1926-10-30 — Page 15

CHEUNG CHAU'S

LIBRARY.

THE GREAT MASTERS....

[ET. CYNICUS."]

I've novor,been torpedoed, and I've never seen a marine dealer's store after an earthquake and tidal wave/

but, after a voyage to that priceless (should have said-viceless) little faland of Cheung Chau, I've formed a fuirly good idea of what would be the result of such catastrophies were they to happen simultaneously. It was Kipling. I believe, who wrote a few vorses after the South African war, entitled “Boots," and I remember hearing an elocutionist invest the lines with a sort of marching rythm:

1+ y

What Boots, boots, boots, boots Coming up and down again, There's no discharge in the war.

and as I voyaged to Choung Chau, I wondered what on earth (or sen) were all those objects 'squa vertu which kept on "coming up and down again"-not only old boots, but raga, rotten fruit, mat- tresses (probably serving as rafts to their countless passengers), tins, defunct chickens, cats, dogs, yes, and even a goat:

Coming up and down again All discharged in the nonl Questioning mine host for the week-end, gleaned the informa- tion, that the Sanitary Depart- ment's fleet was responsible for the garbage-strewn water, and that all this letsim and rotsome (or whatever the Rear-Admiral of the Fleet calls it) was brought out from Hongkong daily, and cast to the mighty deep (what a pity they don't attach a few fire-bars to the larger corpses), The sight did explain one thing, however, and that was why an annual swim does not take place between Hongkong

and Cheung Chau.

It was not until Sunday morning that I discovereds the real reason for this dumping process, and then I paid silent tribute to the bene ficent action of our S.D. Scatter- ed along the beach were hundreds of pages from precious tomes of but yesterday, and much of Hong kong's official and unofficial Aoul

pan

THE HONGKONG TELEGRAPH. SATURDAY, OCTOBER 30, 1926.

MIXED GRILL

கும்

A Merry Miscellany Ashley Sterne

A hitherto unknown tribe of plemics, some of whom are ro taller than 8ft, when fully grown, have been discovered on the Ramu River, "New Guinea. This will be a pleasant surprise to ethnolo- gists, as things have latterly been very slack in the pigmy-discovery market. Of course pigmies are essentially very hard to discover owing to their diminutive size, which renders them able to be. overlooked. And explorera will tell you that even when they are. presumably discovered, it is very difficult to tell an adult, pigmy from an ordinary well-developed child. The safest method, accord- ing to that famous explorer, Major Bloodstone Gore, is to teach the auspected pigmy to speak English, and then if he subsequently asks you for a cigarette-picture you know at once he is only an ordinary urchin.

Apropos of this, that colossal old ass, Professor. Barmion Crum- pett,, writes to me from the Isle. of Dogs. to, say that he has dis-

covered, a new race of pigmias there, many of whom are no taller than 5ft. 10in.

He claims for

them that they are the largest ever discovered, and he is now busy writing a long article for the Undertaker and Funeral Mute"

to prove it.

A

"I hear that fellow. Chankley is a teetotaller, a non-smoker, vegetarian, an anti-vivisectionist, an anti-vaccinationist, and an anti-gambler, all from conviction."

"I'm not surprised.. He looks the sort of man who wears flannel next his conscience."

1

apter choice for a barrister's' nuptials would have been, "Brief life is here our portion."

BILLY SEASON LOVE LYRICS,

O sweet,,, when I gaze linesmenta fair,

on your

You remind me of all sorts of

beautiful things: Like a hop-pole, your neck, like a

haystack your "hale,

And your oars like bat's wings,

The ultramine of the gentian's

bright hue.

And the azure of myriad mid-

summer skies.

Combined with the fire of the

sapphire. I view,

When I atare in your eyes:

م

The pink of the sunset on soft

Alpina snow,

The glow of the sunrise on some

lofty peak, The blush of the tose I can see,

doncher, know, When I

gaze on your cheek. And I find on a study your fea-

tures, my sweet,

Not just azure of sky and ru

fescence of rose,

But the inearnadined Bush of

tomato and beet

When I look at your nose.

Cricket is practically over for the season, but this does not mean. that the experts will rest from considering the problem of speed- ing up the game in readiness for next summer. Briefly put the theory is that as matters stand at present conditions are much too

hard for the pear overworked bowlers. But I go farther than this and assert that they, are even harder for the fieldsman. When-

ever short leg, for instance, lets a hit go by he has to sprint about a quarter of a mile to the boundary. Surely in these cir- cumstances he might be allowed to take a taxi? Then," again, I am all in favour of the fieldsmen

being allowed to carry sacks or butterfly-nets in which to make

was laid bare before me. The A writer of the social gossip philanthropy of a well-known tal-column in one of the London was revealed by glancing dailies expresses the hope that through the Butts of finished people, instead of conversing with cheque-books, and the rapid each other in the usual perfunc- sequence of dates and amounts tory and desultory manner, will One individual seek to cultivate the epigrammatic bewildered me. named "Self" came in for the most style of conversation, I quite catches, while I have always been unselfish share of this great man's

agree. Existence would be a strong advocate of the fielding fortune. Then, - again, nicely

rendered much more tolerable ifside being given the power to typewritten pages proved a ro

we all talked epigrams, which are declare the batting side's innings velation in Governmental inter- really quite easy to evolve. All closed when the latter may be departmental courtesy, although

you have to do is to distort a pro- considered to have had a fair in one example, a tragedy was writ verb or two, and chuck "in a per-whack. large in the refusal to sanction

fectly meaningless paradox now an additional conveyance allow and again. I give a specimen c ance. Business secrets Avere

a dinner-table conversation.held in opened out, and one Manchester

the epigrammatic mode:- firm regretted its inability to allow a further 2 per cent. off the list price. Even family mat ters were not allowed secrecy, and one letter written by Mrs. X, from the Isle of Wight, informed her hardworking, spouse in Hongkong that she was expecting another addition to the wardrobe in the shape of a fur coat from Derty and Toms (whatever those parti- cular fur-bearers muy be).

And so on.. Tiffin-time aroused

is the spice of life!"

"Vulgarity, dear Lady Dogfish,

"Trub, dear Mr. Cowface, but commonness is ao very uncommon. nowadays, don't you think?"

"Quite. So few people seem to be born with a steel knife in their mouths."

Manners unmake man, in fact." "Undoubtedly. After all, man- ners are only the comparative degree of man."

"Which only proves that neces-

}

"And that nothing succeeds like excess!"

me from such a feast of literature.sity is the mother of convention." by, for, and of the great masters of Hongkong, and as I left Cheung Chau's reference library, I could but admire the hub which our

Sanitary Dept. has given to Mr. Carnegie.

COLONY'S FINANCES.

POSITION AT END OF JULY.

Oficial returns show that the Colony's credit balance, at the end of July was "$6,512,870, as com pared with $6,500,702 at the end of June.

The revenue from January to July was $11,304,428, as against $14,971,241 in the corresponding period last year, the main shrink. age being in licences and internal revenue, which declined about three milion dollars.

The expenditure for the severi months was $12,905,040, na com pared with $15,666,657 in 1925.

Lieut.-Com, Billyard-Leake, R.N., D. S. O., who was in command of H. M. S. Iphigenia at Zeebrugge, and who attended the Prince of Wales to India, Japan and A tralia, was married on the 22nd. September at St. Paul's, Knights- bridge, to Miss E..W. Laird.

CORRESPONDENCE.

Do Halibuts make good husbands?

Sir All the, halibuts I have ever known (and I have known' many from the roe to adult fish- hood) have, upon marrying, in- variably displayed but the scan- tiest regard for the marital tic. They frequently stop out all night; they take not the slightest interest in their wife's eggs; they idle away their time. hobnobbing in the harbour-bara; and, in short, of life lead the fishiest kind imaginable.-Yours most vehe- mently, (Rev.) Charles Haddock Sturgeon.

"Ah! but that is the way of life."

Sir,-A life spent in a diving- "But what else is life. Ladybell in the North Sea observing Dogfish, but the exterior token of the habits of halibuts in sickness.

an interior liver?"

!

"Life, Mr. Cowface, is the art of dying vivaciously!"

All of which is totally unintel- ligible, but it's awfully smart and far better than merely asking Lady Dogfish to pass the pickled onions and relapsing thereafter into a surly silence.

At a barrister's wedding the other day I read that the ceremony concluded with the hymn, “Fight the good fight." This selection would be all right for a pugilist's wedding, but somehow I fancy an

WHITE STAR LINE.

SALE PROPOSAL PROBABLY ABANDONED.

'New York, Oct 20. Mr. J. P Morgan announces that Mr. Charles Steel, one of his partners, has been reinstated on the, board of the International Mercantile, Marine.

This action is taken to indicate that negotiations for the sale of the White Star Line to Furness Withy have been finally abandoned.

Reuter's American Serving,

DINNER DANCES

If you MUST dance during Dinner, at least ensure that your Aperitif contains.

ANGOSTURA BITTERS

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EVERYBODY is entitled

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Colder nights are approaching when

Fires are necessary.

INSTALL A GAS FIRE

and Ensure Your Comfort all through the Winter.

Full particulars and examples of

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ERVEN LUCAS

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COLUMBIA NEW-PROCESS RECORDS.

SCOTCH SONGS

SCOTS WHA HAE

ROBERT BURNETT

3381

WILLIE'S GANE TO MELVILLE CASTLE

3382

LI GAED A WAEFU' GATE YESTREEN 1AWEE WEE GERMAN LAIRDIE

JA MAN'S A MAN FOR A' THAT 3383 PIPER. O, DUNDEE

G 6597

and health has served to assure mo that this amiable. pleuronectid He makes a model husband..

Q 6588 'never

been swears, has never known to refuse his wife & new hat, and drinka nothing but water. What more need I say?-Yours enthusiastically, Adam Hardroe,

Sir-Why not save your time by putting the question direct to the Billiard Association? Youre in amazement, A. Whyte-Potter.

I

P.SI beg your pardon. misread the word "halibuts" "Ra Please return this "half-butts." letter unread.

A Montreal message says that the new North Channel in the St. Lawrence River below Quebec will be opened to navigation on June 1, 1927. On the completion of tho work of dredging, which has been, going on for the past ten years, the depth of water in the channel will be not less than 35ft."

Mr. J. Heitner has been appoint- ad editor of the Sphere, following the retirement of Mr. Clement Shorter, and Mr. P. Home has been appointed art editör.

MY LOVE'S BUT A LASSIE YET

[O A THE AIRTS

1SCOTLAND YET.....

BONNIE DUNDEE

WE'RE A SCOTTISH HERE

ARCHIE ANDERSON

THE ANDERSON MUSIC CO., LTD.

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