HUMOUR: ANCIENT AND MODERN.
"The furniture in Jones's house} is all very modern."
"Yes, he has a splendid collec- tion of antiques. hasn't he?"
Auto Salesman: And what kind "of a horn would you like, sir! Do
you care for a good loud blast i
Haughty Customer, No; I want something that just sneers,
Chairman (at banquent). "How long will you talk?"
Speaker: "About five minutes." Chairman: "Couldn't you make it 10 minutes! We want to clear the room for dancing.'
They had started on their vaca. tion.
"Oh. suddenly exclaimed the wife. I forget to turn off the electric stove!
From Poetto Editor: "Dear Sir-I am sending you & simple, "Nothing will burn," replied the little ade. All that I ask is that husband, I forgot to turn off the
shower bath. you give it a careful reading."
And
From Editor to Poet: "Dear Si-I received your "poem. in reply will say that the price you ask is beyond all reason."
Indignant. English Guest: "See here, I left my shoes outside the door last night, and no one has so much as touched them.
Irish Proprietor: "Yes, sir, That's the sort we are." Ye might put your watch and chain outside, " and no one would harm them,”
A couple of university studenta were hauled into a traffic court an charge of highway hurdling in their collegiate flive.
"Have you
lawyer to act a counsel for your defence?" the judge inquired. ***
No, Your Honour." responded the elder of the two. a young man with a frank open countenance, We don't want a lawyer;„ we're going to tell the truth."
Donal and Jamie, bosom friends and canny Scots, entered the tobne conists's, shop,
"Will you have a cigar, Jamie?" said Donald,
"Yes," responded his friend. Donald asked the shopman for two threepenny cigars.
bankment and bent a fender. It worried her. She went to a gar age and asked the mechanic-
A woman driver ran into an em-
"Can you Ax this fender so my husband won't know how it was tent!"
The mechanic looked at the best fender and then at her, and said:-
"No, lady, I can't. But I'll tell you what I can do. I can fix it up so that in a few days you can ask your husband how he bent it.”
A bank in New Jersey ran this advertisement in a local paper.
Wanged-a clerk. Must be ex- perienced in foreign exchange. Salary, 815 a week.
This was one of the replies re- ceived:..
Dear Bank-I would respectful," ly apply for the position you offer. 1.
an expert in foreign ex- change in all branches. In addi tion. I converse Buently in Gum Arabic, Zola, Gorgonzola, and Bil. lingsgate. I write shorthand, long hand, left hand and right hand. I can supply my own typewriter, if necessary, and I may mention that
typewrite half an hour in 10- minutes, the record.
would be willing also to let Jamie quietly took a few puis soul is the service, Kr, at after at his cigar then slowly turned to large family of boys, and, if agree- turdable to you, my wife would be ward the tobacconist
Mester, you sell these five for a pleased to clean your office regular shilling, don't you?"
ly without extra charge. The cost of postage for your answer to this application can be deducted from my salary.
"Yes, sir," said the dealer.
Weel, said the Scotsman, at the same time fumbling in his vest-pocket with thumb" and fore
finger, "here's a sixpence. Gi'e me
the ither three."""
THE "HONG KONG DAILY PRESS. THURSDAY, JANUARY 9, 1930,
THE CHRISTMAS THRILL
12-20
By GLUYAS WILLIAMS
DA
THAT WONDERFUL TIME OF YEAR WHEN THE HOUSE IS FULL OF SECRETS AND WHISPERS
AND CLOSED DOORS, AND EVERY TIME YOU GO INTO A ROOM MOTHER HUSTLES YOU RIGHT
OUT WHILE DADDY TRIES TO HIDE SOMETHING...
AND EVERYBODY IS GOOD-NATURED.
(Copyright, 1929. by The Bell Syndicate, Inc.)
SPORT
ECOLES CLUB GALA.
At the Eccles Swimming Club's annual gala the principal event was the 100 yards' championship of the borough of Eccles for which there were eight entries. N. Richards was with the holder, A. Taylor, for three lengths of the bath, but Taylor retained the cup by a yard victory; backyard. I would make bricks swimmers finished in the same order J. Brown was third. These three
Please note that if you have a
uy spare time,"
CROSSWORD PUZZLE.
28 29 30
2 3
5 16
19
10 11
12
14
15
116
18
19
20
21
22
24 25
27
131
32
33
134
35
36
38
39 40
41
[42
43 44
45
46 147
48
50
15)
1554
57
Horizontal.
1.--Clan.
4. --To cut.
-To pack.
12. -Always. 13.---Before 14-Sheet of glass. 15-Scolding. 17-Quick look. 10-Thin portion.
20. Possessed. 21.—Meadows.
23. To sharpen.
24-Part of to be
20.---A mechanical man.
28-Tora cloth.
31.--By.
32-Hard shelled aruit.
33. Pronoun.
34.-Jewel.
34.--Pits,
38. To wager.
39.-A continent. 41.-Mineral vein. 43-Musical instruments.
45. To allude.
48-Means of approach. 50.To dedicate. 51-At that time.
-One indefinitely..
54-A. metal. 55.-Grasped.
50.--Part of shoe. 57,--Loaned.
Vertical,
1.-Collections. 2.-Morally wrong. 3.-Dangers. 4.To rail.: B.An insect. 4.--Conjunction:
-To solicit ́ alms.
6. Young fish,
9. Leather maker.
At one time... 11.--Garden pest. 10.-Beloved.
18.-Plunder.
92-Girl's name.
23.-Ina.
24. -Humorist.
93.Devoured
-Biscuit.
29,-Respect.
30.--To obtain.
33.-Kind of hair wave.
36-Girl's title. 37--Painful.
38.-Preceding.
46.To disburse. 42.-Demon.
.
43.--Old, form of has. 44.---Fain. 40.-English school. 47.-To hire. 19.-Rested.
50-To change colour. 33.-Negative.
This puzzle took 20 minutes to solve. Bee how long it will take you to solve it.
YESTERDAY'S SOLUTION:
Fo, 15371
37 JAPID BLIXIR GRANED WE CRIBO VISZON HERS
SOBE:
ALEGDIES
TARTWAT
IT BABUSIVE
3TAZE F0572
AND
GUYAS WILLIAMS
ATHLETICS.
AN INTERNATIONAL HORSE- RACE.
LYDIA KYASHT ON-
LOVE.
ENGLISHMEN COLD.
VIENNESE. THE MOST ATTRACTIVE,
Lydia Ryashit, the famous dancer, offers many "wisdoms" about löve in her "Romantic Recollections" (Brentano, 15s.). She is an autho- rity on the subject, for she frankly admits being not only a flirt, but
a vamp.
"Not being in love." she says. "I look stale; and, what is in- finitely more dangerous from 12 artistic point of view, feel stale.
When I used to be on
tour travelling 'about from one coun- try to another indulged in numerous Airtations with different men. Each affair gave me a deeper knowledge of life, and spurred me on likewise to 4ohieve conquests in my, art
الحمد
3
QUEEN'S
DOLORES
AS
DEL RIO
"EVANGELINE"]
She fears it may shock us, but Longfellow's Immortal Love Epic her belief is that it is a good thing fur a woman to have a that if, a woman 15
lover
to saecced in one of the arts, she needs a spur of this sort to help her. to scale the heights . and that if she deprives herself of it she will never gain success."
Russians In Love.
A rather audacious gospel. But it is the fruit of her experience. Someone always loved Lydia. When she was a member of the Russian Imperial Ballet, four army officers JACK BROWN'S VICTORY. formed themselves into a." Diana The y-weight championship of League" having for its sole object An international handicap race Great Britain was won at West the winning of her
in marriage. for horses of America, and Great Bromwich by Jack Brawn, a nine-One of the League was her future York. The race would be run on ham) in the third round of a bout husband: he always opens and re- Britain is being planned in New teen-year-old Manchester, hoy, who husband, Colonel Alexis Ragonin.
knocked out Bert Kirby (Birming- He has proved a most amiáble the Arlington course next summer. scheduled for fifteen 'rounds. A plate of £40,000 is suggested. An
It plics to her love letters-in hur was the first occasion on which a name: When she was dancing in attempt will be made to bring anchampionship and Lonsdale belt London his formula used using English horse to the United States contest has been decided on a Sun- to race against the American crack day, and such was the interest in land this year. If English horses were present. Kirby, who was Reigh Count, who has run in Eng the fight that over 10,000 people are unable to compete, overtures decided favourite, had the letter of will be made to French stables. the opening round, but midway
through the third stage he left him- self open to a right-hand punch which was delivered with such pre-
He was badly duaed, and it was the boards and was counted out. eision and power that he went to
the ring. many seconds before he could leave
competition
SEASON,
for
1
"Dear I am so sorry I ani
will call at the stage door, and But perhaps a little later on you very much engaged at present.
my husband will meet you.-Lydia Kyasht."
That was quite enough for any would not be cut off by it. It English lover. But Russian swains
seems they are real dogs:-
.
Our Russian men make love quite differently from English men. For one thing they are more emo- FRANKLYN AT BELLE VUE.
tional and less self-restrained . . . . they live at fever beat, and extract peections, and the winners of the fore him at the Belle Vue speedway can.
Was divided into Arthur Franklyn carried all be every ounce from life which they sections played off on the knock-out when he won both the races for the loves a girl, he puts forth the whole When a Russian man system. The winning skip will hold Erening Chronicle Cup and for of his strength to the wooing of the shiell for one season, and the Golden Gauntlet. Frank Varey washer. runner-up will hold for one season
Should she be married silver cup presented by Miss from shoulder injuries which he re-making and disregard & barrier unable to ride, as he was suffering already, he will still pursue his love. Irving, of Huddersfield. There ceived at the White City, Manches that would be an impenetrable ob- was also gold medals and prizes pre- ter. Results:-
stacle to a man of different race and for each member of the winning Frankiyn; 2, Smoke" Robinson. sented by the Ice Palace directors. Burning Chronicle Cup-1, breeding." rink and the runners-up. This year Time: Imia: 33.5gec. the entry totalled 36 and the winner was J. Black, of Huddersfield,
in the 100 yards' club champion- ship (four styles), after Richards had led up to the third length. The 100 yards' junior borough. OPENING OF THE QURLING championship Wis won by K. Robertson, who was followed by C. Pickup and A. Tonge, and the orderManchester Ice Palace some weeks The curling season opened at the of the final for the 100 yards (four ago, and the competition styles) junior club championship the Manchester Ice Palace Chal Ras: 1, F. Horridge; 2, C. Pickup; lenge Shield took place on October 3. L. Carter. Miss M. Yarwood 30 and 31. As in previous years the was a good winner of the 100 yards' ladies championship of the borough; second and third being Miss J. Dully and Miss M. Galvin. Miss M. Yarwood also secured the 100 yards (free style) club cham nion, and in the 100 yards' ladies' breast-stroke championship of the club the result was: 1, Miss N. Yarwood; 2, Miss E. Barrow; 3, Miss M. Calvin. In the 5 yards junior ladies club championship Miss P. Carney was the winner, and she also took the shield for the 50 yards' championship open to school- girls in Eccles.. A junior shield race for boys was won by J. Blears. A. Leach (see, start), won the 50 yards senior short-limit handicap which A. Taylor (ser.) was second, and J. Johnson (2) third, (Continued on next Column.)
In
Englishmen Difficult.
Handicap Final.-1, J. Rowley; 2, A. Simens. Time: 1.33.1sec.
Golden Gauntlet.-1, A. Frank- lyn: 2, H. Taft. Time: 1.25.9sec. F. Wilcox. Time: 1min. 39.5acc. Junior Cup.-1, F. Annable;
Colin Watson" in
Match Racca.-J. Barnett beat confesses to Б.
atcnight heats; R. Hirson bent Will Me Clure, one heat.
Miss M. Galvin won the senior ladies handicap, and Miss Haden the junior event. G. Yar wood won the youths handicap, and J. Paterick the novice race.
THE WOMAN'S CORNER.
THOSE CHILDREN OF OURS.
A BIRTHDAY, PRESENT FOR
GRANDPA.
A friend of mine told me that her little boy, who, is about six years old, caine to her the other day and announced that. he wished to give his grandfather & birthday present.
"That will be very nice, indeed, darling," she said enthusiastically. "What do you think you will give him "
"Well, how much money will you let me have for it?" asked her generous child.
His mother informed him that she had no intention of paying for the present; that although it was very nice of him to wish to give, his grandfather a present, there was. not the slightest need for him 'to do so, and, if he did, he must pay for it himself.
They argued long and beatedly. The mother stuck to her decision, and the child insisted that he would buy the present, and at last said he would even pay for it himself, so they went shopping to a nearby stationers.
I wish to buy my grandfather. present for his birthday," the small boy informed the girl be hind the counter.
"About how much money do you want to spend ?" she inquired.
#
1
Let her first be sure of her gifts and inclinations, a contented success; the secret of success is aptitude and com centration. Thun a woman in her choice is limited only by
there
Let her frat be sure of her tural gifts and inclinations, then with all the perseverance that is in her, let her go "for- ward, either in the home or in an office, in a trade or profes- sion, and she will inevitably find that she is pursuing a course of life which is as nearly ideal as is possible in this world of disappointments.
two
CHILDREN'S HAIR.
CUT BY EXPERTS TO-DAY.
So that- by comparison with the Englishmen are cold-blooded the ardent-natured Russians I find
and the most difficult men in the world to vamp," Lydia has suffer. ed from this failing of ours, for she "having a weakness for a little vamping now and again." Out of the experience thus gained, she votes the Viennese the best- looking men, and American men the most direct in their love-making,
Another pearl of wisdom from a fiirt's note-book:-
"A plain woman can often attract and hold a man Jonger than a mere- I pretty woman.
I have come to the conclusion that a plain woman owes her victory to the fact that she knows she cannot rely on good looks with which to hold a man, and so she is obliged to culti vate her brain. As a result she is. usually a past-mistress at the art of fascination, and employs it to When we were very young our such good purpose that nobody hair was entirely home grown. "It thinks of her looks because they are was brushed and washed, cut and too enthralled with her curled in fact, cared for in every ality." way--at home, and, although the results were quite satisfactory, we must admit that the methods were sometimes a trifle painful.
;
person-
י,
**Master of the Claqua." - There are some interesting re- miniscences of the old Empire (Lei- cester-square) days.
The "Claque
WOR
*L
was still in exist-
Little girls, for instance, slept all night with their long hair ence when she danced there. "This divided and rolled up into eight or ten curling rags that were tied artists to pay out a weekly sum from nystem which compelled in the hardest of knote close to their salaries to the Master of the their heads.
Cinque in return for receiving Our brothers suffered in another applause and a nightly ovation from way. If they were unfortunate en- his followers. When an artist was ough to have fair curly hair it was earning about £40 a week he or guarded from the scissors until the she was expected to pay 30s. or £2 wretched child's life was made, un- a week to the Claque.. .. If an. bearable to him.
artist took a firm stand and re- are fused to pay, the Claque always revenged themselves by indulging in cat-calls or else by ruining the whole scene by applauding in the wrong place."
2
"Even in these days there cruelly sentimental mothers who let their small boys dook like small girls. Mothers have always been weak-minded on the subject of their
sons' hair when it happened to be In her day, the Master of the fair and curly,
Claque was a queer-looking French- Mothers in our young days also beard, dressed in a shabby black man with black hair and flowing enjoyed cutting their children's suit and a greasy bowler hat.
He assured her he could ensure Children of to-day in England the incomparable Lydia an en- have their hair washed and cut and thusiastic reception nightly at the curled by experts. A famous stora moderato price of a guinea a week" ph
hair.
DOELDERDELE BIED ipiya tubignityananda-Added aftergomsford street
good present," he said with ment's hesitation, "I will pay four-hair dressing department entirely This book is full of strange stories (Continued at foot of next column.) | peace.'
for children.
from a romantic life.
[FOX MOVIETONE NEWS
PEARL CULTURE INDUSTRY IN JAPAN
U.S. SUBMARINES IN WAR PRACTICE
HEAR THE REVELLERS SING "COMING HOME"
"EVENIN
"I Know That You Know."
THURSDAY TO SATURDAY At 2.30, 5.10, 7.15, & 9.20.
G
WORLD
Norma JALMADGE
HENRY
KING'S
PRODUCTION
"The
WOMAN DISPUTED
with
7
GILBERT ROLAND
FINAL SHOWINGS TO-DAY At 230, 5.15, 7.15 & 9.20,
At 7.15 & 9,20
Mlle. AMETA
PARISIAN DANCER
STAR
THE MASKS OF THE DEVIL
with
JOHN GILBERT
THURSDAY TO SATURDAY
At 5.80 & 9.20.
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