutation. So far as Britain is garded as a veritable triumph of concerned, the issue is now put naval architecture." beyond any doubt whatever, and

REAL LUXURY

canteens.

enormous

A

it is quite as inconceivable that | UNTAMED ICEFIELDS

Admiral Byrd's recent difficult France could be party to any

these los with the disintegrating ico such transaction. How stories originate, it is dimcult to shelves at his projected landing say, but they are of a type which spot in Antarctica's famous Bay hazards which that spot somehow leap into prominence of Whales emphasizce one of the

whenever war scares are in the peculiar to explorers. That ha-

air. The danger is that, fanci-zard arises from the fact that no ful as they may be, rumours of ship actually can get very close this kind are apt to increase to the Antarctic continent itself suspicions and thus aggravate in that particular region. A ship cannot be moored in an actual already are Bituations which

harbour; a base camp cannot be tense. It is far better, there stablished on terra Arms. The must be approached fore, that they should be brought mainland into the open and made the sub-across this vast ice barrier, and ject of official statements rather while the len ordinarily in as than be permitted to gain stablo as colld rock it neverthe- currency under circumstances loss is subject to all the changes which create a belief that they which a sheet of "Ice anywhere may possibly be true. Now that else might display. It is partly Mr. Ramsay MacDonald has been for this reason that Antarctic ox uncertain vonture, in spite of the Ho categorical in his denial. It is ploration still is a dangerous and. to-be hoped that we have heard modern equipment and elaborate the last of this story, so far as organization of up-to-date expodl Britain is concerned..

tions.

Alas, shepherd's pie even of the comeliest proportions brings only temporary alleviation of the pangs of hunger; and later in the

"I can only conclade, by way of that you have led a dog's lito during day-the two friends, becoming hungry again, decided to knock at mild extenuation of my nefarious your residence in Hongkong, appenis the door of another domain in the conduct, by the hackneyed yet to you for assistance in our forth- hope of fding a second bone-nevertheless truthful observation coming campaign against the Govern--

great enemy of 'Poverty is the

The Members of my Association factor na princely as the vonerated of the great Dr. Samuel Johnson: ment,

human happiness: it certainly cur- Justice of the peace.

Lack was against them, how-tails liberty, renders some virtues have stood for a great deal from impracticable and others extreme-the Government during the past live years. The freedom of the road has ever. The householder was out.

answer to myly difficult.'" "Receiving no

It is true that Dr. Johnson him-been denied to us, and when we pro- clarea, "I assumed that the pro- summons," the house-breaker du

impulses to force the windows of necessary for us to obtain a licence prietors had departed in search of self was poor, and yet, so far as tested, we were muzzled. We have

empty houses. The house-breaker, in order to live.

All these humiliations, however, we pleasure, and, neting on a sudden we know, never acted on sudden been condemned to chains. It le even

He himself confesace that his it is to be feared, modelled him- impulse, 1 forced a window." comrade looked aghast when he self on Dr. Johnson's speech have borne with fortitude. But this is the last siraw. Our beautiful saw him standing cheerfully In rather than on his behaviour.

May, his cell be well stored with avenue of trees in Nathan Road is, the window of the house.

books, ink and paper, however at the behest of the Government, to He has earned them.

His description of the scene is "I then," he declares,

masterly.

all right, fellotva, he's going

to give me another week. meet that payment.

be wantonly destroyed. It is time that the people at this Colony rose in protest.

Ode to Hongkong Girls

Natty ones, chatty ones, batty ones, catly ones,

GIRLS!

Lazy ones, racy oner, hazy ones. crazy onen,

GIRLS!

Some like 'em buoyant and bubbling and talkative,

Some like 'em aliuky and slook and provocative,

Some like 'em docile and shy and retiring,

Some like 'em purposeful, sly and inspiring,

We find the lot of them dreadfully

| tiring.

GIRLS!

Classy ones, brussy once, sassy ones, Dansy ones,

GIRLS!

Crying ones, trying ones, prying ones, lying ones,

GIRLS!

Why should wo men go on giving our dough to them

Giving hundred times more than we owe to them...

Giving our whole time from sunnet. to daten to them.

Playing the part of a sap and a joke to then

Rise up, you mugs, it is time that we woke to them

GIRLBI