1933-03-30 — Page 18

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The

Chongkong Telegraph.

THURSDAY, MARCH 30, 1933.

THURSDAY, MARCH 30 1933."

HOW I READ MYSELF

-By-

ROBERT "LYND

TO SLEEP

The Very Idea!

PLEASE DO NOT CHIT

By Eddie "1.0.U.” Kelly," MONEY!

to be said. But no faction can hope to rule a nation on such lines. The day is long past when Jews were regarded as social pariahs. By a wonderful evolu- tion and a steady triumph over disabilities and oppression, "they A Correspondent has written for in a room that contained nothing have produced a host of men of my opinion on the best books for but the latest sensational fiction. distinction and power in all reading in bed.

1 should in time get tired of Myra walks of life; especially finan- His own choice of bedside books, with the red hair and the green

What, we have often won- cial and political. Any plan of he declares, is as follows:

1eyes, and of the wicked Sir Charles, ostracism is bound to arouse Montaigne's Essays; 2, W. Hand of the blackmailer with the dered, was it like?

We have often heard of. world antagonism and can never Hudson, Cobbett's "Rural Rides" gun in the sports car; and in a hope to succeed. The world to- or White's "Selborne"; 3, a curs mood of reaction would long for the stuff. Sometimes shroffs Hooker's "Ecclesiastical Polity or have even asked us for some. day wants broad-mindedness and

Blenkinsop's "Economic Causes of toleration. A vitiated sense of better selection if one must make a book, indeed, that did not happen It would be difficult to make a the Peloponnesian War"-for any ultra-nationalism can only lead selection at all. For my own part, to be there.. to world disaster. That is why, however, I confess I have no special on large and general grounds, bedside favourite among books. I In bed, one likes to have within the Nazi campaign will assured go on reading in bed what I was reach one or two books that one ly meet with widespread dis-previously reading in chair, knows so well that one can dip whether it is Wordsworth or Wode into them almost anywhere, aure approval."

house.

of enjoyment.

Shipping Prospects"

There

rent book.

THE NARCOTIC SLEUTH

'

*

+1

anor-

I do not know whether Dickens

would be a good author to read in bed if one had never read

And we've always known. that people who sit behind large cnges in banks, with heaps of brains protruding from large bald heads like an ostrich egg, only pinker, have most of It. But none of them have ever given us a free sample.

So we decided yesterday to find

world is ever to go straight again We must go back to the old system

of barter.

Pete and us tried the scheme Inst Christmas. We asked Pete what: he'd like for a Christmas present. Eddie, ole pal ole pat, ole pal, I'd "Well, if it's all the same to you.

rather have the money," he said. So we gave him a ten buck note. He asked us what we'd like for a present.

Pete, me box, we'd prefer the money, too," we replied. dollar, note.

So he gave us back our ten

"If it's all the same to you,

*

Of course, this barter business is all very well in theory, but it doesn't always work.

with an extra pair of pants thrown

him before. Probably he would out what all this gold trouble in seems to be good

Or, if Imake a change it is keep one awake all night. But the world was about. ground for the air of cautious usually in favour of a detective what an excellent book "Our Mu-

First of all, we discovered, gold Warren at the annual meeting ing one to sleep. There is a com- asleep. Let that arch-scoundrel optimism adopted by Mr. J. P. like a really exciting story for send tween getting into bed and falling cat it, or wear it, or light a fire. story. I find that there is nothing tual Friend" is to go back to be- is useless to-day because you can't of the Kowloon Dock Company mon theory that the best books to Silas Wegs, open his lips to speak

with it. 4

So useless is gold that if the with regard to the future of read in bed are those that will and at once all seems for the best the shipping industry. During soothe one into somnolence. My in the best of all possible worlds. the last three months there has own experience has taught me been a reduction in laid-up Bri- when I am reading a book that OF SHAKESPEARE

otherwise. I sleep most easily) THE WEIGHT tish tonnage of 325,000 tons makes me long to keep awake in gross.

This is about 10 per order to find out what happened, cent. of the total of idle torinage and when through sheer weariness as bedside books are, like

All the books that people praise three months ago, or 15

"Our per I cannot keep even one eye open.. Mutual Friend," good dipping cent. of the idle tonnage if we The usefulness of detective books. Boswell's "Johnson” and exclude vessels more than twenty stories for reading in bed may, Tour to the Hebrides" are pro years old. He would be an think be explained easily enough. bably the best books of the kind optimist who considered that a reading a detective story one is, in the English language. Lamb's much of the twenty-year-old imagine, making use of only letters and essays are almost as

about one-tenth tonnage will "ever again in competition with mo-mously excited,

go to sea Even if this one-tenth is

of one's brain. good. And, besides the books nam- ed by my correspondent, Walpole's dern vessels which can operate tenths gradually relax into a gentle to Young Men, Thoreau's "Wal the other nine-lettera, Pepys, Cobbett's "Advice at costs ranging from 50 per drowsiness against which, after a den," "Religio Medici," "Pride and cent. to 75 per cent. of those of time, the one-tenth struggles in Prejudice," and Bir. Norman Ault's these old ships. We may there. vain.

"Elizabethan Lyrics" might be in- fore deduce the notable fact that

cluded in the list.

Supposing you keep a butcher's... Take, for example, a recently

shop. What with spring coming. all the reasonably economic ton-published sensational novel, which Shakespeare is one of the best on, and the birds twittering in the nage now idle will be absorbed begins:

authors to read in bed, but he wrote trees, and the G. F. looking askance within about eighteen months at Murder had been the fixed pur plays, and a one-volume edition is you naturally feel like a new suit. an inconveniently large number of at the soup stains on your vest, the present rate of progress: Trent Van Maarden, the scion of too small type to make a perfect a tailor and you say: "Look here, pose for two weeks of Byliffe at once too bulky and printed in And it cannot be objected that one of the oldest Dutch families of book for holding under a bedside Pete, you make me a nice new suit, So you pop along to Pete, who is the last three months have seen New York, last descendant of the. a very notable increase in world name of Jan Van Maarden, friend

Jamp. trade. It has been quite mo- of the great Peter Stuyvesant. The Oxford Dictionary, again, in, and I'll let you have half THE NAZIS AND THE is certainly unlikely to be any pear o be a sentence likely to in- bed, if it were possible to rend so giblets.

derate, and the rate of increase At first sight that may not ap-would be an ideal book to read in dozen Sunday joints and Some JEWS

lower during the next year., duce the innocence of sleep. It large a book in bed. Books for And Pete says: "That'a Oke This examination leads to the contains elements more suggestive reading in bed, however, have to be by me, Hec. (or Charlie, as the Whilst it is now made clear conclusion that a distinct re-remains, however, that at the back but by their size, weight and type. around comes the suit.

of nightmare horrors. The fact judged not merely by their contents case may be)", and presently that it is the Nazi Party, and vival in shipbuilding, not the "Hitler Government, particularly cargo shipbuilding, suficiently in Eyliffe Trent Van for a long time been a favourite

About a month later, Pete rings more of one's mind one does not believe The fact that Marcus Aurelius has which has proclaimed 1

uni-is much nearer than is generally Maarden to care whether he com- bed-book is said to be largely due versal boycott of Jews through-imagined. It is frequently for mits murder or not. He does not, to the size, weight and type of the out Germany, the situation is, gotten that scarcely three years like Raskolnikov, in "Crime and popular editions of his work. none the less, far from reassur- ago most of the world tonnage flesh-and-blood neighbours, ing. Indeed, as Herr Hitler is was fully occupied and that the turbing the depths of our terrors the head both of the Govern-figure for idle tonnage was and sympathies. If Eyliffe chooses ment and the Nazis, the impres negligible. Even a 10 per cent. to commit murder we feel, that it reading in bed is a practice to be of a butcher, you offer him a nice, I am not sure, however, whether happen to be an undertaker instead sion is naturally created that improvement in world trade will only be a make-believe murder commended. Most of us the boycott has official sanction, would set nearly all the idle by a puppet. Nearly all the most warned against it as children, and tomb-stone and he says, "But I ne- the more so as Hitler himself ships moving, and it is surpris-enjoyable detective stories-whe- if you took a plebiscite of the com- ver felt better in my life. What were slap-up funeral, with feathers and has long been known for his ing how rapidly tonnage could ther Conan Doyle's or Edgar Wal-munity to-day you would probably could I do with a funeral?" anti-Jewish outlook. The only be absorbed. And once tonnage and make-believe. Even while we good citizens who prefer to put him a chit for one posh funeral,

lace's are stories about puppets and that there are thousands of circumstance which can dispel begins to

So you settle matters by giving this belief will be for the Gov- should be a boom, if only of our hearts that there is no need to imaginary sheep or, like a man 1

move again there are being harrowed, we know in themselves to sleep by counting to be supplied on demand. ernment not only to disown temporary duration, in the ship-worry. Though the heroine is know, by counting the people with able paper have a way of wearing Now, chits written on perish- association with the movement, repairing yards. but to take energetic steps to

imprisoned in a cellar, gagged and whom, during a long life, he has out. Not that any we've signed. bound, with the water slowly rising quarrelled. see that it is suppressed. It

to her chin and a tarantula" about

have, but it can happen. was less than a week ago that

to drop on her from the ceiling, we

If people must read in bed, how-no diddling or dirty work, you have So in order that there shall ne Captain Goering, the Nazi

realise that there is nothing in the ever, and if I am asked to express this chit printed on something more Speaker, assured the foreign

situation to prevent an honest man an opinion on the best books for permanent than paper, such as cop- from enjoying a good night's sleep. reading in bed, I must give my vote per, or gold, or silver.

either for "books that can be read

And there you are. over and over again or for books

money. that no same man wuld wish to read a second time.

The book to avoid reading in bed:

Culture on a Peg

►

Punishment" become one of our own dis-

AND WHAT ITO AVOID

press that the Government had cent issue of the Bookman pokes An amusing article in a re- no intention of discriminating good-humoured fun at those who THE PERFECT against Jews or of interfering take their culture for "an air-SCOUNDREL with their personal liberties, ing" in the circles they frequent. whilst Herr Hitler himself has Pushkin, Russian poet, is the ing detective stories in bed how is the fairly well-written serious

Much and often as I enjoy read- promised effective justice to all peg on which Mr. Winthrop ever, I should not care to be doom-book. This awakens the spirit of religions and races. Yet we Parkhurst hangs his homily.ed to sleep for the rest of my life criticiem-and the reader. now have a situation in which At a parlour gathering some the Nazi Party is to put into highly cultured person, in re affect a rigorous anti-Jewish verential tones, utters the poet's campaign affecting schools, the

name. "Ah, yes," his hearers legal and medical professions exclaim, knowingly, "Pushkin." and businesses generally. Even

Then silence.. All-including newspapers are to be compelled the cultured one--are equally to join in the movement, those which do not do so being banned afraid of being asked to quote. from German houses, while no poetry they have

the poet, not a line of whose ever read, German businesses will be per- Mr. Parkhurst's gentle satire mitted to advertise therein. If this is freedom and justice, the finds even larger scope when it terms badly

comes to pronunciation. What need revising. Whatever the grounds for com suspicion is directed at the un- fortunate indvidual who accents plaint against the Jews, there the word "irreparable" on the can be no possible justification for the employment of such third instead of on the second Really, no self-re- methods. The root of the trouble syllable! would appear to lie in Nazi in-specting scion of the intelligent- toleration. The Nazis have no such an one to dinner.

sin can be expected to invite Max use for any but out-and-out, Beerbohm, in onc of his Nazis; all other schools of inimitable pen portraits, de- thought" are practically grouped scribes the peculiar, not to say together as enemies of the superior, sense of satisfaction State. Such a complex is sure the average Englishman derives ly sadly out of joint with mo- from the knowledge that he has dern conceptions. It is charged at his command some colloquial against the Jews, amongst other French and a not too comic se- things, that they are Marxists. cent. Until, on one inauspicious Some may be, but it is surely a day, he hears, another English- straining of the facts to class

man who possesses still more all Jews as of one political per colloquial French with an suasion. Common-sense rejects any such contention. Thus to cent much less comic. Such en- counter spells his Waterloo. classify the Jews and to subject Philosophy holds na panacea to them to universal persecution is cheer his despairing mood. only likely to heighten racial

Disillusion haunts his ever more prejudices and possibly lead to excesses of the gravest kind, halting essays at talking French. Sometimes it even breaks him If this is the Nazi conception of of the habit. One pet Pushkin government, little more remains taken less often for an airing.

ac-

Thx

"Here you are, madam, a perfect match for your costume

and would you care to see our new

spring line?"

you up, and complains that the last three joints have gone a little so-s0 only more so, owing to the weather.

And then you say, "I'm sorry to hear that. Pete, but as your sult has started bagging at the knees, we'll call it quits.".

On the other hand, should you

That's

A TRAGEDY OF LAUGHTER.

ence covering some nineteen sum- In the course of a long cxperi- mers (said he, blushing like pillar-box) I have noticed (and you'd better take a long breath. here, because this is going to be a diekena of a sentence), I have noticed that owing largely to lack of initiative, foresight, enterprise, eagerness, inventiveness, exertion, imagination, authority, unanimity, strategy, assiduity, capability, and a few other virtues that I haven't. room for, the modern. party is too often a full-fled flop; with all the guests over-fed and all the couches overloaded, the best chairs full of obese ladies, and old fogies making agricultural noises In the next room because they work so hard at meals that they're tired out. Well, we must alter all that. We must do something to get n spot of pep into the doings, liven things up... (Loud Laughter, in which two other people joined.)

This stopped him and what he was going to say for the benefit. of our Bright Young Things and their cousins, the Not Quits Right Young Things, was irrevocably Inst to his world.

A BETTER WORLD.

When we pass on to our reward, we will do so with the knowledge that we have left this world a better, purer, and nobler place than we found it.

When we think of all the tempting unkissed girls we have met in Hongkong, of the gallons of beer. to entice drinkers, of the opportunities for, gambling and dissipation in short, of all the wickedness that is in our Colony then we find it pleasing to reflect that we have done out darndest to remove most of the temptations,