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HUMOUR: ANCIENT AND MODERN.
Visitor: "And have you any bro thera or sisters ?'
Little Girl: "No-I'm all the children we've got!".
A young poet was asked why he attended church so regularly.
Well, among other, things," he answered, "it's one place where my contributions are invariably accept. ed."
A dear old lady was told that the police were looking for a man with a monocie.
"But surely it would be better," she said, they were to use a telescope."
She: "How can I prove that you love me "
He: Get a hammer-I'll hold a uail while you pound it,"
"Dora your wife obey you
"
"I'll any she does! Ten years ago, when we were married, I told her to run the house just as she pleased. And she has !
Hostess: "Why, William, I never saw you stuff yourself like this be fore?"
Little Son: "You never had a meal like this before."
Visitor: "I suppose you are very
lovely Persian eat?"
"Call the prize enttle Why.careful about what you feed your they ain't nothing to what our folks raise. My father raised the biggest calf of any man around our parts." "Don't doubt it,' remarked a bystander, and the noisies."
The employer called his secretary. Here, John, look at this letter, I can't make out whether it's from! my tailor or my lawyer.. They're': both named Smith."
And this is what John read: "I have begun your suit. Ready to be tried on Thursday, Smith."
A lady who had just received an interesting bit of news said to her little daughter: Marjorie, dear. auntie has a little baby, and now mamma is the baby's aunt, papa is the baby's uncle, and you are the little cousin."
"Gosh!" anid Marjorie, wonder- ingly. "That was arranged quick!"
"Novelists nowadays," a famous publisher said, "have their radios and motorcars. They spend their winters in Florida or California, and their bank balances mount. steadily up."
"It was different in the old days. Once, in the old days, a brilliant novelist wrote whimsically to friend"
Mrs. Oh, yes, indeed I al- ways have my husband taste every- thing before I offer it to her "..
A negro boy was trying to saddle
a fractious mule, when a bystander asked. "Does the mula ever kick you, Sam 1
"No, sub, but be sometimes kicks where I'se jest bin."
They wandered out of the movie. she clutching his arm.
"Ob, Gilbert," he murmured, wasn't Oliver Twist a perfectly marvellous film ?
"It was he replied, "D'you know, darling, all the time I was watching it I kept thinking what.
wonderful book it would make."
J
THE HONG KONG DAILY PRESS, TUESDAY, MARCH 11, 1930.
SUBURBAN HEIGHTS-FUSES
FUSE BLOWS OUT, PUTTING OUT BED- ROOM LIGHTS, MUT- TERS IT'S LUCKY HE HAS A GOOD FUSE IN THE HOUSE
GOES UP WELL- SATISFIED WITH
HIMSELF, BUT FINDS WIFE JUST MEANT HALL LIGHTS WERE ON AGAIN, BEDROOM LIGHT STILL WON'T WORK.
.
SAD DEATH OF A CHILD.
OPENS FUSE-BOX.
KAS FORGOTTEN WHICH FUSE CON" TROLS BEDROOM LIGHTS
RETURNS DOWN- STAIRS AND SUD- DENLY REALIZES HE DOESN'T KNOW WHICH THE GOOD FUSE IS NOW.
By GLUYAS WILLIAMS
DECIDES IT'S UPPER RIGHT HAND ONE AND UNSCREWS IT, WIFE SHRIEKING THE HALL LIGHTS ARE OUT NOW.
PUTS THEM IN HAP- HAZARD, WIFE CALL- ING BEDROOM LIGHT IS ON, BUT THE
LIVING ROOM KAS GONE DARK
(Copyright, 1930, by The Bell Syudicata, Inc.). - -
four years and looked after both children,, giving very satisfactory and reliable service, and never be före had there been agy cause for complaint. She was specially fond
A road hog, known for his deter- mination never to be, overtaken, was going at a good speed one day when he heard an insistent ""honk ing" behind him. He turned and saw just on his hind wheel a baby "AMMONIA GIVEN IN MIS-of and devoted to Michael.
car driven by a wild-looking indivi- dunl
Back he turned his wheel, down went the accelerator and up arushed the speed indicator. Seventy: eight miles an hour, but still the a hooting continued. At last, worn out, the speed fan slowed down and drew to the side of the road.
"Come on.
then if you must paes," he exclaimed.
"I'm sorry." said the driver of the baby-car, "but I'm hooked on.
"Dear Joe-Will you do me favour? I am going to hold meeting of my creditors next Sun- ay vening in Madison Square Garden, and I want you to ad- dress the overflow meeting out- side.
18
150
24
CROSSWORD PUZZLE.
Horizontal.
1.--To pierce. 4-A coin.
8.Timid.
11-Age. 12-Separate entry: 13.-To jump.
15.-Forms of verbs.
17.-Inlet.
18.-Pronoun. 20.-Accomplished. 91,-Jewel.
-Humans.
23.-Level.
23.Vehicle.
26.-Turfs.
27-To free.
28.A young bear. 29.-Rule.
30-ladenite nrticle. 31.-Annoyed. 33.-Upon-
35. To conquer.
30.-Anger.
37-Part of to be.
28:-To spill
40.-Ocean..
41.-German river.
42.-Dish
-43.-Nothing.
44.-Cloth measure..
45.-By.
46.-Drunkard.
47.-Nearly.
30-Ceremony.
32.-Concludes.
54. Party.
55.-Present time.
56,--The edge!
37.--To place.
Vertical,
1.-To spurt. 2-Metric land measure. 3.-United. 4-Expired.
3.--Possessivė pronoun. 6.-Pronous.'
7-Live coal. ;: 8-Cunning.
9.-Pronoun..
56
B
10
15
148 149
10-Steered wildly, 14.-Writing points. 16.-Evil deed.
15. Part of to be. 21.--Archangel 29.To cut down. 23.-Age. 24.-Vigor, 23.-Mongrel. 26.-Mournful;
25. To be able: 29.-Shelter.
31.-Part of hody. 32-Man's name. 20.-Globe. 31.-Born.
33.Gained. 37.-Apportions. 38.-To box. 30.-Old language. 40.—Locations.. 41.-A tree. 43.-Negative. 44.-Otherwise, 46.-To stitch.
47-To find the sum. 48-To observe... 49. To make lace, e SL-Toward
53-Symbol for nickel.
31
YESTERDAY'S SOLUTION.
No. 1888
GHOST SELLI SAILON BIOKED HELD ABIDE 33 ALL AGO77 177 MI CLIC POLY SCREEDA POZAR
ON AIRT BOUL GUILI I183723 BRIS BLUZA AZ 253 PLIES ALO! 91 BURIT HAGO ZLATED JRE
ע ען !
TAKE BY NURSE.
4
In Court Mrs. Richards identified the bottle of ammonia and another containing Buid magnesia from which the, child's dose should have been given.
Mr. I. T. Morris, sitting as Coroner in the Shanghai Provisional Court last week, delivered the verdict that Michael Richards, 24 year old son of Mr.. A. Richards, divisional manager of the Asiatic l'etroleum Company, died on Feb- ruary 45 from pulmonary olema bottle was en following the accidental adminie tration of caustic poison in the form! of spirits of ammonia, given by Nurse Dennis on February 24 nt 1428, Avenue Joffre,
Nurse's Evidence; Next witness was Miss Aunic Dennis, the nurse, who stated that the usual place for the ammoria the top of the medicine cheat in the bathroom. She had last used it on the evening of February 23 for washing her hair, and did not see it on the following morning. Through some interrup tion in her duties on" the previous evening she had put the bottle on the window shelf in the bathroom.
The NC. Daily News states that Mrs. Richards, mother of the child, testified that she was in the nursery at 1428, Avenne Joffre, when the
On the "morning of the tragedy fatal dose was administered. The witness carried out her usual duties elder son had just returned from until the elder child came from school and had been taken to the school, and she went to wash him bathrooni to be washed before har before tiffin, Just Pashe had ing tiffin, and she herself was talk finished drying her hands she re- ing to Michael. She did not noticemembered it was medicine time for that the nurse had entered until the child. Without thinking, she she heard her say "Cone nu, picked up a bottle in the bathroom, Michael, it's time for tifin." The poured out a dose and gave it to him, whe the child shrieked. nurse had already poured out a dose of Ruid into a ten-spoon and, There was no smell or smarting of the child swallowed the supposed the eyes as witness poured out the medicine. Mrs. Richards happened dose.
bottle of Scrubb's Ammouin on a small table and called out Annie; what are you doing 1"
to notice
♫
Unsuspecting Child.
REPLACES IT AND TRIES GOOD FUSE IN LOWER RIGHT HAND CORNER, WIPI CALLS IT'S ALL RIGHT NOW.
SUDDENLY PLUNGES CELLAR INTO
· BLACKNESS GROPES WAY UPSTAIRS AND CALLS ELECTRICIAN
After Detective Sub-Inspector Robinson, of Central Police Station, had given evidence to the effect that be had visited the house and taken charge of the two bottles. of ammonia and magnesia, the Coroner returned his verdict as stated.
AUDIENCE REFUSE TO LEAVE ALBERT HALL.
KREISLER ENTHRALS 7,000 PEOPLE.
Seven thousand people refused to leave their seats after Kreisler played for two hours at the Albert Hall, Londen, last month.
They applauded him--but they would not let him go. Kreisler, recalled time and time again, gave yet another three items, and then the lights were turn- ed down to clear the hall.
one long His programme was
A magician, entrancing witchery. with four strings of gut and a wisp of horse-hair, he ran the whole gamut of the emotions.
Sweetnasa and Clarity.
His execution throughost was "of the consistent Kreisler excellence: the beauty of tone, the faultless double stopping. the exquisite sweetness and clarity of his har- monics were even better, produced than ever..
Kreisler out-Kreislered Kreisler, It is doubtful if anything more eif-like in violin playing has ever been heard than his rendering of Debussy's The girl with the fläxen tresses." He spun silken gossamer,
Dr. Bryson stated that Michael Richards died at the Country Hos. pital. Dr. Ransom had given the proper emetie nt 1 p.m. on the same; lay, and he took over at 1.45. The child's lips and cheeks were burned The child, who was very fond of by the caustic action of the poison. magnesia, did not hesitate to His breath was rapid, pulse, weak, swallow the fluid, and then iminciand he was frothing nt the mouth; iately shrieked. Mrs. Richards in and nose. Pulmonary oedema set and an enraptured audience literal- mediately called oat for her husband in and the patient's condition bely demanded a repetition of this to get a doctor, and salt and water came increasingly bad until death were given to the child, who vomit- superseded at 10.30 p.m., the cause ed a little. Dr. Parsons was com- being heart failure due to pul- municated with and the child taken monary oedema following the ad- to hospital. The nurse has been in ministration of caustic poison, the employ of Mrs. Richards for spirits of ammonit.
ravishing item...
East Ham woman: Bad language can be made to sound not bad by some people.
THE WOMAN'S CORNER.
THE ART OF LIGHTING A ROOM.
[BY A DECORATIVE EXPERT.].
How few people realise that often the failure of a dinner party, or the sense of discomfort in some room, is entirely due to incorrect lighting i
Not many of us would care to exchange ordinary little everyday intimacies under the glare of an are lamp. Yet many a hostess thinks nothing of subjecting her guests to
mediate sense of welcome and stimulation.
WATCH YOUR CHILD'S
TEETH.
How many mothers realise that between the ages of six and twelve a child gets twenty-eight of the thirty-two permanent or Becond teeth? Decay is very rampant dur. ing this period.
First we have decay accuring be cause the food has been left to collect in and around the teeth. The food decomposes by fermenta tion, forming acids that attack the teeth at some weak spot and cause decay. This decay can be checked to a great extent by keeping the
This is quite easy to effect. It meroly means calling in an electri- cian to fix extra points in various parts of the room, which is not by any means a costly business More over, the possibilities of one electric point are not generally known; various kinds of plugs can be bought, among which are two-way and three-way ones, which are so spotlight strong enough for a constructed that as many as three, mouth thoroughly clear, especially dentist's consulting room, and won- different lamps may draw their by brushing the teeth after meals. ders why conversation dags-why a light from the one point. general atmosphere of unrest per- vades her drawing-room.
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The food necessary in a child's diet is fruit, especially oranges and apples; vegetables, mainly the leafy kind, such as lettuce, spinach and cabbage, and hard toast and coarse cereals.
The second reason for decay of Pretty lamps are extraordinarily the teeth in the lack of the pro-. cheap nowadays. The fashionable.per food. The teeth are made up I do not know with whom the geometrical. ones of crackdleware of calcium and phosphorous salts, fault lies, whether with architects may be bought, complete with pleat and the lack of a sufficient quant- or builders, but in ordinary parchment shade, and Bex, for ity of these elements is often the moderately-priced houses or fiata 6. od, in one West-end store, and caues of soft teeth.' there'
to be any painted wooden onca are even for lighting provision
other cheaper, than from the centre of the ceiling.
For the dining-room the main This proves the pitfall for the unlighting should be focussed on the imaginative.
table, and this should be carefully shaded so that the liners' faces
Beside the nutritive valve of the are lighted from below, and their
toast and cereals, they develop the eyes are relieved from the glare
Shaded candle-light is ident for jaws and nasist in massaging the guma, giving the blood good circu- the dining table, because it is so flattering, and brings & sense of lation in these parts Fresh air pence and election conducive to and sunlight, with exercise, play good conversation. It is wiser to just as important a part in mak buy only the best candles for this ing good, hard, sound teeth as they purpose, which can be had in al- do in the health of the child in
general most any colour.
Centre lighting should never be weed alone and unshaded, except for the purpose of work, or conveni- ence when entering a room quickly. It throws a most unbecoming light, and strains the eyes unless they are kept lowered.
Lighting for general entertain ment should be diffused; and the room should glow on all sides, so that, on entering, one has an im-
Co 24
EREBOS SALE
TABLE
CEREBOR
HIGHEST quality is
always closely associated with the
as greatest economy, in the case of→
Cerebos
SALT
Why is it that the Army, the Navy, and Hospital Authorities of Great Britain and U.S.A, always specify Horlicks Malted Milk?
די
They know it is the original-and found it to be standard. Always uniform-does what it claims-and everyone likes it:
It is, however, a little more expen. ∙sive than any of the other similar. ly-ndmed preparations-but with Horlicks, Well! it's like a Bank of England Note-worth the money. LANE CRAWFORD'S CAFE ALWAYS SERVE HORLICKS.
Sleeplessness
Jour sleeplessness is
Your is
condition of your nerves, but once they are restored to a state of quiet health and strength by just a few weeks use of Sanat- egen, sleepless hours will soon be banished.
* Insomnia of long duration had produced grant debility. Sanat ogen toas prescribed and at the end of "a fortnight the improve-
ment was marked and sleep was normal," writes a physician in the "General Practitioner. "
Strengthen your nerves and body by a few weeks" course. of Sanatogen and go back to sound, healthy sleep.
SANATOGEN
The Trae Tonic-Food Obtainable at all Chemists and Stores."
DAIRY FARM NEWS
AGAIN AVAILABLE THE CHEESE THAT
EVERYONE LIKES
WHITE CHEDDAR
$1.00 PER LB.
THE DAIRY FARM, ICE & COLD STORAGE CO., LTD.
Parcels of clothes for the H. K. Benevolent Society can be left at with Mr. Grenham any day the Y.M.C.A., City Hall.
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