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HUMOUR: ANCIENT AND MODERN.
Little Betty (facing a nor'eas ter): Mummie, wouldn't this weather ba lovely on a scorching hot day?"
First Groundling: "Gosh, that' skywriter locks just like an
.&cct."
Mother. "And how does your tea- cber show you how faas to play ""
Doria: With a little windshield wiper she keeps on her piano,”
Wife: "Now that I have had my in-hair bobbed, I look so much like
an old woman,"
Second Ditto: "A spelling beo "
Jack: "Why did you oversleep this morning?".
"Jim: "There are eight of us in the house, but the alarm was only set for seven."
"My wife explored my pockets. last night."
"What did she get ???
"Same as an explorer-materialį for a lecture."
Jane: Where did you get that binck eye?"
Bill: That's a berth-mark." Jane: "Birth-mark 1"
Bill: "Yes, I climbed into the wrong berth."
Ray: So you are to be operated -on, eh ?
Jaky. Yes, Dee said he wants to take out my appendix, but I think what he really wants to get out of me is a new car.
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"Did you have much rain this year, Farmer Giles?"
Husband: "No, Now you look like an old min."
Mechanic to Motorist. "Yes, sir. After careful examination I find your motor is shot."
Motorist "I knew I had" no business using that grease-gun !"
#
John: "Are you familiar with any medical terms, professor 7"
Professor: "Only two." John: "What are they?" Professor: Shake well before using, and $3 please?""
"Young man." said her father, I don't want you to be too atten- tive to my daughter..
"Whyer-really." stammered the young man,. "I had hoped to-
"Exactly, and I'd like you to marry her, but if you're too at tentive to her you won't have
money enough to do it."
J
Teacher: "How is it you're al
"A fair amount; but my neighways late, when you live only 10
bour had more."
How could he have more 7" "He has more land than I have."
euch
"At a first night the gallery-its go to see the celebrities in the stalls, and the stallites go to other," says a critic.
There is probably some reason or other for the presence of thë actors,
s well.
"
A Wall Street broker, desiring a clerk, asked the following question oa an examination, "Who formed the first company ?
A bright youth, a hit puzzled but not to be floored, wrote: "Noah successfully floated. L
company while the rest of the world was in liquidation."
His application was accepteli.
walk away, and Tommy "minutes
Biuks, who lives an hour's "walk away, can get here on time 7"*
Bobby: "Well, you see, i Tom- my starts five minutes late he has en hour to make it up, but if I am five minutes late, I have 10 minutes to make it up, and it just can't be done."
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THE HONG KONG DAILY PRESS. SATURDAY, JANUARY 11, 1930.
Astage carpenter Went to the theatre manager one day and ask. ed for an increase in his wages. The manager appeared surprised.
"Why," he exclaimed, "I really don't see my way to giving you a You have nothing much to rise! do. Half the time you are mereed by standing in the wings listening to the play."
"Yes, sir," replied the carpenter, grimly, that's just it?"
CROSSWORD PUZZLE.
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13 12
34
15
16
17
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$15
15
19
21 22
28
29
30
31
32
34
36
40
10, 11
25 26 27
141
44
46
47 48 49
50
152
56
59
Horizontal.
1-Dance step.
4.Tender of horses. 9.-Fish limb. 12-Japanese sish.
13.-Answer.
14.-High enrd. 15. Spanish title. 18.-Imitated. 17.--To boil, slowly. 18.-Summer drinks. 20-Part of to be. 21.-Toward. 23.-Corded cloth." 24-Packing cases.
28.-Before.
30.-"By the people."
32.-Assists.
34.-Hurried.
33.-Money box.
158
38.-Matter setting to,
(plural),
17-To sting.
13. Conjunction.
20.--Pari of circumference.
21-To plague
--Kind of window.
-Went on.
-Appendage. 20.-Brilliance.
Slender girl, 2-Icelandic poem.
31.--Homo. 33.-Locations.
37.Confronted.
as-Takes upright position. 42-Symbol for silicon.
45.-Painful.
40.-Burden.
17.-Bench.
48-Length of life, 40.-Spot.
bottom
60-Nothing.
2.-Crooked.
63.-Shelter. 55.--While,
30.To drink with tone,
40-Cheered up.
41.-Possessive pronoun.
43.-Symbol for thorium.
44.-French för and.
45-Gastroped mollusk.
47. Cushions.
50.-Name.
51.A bird.
54.-Self.
35.-Ventilated.
50. Part of to be.
57. Moist.
08.-Snow vehicles,
58. To change colour.
Vertical.
3. Does wrong.
YESTERDAY'S SOLUTION.
No.1539
THE WORLD AT ITS WORST
12-6
By GLUYAS WILLIAMS
PORTRAIT OF A BOY'S ROOM,
THE OWNER OF WHICH
HAS JUST PUT HIMSELF TO BED.
SPORT
PESEK BEATS BENASKI.
AND
(Copystyin, 1929, by The Bell Syndicate, Inc)
GWAS WILLIAMS
ATHLETICS.
CRICKET AND FOOTBALL CLASHES.
The Leicestershire County Cricket Advisory Committee of the M.C.C. Club have made proposals to the to readjust the cricket and football
They suggest that the committee should confer with the Football Association and the Rug by Union to see if it cannot be arranged that football shall start in mid-September and end in mid. May, and that cricket shall occupy the period between.
PUDDEFOOT SUSPENDED.
THE RESCUE OF MOLLIE ELLIS.
MRS. STARR'S OWN VERSION.
MODEST HEROINE.
Farnham (Surrey).-Mrs. Harold Starr, who is now Mrs. Underhill, has for six years been trying to
conversation
cacape
about tho bravest act a woman has ever per- formed. She was the heroic mis- sionary doctor at the Peshawar Hospital who, in 1993, journeyed to the mountain fort of a band of bandit Afridis and rescued Miss Mollie Ellis, the young English girl who was dragged away in her night- dress na a captive after witnessing the murder of her mother.
Mrs. Starr was decorated with the! Kaiser-i-Hind gold medal for her bravery, and her courage was ac claimed throughout the world.
Her Erlet Report.
Mention of her adventure is nnathema to Mrs. Starr, In her
brisk, efficient way she wrote a brief 300-300-word report of her success, and then absolutely refused to dis- cuss the matter. Legends .grew around the tale-wild, distorted ko- counts of fantastic adventure. Mrs. Starr only smiled and went on with her work.
Not long ago she arrived in Eng land with her husband, Major Underhill, on short, leave, and bid herself in Khyber Cottage, Farn bam, Surrey, where 2 keču Loudon journalist found her. He writes:-
I stood at the front gate of Khyber Cottage and faced a clear- cyod, determined woman, whe gazed at me with a look of mingled
S. Puddefoot, the English Inter- national, Blackburn Rovers, and former West Ham forward, was at Sheffield suspended by a Commis sion of the Football Association for fourteen days. The Commis- sion was the sequel to an incident protest and amusement.
She were good, serviceable leg in the match between Bolton Wan- derers and Blackburn Rovers ongings, her hands were black with October 10, when, it was alleged, earth, and she carried a trowel. Her Puddefoot kicked Nuttall, Wanderers half-back. In accord- two small sons were helping in the ance with the new regulation of garden, and Major Underhill, in a the F.A., which allows the player soft hat and breeches, was.engaged in question to attend the inquiry,
the
The
John Pesek, the American wrest- ler, concluded his unbroken run of success" in Australia by defeating Joe Benaski at Rushcutter Bay Stadium: The contest was schedul-seasons.
for six rounds, and the proceeds of the entertainment were donated the "Sun Toy Fund." Pesek had an easy task and obtained falls in the third and fourth rounds.
Prior to the match Pesck gare ni demonstration of wrestling bolds with the assistance of Bill Nolan
They also suggest to the M.C.C. 33 his partner. Pesck's weight was Announced as 13st 8lb and Benneki of county cricket matches-from 12 an alteration in the playing hours. was 13st 311b. It was apparent from to on the first two days, and the inception that Pesek's superior- from. 11. 30 to 8 on the third day; ity was pronounced. He had Ben- also the luncheon interval shall be aski in a body scissors carly, and gin at two o'clock. Leicestershire when opportunities presented of se-point out that these alterations curing a fall Pesek released the would allow workers an opportun hold. Benaski" had a full nelsonity to see two hours cricket in the upon his opponent, but Pesck But-efening, and that the, change in ted him away. Pesek's movements the luncheon interval would enable were fast, and he quickly wriggled business men to have their lunch from Benaski's grips.
at the ground and see some cricket. In the second round Bennski had his opponent on the mat with 'DEATH OF FRANK SLAVIN. En armbar, but Pesek easily evad- d, and when Benaski threw Pesek
The death of Frank Slavia, the with a headlock the latter, landed Australian boxer, at the age of 63, upon his feet. Peack rolled Ben-ecalls his great fight with "Gent-
ski around the mat with a leg leman" Peter Jackson at the Na-county-once in 1921 when he made headlock, and although Benaakitional Sporting Club when Jackson was upon his back for the greater eaded Slavin's pretensions to the part of the sension Pesek did not exert sufficient pressure to ensure a fall.
championship. Slavin's first fight in England was against "Ches terfield'
Goode in 1889. After fighting various men in this coun
the United
tiona
charge against him. He is the firsttering." Puddefoot was present to meet the in the husbandy' pastime of pot-
prefessional footballer to take ad- She wore two plain gold wedding vantage of this permission. majority of the County Associa-rings on her hand. Her first hus- permit amateur players to band was murdered by tribesmen attend inquiries in which they are within a few weeks of the wedding. concerned.
"Oh, that story!" groaned. Mrs. Starr. Will it never be forgotten? I'm weary of it, and I'm sure Miss Ella is weary of it."
LEICESTERSHIRE'S NEW CAPTAIN.
Mr. John A. de Lisle, the sou of a former Parliamentary repre- sentative of the Loughbourgh Divi- sion, has accepted an invitation to succeed E. W. Dawson as captain of the Leicestershire county cricket team. He has played twice for the
72 and 88 against Kent, and once in 1994 when he scored two against Derbyshire. He has spent much of his time in India.
The Real Story.
And then she took me in the cottage and told me the real story for the first time:
"
She told it across a table ns if we were discussing the weathery with a naive humour and a woeful depreciation of her courage,
"It is quite brief and simple." "Sir John "Mafiey needed referee stopping the contest after she said. a crutch hold and body press, he, States and defeated Jake Kilrain roughs at the ringside had gently laid Benaski upon the mat, in one round. The worst experi-peatedly interfered with the Austra- Ellis until an arrangement for her A woman to go and be with Miss and was awarded the fall. In the ence Slavin' had in his long career ian. Slavin, a native of Mait-release could be made. I happened
Pesek gained the first fall in Im 45s of the third round. Securing try Slavin went to
Fourth round Pesek hurled his op- was at Bruges when he fought Jem ponent around the ring, determin- Smith for the heavy-weight cham- ed to finish the contest. When Smpionship of England in December, 456 had elapsed he placed a half- 1589. The fight was for £1,000, a nelson, and, bringing Benaski to side and resulted in a draw, the the mat, closed the engagement, (Continued on neat Oglumn.)
re-
land, New South Wales, served in
the war with the Canadian Bcot to be the one suitable woman on tish and was stationed in England duty," so, I went, just as any other for some time. He took part in the memorable. gold rush to the woman would have gone. I motored Klondike.
ninety miles and rode the rest of the way to the Afridis' fort.
MAINLY FOR THE MEN.
There should be one standard, posed purpose, and then Fleming of morality for both sexes," said left them for a few minutes, osten the Bishop of Manchester (Dr. Guy sibly to place the het. Ho return Wurman) al Blackburn. Women, ed saying that the money was "all he declared, were harder on their right, and then Green said he was fallen sisters than men.
It was
induced to pawn his watch for £2 grave mistake for people to im- 10s. for the purpose of providing an- agine that young people, with grea- other £2 for a further fet. Fleming ter freedom, were now less pure and the other man left him waiting and honourable than those of for- in the street, and the witness add- iner generations.
ed that he was still waiting."
At the Manchester Police Court last month, Poter Fleming, who was shown to have had many pre- This puzzle took 22 minutes to vious convictions, was sentenced to solve. See how long it will take six months' imprisonment for ob you to solve it.
taining two suma amounting to" £2 69. from a young man named Frank James Greca, by means of a trick. Green stated that Fleming, who was a complete stranger to him, stopped him in a city street and asked to be directed to a certain address where, he said, he would find a commission agent with whom he wished to cater upon important betting transaction. Fleming also said be had brought a lot of money from Pres. to place on the result of a chess match, and he told witness further that he was sure of the winner of the match. Another man, also a stranger, came up and joined in conversation, and sub- sequently this man handed to Flem ing 10s. to bet with on the match, Witness Best & who all siname
said he was induced to part with
the same sup
LS
EI
1.-Seed container. 2.-City in Finland.-
9LA ERS
RIA. ORK
4.-Classified.
6.Put on new paper.
1D0
EVE CMIS
6.-Poetic for opens.
DEP
DOTES
AVATAR
7.-Antique,..
8. Posscesive pronoun.
9. Corpulent.
11-Modern.
toni
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What was the true story of how you eventually persuaded the tribes- men to release Miss Ellis " I ask ed.
For the first time Mrs. Starr taon (Lab.), and Mr. David Gren- showed emotion. fell (Lab.).
Mullah's Curse.
It was a miracle," she said A greyhound and the electric quietly. "When I reached the en- hare both suffered as the result of campment where Min Eilia was n tussle at the Middlesbrough grey-being held' I had a terrible time to bound course recently. As the haze gain entrance into the house of the went round the track for the start Afridi chief. He was anti-British, of a race one of the dogs escaped and it was only after I pointed out from its cubicle and ran alone that we could not sleep in an open after the hare. The hare was valley in the heart of hostile conn. switched off the track, but its speed try that he consented. Should the Marriage (Prohibit
was so great that it broke through ed Degrees of Relationship) Bill,
the trapdoor and continued round Lecently introduced in the House of
the course. The dog, which by this I was put into a room with Miss time Commons by the Rev. James Barr
had
the passed
hare, Ellia. In the night the door burst | (Lab.) become law the opportuni- and, seizing the duminy, extract angry and gesticulating. They push-
waited until it CLIC
abreast open and the Afridis rushed in lies for women to secure husbands &id a large patch of fur from ed me roughly out of the room, and will be extended, for under its provision a man may marry-
its back. The greyhound was I realised that they must have got! struck with such force by the hare held of something I did not know.. His deceased wife's brother's that it was unable to take part in.
daughter.
the race which followed, but the. The mullah who
"Then the miracle happened. hare was able to put in an appear cursed them. He was a Pathan, and
was with His deceased
daughter. His father's deceased brother's
widow.
wife's sister's
His mother's deceased brother's
widow.
His deceased wife's father's is
ter.
ter. His brother's decegred
Bon'a
ance.
*
me
Pathans have very strong views
In memory of Manxmen killed about propriety. He was scan- in the war, a fag given by Toc H. dalised at the idea of men breaking
QUEEN'S
WITH SOUND ACCOMPANIMENT
DOLORES
AS
DEL RIO
EVANGELINE
Longfellow's Immortal Love Epic FOX MOVIETONE NEWS PEARL CULTURE INDUSTRY IN JAPAN
U.S. SUBMARINES IN WAR PRACTICE
HEAR THE REVELLERS BING *COMING HOME " "EVENIN""
"I Know That You Know."
FINAL SHOWINGS TO-DAY At 2.80, 5.10,.7.15, & 9.20.
WORLD
VIVID
THE
SCREEN VERSION OF GOETHE'S
IMMORTAL DRAMA
FAUST
With
EMIL JANNINGS
AND
CAMILLA HORN
At 7.15 & 9.20
Mlle. AMETA PARISTÁN DANCER/
FINAL SHOWINGS TO-DAY At 230, 6.15, 7.15 & 9.20.
STAR
THE MASKS OF THE DEVIL
with
JOHN GILBERT
FINAL SHOWINGS. TO-DAY At 2.30, 5.30 & 9.20.
ON SALE. HONG KONG HANSARD RE-
PORTS of the MEETINGA: for the Session 1928. of the LEGISLATIVE COUNCIL
by the Dowager Lady Raglan in of the Isle of Man was deposited into a woman's room. ·
The Afridis are very super- stitions. Hia curac atampeded the north chapel of the Church of His deceased wife's mother's sis-All Hallows, Barking, which is the them. The old ruffians fell on their knees and begged him to remove guild church of Toe H. Lady Rag the curse. He agreed to this if the lan, whose late husband was gov. ernor of the Isle of Man during Afridis undertook not to molest us," the war, was accompanied by her Mrs. Starr then sighed happily as daughter, the Hon. Ivy Somerset. one who has got something off the A delegation from the Isle of Man cheat. Then we exchanged Miss Soy in Pond, Kox and about 100 members of the Manz Ellia for a couple of Afridi thieves
widow.
His sister's drocased son's widow. The Bill has the support of Com- mander Bellaire (Con.), Colonel Moore (Con), Mr. Ernest Brown
REVIBED BY MEMBERS,
PRICE
230.
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