1934-05-30 — Page 7

"

HONG KONG DAILY PRESS, WEDNESDAY, MAY 30, 1934.

Lighter Side Of Audit

REMINISCENCE OF MR..

COLLISSON

P.S.

Witty Address To Rotarians

"The Lighter Side Of Audit" was the title of a very intereste ing and highly entertaining address delivered at the Rotary Club yesterday by Mr. P. 9. Coltísson, O.B.E.

Among the large gathering present were Sir Thomas Sou- thorn, and the Hon. Mr. Edwin Turlor, Colonial Treasurer.

Mr. T. B. Wilson presided over the meeting.

of their weight and importance. should move with care and de- "Uberation. that they should hesitate before making" B.SC of modern inventions until at least commercial Com-- munity has experimented. For instance in my young days the typewriter had not yet replaced the Writers, a humble but useful rank in the English Civil Service, who were endowed with" the gift of being able to write the most perfect of handwritings at a very rapid pace.

And it was so with blotting paper. And there was

AN OVERDOSE OF ADALIN

Young Chinese Girl "In The Gloucester

TROOPING THE COLOUR

Worcesters Give Fine Display

centuries of tradition is one which The fine old ceremony with its

thrill to

Shanghai. May 25. Room No. 423 at the Gloucester

Bringing to a fitting close the was the scene of a tragic discovery on Monday night when Miss Alice official" ceremonies in connection Chan, who is about 20 years of age with the observance of Empire and who is understood to belong Day in Shanghal, the and Bat- to well-to-do family in the tallon, the Worcestershire Regi- Colony, was found lying uncon- ment, trooped the Colour on the scious and suffering, from the polo ground at the Race Course effects of an overdose of Adalin.

yesterday afternoon. still in exfterice and in use in my

It is learned that Miss Chan was early days the precursor of the Dat A regular resident "of the Mr. Collisson said:-A little over 1 pitiless precipice of retirement can, blotting pad. It took the "form of Gloucester Apartments, and had, British, eyes and to evoke the ad-

never fails to bring a in fact moved in only that day miration of spectators of what white powder which one shook She arrived at about 3 p.m. and In the Gay Nineties the "Somer over the writing while it was still | took a room. No. 123. 'on the fourth

ever nationality. Yesterday's ob-"; set House Young Man" was, in wet and a few seconds later blew ΠΡΟΣ.

servance was, as anticipated of the battalion now here, smartly. company with Bishops and Politi-It' away, to find the writing dry. She was discovered at 7 o'clock carried out. It was a particular. when a young Chinese, in Euro-y happy chain of circumstances pean dressed called for her. Med that brought the Trooping to Em- cal ald was immediately summon pire Day. ed and she was taken to the Gov ernment Civil Hospital where she is now doing as well as can be expected.

|

a year ago you were good enough | realise with the fullest degree of a pepper-pot containing +very fine to listen for a few minutes to a sympathy. dull exposition of the work of a very dull. "and rather unpopular Government department. That you have repeated your invitation is indeed most flattering and with the warning that sequels have never the freshness of the original, that a second, helping is never qiuic so satisfying as the first, 1 am proud to enlarge further on the activities of that section of H.M. Colonial Service which has for 3 ears now provided me with my bread and butter and occasion-

cians, an easy and necessarily I used to use this pepper-pot

ally, but rarely, with a dollop of

jam

The position, however, of a Gov. erament official explaining to a lay audience the workings of his "office is fraught with difficulty and tike Agag one must tread delicate y trying to avoid on the one hand the dull details of shop yet trying

j

sllent target for the professional myself on certain very special do- hunierist. Immortalised in a all-cuments which, by a custom in- bert and Builivan Opera, Cubert stituted presumably before prin- himself having started life in ting became universal, were for- Somerset House, he formed the warded to the Auditors To note." subject of many a caption ‘or jest, These were the "Letters Patent" Indeed the Ealtor of Punch itself, of Cabinet Ministers, which are also onde a Civil Servant, when-beautiful documents illuminated ever he felt the quality of his and engrossed on the purest normal level had in those Prime Minister of England; the was not quite up to its vellum. We'll say WUiam Ewart Gladstone was appointed to be only to Introduce a joke or pic- ture about, a.Somerset House clerk Letters Patent had to be sent to feeding the pigeons to make it at the Anditor "To note." They were once a brilliantly humorous issue. forwarded in two tin-cases, con- On my arrival to assume duty nected most suitably by red tape,

paper

for the first time I was duly pre-one case contained the document sented with the working tools of

and the other an impression from

my craft they comprised a red

on the other hand not to give the tik pen and a black ink pen, a game away oy treating one's sub-blacklead pencil, a green pencil, jeer too Eightheartedly.

a book 'of instructions-and pepper pot!

Extremes in "Audit

in

the Great Seal of England, which was some 6. Inches wide and one inch thick of sealing wax. And as. a youngster I used casually to "note" the appointment I under- stand that those Letters Patent are framed and put up on the walls of the Baronial Hall or

suspect

what

Hundreds Attend

Long before the hour set hun- dreds of Shanghai's foreign com- munity started gathering around -** | the grounds. happy in the splen- strange places. Grass huts, mud did weather and the spring green-

tornado, to seek hospitality in a huts, palaces, prisons. But once Inless with which the Race Course was forced by stress of flood and

is bedecked. In particular num- bers were the many children,

kindness hot a whit behind the Girls' School. They were in their fending a gaiety which did much

to add to the celebration.

Just after five o'clock Shang-

an

'hal's own troops made ap- pearance in two companies of the had been detailed to act as sen- Russian Regiment.. 8.V.C., who

other public Institutions and I well remember how on my retiring for the night the headmistress con ducted me to my room with a polite "Well, Goodnight, Mr. Collisson" "went out, shut the door-and locked out for the parade. In them-

ed it!

I was mentioning just now how an Auditor is treated. Obviously a guest, be he a Broker's man or an Auditor, cannot pick, and choose but there is one country that

and that country is Canada, where if a recent issue of the "Ot- tawa Journal" is to be believed

tries around the enclosure mark-

selves these two companies | brought "much favourable com- ment from the early bystanders for their smart and soldierly manner, which, as is known to all real Shanghailanders takes

here in recent years.

Promptly at the hour set, the the Auditor was at least provided Band and Drums of the Worces with furniture worthy of his call- ters led the four companies of

the guards on ing. The paragraph is-head "Some

to the parade Office" and states that the Audi-Shanghai, in the summer uniform ground. An unusual feature to tor's desk cost 248 gold dollars of the battalion, are hi waste paper basket 818 its chevrons worn by the non-com- the red bc case $273, curtains for doors missioned omcers which with the of same 190 and rug 8339. As the green dashes in their, topees, to Journal states "Canada has a pro-

For my early essays in audit Castle of the Cabinet Minister's knows how to do things properly second place to no other troops was entrusted with the account of family. Little do they the Paymaster General of Great that on the back is the imprint of Britain and Ireland and very few a common or garden rubber stamp, of the vouchers were for less than bearing the mystic Initials PLC.” some thousands of pounds.

and fact the chief part of my work agonies of mind the sald P.L.C.

Little do they know seemed to be to count the number went through before the darned of noughts after the initial figure. things were got safety out of the

But

account Was mere office. child's play to my next which was that of the National Debt. Here

this

Queen · Assets

the thousands became millions and It is sometimes, an effort for the my green pencil fitted about the travelling Government Auditor to pages from million to million with convince bis brother oniciáis

per pride.".

And I am reminded of a visit I ence paid to a distant outstation in W. Africa where the blessings of audit-only fell in very. Infre- quent showers: in fact my visit was an outstanding event in the routine of the station's year and the District Commissioner in charge was consumed with curio- sity as to what I did and why I did it. And as I proceeded with my work I tried to explain that I did this particular check to see that that particular form of fraud vas not being practised and so on. At the end of my visit hoping bad duly impressed the officer with the serious nature of my duties

say nothing of the red sashes asked him what he thought of it all the fair and assurance of a that audit is not necessarily con- It seems but yesterday that I worn by the sergeants, gave an Funusual touch of colour to the ali. "Well," he said, "you have taipan from Ice House Street. It fined to the mere counting of or was trotting along very humbly on taught me 3 new ways of defraud-was this account, I suspect, which accounting for cash.

parade. There are my Arab steed, for which inciden-

In the fine old tradition of the £4, note-book originated the Auditor's chorus many other types of Government tally I had paid

property which have to

and green pencil in hand, towards the warrant and non-commission- ceremony, the parade continued,

Northern Nigeria When I was parade to that time marching to the gates of the City of Zaria,

ed officers commanding the within a hundred yards or 50 of the saluting base. the Walls the gates were flung officers fell in and together the open and some forty horsemen two groups marched back to the came pouring out, shouting and long line of guards. After a short yelling. waving their swords and pause. caused by the traffic con- drawing up suddenly within a few gestion outside the Race Course, Commander-in-Chief of the Chine Admiral Bir Frederick

Station, was escorted to the salut- ing base and the White Ensign was broken on the fag staff, fol-. lowing which the ceremony con- tinued.

ing the Government."

too

come

So you see, Gentlemen, if I go which used to be sung with gusto within his official ken. Ivory, for

much into the detalls of

at our annual functions and which instance. In most African Colon audit procedure I might end up ran:- with letting the cat out of the bag.

"He audited accounts of fabu-les all Ivory beyond what is al- Eh will you pardon me if I confine

lous amounts

lowed under a game shooting my remarks this afternoon to the

licence is Government property and. But never,

becomes at once a valuable com- modity and asset which needs to he accounted for and controlled with just as much

lighter side of a Colonial Auditor's life sprinkling them. I am afraid,

never found a

accuracy 25

feet of my very nervous self. This

Query." with an undue amount of auto-youngster to remain for long in Aina! It was impossible for any blography-and for this I apolo- such a financial stratosphere with at the outset-but, noping.out. becoming lightheaded. gise however, that you will occasionally perhaps even a bit swollenheaded.ent ivory in Kampala or Mom-ng given to visitors by the Chiefs

Unusual Audits

and

Cash. The annual sale of Govern

basa is a most interesting event

the world. Incidentally it is the only" occasion I know where the

tor a drink! For in order to keep Government stands the Audi- potential buyers in a good mood there was a free bai.

I was making an inspection of some Customs Offices at Lamu on the East Coast of Africa and while I was satisfying myself as to the correctness of the stamps, cash

what appeared to be and indeed and so on I notice on the floor

may actually have been-lumps of dung or manure. These bad not only to be counted but also weigh- ed for those lumps of dung were actually worth more than their weight in gold.

I

There the

Trooping The Colour

Dreyer,

was the "Ja" or customary greet of the Mahommedan Hausa Citles and until you get used to it a little too exciting to be comfortable. Auditors may not yet be on the list of those entitled to a salute of guns but all that I can say is that when

First in slow time and then tể I approached Ocean Island. the capital town of the quick time, the Band and Drums Gilbert and Ellice Islands, and they marched and counter-marched in knew I was coming. I stood rigid- front of the guards, Then follow- ly to attention on the quarter decked the oldest and most interesting of HMS. "Pioneer" while nine part of the ceremony, probably times the harbour echoed to a dating from majestic salvo. On making iny official landing I was told that all

blasting on the phosphate fields, that was happening was the dally

mediaeval times, when the Colour was taken over from the sergeant, who had carried it on to the parade, by the" officer who, normally, is in charge of it. In slow time, the Colour and escort marched to the guards ... where the Colour. "was paraded for the full length of the line as the guards presented

The whole battalion then The days when, under the aegis of marched past the, saluting base the green pencii, one went travel with the Colour, both in slow and ling with a caravan of porters off in quick time, following which

The Good Old Days.

It is a sure algn of advancing age when you start talking of the good old days" but the days I have arma. been apeaking of were indeed good.

catch the glint of a grain of truth and I had soon to come down to and attracts buyers from all over within the chaff.

earth. The descent was easy, and May 1. for the benefit of those when I arrived in Hong Kong I Rotarians whom I have not had found that one of my Jobs was to the privilege of meeting before, see that if any of you gentlemen summarise my previous address by sat on the bench at the end of saying that I endeavoured on that Blake Pier you paid to the Hong occasion to show that the first Kong Government the sum of two Auditor was Adam, that from the cents! days of the Garden of Eden to the. days of Pedder Street the green pencil has in the passage of some It is not always easy for the 6,000 years become the outward and wandering Auditor to adjust his visible sign, the weapon, the wand green penc to the coinage pro- of office of HM's Colonial Audit blems of his temporary residence. Department, world wide in-I have had to audit cash accounts stitution of harassed but, I hope. kept in Poinds, Dollars, Francs, conscientious officials whose duty Brass Wire, Bits of Cloth, Donkeys. and endeavour it is to look after Cows and Pigs: and I assure you the "interests of the tax-paying it is much easier to audit & community; to see that only an squealing pig than a fluctuating the rarest of occasions and even dollar. In primitive countries, the This as possibly some of you then only under the highest of simple savage has actually to be may have guessed was ambergris, authority is"2" plus 2 allowed to taught the advantages of having said to be the excretion of the equal 5; to see that what should money in a metallic or paper form, sperm whale, which I understand be received is received, that what and it takes a little time, though forms an essential basis in the Is spent is spent properly-in it does not take him nearly as long manufacture of perfumery. It is right out into the blue to a Gor-they advanced to the saluting short to make of "themselves a to learn the disadvantages.

found in certain parts of the world erament station perhaps weeks base in review order and gave the -darned nuisance, to everybody, A serious source of worry to Ad--and very few I belleve-washed | away. Visiting such „wonder- general salute concluding the "covering the neatest of official ministrative Officials in the Nigeria up by the tide on to the beach cities as Kano or Sokoto, circling ceremony.

documents with what are known of those good old days was what and the law of the land was it such glorious mountains as Kenya After the parade was concluded, as "green ticks," an expression as was known as the Trade Suspense was the property of the Crown, or Ruwengori, mingling" with the Admiral Sir Frederick Dreyer ad- equally disgusting as, say, Blue Account, the medium by which they and anyone Anding ambergris had Nudists of the Niger.and the Nile, dressed the battalion, praising Bottles, Yellow Fever or Purple had to collect revenue, tribute and to take it to the local Govern- consorting with cannibals, hob them for their smartness on Patches.

fines in kind and then. by a wave ment Office where it was valued, { nothing with Head Hunters. And parade and referring to an earlier of the hand so to speak, convert half the value given as a reward now! A ten-cent tram to Kennedy acquaintance with their regiment these into cash, to be incorporated to the finder. There must have | Town or a rickshaw to Wanchai. of the Belgian Coast during the By in sheldent of official birth. into the Colony's account. And it been some thousands of pounds A Rolling Stone gathers no moes. Great War. He concluded his which doubtless may have seemed was with the object of teaching worth of ambergris on the door of This is obvious, Moss grows only short remarks with his thanks to to some people to be an unfor-him how to perform this conjuring that office.

on Ruins. But a rolling stone does Lieut-Colonel J. HL Pelly of the tunate one, I was born a Govern- trick that every officer on his ap-.

gather something else, and that is battalion for the honour which Auditor. Starting as apointment had to pass a small ex-

the acquaintance and friendship had been conferred on him in of what in my travels I have come being invited to take the salute. to regard as The salt of the earth fushat

the Colonial And by that of course I mean the Colonial of all Nations, the Colonial Planter, the Colonial Merchant, the Colonial Banker, the Colonial Professional Man and will you please forgive me the Colonial Oficial.

ment

Born An Auditor

Mistaken For Bishop.

youngster in the somnolent and amination at Headquarters before It has been interesting during stately portals of Somerset House going on to his district. Many my wanderings to compare, the I was soon shunted off to Bouth hours have I spent, much liquid way in which the travelling Audi- Africa, later to be whisked off to have I consumed in the tropical tor is treated in the different coun- West Africa, kicked on to Kenya, heat of the White Man's Grave img out to Fuji, rushed off to trying to explain to a budding Rhodesia, bumped on to Uganda, governor how to credit pigs and dinally hiking on to Hong Kong debit cows. where I arrived panting and breathless but clutching the few remaining inches of my green

Auditing with a Pepper Pot

I have not forgotten my pepper-

pencil with a tenacity that only pot. It is only fitting that Govern those who are in sight of the ment institutions, in consideration

tries. I have already told in a broadcast two years ago how I was once, very naturally, mistaken for a Bishop and treated accordingly and how in another country I was mistaken for the Government den! tist, but everywhere I have received kindness, always hospitality. And

I have been put up in some

And it has been worth it! A yote of thanks was proposed by Mr. J. Felming and heartily carried.

Frigid

naughty and her father had had Kitty, aged four, had been

to give her a serious talking-to before he left home to go to work, It was plain that an impression. was made, for when he returned in the evening Kitty called to her mother in trigid tones: "Mother. your husband's, homel"

WATER POLO BALLS

By "WEBBRO", SYKE, TOMLINSON

1

FROM $10.50 UPWARDS

New Consignment Just Received

Rubber Bathing Toys for Kiddies & Grown-Ups

including

Bathing Rings in Several Sizes FROM 65 OTS. EACH

SPORTS SHIRTS

FOR EVERY SPORTS WEAR 4 for $5

UNAPPROACHABLE IN PRICE AND QUALITY

LANE, CRAWFORD, LTD.

SPORTS DEPT.

Grocess

Columbia New

RECORDS

A New

Standard of Realism

PIANO RECORDS

DX 456-FANTASIE IMPROMTU ...

DX 814 VALSE TRISTE

DX 294-VALSE IMPROMTU

DX 244-PRELUDE IN G MINOR

-DX 466-BALLADE IN A FLAT....... DB 1847— VIENNESE DANCE No. 2

"

IRENE SCHARRER

WILLIAM MURDOCH

AXIA DORFMATE

WILLIAM. MURDOCH

IGNAZ FRIEDMAN

IONAZ FRIEDMAN,

The Anderson Music Co., Ltd.

Ask

Ice Honge Street.

For

Tel. 21822.

“JOSSMAN”

The Original Plymouth GIN.

Bola Agenta 14m

CALDBECK MACGREGOR & CO., LTD.

Frizons Building,

Jos Hover Brokat.

Parfumerie Brigand

PARIS.

EMBAUME

"UN AIR

Flacon de Laze Grand Modele

A Hygienie and Refreshing Perfume în grens

tavdur on all Ovarmen Market OSTAJWABLE TRO

A & WATSON & CO., LTD THE PHARMACY.

- THE COLONIAL DISPENSARY

WING ON &00 THE SUB:00. SITOERE 00,

VICENTE