1933-02-23 — Page 6

BEFORE YOU SAY

WHISKY

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THE HONGKONG TELEGRAPH. THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 23, 1933.

See and drive the New Rockne Six to-day!

THE HONGKONG HOTEL GARAGE.

Stubbe Road"

The

Happy Valler

The Year of Stress

SLEEPING GAS

By ROBERT LYND

-

Many efforts have been made to humanise war; but until now they have been made in vain. The dis- covery of this new gas, however, may well be the beginning of a nuw era in which wars can be won without the shedding of so much as a drop of blood.

Cou

The Very Idea!

A TELEPRINTER DUEL

E. Kally. R. McWhirter.

Hongkong Telegraph effectively." The disasters were vaders were a set of kindly souls lovingly. His aide-de-camp would stan 7

second. From there on we will

It is possible future historians may look back upon the year 1981 as scarcely less fateful for the whole world than 1914. We. are just far enough removed from it now, to begin to see

I see that some critics are a war, would do his best to recover

It might not be generally known. ita outline in perspective; and objecting to the new gas that the himself, and, clearing his throat, that whilst we are outdoors on im- our view of it may be clarified French chemists have Invented for would say huskily to his staff: portant assignments, Robert Mac by the interpretative chronicle use in war, In case, though nobody "Well, boys, to business." He Whirter looks after the office boy, Double-Drop "X" Frame

of world events contained in the wants a war somebody happens to would then give orders to enter all the stamps and the leaser journa-

the bouses and make the lahabit- listic Try. annual "Survey of International make one. The "X-design" frame gives Affairs, 1931," written mainly This gas, when dropped in bomba ants prisoners, and, to show that When we are in the office we the chassis great torsional by Prof. Arnold Toynbee, and from the air, will be able, we are he was no coward, he himself share and share alike. We take the strength, and four-point motor issued in Great Britain under told, to put an enemy population would be given a leg-up through kicks and he gives them.

The Telegraph had its best brains suspension provides exceptional the auspices of the Royal In- into a coma out of which they will the aide window of Woodbine

covering the Annual Race Meeting frame rigidity. The frame is stitute of International Affairs, awake in, at most, a couple of Villa by his aide-de-camp.

Marching up the stairs with as this week. What with automatic braced by the X member" and What a year it was, in which days, not a penny the worse, for

their prolonged slumbers.

flerce an air as he could muster, be Teleprinters, and favourites being three conventional cross mem- so much that we had thought

The gas has already been tried would pause at the first bedroom beaten, and the office syndicate shar- fixed came tumbling down about on panthers and wild cats-which, door he reached, and, receiving no ing a through ticket on the Cash bers.

Sweeps, it was realised long before us! All other perplexities and if they are anything like domestic troubles of the world, not ex-cats, would have been asleep most answer to his knock, would walk the meeting started that the best

boldfy.in.

Iman available would have to be put cluding anxieties about new of the time in any case and the

Turning on the light, he would on the assignment, 110 wars, were eclipsed, Professor animals on reviving showed

look round the room and see in the. We are not conceited, so we won't. Toynbee feels, by the fear of the loss of cheerfulness.

corner a cradle, decorated with mention names, leaving it to our threatened collapse of the whole

pink bowe, and in the cradle an in- Great and Admiring Public to draw world order. Class warfare, political and economic nationa

fant sleeping. Now, foreigners its own conclusions, are very sentimental people, parti-

Yesterday, just before we left the lism, and race feeling were the

cularly about babies. The disruptive forces which made it

mander-in-Chief would sign to the office for Happy Valley, Robert Mac- difficult to organize peace and

aid-de-camp to make no noise, and Whirter approached us with a $10 would creep over to the side of the note. "cramped the supple movements of an economic system which I confess I should feel much less cradle on tip-toe.

"Idinna bet as a rule," he said. He would take a chair and gaze "but would ye be kind enough to required a free hand for ability disturbed by the prospect of an in a world field in order to work invasion if I know that the in-down at the sleeping child long and put thus on Burgomaster? Yunner. not isolated. The failure of the who only wanted to see me sleep-notice that he was gulping, and. We said O.K. and putting his Austrian Creditanstalt could noting an hour or two longer than that he was wiping the part of the ten bucks carelessly in the pocket be-localized. It spelled financial usual. How pleasant to lie in bed gas-mask over his eyes with his that held all our forged $100 notes, peacefully dreaming of one's handkerchief. "George," the Com- departed, taking with us the office THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 23, 1933.

collapse for Germany also. But childhood till the invasion was mander-in-Chief would say, "did I flapper and half a dozen assistants. German credit could not break over! If wara must be fought ever show you the photograph of my And in case any of you suspicious without involving Great Britain; nothing would please me better little Katalpa?" and he would pro- guys start spreading lies about us, BRITISH POLITICAL and to save herself Great Brit during the next war then to be duce from his pocket a well let us tell you right here and now

CHANGES

ain was forced to abandon the more or less a Ris Van Winkle till thumbed photograph and band it that the office flapper went out to gold standard. But Great Bri- the whole thing was over.

silently to George. "Do you notice operate the Teleprinter. We great The fact that Mr. Lloydtain could not thus change the It may be protested that this is the resemblance, George?" he men always dictate copy to sman- George has organised a new basis of her currency without an unpatriotic attitude and that, would asit, scarcely daring to trust uenges. parliamentary group, consisting affecting the United States. All while one is asleep, one's country himself to speak. "She and my Well, anyway, Burgomaster ran of thirteen Welsh Liberals, de- the countries of the world were will fall into the hands of the little Precious might be 'twins."""

enemy. I do not for a moment be- Then the Commander-in-Chief let the Teleprinter tell its own story. seen to be involved. A myste-lieve this. I believe, on the con- would make monstrates two points-one that rious something which had been trary, that a nation that sleeps "George," he would say, "we must Racecourse: Tell MacWhirter "L.G." himself is no longer a there credit, security disap-through an invasion is unconquer-clear out of this house before the be lost $5 straight bet and won serious factor in the House of peared for the moment at least, able.

child wakes up." "But what," $8.10 place bet, leaving a deficit of George would protest, "about the $1.90-Kelly Commons; the other, that the from the civilized" world. For

So Very Annoying.

prisoners in the other rooms?", Office: Who told you to split Liberal Party is still split into the past year the nations have

Tolstoy once told us in "Ivan the "Prisoners be blowed!" the great $10 on Burgomaster win and place? several factions. We have. be- been struggling to reassert order

and reestablish the old faith. Foo?" that the best way to per-man would reply. "Do you think Explanation please-MacWhirter, did-Kelly. fore expressed the view, that, But do we see any more clearly suade foreigners not to invade that I came all the way from Racecourse: You

Office: Re Burgomaster dispute. war on the due to changes in political now, in the light of distance and your country, or at least not to Ruritania to make

unsatisfactory. thought, there is now no real the careful records of the chroni- annex it, was not to resist them. relations of a baby girl who's the Explanation room for the Liberals in British clers, the nature of the world Resistance only irritates foreig-dead spit of my little Katalpa 7" Would explain that $5 of that $10 political life: that for all intents problem? There is one fact at ners, and makes them do all sorts And they would tiptoe cautiously was mine. Rest belonged to friend." of things that they would never down the stairs and out into the Now subjected to strong temptation. Query. Whose $5 was placed for least which seems to stare us in dream of doing if they were not street, and purposes the two-party sys-

win and who wins money placed for tem is once again restored. Re- the face. The interests of us all, feeling annoyed. No country ever! And all over England similar place? Farther report requested.

as individuals, and of all com- really wants to annes another scenes would be enacted. A MacWhirter. cent developments only serve to munities, as nations, are based country: the statesmen of every colonel would be unmanned by Racecourse: Since dispute com- emphasise this point. Quite reupon a dual system, and the conquering country are unani-seeing a whiskered old gentleman menced we have had tiffin and have cently, Mr. Lloyd George himself two parts of the system are mous on this point. Countries are asleep who reminded him of his spent the $8.10 Under the cir declared, in the course of an not reconciled. As economic annexed only because they exas- Uncle Bull. A young Heutenant cumstances, suggest it immaterial interview, that he saw no future men each of us belongs with perate their invaders by annoying would back out of a bedroom, to whom the money originally be for Liberalism except a dishon impartiality to all the world. and opposing them in every threatening to resign his com- longed--Kelly. {ourable grave,

mission because his prospective Office: For your information. adding

possible way. that The things we use every "Liberalism is in an advanced are made, bought and ania and England went to war, grandmother.

Suppose, however, that Rurit captive was the image of his Doctor attending Mr. MacWhirter. He threatens take case to Avizan- stage of creeping paralysis." sold in many lands, "Credit," and that Ruritania struck the first Just as David secretly cut off dum; expect judgment later.— When asked what was the mat-confidence," "security" are ele-blow, if it could be called a blow, the skirt of the garment of Saul, Office Staff. ter with the party, its former ments in an intricate world net-by sending an enormous air fleet as a sign that he had apared him, doesn't expect $8.10, that's OK.

"Racecourse: So long as he leader said it did not seem able work of understanding on which to spread a cosy blanket of sleep so, I fancy, might the Ruritanians to make up its mind whether it the modern system rests. But ing gas over England, what would before leaving possess themselves Kelly. was for, or against the Govern in a great part of our lives be the result? Thousands of of one of Mr. Winston Churchill's ment: it preferred, to stand at we are entities belonging to an airships and aeroplanes would hats as evidence that they had new. We've discovered office flap- the cross-roads making silly older order the order in which follow and land an army to occupy been in England and could have per is financial and have put her money on ""The Goat" for next race. little rushes this way and that, each country was sufficient to a country that was wrapped in conquered the country if they had, if it wins we will liquidate all debts: then standing hesitatingly until itself, or nearly sufficient.

silence except, perhaps, for an chosen. We

Kelly somebody or something pushed have become politically organiz soldiers, wearing gas-masks, would highly pleased with themselves for caveat. His money must not be occasional snore. The Ruritanian They would, I am "aure, be so Office: MacWhirter has entered it somewhere else. In Parliaed on the basis of nationality, march through the streets, awed having been so virtuous that they hypothecated.-Ofice Staff. ment, said Mr. Lloyd George, and we normally think as Amer- by the stillness. Pugnacity would would be in a mood for loving the the Liberals had one eye firmly icans, or as Britons, or French-noze from them as they felt more English like brothers, And the tionary we will not enter defence. Racecourse: In absence of die- fixed on their Conservative sup-men or Germans. This nationa- and more as if they had intruded English would feel so refreshed-Kelly. porters to the right, and the lism is healthy enough-and, in- into the Palace of the Sleeping after their long sleep that they other eye on their Free Trade deed, may be inspiring in the Beauty.

would even feel grateful to the supporters to the left. "They highest degree-so long as it The Commander-in-Chief, re-Ruritanians for the trick they had are presenting the spectacle of a does not ignore the economic membering that he was engaged in played on them. squint-eyed party," he declared. basis on which in fact our eco- These are strong words, butnomic lives are organized. Yet they appear to be a correct ap-in every part of the globe this preciation of the position. L-nationalism has tended to

day

as-

bour sentiment is spreading at some an economic form, frust the expense of the Liberals, in rating the operation of the basic proof of which fact Mr. Lloyd system to which civilization is George stated, in the same in-irrevocably committed. terview, that he heard from all parts of the country that Liberal youths were storming into the

Labour camp. Young Liberals

A Congress of Cows

Vienna has been the scene of

38

in Wales had, he added, made up many a colourful pageant during their minds that unless there was some prospect of Liberalism its long and vivid history. From the balconies of its fash- once again becoming a vital pro- ionable residences fair women gressive force, they would join the Labour Party. There will be bravely caparisoned potentates

once waved their kerchiefs regret in some quarters over the and plenipotentiaries rode mag- prospect of the complete dis- appearance of the Liberal Party, match their wits with those of nificently by, to a Congress to since it has played an honoured a cold and calculating Metter- part in British politics. But it nich. Marie Antoinette, youth. has lacked vigorous leadership, ful and vivacious, threw kisses And its policies have latterly be to its cheering populace as she come so nebulous, and 50 in-left the city by the Danube on distinguishable from moderate her long journey to Versailles Labour opinion, that it has been to marry the Dauphin of France. squeezed out. This is in accord But perhaps nothing. stranger with traditional sentiment, since has greeted the eyes of the British political thought does Viennese than the impending not take kindly to any three- possible transformation of the party system. Ruling out for aristocratic Ringstrasse into a the moment the existence of a

range. For temporary cattle so-called National Government, the milk purveyors of Austria, the position is that there

are disgruntled at new imposts, in- two main elements the Consist on their rights to stage a servatives on the right, and the march of the cowa; the lowing Parliamentary Labour Party of five thousand bovines, echo- on the left. The small grouping through the stately chara- which stands midway between bers of the Parlaments-Gebaude; the two, and the extreme left may yet cause a stampede wing of the Labour Party, are and win the day for the of no real account.

protesting milkmen.

:

a firm decision.

"My mother says your mother never thinks of anything but playing bridge, and Just sends you to school to get you

out of the way,"

لا مجھے

*. +

Racecourse (after pause): Good

*

Office: Urgent. What do you recommend regarding the $8.107 Suggest you repair it to $10 and reinvest. Have you "any tips? "Asparagus" barred.-MacWhirter. Racecourse: "The Goat"" is a" cert. for the next race,-Kelly

Office: No. Connected with too many goats already-MacWhirter. Office: On second thoughs, I 'don't know what to do about the $1.90. Cannot get in touch with my friend, therefore the $1.90 must be credited to me as additional capital ranking as dividend inde- pendently. Is that clear?----Mac- Whirter.

Racecourse: No. Fear there is a catch in it. Do you mean you will give us another $1.90 bringing our credit up to $10 again?-Kelly.

Office: Up to the present all you have is discrèdit. Suggest you add $1.00 making capital $10. Then when we get a win you rank as · second mortgagee-MacWhirter. Racecourse: Yes, but what hap- pens if we don't have a win?--- Kelly.

Omce: You must buy your.own experience. So far you have done. so with my capital, You'll need all the experience that's coming toʻ you for YOU'LL BE OUT OF A JOB TO-NIGHT-MaoWhirter- Racecourse; Do you want a proof reader?-Kelly.

Office: No. We need a careful man.-MacWhirter:

Racecourse. Well, what about la transfer to the General Office? -Kelly.

S...

Office: No insurance company would issue a Fidelity Guarantee. MacWhirter.

*

Racecourse: Urgent Stop Press. Regret inform you that "The Goat" lost. Office dapper complaining we swindled her out of $10. Can you advance tram (Continued on Page 9.)