1929-10-05 — Page 3

fi

HUMOUR: ANCIENT AND MODERN.

Mistress: "The main thing here in honesty. The last maid stole the silver spoons.'

New Maid: "You needn't fear anything from me, ma'am. I'm bound over for a year."

"I'm afraid I'm not a very good cook, but, I'll try ever so hard when we're married.'

"Better try now, before we're married. Try it on your people and let me know what happens."

*

Two friends were talking over a projected holiday on the Conti-

nent.

I say," said one, how do we ask for water in Paris?"

"began the other ***Avez vous' then broke off. "But shall we want water in Paris?"

John, why are you so excited demanded Mrs. Dumbbell, who had accompanied him to the ball game.

"Didn't you see that fielder way out there by the fence entch that By be demanded.

Don't be so absurd," she snap- ped, you couldn't see a fly that far away!"

The phrenologist was telling dad-| dy's bumps.

The large, well-developed bump at the base of the occipital bonu,' he said, "plainly denotes that you' have a deep affection for children- especially your own."

THE HONG KONG DAILY PRESS, SATURDAY, OCTOBER 5, 1929.

Hubby: Who in the world, ean have been using my topper as a concertina 1"

Wifey: Why, darling, you came home from that big dinner last night playing it."

Mrs, Smith: My husband tells me the other men at the tennis club consider Mr. Browne quite a racon- teur."

Mrs. Browne (celdly): "Bub- bish. He doesn't drink any more than the rest of them."

ປະຕ

Pete i Now new if you guess what I was thinking."

Jack: You thought if I tried to borrow a fiver, you'd say 'No.'" Pete: I wasn't thinking that." Jack: Thanks awfully, old, chap. Make it a tenner,'

Magistrate: "You say you broke into the house on your doctor's ad- vier. What do you mean by that absurd statement ?

Prisoner: The doctor, yer wor ship, ordered me to take little Huniething last thing at night."

Old Lady: My poor man, it must be sad to be lame. But things might be worse. Suppose you were blind, for instance.

Tired Tim: "True, mum.. When I was blind I was always getting bad money thrust upon me, mum."

Thompson: That new gardener of yours seems very nervous of mo- tur horns, He starts every time he

I don't know about that," said laddy. "My youngster gave me that bump with a cricket ball yes.hears one." terday afternoon !"

They were talking of the now member of the club, a Scotsman.

"You know," observed one. “a Scotsman, once he gets to London,, never goes home again, unless it's to fetch his brother."

"Oh," said another man,

"that may be but there are not "nearly so many Scots coming. South these days."

Really "

Johnson: Yes, Fact is, a fol- low ran away with his wife in a car every time he hears a horn now he imagines that the chap is bringing her back."

The beat. went up the mountain.

To see what he could see;

But-

187 signboarda,

auto camps,

36 filling atations,

70 orange juice_stands,

11 garages, and

"Oh, no they're born in London 11,087 unshaven summer tourists to save the fare."

Was all that he could see.

CROSSWORD PUZZLE.

12

13

16

17

19

16 17

120 121

22

27

28

29

30

32

136

37

138

20

41

42

45

$46

148

50

52

55

57

61

62

63 64

162

168

Horizontal.

1.-Brief quarrel. 3.-Self satisfied.

--Watering place. 12-Leg coverings 13.-To weary. 14.To transfix. 15.-Printer's measure. 10.-Among-

18. Article.. 20.-Father.

29.--Units of work. 24-Finishes. 27,-Poet: 20.-Bristle.

31-Moisture.

-32. Offensiveness.

34.--Places.

30.-To exist.

37.--Raved.

39.-Patterned.

41.-Greek letter.

མབ

42.-Outer part of tree.

44.-French river.

45.-Age.

47.-Placed.

49.Sots.

50.-Norwegian city.

5.--To beast.

54.-Capacity measure (abbr.).

35.-AWAY.

To jog.

50.-Bun god.

61.-To posSELF.

-83.-Ait.

65.-Again.

67.-Bora.

09.-Parts of foot. 60.-Assumed attitude.

Vertical.

1.-Feminine pronoun 2-Head dresses. 3.- While. 4.-Afternoon party, 8.-Agitates. 6.-Ghats,

7--Abraham's birthplace. s-To obtain.

9.-To disburse. 10.-Jumbled type.. IL-Artiele.

པ།

H

·65

$69

17.-Pronoun. 19.-Pronoun.

21.--Song.

23.-Stalk,

25.- Rebates.

ピラ

20.-North Europeans.

27.-Island whence" came famous

"wild man."

28.-Speechless.

30.-Small particle, 33.-Dinner.

35.-A blow.

38.-Dull in colour, 40.To beat. 43.-Garment with skirt. 45.-Solitary. 48.-Ventures. 51,--Belonging to. 53. To leave. 56.- Ready. 58.-Light blow. 40-Respect. 81.-Upoa.

гд

THE MINUTE THAT SEEMS A YEAR

By GLUYAS WILLIAMS-

WHEN JUST AFTER THE BABY

HAS FINALLY DROPPED OFF TO SLEEP,

YOU KNOCK A HEAVY BOOK.

OFF THE ARM OF A CHAIR.

9-10 (Copyright, 1929, by The Bill Syndicate, Inc.)

+

Bays

WALLAC

SPORT AND ATHLETICS...

SWIMMING FEATS.

A Penarth schoolgirl, Edith Par- nall, aged 16, swam the Bristol Channel during mail week in 10hr. 17min. 10sec,

Entering the water at Penarth at 4.25 a.m., she best the times for the first portion of the distance that Kathleen Thomas, of Cardiff, and Mr. E. H. Terme, accomplished in 1627 and last year respective 15. Later, however, she was scaret- ly able to make n yard of progress for three hours owing to the chang- ing tide.

Then she forged ahead and land- ed at Kewatoko. Bay, near Weston- super-Mare, at 3.42 p.m. She finish. ed in a fresh condition, but said that the coldness of the water had. tired her.

Miss Corry Leibbraad, a 21-year- old Dutch girl, swam across Lake Geneva after remaining in the water, which is intensely cold, for 30 hours,

Miss Leibrand set out from Laus- anne and covered a distance of 80 kilometres, leaving the water at Geneva. During the crossing she was fed with milk, fruit, and bis cuits from an accompanying boat.

DEATH OF ARTHUR GREGORY.

OHELSEA'S LOSS.

Although the accounts of the Chelsea FC. show that there was a loss on the year of £2,093, the club handed over to the Government for entertainment tax £0,588, and an- other £943 for income tax.

As the shareholders received in

dividends a total of £410 48. 4d., it needs no argument to prove that on the commercial side it is the Goverment, and not the share- holders, who profit. The gross in come of the club from all sources for 1926-29 was £63,654, the total gate receipts being £59,763, but when the demands of the Govern ment for entertainment tax, and the sums due to other clubs and the F.A. had been met, plus the payment of £950 to charities, the net amount placed to the credit of the club bad been reduced to £38,580. The cost of running a big professional club such as Chel is

|

shown is laconically such an item on the expenditure side as: Wages, benefits, trans-1 fers, bonuses, and talent money, 22,700 10s." The club has a credit balance of £3.007, from which it is proposed that a dividend should be paid to the shareholders of 74.per cent., less tax.

TEMME'S FAILURE, Owing to an attack of sea-sick- ness, Edward H. Temme, the Lon- don insurance clerk, had to aban- don his attempt to swim the Chan- nel from Dover.

Arthur Gregory, a well-known Agure in the New South Wales sporting world, and uncle of the late 8. E. Gregory, the famous Australian Test cricketer who died only about two months ago, died in Sydney, aged 68. He fell from a tram while returning from the funeral of Mr. 8. E. Gregory. Blood poisoning supervened as a result of injuries which he receiv-5, ed to an arm. Mr. Gregory was one of four brothers who all achiev. ed fame as cricketers.

Ile had swum ten miles in five hours when he had to give up.

On his first attempt he swam the | Channel from France on August 1927, in 34 hours 20 minutes, but he collapsed last year during what seemed likely to be a record-break ing swim from Döver.

BROWN FOR VILLA. G. "Brown, the centre-forward or inside wing player of Huddersfield Town, has at length agreed to part company with the Yorkshire club. It is an open secret that many in- quiries were made for his signa- ture last season when it was rum

oured that his club was prepared to transfer him, but he remained at Leeds Road.

When matters were going so badi ly for the 'Spurs in the last can paign they were very anxious to se care Brown, but there was nothing. doing.

Brown, who has played for En land both as centre forward and at inside right, has wonderful com. mand over the ball, and he is equal- ly good in any inside position.

Some weeks ago the clubs camə to a tentative agreement, but Brown was reluctant to throw in his lot with Aston Villa. However, all the difficulties have

now been smoothed away.

GIRL'S MOTOR RECORD. Two blue-eyed girls in mackin- toshes and white motor helmets stepped from a dusty black car at Brooklands and sighed with obvious relief. They were Miss Violette and Miss Evelyn Cordery, the well-known racing sisters. They had establish- ed a new record by driving thirty thousand miles at an average speed Every of over 30 miles an hour, day for the past two months when the course has not been used for racing they have driven for twelve hours, taking turns of six hours each, "The Invicta has behaved simply marvellously, and apart from changing, plugs we have done nothing to it, and it is now almost as good as when we started," said Miss Evelyn Cordery,

MAINLY FOR THE MEN.

There was the man who "bet that least. She bore him child after ¦ be would eat twelve dözen oysters, child when there was "not a sou washed down by twelve glasses of in the house," and yet, when dying champagne, while the cathedral of cancer, could write to a friend clock was striking twelve. He won that the enly thing which was re- his bet by placing fresh oysters in ally crushing her was to see her twelve wine glasses, and having husband

suffer so many paltry swallowed the oysters he washed Such is the love of down each dozen with a glass of annoyance." woman.

champagne."

Colonel McCullough, the famous | their bounty, did not matter in the [ founder of the Canadian Club mo- vement, has added one more to his services to the Empire by suggest ing sa Imperial Olympiad, to be held at Hamilton, Ontario, next Official invitations will year. shortly reach the athletic autho- rities in Britain and throughout the Empire, and we hope will be accepted by them. Most people "I have never met a man of wit in Great Britain are beartily and intelligence and charm," tired of the international Olym Mr. Hector Bolitho, whose book, pic Games, and would be glad to The Glorious Oyater" (Alfred have their country get out of Kaopf, 6a), is a panegyric of that them, and out of the friction and blessed bivalve, This puzzle took 13 minutes to unpleasantness they always breed. solve. See how long it will take Here is the way of escape-an Im- you to solve it.

perial Olympiad, confined to Bri- tish subjects in the mother coun- try, the Dominions, the Colonies. and the dependencies. That would be the best of fun and the best of sport.

69.-Pronoun.

04. Thus,

68.-Negative..

YESTERDAY'S SOLUTION.

Xo.1459

BURN ALD 007

||2422100 · K7BILD OZUZD WE BRAZA

1320 2397 *** FAL DIVER BAG AND

ត

m

PAŁ BEZAJ BOU BRAS 15 23002 KIDEA BRIMAN PON120 JOZE FOR31270 3460 242 ZZAN

BAYS

There are some excellent stories, of which the best concerns Mr. Hud- dy, the ninety-seven-year-old post- master of Lismore, who one day in 1821 travelled for a wager from that town to Fermoy in a Dun- garvan oyster-tub, drawn by a pig, whose eyes, did a badger, two cats, a goose, and a not grow and whose face did not hedgehog with a large red night take on a sprightly smile when a

cap on his head, a pig-driver's plate of oysters was placed before whip in one hand, and in the other a common cow's horn, which he blew to encourage his team."

him.

A leas noble title for the book would be "All About Oysters,"" for the author's enthusiasm has in- spired him with a delightfully catholic knowledge.

There has just been published

A luscious ecstasy concerning a life of Karl Marx, the world's worst Dry-as dust, who spent thirty oysters pervades every page. Mr. years of his life in the British Bolitho quotes, sympathetically, Museum, evolving the economic great feats of gluttony, The Ro- ideas that have reached their chi-man Emperor Vitellius swallowed max in the present state of Russia. as many as a thousand oysters at But the intercet of the biography 4 sitting.

turns not an Karl, but on his wife, The late Mr. George Pauling, in A dark-eyed beauty of superior his autobiography, The Chroni- Contractor," confesses, birth, she stuck to her husband cles of through all the years of squalor Three of us-I refrain from in oko tenement. That he was mentioning the names of my com- "violent, ·quarrelsome, conten-panions--had a thousand oysters tious” in bis relations with men, with about cight bottles of cham- as well as a 'ghameices cadger on

pagne."

Dr. Philpots is quoted as the authority for the story of the whistling oyster, which was heard, in 1840, by the proprietor of the oyster rooms in Vinegar-yard, per- forming a solo in his tub.

RENEE ADOREE in “TIDE OF EMPIRE”

AT

ADDED "ATTRACTION

"THE HEART OF GENERAL ROBERT E. LEE" in TECHNICOLOUR.

AT THE

QUEEN'S

THE

AT THE

W

FINAL SHOWINGS TO-DAY At 2.80, 5.10, 7.15 & 9.20.

A SAILOR'S SWEETHEART

with LOUISE FAZENDA

FINAL SHOWINGS TO-DAY

At 2.30, 5.80 & 9.20.

CLARA BOW

·IN·

THE ANCIENT MARINER

FINAL SHOWINGS TO-DAY Continuous Performance From 1.15 to 11.15.

STAR

COM

THE GREATEST BIRD ACT STAR THEATRE

OF THE GENTURY!

COMMENCING

| THURSDAY, OCT. 10, 1929 EDGAR WARWICK

TORGAT'S ROOSTERS WARWICK

A “TROUPE" OF 60. GAME FOWLS IN A RIOT OF COMEDY, ACROBATICS . AND ECCENTRICITIES

with

"COCO"

THE ONLY ROOSTER COMEDIAN IN THE HISTORY OF THE STAGE

F

TO-DAY

AND

TO-MORROW

AT THE

STAR

At 2.30, 5.30 & 9.20°

PRICES:

5.30 p.m.-$1.00 & 60 cents 9.20 p.m.-81.50 & 80 cents

ADVICE FOR INVESTORS.

reminded

READERS

are

that inquiries relating to the share market are answer ed on page 10 every Tuesday by Kofan." Letters should. be sent to this office, and must, be accompanied by writer's not for and address, publication. Letters should be addressed to "Kufan," care of the Editor.

kamc

"AIRPLANE IN A TREE.

WRECKED IN A MIST. IN SURREY.

A French monoplane was wreck- ed in Titsoy Plantation, near Oxt ed, but the pilot and passenger escaped without injury.

The machine, which had flown across the Channel, was piloted by Mr. Barton Culyer, an American living in Paris, while his passenger was M. Jean Bloch, of St. Ingle- vort, a pilot in the French Air Force Reserve.

I moved steadily toward my physical body-he clinging on to Mr. Culyer said: "When we me as I did so.

came over the English coast mist. I was raised into the air was encountered at 1,000 fent, and horizontally, in spite of all the near Oxted it became worse, I fiend's efforts to hold me, pulled to looked for a field in which to land, a position directly over my phy- when I suddenly saw trees straight sical body, and dropped as I be in front of me. came physically alive. I was I could not get over, and land- throughout as consious as I am this ed on top of them, the machine very moment as you are reading falling slowly through the bran

chou,' this account.

Presents the

REVUE CO

IN REVIEWS OF THE REVUES

OPENING ON THURSDAY & FRIDAY OCT. 10th & 11th

. WITH

"THE PEEP SHOW"

IN. INNUMERABLE PEEPS

SATURDAY & SUNDAY OCT. 12th & 13th

"HIGH LIGHTS"

A FUN BURST

MONDAY & TUESDAY OCT. 14th & 15th

'THE MERRY-GO-ROUND."

A JOYOUS MISCELLANY

WEDNESDAY & THURSDAY

ม

“AIRY NOTHINGS'

31

JUST FOR FUN

BOOKING AT MOUTRIE'S" AND THE STAE THEATRE

PRICES: $3, $2, $1. NIGHTLY at 9.15 pm.

POLICE RECREATION CLUB HAPPY VALLEY

AL FRESCO CONCERT

SATURDAY, OCT. 5th 8.30 P.M.

BAND OF THE X.0.5.B.'s, By kind permission of the Officers of the Regiment.

LOCAL ARTISTS. ATMISSION-81.00.

Trams and Busses Pass the

*Club.

[8451