HUMOUR: ANCIENT AND MODERN."
"Don't let me stand in your way" said the pedestrian as he rade a dying dive for the nearest
street corner.
Setibbler: Give to the world the best you have, and the best will come back to you.""
Scratcher: Yes, that's the way it's been with every poem I've writ
Usher (to cool, dignified lady)? | ten so far," "Are you a friend of the groom?"
The Lady: Indeed, no? I'm the A venerable Scot purchased a bride's mother.”
She: Oh, dear, I forgot my gloves in the restaurant."
He: My word, and I only tip ped the waiter ten cents!"
"Have you read any good books, Tately 7"
י
1 little radio set, and a few days Flater his friendà asked him how he
liked it.
"Well, it's a' right to listen to,, he replied,, but those bulbs are nae não guide to read by.”.
Mother: Dorothy, you have dis- obeyed mother by racing around No: I haven't had time for it and making all the noise. Now, You see, I'm a book reviewer,'
you, shan't have that pices of candy."
Singer: And for Bonnie Annie Laurie I'd lay me doun and dee.'
Listener (rising):
Is Miss Laurie in the audiener, please 1"
Host (grandly): "! Yes, there's no doubt that the radio has come to stay. What is it, Hortense?"
Hortense: It's the collector, sir. He says if you don't pay up your instalments he'll have to take your rudio back."
Newly Rich Tourist: "Well, I gotta hand it to you for one thing- you've got us heat on fancy movie houses,
Native Gaide: "Oh, Mision, that is no cinema; that is the Rheims cathedral.'
Father (entering a few minutes later): "Why so quiet, little one 7"
Dorothy: I've been fined for specdia."
"Sedentary work," said the pro- fessor, tends to lessen the endur
anre."
In other words," interrupted the smart student, "the "more one sits, the less one can stand.”
Exactly retorted the profes sor, and if one lies a great deal, "ne's standing is lost completely.","
An enormous Irishman who had fust entered the noted Guards of Fidderick the Great of Prussia had 'Leen coached by the sergeant on the German answers to the three ques- tions which the Emperor was in the
and always in the following order:
Architect: "And how many win-jhabit of putting to new recruits, dows do you want in your den ?"
Mr. Merk: I must have at least four."
Architect: But why so many for
en!"
Mr. Mook: “ Wall, my wife likes to have plenty of light for her sexing."
Circus Manager: What's wrong
now"
India Rubber Man: "Every time the Strong Man writes a letter he uses ni to rub out the mistakes."
Wife: A poor woman came to day to ask for old clothes."
Husband: What did you give her?"
Wife: That old suit you have had for ten years and the dress! bought last month."
14
18
22
26
·641
|.
How old are you How long have you been in my service? Are you satisfied with your pay and rationa?"
A review of his favourite Guards sine off shortly, and Frederick quickly, noticed the immense form of the Irishman, and, stopping be fore him, asked in astonishment. "Why, how long have you been here??
Nineteen years," replied Pat. "What!" exclaimed the monarch. How old are you, then!"
Three weeks, anewered the un- suspicious recruit.
"Well," shouted the Emperor, losing his patience," either you are nad or I am!"
Both. Your Majesty eagerly
answered Pat.
CROSSWORD PUZZLE.
15
28
17
19
X
182
42
50
Horizontal
1. Prepared for battle.
6. Elementary substance. 11.-Wound.
13-Domain of nobleman.
14:-Upon.
15. Preceding,
17.-Conjunction.
18.-Ocean.
20.-Outbreaks.
21.-Pocin.
29.--Urges:
24.-To observe.
25.-Greek war god. 26.-Wears away.
29.--Frees,
25.-Minerals.
30.-Female horse,
31.-Old musical instrument.
32.-Purchasing agents.
31.-Fish limbs,
35.-Very warm.
36.-Vale.
39.-Conjunction.
31.-Ory of owl (plural).
41.-Female deer.
42.--Within.
43.-To join.
45,--Father.
40:-Bean-like sced.
46.-Lifts.
50.-Shop.
51.-To plague
1.-Got up.
Vertical.
2. To fail to follow suit. 3-Pronoun,"
4-Old cloth measure.
B. An animal.
-Provides with crew. -Unit of energy. 8.-Toward,
9.-Positive termingle.
10.-Old harps. 12-Platforms
seize WIth" "Veesh,"
35
32
146
140
151
16.-Performs. 19.-Stranded.
21.--Commanded: 23.-Kinds.
25.-Ventilated.
27-Welsh river. 28.--Beam.
30. To murmur.
31.-A bird.
32.-Blessing.
33.-Inclines.
45
31-Becomes insolvent..
35. To sharpen.
37%.--To rent.
39.--Domicile.
137
40.-Term for chasing cats.
43. A mongrel.
44.-Bond.
47.-To depart.
49-Symbol for samarium.
This puzzle "took 22 minutes to solve. See how long it will take you to solve it.
YESTERDAY'S SOLUTION.
10. 1522 ZORE OTH AVER XX VALISE
OGRE
HOD PRESS. RUN
30
FBB HARENADIN
DITARARE!
4LDEST ASSUR ABET IMP BEGT
THE HONG KONG DAILY PRESS, THURSDAY, DECEMBER 19, 1929.
SNAPSHOTS OF A JUNIOR LEAGUE LINESMAN
ONUYAS WILLANTS
OPPOSING TEAM.. GOES THROUGH HIM FOR TWENTY YARDS.
AFTER STARTING OFFSIDE THREE TIMES, WANTS TO KNOW IF THEY THINK THIS IS A TEA-PARTY.COME ON. PLAY BALL
GETS HIS TEAM TO-" GETHER AND TELLS THEM TO COME ON NOW AND SHOW SOME FIGHT, THOSE GUYS AREN'T ANY GOOD.
RESUMES POSITION CLENCHING TEETH AND BREATHING VERY HARD.
Copyright, 1929, by The Bell Syndicate, Inc.)
SPORT AND
ANOTHER LACROSSÉ JUBILËE,
There are three laprosso clubs in England which have had a continu-
existence for fifty years. The latest to claim that distinction is Heaton Mersey, the others are Stockport and South Manchester. Heaton Mersey came into existence
By GLUYAS WILLIAMS
ASSUMES VERY FIERCE SCOWL AND TAKES HIS POSITION IN LINE.
PLAY GOES THROUGH HIM FOR GAIN OF THIRTY YARDS
"
ASSURES OPPONENT HE IS GOING TO BUST UP THIS PLAY. TRIES TO INTIMIDATE HIM WITH HARD-BOILED LOOK.
GETS HIS BREATH AND ASKS HIS TEAM MATES WHY DIDN'T THEY STOP IT COME ON AND SHOW SOME FIGHT, THOSE GUYS "ARENT ANY GOOD.
11-23
ATHLETICS.
BRILLIANT FORM BY ROGER WETHERED.
WOMEN'S HOCKEY. Woman's hockey is now in full annual competition when eighty are busy getting it for the Lanca The Woking Golf Club held their swing in England. Many players eight cards were taken out, Rogershire trials. The Lancashire first R. Wethered; the amateur ex-cham-
the open championship than any tour in November, and the North pion, who has been nearer, winning eleven fixtures include a southern in 1870 as the outcome of a meet-other British amateur golfer of re- Tournament at Scarborough in the ing composed of five members who decided there and then to form a club. They were not long in per- suading a sufficient number of en-
thusiasts to make up a team, and
cent
years, showed his best form, and 71 he
with EL led the field the scratch section. G. Illingworth, fewer than five strokes in the
score of new year. The Ulster team to tour by no England early in the season will Yorkshire, Cheshire, and against. have matches against Lancashire,
the North on
who was second with 78, took three putts on each of five greens going out.
within two weeks the first match was played. The club has always played a prominent part in the game, but it was not until 1927 The Woking course has no bogey that they won the North of Eng- score, but the scratch score is 78. land Flags and followed that up J. Stuart Paton (8) finished first by taking the English champion ja the handicap section with a net hip. That was the club's ninth total of 73, and in the event for appearance in the final of the com-handicaps over 9, Preh, L. J. Per- petition, including the first two cival won with 74 not. In their years (1835 and 1888), when they first match of the term, Oxford were beaten by South Manchester University opposed the Oxford and and Liverpool (now: defunct) re- Cambridge Golfing Society st spectively. In the first year they Southfield, on Saturday. beat Stockport in the first round, and the two, along with South Man- chester, are the only clubs still ex- isting who took part in that com petition. The club has provided many players for the leading re-
bean introduced--E. presentative games, and in the old Tweedale (gonl) was one of the days of internationals they subseri Olympic team, while . E. Travis hed their quota. One of the par- and T. Smith have played for the liest was J. F. B. Adam, who play North Cricket and tennis mem- ed for England at centre from 1587bers bring the total up to nearly for seven years. He is still an en- 100, and the three sections, being thusiastic member of the club, and amalgamated as one, held a jubilee
(Continued on next Column).
dinner and dance recently.
WHY
the Bury sports. ground. The Ulster team will in- clade several Irish internationals. rules this season. There are two alterations in the One says that
at a free hit the bal may be push. ed as well as hit, but his doce not. however, include the scoop stroke where the ball is lifted. The secord alteration concerns the taking of corners, and reads:"No player shall take a flying shot at goal un- less the ball has been stopped by one of her own side or has touched the stick or person of an opponent until recently was president for before the last stroke of the attack- four years. Of the present teaming team." Good umpiring seems, in which several young players
at last, to be recognised as very necessary and important, and much is being done to assist end, train been formed in Lancashire, and on umpires. A sub-committee has
are already about sixty a County Register of Umpires there, Lectures on umpiring are given by Miss Henderson (Liver poot Physical Training College) after the district trials.
haye
E.
THE WOMAN'S CORNER.
DO WOMEN
MAKE THEMSELVES
UGLY?
Do women make themselves unat- tractive Yen, and No! But most- ly, Yes..
Originality,
sense
names. to be
LOOKING AHEAD.
We women certainly know how to take care of ourselves in these days. A little while ago I heard two amall girls in a children's hospital planning their future.
·
one.
"Now, when I grow up, said the of colour,
older, who was about eight years hands, hair, feet, and, of course,
of age, "I shall get married." taste these are the six dominating like, disregarded. It is pitifully features of a woman's ensemble, surprising the number of women Me, too."
"Yes," agreed the little in one or more of which she alwho in the matter of dress fail to. most invariably comes to grief. take into adequate consideration tinued the older, "I am going to "And when I get married," con- Ever since the advent of mass the number of summers they have buy the house and my husband is production woman has steadily lost graced, and are now striving to de- her individuality.
face with their presence. Let them
going to buy the clothes. Then, have their faces lifted a dozen quarrel the house will belong to you see," she explained, "if we times, their hands, however much be-diamonded and wetwhited, can-
me, and so my husband will have not but betray all secrets.
to get out."
i
There is usually to be found more beauty and character combined in a woman's hands than in her face.
That is why gloves are ad super.. fluous, veils so attractive.
"But how about the clothes ""' asked the little one..
said the woman of the world.
"They won't fit any one but me,"
Eve started the stone of feminine fashion rolling, but during the past three generations it has gathered a lamentable amount of unoriginal moss. In the Garden of Eden there were no fashion plates, and only s comparatively small range of main- ly botanical materials; yet Eve easily succeeded in gaining the fun damental objective of most women's clothes-namely, the attraction and ultimate downfall of Adam.
Now take colour. What tragedien would be avoided
Bat to-day, when lines dominate by a visit to the Zoo and a super- curves, and the universal outery is ficial study of the parrote! Nature
for less clothes and artificiality. makes no mistake about her colour
more fresh air and wide,, open schemes with the possible excep- spaces, it is astounding how en- tinn of the baboons on the Monkey ormously the modern hairdresser & woman's new hat: Should he do
Till, and, in any case, they are prosperi. Not so much thanks to mostly mere males.
Some are born blondes; ethers achieve it, if not content to remain There are also the fat and lean, tall and short. In spite of this one-and-all- attempt to dresai similar style. Even age is, ostrich
mouse or brunette.
In days gone by artificiality was reduced to a fine art; a fastidious- ly waved wig was an integral part of the tout ensemble.
batable if any woman really dresses to defy the elements), cloche hats, Eton crops, these are only a few examples of recent crazes, the in- termittent sheep-like idolatry of which we have all been too pain- fully aware."
Brave is he who dares to criticise.
so and yet manage to survive her
artificial waving of what with a bear that perfect example of fe the cutting as to the monstrously withering glance he will live to little imagination might well be a mining justification: "But, my subtly attractive head of naturally dear, it was terribly expensive!" straight hair.
How disturbingly often must it O Alesh-coloured stockings. Rus-be assorted with regard to woman'
hoola egiter (53, highly desartorial efforts that wealth does (Oontinued at foot of next column). | wonders-taste not much.
*
Railway Refreshment Rooms in Great Britain are NOT serving morie Horlick's Malted Milk than, Coffee. Can you wonder p
In America the demand for "Horlicks Chocolate Egg Malted Mill" is still growing
Fou can buy Horlicks, favoured with Chocolate, now all ready for use. The demand for this is growing,
LANE CRAWFORD'S CAFE ALWAYS SERVE HORLICK'S NO OTHER KIND.
“CHEER UP, MY DEAR”!
MEET ME FOR TEA TO-DAY.
AT
LANE, CRAWFORD'S
RESTAURANT.
THEY HAVE SOME DELICIOUS
NEW CAKES AND PASTRIES:
THERE WHICH YOU WILL
SIMPLY RAVE ABOUT.”.
SLEEPLESSNESS
When you are too tired to sleep, when the after. effects of a day's exertions make rest impossible. take two Genasprin tablets before retiring to bed and in a few moments you will be fast asleep to wake in the morning fresh and fit. Take no Risks-Take
GENASPRIN
The SAFE Brand of Aspirin
Bold by all Chemists and Stores in bolties of 35 tablets,
Genasprin is manufactured by Gematosan, Ltd., Loughborough, England, and is untouched by hand during the process of manufacture. Genssprin contains no substance which can offend in any way the laws relating to food, and may be takon by members of any caste.
SOLE AGENTS:-W. R. LOXLEY & CO. TEL. 2533.
T
Christmas Morn
-and what a surprise!
MAGINE the delight of the children when
they behold those wonderful toys that were bought at LANE, CRAWFORD'S. Come in now and make your choice from our vast toy collection, for Santa Claus is very busy every day now, shopping in our Toy dept.
LANE, CRAWFORD, Ltd.
Open Until 6pm. Today,
No comments yet.
Private notes are available after approval.