1922-12-16 — Page 7

BETWEEN OURSELVES,

(Continued from Page 6)

“Man," says he, "the most famous mystery in the annals of the sea has been solved at last."

"No' Maria?" says I. "The very sama,” says ha.

The jade," says I, "what did she cost you this time? But get on wi' it, Holmes; Watson's all attention."

A Survivor's Yarn.

And wi' that Msc, he spilt the whole story, how in the hotel bar that night he'd got onto bis favourite subject, when a sitting close by said he knew somebody that once had sailed on the Mario Caleste. - If Mac liked, he'd introduce him that very night. So it appears that Mac and the obliging stranger ast out in search of this unique, seafarer. As Mac admitted afterwards, he took some fading, the night being wat, though dry under foot.

Finally somewhere down Pyr- mont way he was run to earth and did a tale unfold. Ay, be was the sole survivor of the brig's crew. This man, he said that on that memorable day, the Marie Celeste was signalled to by a ship which sent over a boat to them and the boat's crew were allowed to board on the strength of tale that the ship was short of drink- ing water. Once on board, the men from the boat presented pistols or swords (Mac wasna quite clear which) at the crew of the Marie! Celeste and forced everyone on board to go wi' them in their boat to the other ship, which was des perately short-handed owing to the loss of nearly all her crew from fǝver.

On this ship the Marie Celeste man were badly treated and one nigh: they planned a mutiny. Mac's informant said that he was given the job of killing the captain while he slept, which be did, wi' an are.

THE HONGKONG TELEGRAPH:

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THE UNITED MOTOR Co:, LTD.

BUICK CARS

ARE A PILLAR OF STRENGTH:

IN THE MOTOR WORLD.

Prices of the open

1923

TOURING MODEL

BRITISH BUILT

$2.500

$5.500

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ROAD,

(3) A bandage around the abdo- which attached

is to

Just at the moment of impact. however, the ship was run into and cut down to the waterline, or men, maybe a bit lower, by another an ebonite projection, nos unlike steamer.. Mac's man was the & stethoscope in appearance, and only individual who managed to which is placed lightly against the jump on to and scramble up the push button of an ultra-sensitive bows of the colliding vessel before electric bell. This portion of the the other snk like & stone. appartus is for the benefit of the Naturally he was straid of what silent checkler and each flutter he bad done, wi' the result that he of the diaphram is immediately gave evasive answers to the ques- and electrically registered. tions put to him and was supposed A Trial Run.

to have had his brain turned by

the shock. He had never disclosed In practice, after the patient his secret except to the man that has been induced to do these Mac had been fortunate enough instruments, a joke is read out

6. Aa Englishman. on Buras Nicht, was prevailed upon to partake of haggis. After he came out of hospital, & friend asked him what he thought of is, to which he re- plied: If it had been what at first 1 thought it was, I would hava been enjoying better health to-day." (Time, miautes).

5

In the marking of these two questions. Englishmen to receive odd-: . 50 per cent. of Scots- men's norms to be deducted.

Add 30 per cent, to Scottish

to fall in wi. Mar in turn passed slowly and distinctly by the ex-And Chinese scores.

the tale

со

A time limit is allowed 10 сда Rob Aminer.

for each joke and after this has elapsed, the reading on the facial!

MacWhirter, who now tells it.

The only detail of the episode

that has never to this day heen gauge is taken. The laughter

fully cleared up, is just where and when Mac's hunting lever gold watch became a changeling. Patents Applied For.

(2) Curre

is tbea examin- ed and after deducting the coefficiente of expansion (x + 1) (x 1 divided by the average line (-b), the total

A LAVERY FOR TATE GALLERY.

Generous Gift by Lady Conard. Gradually the gaps left in the My jake last week about the results are added to the "frequ-National Gallery of British Art Scotsman who wis run over bency of the chuckles' series as through the one-sidedness of the by the

diaphram Chantrey Bequest parcbases are a baker's van fell flat in at least registered

we being filled as the result of private) one quarter, for I got & letter dotter (3). By this means

As world-famed a from a man pointing out how gen scientifically appraise the generosity. absurd it was to expect ons-humour of each sitter, and incid-British painter as Sir John Lavery body, let alone a Scotsman, to entally discourage the brutal idea remained unrepresented at the hope that the stain on his coat of trepanding as a method of deter-Tate Gallery, until not very long was blood. A7. be missed the mining humorous relativity. point completely, poor cbap Easy Test Jokes. although I purposely put the key In connection wi' the above

ago his painting of Pavlova in her Scan Dance formed part of a zit made by Mr. Francis Howard from the proceeds of the National

Another typical example of Sir

word "whisky" in the last line mentioned apparatus I have pre-Loan Exhibition. of the preceding paragraph.

pared the following easy test

1. The reason why we call our language the Mother Tongue is because Father never gets a chance to use it. (Time, 1 minute).

*2. Bagpipes are all right if people would only let them alone. (Time, 1 minute).

to be added to our National col- lection. Lady Cunard bas just purchased from the Paris Salon Erbibition Sir John's full length portrait of Lady Lavery, which had been shown at the Grosvenor Galleries earlier in the year. It shows Lady Lavery seated, in a grey dress with pink ribbons, and fingering a rope. of pearls with her raised hand.

Thinking over the humorous jokes, and these are set out John's distinguisbed and refined shortcomings of some folk again. below in their inverse order of work as a portrait painter is now set me wondering how yon ancient difficul, the principle being legend about the surgical oper to work from the easier to the ation ever gained currency and barder tests. I've come to the conclusion that the following special tests and apparatus should be used for the measurement of bumour. Aş. the scientific study of hamour should everywhere be taken in band at once. Tests of in- telligence and ger eral knowledge can to-day be given and their resulta set out in norms and wi': my system so can our apprecis- tion of the funny. Ony success in securing an accurate test of bamour mainly depends, of course, on standardised measurements and no on onybody's mere opinion. This requires special apparatus and for the purpose I have designed the following scientific and psychological in-

ruments:-

(1) A facial machine made to follow closely the curves of the cheeks wi' & millemetre gauge on each side. This ensures the measurement of every movement of the facial muscles.

(2) Opposite each candidate, and close to his mouth, is an in- strament not unlike the old- fashioned gramophone horn, wi'a delicate sound box in the rear, capable of registering sound on a specially prepared plate. This part of the apparatus is designed for the purpose of capturing and registering the intensity and volume of loud laughter and the common guffah.

3. 'Era Bill, wot's this' ere "one man, one vote."

Garn, dontcher know wat it is? It's one blankety M&D, one blankety vote.

A MISTAKE MANY PEOPLE MAKE

Then why the blankety when troubled with Constipation blank didn't they blankety well is in following the old-fashioned say so (Time, 2 minutes). practice of taking powerful pur-

4. McTavish was at a chris-gatives which upset the stomach tening and the hospitality was and leave the condition worse fine. In the midst of the than before.

celebrations he bade the com- The up-to-date treatment is to pany a profound farewell, use Pinkettes, which, whilst But Sandy man," observed promptly efficient, act as gently the host, "ye're no' goin' yet as pature, leaving no after ill- wi' the evening just started?"effects. Pinkettes dispel con- "Na," replied the pawky stipation, cure biliouscoas, sick McTavish, "I'm no' go'n' yet, beadache, torpid liver, skin but I'm bidding ye guid. nicht blemishes, coated tongue, foul- while I know ye all." (Time, smelling breath. Obtainable from 2 minutes).

dealers, or past free at 60 cents

Dr. William per viel from

5. A man had his hand band. aged. His pal asked him what Medicine Co., 96 Szechuen Road, caused the injury. The an-Shanghai,

"Well, 1 weat swer was: round to the Grand Hotel last night to get a cigar and some- one trod on my finger." (Time, 4 minutes.)

You don't need to be rich to own

A VICTROLA.

}&ak Houtrie's about their easy payment?

Sy

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 16:1922.

DAIRY FARM NEWS.

11

Have you ordered your Christmas

TURKEY OR GOOSE?

We have a specially fine selection this year.

+

ALL FARM FED

and

weights to suit everyone,

Book your order NOW.

CHRISTMAS & NEW YEAR GIFTS

We Have Just Received a Shipment of- COTY'S

and

HOUBIGANT-

Perfumes and Powders Etc..

Specally Suitable For Presents

(Owing to buying at favourable exchange, prices are low)

HE COLONIAL DISPENSARY;

Tel. Cent. No. 1877. -

14. Queen's Rond, Central,

DON'T DECIDE on that now

PHONOGRAPH until you have paid

a visit to:-

THE BRUNSWICK STUDIO

and allowed us to demonstrate the perfect BRUNSWICK. (ENTRANCE DUUDELL ST.)

1st. FLOOR,

BANK OF CHINA BUILDING.

IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT.

WE

E are

now showing at our store various classes of Sundry: Goods Cigars. Cigarettes and Smokers' Requisites- for Xmas Presents. You may rest assured that your friends when. presented with any of the articles purchased from us will appreciate them as they are distinct features of the season.

OUR MOTTO,

Moderate Prices,

TABAQUERIA FILIPINA & CO.

38, Queen's Road Central.

Tel. No. 3559.

MAY

we ask you to stop at our Store for a few minutes to inspect our really fine selection of Smokers Requisites and every brand of good reliable Tobacco, Cigars and Cigarettes.

You will be satisfied with both the goods And the prices.

The Hagong Cigar Store Co., Ltd,

ALEXANDRA BUILDING.

J.T.

J. T. SHAW

TEL. Central 693

Ladies' & Gentlemen's Tailors.

!

This business will be

carried or as usual at

II, BEACONSFIELD ARCADE

Opposite City Hall,

as from 1st November, 1922.

Power!

Telephone 3146.

Hongkong Hotel Buildings.

Have a very choice selection

HANDKERCHIEFS,

(in Silk & Cotton)

SOOKS,

GLOVES, SHIRTS,

(in Silk & Wooll

BAGS,

SOARVES,

STUDS & LINKS,

pt

SWEATERS,

WAISTCOATS,

ATTACHE CASEN,

HAIRBRUSHES.

DRESSING GOWNS

They are the most suitable and acceptable

CHRISTMAS PRESENTS

FOR GENTLEMEN

Being of reliable qualities they will give complete satisfaction.

NECKWEAR

is a specialite with us and we have for this season a splendid assortment.

For the convenience of our castomers we shall remain open until 6 p.m. curing next week.

CAPE WINES

FROM J. SEDGWICK & Co., Ltd., CAPE TOWN

Claret

Drakenstein (Hock Style) Sauvignon Blanc

Old Chateau Brands Santhagen Brandy

CALDBECK. MACGREGOR & CO., LTD.

I

men's Road Control.

¿Telephone Central Hu. 753;

CHAMPAGNE

{HEIDSIECK MONOPOLE RED TOP

$5.50 Per Quart.

(Duty paid)

P. A. LAPICQUE & CO.

4. Queen's Buildings,

Telephone 950.

We have just received a large consignment of

SILVER-PLATED

WARE

Comprising

Choice and useful Presents for the Xmas Season.

HOP CHEONG

Complete House Furnishers.

55, Queen's Road, Central.

Tel Central No. 654.

HAWTHORNE & PEARSON (From Savile Row)

TAILORS

AND

BREECHES MAKERS

MORNING & EVENING WEAR A SPECIALITY

2 Queen's Buildings, (Opposite Cafe Wiseman.)

P.O. Box No. 530-

Tel. No. 2313.