HUMOUR: ANCIENT AND MODERN.
"I'm told tragedy is her forte." "Oh, no. Forty is her tragedy "
"Sbe told me she thought there was a fool in every family."
"Well, what of that 1"
"I had told her a moment before
"fcoland," said the teacher, "is that I was an only child." about as large as Siam."
"Iceland,' wrote Willis after wards, is about as large as 18- cher."
You haven't learned much in this class, have you, my lad?" said the master to the small boy
that
"I admire you, sir," replied the boy, or taking the blame broad-minded Fashion."
"I bought a new car and gave up my piano-player as first pay-
ment.
"I didn't know they accepted piano-players as payment on new Cara"
They don't usually, but the salesman is a neighbour of mine."
"Well, sir, it was midnight," re. plied the officer, "and I didn't like to disturb you but I managed it all right myself.
Awkins,' says I 'you've been
a bad 'un.'
** "Yes," ways, he.
"Awkins, you can't expect to go to Heaven.'
***No,' says he.
"Then you must go to the other place.'
"Yes, oh "Awkins,' says I how thankful you ought to be to have anywhere to go at all? And so he died peacefully, sir."
Not so long ago bottles of gum issued by the Stationery Office bore the following instruction:-
Wife: "Do you realize, dear, that it was 25 years ago to-day that we became engaged 1
Absent-Minded Professor; years! Bless my soul; You should have reminded me before. It's cer tainly time we got married."
An Irish landowner was driving guest to his house in a gig.
They entered the lodge gates, and the drive when there was a report, had procreded only a few yards up
and a bullet whizzed, past their hunds.
The landowner whipped up his horse, but they had only advanced a short distance when another bul- Ift whizzed past. Just then the gig swung rotil a corner out of dan- ger
Who was that shooting at us?" asked the nervous guest.
"Oh, only, my lodge-keeper." 're- plied the landowner, calmly.
Then why don't you sack him? continued the guest.
Sack him! Good Heavens, man. he's the worst shot I've had."
The wealthy inerchant, who had taken his twenty-year-old son into" his business; discovered that town pleasures were proving far more attractive to the young man than business activities.
One day, when the son left the "Ia ordinary use the best and office ostensibly to keep a business most nearly immediate result is se-appointment, ho father decided to cured by using only such an follow him. He found that his son' amount of gum as will just headed straight towards a certain uniformly moisten the surface with out leaving any obvious excess to delay drying, the condition to be aimed at being that of a gummed postage stamp just moistened as or dinarily applied to a letter."
Now some sensible economist, cal Iously indifferent to fine writing, has replaced, this piece of unexam-i pled prose with the terse phrase, "Apply thinly."
para-
club, to which he belonged. After waiting a while outside, the father entered the club and found his son in the smoking-room with a bottle of whisky on his table.
"Oh, but really. Dad," said the young man, "I must have my Aing."
"H'm!" said the father, eyeing the bottle of Scotch, "But it needn't be a Highland ding."
CROSSWORD PUZZLE.
2
3
4
12
38 29
24
40
47
པ
12
56
A
148
18 19
10
132
49
45
50
55
156 157
158
61
62
69
165
Horizontal
1. -Shelter.
4-Part of infinitive,
6.Kind of coat (plural). 11. Small iced cake. 13-Turns" away. 13.--Exclamation.
10-Railroad ear. 18.---Above..
10.-Belonging to.
21.-Narrow band of cloth.
22-Rise and fall of water.
21-Food.
26.-Terrible.
28.-Cravat.
2.-Icelandic poems.
33.-Hypothetical force.
31-To seal with wax,
34.-Love god.
36,-Trash.
38.-Part of to be.
40-Hard shell fruit (plural).
42-Obtuse,
45.-Grassy plain.
47.-To appear.
49.-Place for fodder. 50.-Norwegian city.
K2.
-Among
54-Behold.
55.-Plural pronoun. 80.-Esteemed..
59.-Plural pronoun. 01.-College honour.
63.-Runaway. 63.-Gave medicine to. 66.-Compass point. 67.-Anger.
1.-Meadow,
Vertical.
2.-Repeated.
3.-Spanish for the
4-To incline.
5.-Mounain nymph.
-Cavorted,
-Hail.
8.-nude.
9. Comparative ending.
12.-While.
14.-To hristen,
17-Heroic poèm.
20. To lose colour.
3.Pronoun.
24:-Pronoun. 95-Mountain lake. 27-Man's name. 30. French coins.
32. Mistakes.
33.--Smoked.
37.-Appendage. 39.-Audibly.
18
30.-Threw into disorder. 41.-Prefix: one half.
13. Not so fast,
14
44.-In this way. 46.-Symbol for aluminum. - 48.-Sticks in mud. 51.-Padalca.
53.-To strike out.
57. Welsh river.
58.-To act.
60.-Refore.
62.-Depart.
04-Jumbled type..
J
·
This puzzle took 23 minutes to solve. See how long it will take you to solve it.
YESTERDAY'S SOLUTION.
CLUDE AJER NE
FAST
No. 1530 QAZET
TO AŠARL
JUNARLID
DROVER
HIBI ST HIED PEA ES B HUMID AZEREZITZ
DRUGS
THE HONG KONG DAILY PRESS, TUESDAY DECEMBER 31, 1929.
THE FAMILY ALBUM-WASHING THE CAR
SIYAS WIZNES
By GLUYAS WILLIAMS
14 24
CALLS HE'S GOING TO WASH THE CAR, WHERE ARE SOME RAGS?
AFTER MUCH CALLING UP'AND DOWNSTAIRS FINDS NOZZLE BUT CAN'T REMEMBER WHERE HE PUT RAG.
IS TOLD HE'LL FIND
SOME IN SEWING, TABLE. RANSACKS IT.
FINDS IT AT LAST, IS STARTING OUT WHEN WIFE SHRIEKS HE CAN'T USE THAT, SHE'S GOING TO COVER A SOFA PILLOW WITH THAT.
SPORT
THE RULES OF GOLF,
A London correspondent recently
wrote the following letter to the Time-In the English Ladies Golf Championship one of the com- petitors was so un-English, so un- ladylike, or so little embaed with the true spirit of golf, that she brushed away a worm, which, had accidentally strayed on to the line of her putt, instead of picking it up and handing it to her enddie, the referee, or one of the specta-
tors.
Quite rightly she was pen- alized for this unsporting conduct, But, to the horror of all good gal. Ters and gentlemen, your Special Correspondent-suggests that the rule on this point should be alter. ed, and that in future a player shall have licence to brush away any worm, or series of worms, with
he
sers, or imagines he sees, he- tween his ball and the hole!
What would be the inevitable re- ault? It would be possible (and what is possible to a golfer has a ways been considered practicable and praiseworthy) for any of us to brush away these woring with such ferocity as to make a groove to the hole down which our bali could run, thus eliminating, par ticularly in the afternoon round when the co-operation of an actual worm would not be considered so necessary. the whole art of putting from our great gaine.
(Continued on next Column.)
SELECTS RAG AND GOES DOWN CELLAR TO GET HOSE.
WIFE SUPPLIES HIM " WITH SOME OLD RAGS, ALSO WITH A PAIL OF WATER AND A PIECE OF CHAMOIS.
DISCOVERS THAT NOZZLE OF HOSE IS MISSING.
DECIDES THERE'S NO USE WASHING THE CAR BECAUSE
· IT'S GOING TO RAIN, CARRIES EVERY- THING IN AGAIN,
(Copyright, 1929, by The Bell Syndicate, Inc) 12-4
}
AND ATHLETICS.
AUSTRALIA AND MISS WILLS.'
The Australian Lawn Tennis Asso. ciation, who in the past two seasons entertained international have teams-the French in 1927 and the British in 1929, are very keen on getting an American team over this With this in view they have year. issued an invitation to Miss Helen Wills to visit Australia during the She will in present season. January if she accepts....
Moreover, such an alteration of the rules would have its repercus- sions on the greater game of Life. At present, when one of our youn ger relations, in the course of his social or professional activities. metaphorically brushes away a worm which he should have picked up, we older men shake our heads and say reprovingly, "My boy, it isn't golf," and by these words shame him into more gentlemanly conduct. It is true that, even if the rule were altered, we should still be able to say this to him when he had metaphorically picked up a piece of ice which he ought to have brushed away, but these moral distinctions are difficult for youth to recognize.. It is surely wiser, both for the sake of the game and for the sake of the moral lessons which it teaches, to leave the rules as they are.
A GREAT COMBINATION,
Since the days two decades ago
when George Duncan and Charles Mayo, two striplings, came into the limelight "by the almost im- pudeat challenge to foursomes mat- ches with members of the great triumvirate Duncan has been re- garded as one of the best four- somes players in the country. It is remarkable that a golfer whose impetuosity seems to give an im- pression of carelessness can com inand such steadiness in
a four- some and can face a recovery shot, when the error is not his, with delightful optimism. But that is the secret of the success of Duncan and Abe Mitchell in foursomes play.
QUEEN'S DEXER
with
THE
B
WORLD
„WARNER BROS, prasme
Syd Chaplin
The FORTUNE
HUNTER
with HELENE COSTELLO Band upon the play of Winchell Sanith Dimetal be
CHARLES PREISNER
VICTOR MOLAGLENE
MYRNA LOY DAVID ROLLINS
ROY D'ARCY
Directed by JOHN FORD “Story ży Talbot Mundy ·
C H
LLTALKING® [FOX-MOVIETONE FEATURE
TO-DAY
At 2.80, 5.10. 7.15. & 9.20.
THERE'S A LONG, LONG TRAIL
Bags, Fleas, Flies, Beetics, Mosquitoes,
etc.,
Lol killed by
KEATING'S
BRITISH
MADI
Mitchell seldom makes an crror, but when he does Duncan always seems to be able to produce the brilliant shot to put things STATE OF MARRIAGE right again. That is why Duncan and Mitchell were able to beat Ar- chie Compston and Henry Cotton in the foursome at Brockenhurst recently,
although the margin was only one hole. Compston and not at all satisfied Cotton
were
with the result of the game, and Compston says that he intends to challenge the other two to another 36-hole foursome as soon as he can. Compston and Cotton form un ex- cellent combination from the point) of view of ability.
THE WOMAN'S CORNER.
BRUNETTES BETTER IN BUSINESS.
[BY ANITA LOOS.]
"A Blonde can beat a brunette, anywhere, any time, anyhow! An employer who puts up an embargo against the golden-crested girls is out of his mind. He's deliberately turning away assets to his busi- ness,"
So declares Anita Loos, of "Gen- tlenen Prefer Blondes" fame.
**People don't want women around who look as if they had nentality. They want you "bland and blonde, and I don't blame them."
Ead
concern;
F
possess
Independent-Have own ideas about doing things.
Keep irregular hours-Going to hairdressers during business hours. Tactless-Not diplomatic in talk- ing to other employees.
Bluffers. Shrewd enough to make one believe an untruth.
the following negative All of which was engendered by qualities:— aninnocent appearing advertise- Temperamental-Too easily per ment in the "Help Wanted" turbed. columns of a newspaper.
Stenographer, under twenty-five, by education and sound business sense capable of advancement in an important West brunette; letters only.
The author of the advertisement is head of a company which has an., aversion to blondes. Ha says that his action in advertising for a brunette is not based on a desire to get even with one particular blonde, but on the result of a year's calm investigation and oh- servation of blondes in business offices..
Blondes, according to this agency, are all very well at the head of the dinner table or occupying the sent beside the driver in a motor car built for two, but they are sadly out of place in the office of a busy business man.
Temperamental.
io
Inefficient-Not thorough handling work, possibly due to an attitude of "do it quick and for- get about it."
This critic admits that the blon- des and redheads are "alert when they deem it advisable to be so, and are usually intelligent, but not well balanced." They think-at such times as they indulge in thought with their emotions, he insists, whereas the brunette is characteris ed by tranquil thinking.
"they belong with brunettes. They are much too definite to be classed with the gilded girls. Redheads are likely to have opinions and viewpoints and a lot of irritating things. Let him embargo redheads if he likes and save fighting. But blondes-!
not
"Blondes are
emotional! Where did bo get that idea? Brunettes are the women who think with their emotions, and they feel a lot and suffer terribly. Blondes seldom feel anything so it's much
Temperamental? I don't agree with him. Redheads, maybe, I've
never met a redhead who wasn't, but blondes don't have to bother being disagreeable.
"Independent? Yes, they are independent because they know they can always get along on their looks, They don't need to have ideas these aren't ideas they are just their cute little" ways.
LAWS.
BRITISH WIVES OF
FOREIGNERS.
A lecture on the subject of mar- riage, divorce, and the guardianship of children, was given by Mrs. E. M. Hubback, M.A., to the women's group of the Fabian Society at the Caxion Ball, Westminster, last month.
TUESDAY & WEDNESDAY At 2.30. 5.15, 7.15 & 9.20.
STAR
WITH
PRESEN
GEORGE O'BRIEN
NORA LANE" FARRELL MACDONALD
WILLIAM! EN AMET
WAVID BUTLER KENNETH HAWIG
.
Mile. AMETA
TO-DAY
ΤΟ
THURSDAY
AT 5.30 & 9.20.
M
A
zanxwo WMOT-ON
4,000 CHILDREN TO VISIT GERMANY.
THE FRIENDSHIP
ADVENTURES.
Mrs. Hubba, in a comprehen-
'Three of Germany's most beauti- sive survey of the subject, dealt fil castles will be thrown open to with husbands and wives, who can visiting school-children, by the Ger- marry, domicile, liability for civil
man Government. They are Castle wrongs, maintenance of wives when Rheinfels, the largest castle on the husbands and wives are living to- Rhine; Schloss Monaise, on the: gether and separately, grounds" fo| banks of the Moselle, and the Pont separation and divorce, and the for, the great city gate at Airla maintenance custody and guardian-Chapelle. This has been arranged chip of children. She stressed the by Mra. Ruth Knowles, the skipper inequalities of the law as relating of the Friend Ship, anchored" at to husbands and wives, but obsery Charing Cross pier. ed that since 1923 many of the in-
"I am amazed at the extraordin- equalities so far as wives were con
ary generosity of the German pec cerned had been done away with..
ple in giving us these beautiful old On the ground of separation castles," she told a reporter. "It. Mrs. Hubback said that women
shows more than anything else the could be granted an order if the keen desire the Germans have to husband were a drunkard, persist- build up a real friendship between ently cruel or suffered from a cer- Germany and England. They re- tain disease, or tried to force her
"We started on what we called these land cruises' last year, tak ing 150 children to Germany and Belgium. "Apparently the Germans were so impressed by the behaviour of our boys and girls that when I approached them on the subject of accommodation for this year they just offered me anything I liked. Pageants" are to be given in our
casier and nicer to have them to lead a certain life, whereas a alise the importance of getting the around. Brunettes are always man could only get a separation on young people of the two countries scheming to get their own way, two grounds if his wife were an together and thus building up a because they know that's the only
habitual drunkard or was cruel to lasting friendship... his children. It was, however, chance they have of getting it-and who wants a scheming woman bang,
much easier for a man to rid him ing about?
self of his wife by resorting to any one of the reasons stated, for the simple reason that moet wives were wholly dependent upon their hus- bands for their maintenance,
On the question of nationality the lecturer pointed out that women were under a disadvantage. If n British woman married a foreigner honour depicting incidents in the she took her husband's nationality, history of the two counrties when and when he died could only again they were the best of friends. become a naturalised British sub- Through this arrangement we shall ject on application. That, said be able to take 4,000 student, this Mrs, Hubback, was one of the mat year instead of 150, at a cost of tom which would be dealt with by only £2 108. a week" cach, so that 'the Imperial Conference in 1930, all the boys and girls will be able and also by the legal committee of to spend a fortnight travelling 600 "the League of Nations. It was miles by private cors (also given to
contended by many that women us) over Germany.... should be allowed to retain or
"The whole thing sims at a jolly change their nationality in the adventure. There is no talking or preaching, for we believe more in Mra: Hubback, declared herself jollity and fun to bring the "na against the idea of separate income tions together. "About 500 schools tnx for husbands and wives where from all over the world, including the wife had an income, The the most southerly school known majority of wives had not an to in Chile, and others from unfind- come of her own in the first place, able places on the map have been and if it were decided to have naked to join this honourable com. separate Jaarsments both husband 'pany of friendly adventurera, which
party in my own yacht.'
"As to their going out to have the crowning glory beautified, any employer ought to be glad to pay for the time it takes to keep up. an asset.
"Blondes don't have to be tact-
ful; they can cheerfully leave all
that to the brunettes. But as a rule blunder don't quarrel. Their little ayatom works without the ne cessity of fighting.
"Bluffers 1 I should think a biuf- fer would be a godsend to a busi- ness man. That's a recomenda- tion. not a criticism.
Gilded Girls. Anita Loos smiled with scorn as she read the conclusions of the gen- "Inefficient 1 A. blonde may not Past experience withhunde-tleman-who-don't-prefer-blondeshe efficient but she'll get there Yedhaired cruployees, elabor” MAY ENURICH entire when rahoito suppodr the advertiser shows that they heads with blondes," ahe protested; methods work every time."
Bame manner as men.
marriage allowance.
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