"HUMOUR: ANCIENT AND MODERN.
THE HONG KONG DAILY PRESS, TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 19,
THE WORLD AT ITS WORST-PATENT LEATHER SHOES
By CLUYAS WILLIAMS
1929.
ALL TALKING, SINGING,
WILLIAM
DANCING
FOX - MOVIETONE
FOLLIES
1
Shipwrecked Watcher: "Believe me, I'm going to take it easy to day I'll lock only two miles in- stead of ten."
Inspector: "Got away, has ho? Did you guard all the entrances?"
Country Coustable: "Yes, but we think he must have left by one of the exits."
"Did you rend recently of how a golfer got 328 holes out of a single golf ball"
"Yes. I only get 36 holes cut of the same brand of ball."
Well, considering your game, it is much stronger testimonial!"
"You
Customer: "I want to scothe cheapest dress you have,"
Clerk: Something a little bet- ter than what you're wearing ""
asked
A young journalist was why he attended church so regu- larly.
"Vell, to tell you the truth," he answered, "it's the one place where my contributions are invariably ne-. cepted,"
An attorney recently received an amusing, if cynical, letter from an educated Indian client, who desir ed him to collect a debt,
After two pages of meticulously correct English, the letter conclud- ed: If you cannot collect the debt by fair means, try legal proceed.
don't make very good usie with that instrument," saidings." abystander to the man with the bass drum, as the band ceased to play.
No," ngnitted the pounder, "T don't. But drown a heap of bad music."
Little Nelly had just had her first dip.
How do you like it, dearie asked her mother.
Nelly glared at the sparkling sub, "I don't like it at all, mother," she replied, coldly. "I sat on a wave and went through."
Two small girls were playing to- gether one afternoon in the park,
I wonder what time it is?” said one of them at last.
.
"Well, it can't be four o'clock
yet." replied the other with magni ficent logic, because, my mother said I was to be home at four-and I'm not."
El had come home hungry after a hard day's work, and was deter mined to enjoy the evening meal. His wife sat opposite.
"George, I wish you would eat your peas with your fork."
Good gracious, Maggie, you'll be wantin' me to 'ave me dinner with me collar on next?"?
20 21
'
Two sentries were marching up and down their separate beats. For
them in silence. But at last she some time the old lady watched
eculd keep silent no longer and grabbed one of the men by the arm. "Can't you two silly lads make it up and be friends?" she asked reproachfully.
They were settling a number of preliminary details, as young peo- ple will before they take the de- cisive step.
Do you believe in allowances for married women ?" she asked.
"Sure," he replied. I think a husband should make allowances for a lot of things.”,
"How about a cabin for Paris?" "Give you an inside on the Rocket, hopping off in three hours."
Don't want to wait that long. Isn't there a plane leaving in 10 minutes!"
"Yes, but no cabins left. How about a wing cabin on the Lindy, leaving in 80 minutes
Nope; too noisy or the wings: you hear all the freight abips you paas by. I want an
inside-oh,
well, gimme the Rocket. I'll have to wait. I guess, but I did wanna l'eat breakfast in Paris.".
CROSSWORD PUZZLE.
ન
2
6
13
18 19
24
128
129
30
32
33
1315
36
07
138 159
140
42
148
51
1:55
57
59
151 62
60
65
68
169
Horizontal,
1.--Norse god.
5- Duration.
9.-Tu weep.
12-Deer of great deeds.
13. Again.
14-Shelter.
15.--Comparative suffix:
18-Flying creature.
18.-Creek letter.
20-Plural-ending..
2.To sgitate.
24.--Pale.
27-British Arabian sea ̈port.
29.-To appear.
31.To observe,
32.-Ate.
34.-Bishoprics.
36.-Father.
37.-Water 'mammals.
39.--Coquettes.
41.-Symbol for radium. 42.-Toy.
44.To entertain.
45. To go wrong,
47-Rhymater.
19.-Binks in middle.
50. Changes colour. 32. To lose shape.
54.-To act:
55.-Soft drink. 57.--Shortly... 59.-Negative.
61.-Extent of life.
63.--To sir.
65.-Pérsian poet...
67.-Conjunction.
68.-Anarchists.
69.- Valley.
2-Derived from ancestor.
Vertical.
1.-Article.
3-Conjunction..
4-Pilfer.
5-Small pies.
6-Group of islands.
7.-Pronoun.
B-Mother sheen
Grade
10-Musical note. 11-Old pronoun.
17.-Exists.
19--Syiphol for tantalum. gi.Trahemitted.
23-To shorten as sail. 26.--Seven-sided,
26,-Bread making substance (pl.). 97,--Loved greatly. 28.To want.
30.
To thaw,
33. To let fail.
33.Address_to_grotlemen. 35.-Lacking speed.
40. To peruse.
43-Rented.
48.--To relate. 48,-Jogk
51. Thus.
53.-European river. 58.-Equal
58. To incline the head.
60.-Mineral.
61.-Article.- 02-To leave.
64.--To exist.
CO.--Mother.
This puzzle took 9
minutes, to
· solve. See how long it will take you to solve it.
APPEARS AT HEAD OF STAIRS TO ASK. DOES HE HAVE TO WEAR HIS PATENT
LEATHER SHOES.
MOTHER SAYS NONSENSE, USE A SHOE HORN AND BE QUICK. HOBBLES BACK.
GUYAS
EXHAUSTS ALL THE ARGUMENTS KE CAN THINK OF FOR NOT WEARING THEM AND RETIRES MUTTERING
AFTER TEN MINUTES SILENCE CALLS TRI- UMPHANTLY ONE OF THE SHOE STRINGS BROKE
**
WILLIAMS (Copyright. 1929, by The Bell Syndicate, Inc.)
SPORT AND
LONG DISTANCE TITLE, The long distance swimming championship of the A.B.A. was won, by E. P. Peter (Croydon 8.C.), the 1972 champion, who covered the 3 mile 60 yards between Kew and Putney in 1hr, 5 mins. 23-55ces. He beat E. W. Pascoc | (Plaistow United S.C.) by 2mins.
15 2-86ees., with C. 1. Bosher Police S.C.), another 1min. 599cës. away, in third place.
REPORTS HE CAN ONLY FIND ONE OF THEM, SO HADN'T HE BETTER-MOTHER TELLS HIM OTHER ONE. IS AT BACK OF CLOSET
MOTHER REPLIES THERE'S A NEW PAIR OF SHOE: STRINGS IN HIS. TOP DRAWER.
HOBBLES OUT TO SAY: THEY'VE SHRUNK OR SOMETHING, HE REALLY CAN'T GET THEM ON.
APPEARS FULLY. DRESSED AT LAST. STARTS TO SAY THE SHOES ARE GIVING 'HIM A BLISTER,
NOTICES MOTHER'S LOOK AND LETS ITGO AT THAT
10-24
ATHLETICS.
EXTRAORDINARY RIDE.
A cyclist, J. Rossiter, completed A wonderful end-to-end ride on a resent Saturday night. He start- ed from Land's End at eight a.m. on Thursday to cycle to John oʻ Groats under official observation. The ride was completed at 9.95
RING BOUTS.
ADDED. ATTRACTION
FOX MOVIETONË NEWS
AT THE
ALSO
"THE STAR WITNESS" AN ALL TALKING'. COMEDY
QUEEN'S
TO-DAY TO SATURDAY
At 2.30, 5.10, 7.15 & 9.20.
STAR
REX BELL IN
"THE COWBOY KID'
TO-DAY & ́TO-MORROW
AT 5.30 9.20.
WORLD
LIA TORA AND PAUL VINCENTI
IN
"THE VEILED. WOMAN "
TO-DAY & TO-MORROW Continuous 1.15 to 11.15.
"In one of the four fifteen-round THE FOOD PROBLEM BY MAIL, WIRE, AND
contests at Premierland, Kid Pat tendien suffered another reverse, the ex-bantam champion failing to hold his own against a keen rival in Len ("Tiger") Smith, the Birming ham boxer. The latter forced the
(City. on Saturday, the total disfight practically throughout and,
J. G. Hatfield (Middlesbrough), the holder and six times winner,
did not compete, as he arrived back from the British swimmers' Continental tour only on Friday night. Thare *were twenty-six starters, and all finished, nineteen gaining standard vertificates. for finishing within ten minutes of the winner.
iance of 563 miles being" covered in 01 hours 22 minutes. This broke the previous record by 6 hours 28 minutes.
Hip total time included all stops for food. rest, etc., making his average speed for the whole run ever fourteen miles per hour.
CLUB EVENTS.
never allowing his elever opponent. to settle down, was a good winner, Johnny Mann, the St. George's light weight, beat Harry Brooks, of St. George's. He took matters quietly, and was content to win comfortably on points.
Jimmy Thornton, of Bethnal Green, soon beat Jacky Brown, of St. George's, for after being down three times in the second round, Brown was knocked out
Alf Simimons, of Halkney, de, feated Fred Green, of Blackfriars,
Placings in the final of the Serpentine S.C, 55 yards handicap Peter took the lead from the (Lord Howard de. Walden's start, followed by E. W. Pascoe Trophies) were ; S. Levy 1, F. P. O, (Plaistow United), and these main-Bridgman 2, and A. lipper 3 Wonon points. tained those positions throughout.by a foot,
Peter led by 23sers. at the Ship. St. James' Swimming Club-50 and C. W. Bosher (City Police yards (juniors) pairs handicap.- S.C.) was third another secs. beHeat winners were: Ward and hind. Barnes Bridge was passed Stancombe (30). Fowkes and Bate- in 29mins 2sces, but Bosher began aman (30), Connor and Yaxley (15), to lose some of his ground after-Hoare and Baker (18). Resulta in wards. He maintained third place the Surrey senior water polo cham from C. W. Halse (Exeter), how-pionship were: St. James' 7. South-approached frequently by Rugby ever), and nr Chiswick Steps 'Peter wark of St. James' 2, Avondale 2. led by 55secs. Peter was 3mins Surrey junior water polo cham- 14secs. ahead of Pascoe at Ham-pionship results: St. James' II, 4, meramith Bridge, and was never in Wandsworth II. 3, St. James' II. . danger of being caught
Avondale H. G.
OF CHINA.
CENTRAL POLITICAL COUNCIL TO TAKE
ACTION.
Nanking. The food problem of China was the chief issue discussed at the meeting last week of the Central Political Council of the In Kuomintang. famine condition in a number of of the
view
provinces in this country and the terrible suffering of the masses, it is the plan of the Government lea ders to take the matter in hand and to bring about an early solu- tion of the food problem of the
country.
DAN JONES SAYS "FO.""
General Tan Yen Kai, chairman Dan Jones, the Neath and Welsh of the Administrative Yuan of the international wing, has turned National Government, stated that down three offers in two days to be while, the Government wanted to come a professional Rugby League devise some measures for the im- player, He holds the world's re-mediate relief of famine refugees, cord as a try-getter, and has been
A food committee ought to be or- ganized by the National Govern League clubs since the beginning inent for a fundamental solution of of the season.
the food problems of China. This Jones is a splendid wing, and his committee is to make a complete decision to remain loyal to the study of the problem and to report Neath club is welcomed.
to the Government its findings in regard to food distribution, pro- duction, and prices, and basing on this committee's report, a perman- ent food policy may be adopted by the Government.
THE WOMAN'S CORNER.
READING AND HEALTH.
BY A PHYSICIAN.
Psychologists agree that the health may be affected one way or another by our reading..
DO YOU KNOW?
When carpets have been put away for a little time, it is no unusual thing to find that moths häve at- tacked them, in spite of all our
care.
There is a positive danger in re- To kill the moth grubs thorough. ading books of the morbid type, ly wet a piece of thin material and especially to "people of the nervous place it over the part that has been temperament, who are highly ina-attacked. Then iron over the cloth ginative and live over the vicissi- with a hot iron until the material -tudes of their favourite characters, is dry.
A few years ago, not in any pro- fessional capacity, I visited the home of some friends.
YOUR
HOME AND MINE
APPLE SWEETS.
Apple foot is ns delicious, to eat as it is delightful to look upon, and is very little trouble to make.
Some Suggested Reforms." Among the proposals suggested by General Tan are:-
(1) The embargo on food export- ation from certain sections of the country to others is to be abrogat. ed.
(2) Transportation dues on food are to be reduced.
(3) All food surtaxes are to be abolished.
(3) Secret exportation of food- stuffs to foreign countries is to be prohibited.
Cook sufficient apples with a few prohibited. The boiling steam will
geranium leaves added for favour. saturate the carpet and kill all the ing with the sugar in the saucepan. moth grubs or eggs
Then darn the parts that have The leaves should be removed when We sat round the fire and chatted. been eaten away with wools to
the apples begin to froth, for then A good joke was told, and we all match the carpet.. If this is care-
they will
have imparted just laughed heartilly. After the gener-fully done it will be difficult to tell enough of their fragrance to the ai laughter had ceased, the elder that the carpet has been attacked fruit. daughter of the family, a girl of hy moths. xixteen still continued to titter in a seemingly uncontrolled way,
Cause and Cure.
Realising what was wrong, I ran for a glass of water and dashed it in her face. Still the spasmodic YESTERDAY'S SOLUTION. laughter arose from ber throat, and, fetching another, I gave her A second cold douche. The laughter subsided, and I caught her as she swayed with faintness.
This Was
Мо
1809
ADD BE SO APT SEATED CRUSOE HERO TRE: BIBL
AZ
LE BATTERS EO ITDEALS
JARAISO PET
ADES ZER VA
WATER
饮
PER 27LYE
YE
V
tion to this she was keeping her self in a high pitch of emotional excitement by reading exceedingly light love stories in her interest and imagination living through the trials and temptations of her heroi- nes and sharing in their ultimate happiness,
Treatment.
A change of reading and more simple case of time spent outdoors (long walks hysteria and because of my per- with flatheeled shoes) was all the
With Whipped Cream. When sufficiently cooked turn the apples into a basin, and, after ad- ding cream with a generous hand, stir in a suspicion of gelating to mould and set the mixture when it is cold. Then pile in dainty glasses and serve with whipped cream crowns on top.
Apple Aummery is a sweet to dream of. Again the apples should be cooked with sugar to afroth and turned into a basin...
(5) All improper consumption or waste of foodstuffs is to be
Th proposed food committee will he under the direct control of the Central Political Council, which is the highest political organ of the National Government. There will be from 9 to 13 members in this committer, the Chairman of the Administrative Yuan being de facte chairman of the committee, and the Ministers of the Interior, Finance, Communications, Rail- ways. Agriculture and Mines, and Industry and Commerce being de facto members. A number of agri- caltural and economic experts will be invited to become members of a
technical commission.
WIRELESS
Sofa. Thirty people have lost their lives in the floods in the Rado- mir region.
Berlin-Eight cases of typhoid fever, one of them fatal, have occur red in Berlin.
Weissriburg.-Eight further cases of typhoid are officially reported from Weissenburg, in Franconia.-
Gresweiler.-In an explosion in an oxygen factory at Gersweiler, near Saarbrucken, six workmen were killed.
Teheran. Negotiations are pro-. gecding at Teheran for a permanent featy between Norway and Persin. the present temporary treaty having expired.
Rome.An Air Agreement be tween Spain, and Italy has been ratified the Spanish Prime Minister and the Italian Ambar sador to Spain.
Copenhagen.-Prince
Valdemar
+
and Prince Axel attended the open ing of the 18th meeting of the Scandinavian Naturalists Asio- ciation in Copenhagen.
Constantinople-Vessels arriving in Turkey from Philippeville, Algeria, will be required to undergo medicul examination, three cases of plague having occurred in that city.
THERE'S A "LONG, LONG TRAILA
of
Buts, Fleas, Flies, Beetles, Mosquitoes,
* cto,, all killed by
KEATING'S
BRITIER
MADE
WILLIAM FOX MOVIETONE.
follies
THE TIME FOR BLANKETS
Committee Scheme Adopted. The proposed oganization of the. Food Committee was passed by the
IS HERE, BUT WHAT SHALL sonal knowledge of the girl's habits treatment that, was required; and A little lemon juice and a wine. Central Political Council and the
BE DONE FOR THOSE WHO I was able to come to a swift con- there has been no recurrence of the glassful of cherry brandy should be proposals in regard to the im
CANNOT AFFORD THEM P stirred in and the mixture beaten mediate food problems were refer- clusion with regard to the causes trouble. of the trouble,
examination. Girls between the ages of fifteen with an egg whisk until it resemisred to the National Government for
Hes a heap of pink-flushed-foam-~~A-
„MEMBERS of the Committee at- One of the main contributory | and twenty-one should vary their
It was also decided to appoint tend at the Society's Room causes was the nature of her read reading. Parents can assist here. glass dish lined with sponge in- Mr. Tai Chi Tao, chairman of the CAT HALL, BVERY MONDA ing. She was by disposition ner Let the light matter be interspers Bars should be ready and the basin Examination Yuan, a member of THURSDAY, at 10.30 BIG the Foreign Relations Committee of GIFTS of BLANKETS, Part-worn. vous and emtional: her age, sixed with the solid and more seri- ful tipped into it. teen, indicated that she was pass- ous rostter of the classics.
Mock apple dumplings also make the Central Political Council, and Clothing, etc. ing through a period when the In this way the mind is not only very attractive sweet. Good cook
HONG KONG-BENEVOLENT a gandirea for him to
cometioning apple, the key to jured which
SQUIETY. taxed to a great extent. In addi, al, but new vistas of sober and will turn into a saucepanful of
(Esr. 1889.)
to appoint. Mr. Tseng Yang Fu, &. members of the bonomic Affairs Committee of the Central Political
| (Continued at foot of nezt column), | practical thought are opened up.': foam after a few minutes cooking, 【Council.-Reuter.
M2
[6348
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