HUMOUR: ANCIENT AND MODERN.
+ It
Teacher: "Now, take the sen tence I have bought a car.' Prodigy of the "Class: wouldn't be correct, teacher,"
Teacher: Why wouldn't it?" "P. of C. To be truthful you should say I am buying a car."
Raymond was the proud owner of a black and white mongrel, which was, a nuisance to the rest of the household. But Raymond could not be persuaded to part with it'
At last the boy's father made hi na ofer
My boy," he said, "P'll give you to shillings if you'll get rid of that dog."
The following morning Haymond claimed the half sovereign.
That's excellent," said his father. "Here you are. How did you get rid of him?"
Raymond smiled as he pocketed the money.
I swapped him with Bobbio Brown for two black, pups,"
Housewife:
Look at this milk,
it's disgraceful!''
Milkinan :
What's the matter with it, mum? It looks ns right as rain to me!"
It was the day of the school con- cert, and the audience consisted mostly of proud parents, anxious to see their children perform.
No. 8 on the programme was Master William Adams, who was going to recite Striking a bold attitude, this young gentleman be- gan as follows:
"Friends, Fomans, countrymen, lend me your ears!"
At this point a mother turned to the woman sitting beside her, who, as it happened, was a neigh- bour.
There, that's the Adams boy for you,
abe said tartly. "Не wouldn't be his mother's son it ha wasn't trying to borrow some- thing.
17
Tightleigh had never been known to give anything away. He either sold it or demanded something in
exchange.
I
i
THE HONG KONG DALY PRESS, SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 21, 1929.
an hour. At last Tightleigh lean- ed over.
"You've got a bad cold," he said. "Warst ever had in my life." "Well, I know of a simple and harmless remedy that will cure is in two days.
I shall be grateful if you will tell me what it la
"I do it." said Mr. Tightleigh, "if you'll tell me what will drive away these warts I've got on my hard."
Does yo' take this woman for thy lawfully wedded wife?" asked the coloured parson, glancing at the diminutive, watery-eyed, bow. legged bridegroom, who stood beside two hundred and ter pounds of feminine assurance.
Ab's.
Ah takes nothin," responded the bridegroom, gloomily. being tooked,”
Well, Jahnny, I don't see how you will get off to see any football. matches this senson, as your grand. father died four times last sum mer"
"Yes, sir, "I know, but grandma has married again."
་་
She lived in
a neighbouring toan and was the daughter of fair ly well-to-do parents,
They met one night at the pic- tures and a friendship began. He told her he was a clerk.
place of employment about noon, One day, as she was passing his she lingered in the hope of seeing
him.
aged in cleaning out boilers, and That morning he had been eng-
presented a grimy appearance as he left the factory for his midday meal.
"Oh. John." she exclaimed, catching sight of him as he tried to pass unnoticed. "I thought you! told me you were a clerk."
"So I am," was his calm reply, but this is my day for mixing the ink."
Madge (referring to a friend who had been engaged several times): "Joyce doesn't appear to be mak- Once he was making a long railing very good running in the ma way journey, and opposite him sat-trimonial stakes, does shet" a man who coughed and knected at Betty, "I don't know about that. frequent intervals for more than She's on her twelfth lap."
12
•
CROSSWORD PUZZLE.
16
15
19
20
123 24
26
28 29
30
131
32 50
134
35
39 40
144
€ 88
43
146
47
50
52
54
55
Horizontal,
1.-Puppet hero.
6.--To surmise.
11.-To wish.
12.-Pressing,
14.-While.
15. Not allowed near fire hydrant.
18.-To spread for drying.
17.-Symbol for argent.
20.-Cooks in water.
21-Spanish for river.
22-One of the Western U.S.
24.-Finish.
25.-Touched.
20.--Estates.
28. To spatter.
30.-Owing,
31. To help..
32.-Musical intervala.
35.-Painter.
38. Garden implements, 30:-A grain. 41-Bristle.
43,-Possessive pronoun.
43.-Dwarts.
46.-A liquor,
>
46-Compass point.
47.-Proud contempt.
49.-Pronoun.
50.--Flume.
62.-Crawls.
54.-Rate of progress.
56.-Ship bottoms.
Vertical,
1.—Spanish coin. - 2.Pronoun.
3. To pinch.
-4-A crustacean.
6.Doers of great deeds.
6. Societics.
7.-Vases.
: 8.--Germ.
9.-Compass boint. 10.-Gastrovoda. 11.-Conceded fact,
2
13-Good faith.
16.--Relation.
19.-Dudes.
19 10
91-Better prepared.
36 37
23.-Divisions of time. 25.-Flies.
27.-Anarchist,
20.-Equality.
32.-Makes less dense. 33.-Taverns.
34.-Soaked.
35,-Onset.
36-Remainders of felled trees. 37.-Makes tractable.
40.-Conjunction.
43.-A grain,
44.-Father.
47-Gaming cube,
48.-Born.
53-Spanish article.
61.—Aloft.
This puzzle took 19 minutes to solve. See how long it will take you to solve it.
YESTERDAY'S SOLUTION.
GOD AB ELL
12. HX56 48IN
LAJME BELE DU 828AZE - ZELEEL AL BLUE BELGE 700 100B EECE B00B ·T2ZE - BR- *****DZO BAKE · OF D12 SCRE■LGEE BED WIDE BOLL
น
THE WORLD AT ITS WORST
ci
/cl
ics
c)
By GLUYAS WILLIAMS
THE MAN WHO IS STARTING ON HIS VACATION AND DROPS IN TO SAY GOODBYE THE DAY YOU
GET BACK FROM YOURS
CwYAS WILLIAMS Capright, 1929, by The Bell Syndicate, Inc.)
SPORT AND
SOUTHALL, LOSES TO HANSEN.
Frank Southall, the British dia- tance cyclist, was beaten by the Clympic champion, Henry Hansen, in the Danish Star Road cycling race, says a Reuter message from Copenhagen. Hansen thus repeat ed the Amsterdam victory over the Englishma.
The distance was 116 kilometres approximately 791 miles,
8-27
ATHLETICS.
LONDON COMBINATION
GOLF FINANCE.
An important meeting of the
After the war British golfers who London Combination clubs was held, went to America could rely on when the election of the new man making about £2,000 from a two agement committee four from Lon months visit, but, as in this coun- don and two from the provinces-try, the exhibition match there has resulted in favour of the following: lost a good deal of its attractive. G. F. Davies (West Ham United), ness, and the most profitable trips G. F. Allison (Arsenal), F. How are those taken to Californin Bearman (Tottenham Hotspur), E and Florida in the winter, when Radford (Charlton), R. Blyth tournament follows tournament, and (Portmouth), L. H. Burridge (Lemost handsome prizes are awarded. No British golfers are going out this year, but Harry Cotton hopes pionship "next season. to compete in the American cham-
Hansen's time was 3hre. 11mina.cester City)." 50sees., Southall's time being 3hrs. 16mins 45secs. Southall was un-cided that they are open to receive The management committee de- lucky, as he was delayed nearly applications for membership of a three minutes by a puncture,. Second Division for 1930-31. ENGLAND'S POLO CHALLENGE.
The Hurlingham Polo Committee have decided to challenge the Polo Association of the United States for the Westchester Cup, the matches to be played at Meadow Brook, New York, in September
next year.
ני
'VARSITY PEACEMAKERS,
bridge Universities athletic team, The combined Oxford and Cam- which is now in America, will prob ably have the satisfaction of ending a long-standing feud between the Universities of Harvard and Prince
After the hollow win of the Ameri- сала at Muirfield some of the younger professionals were eager to go off at once and challenge the Americans on their own course, but they were well advised to postpone. their visit.
BRITISH CYCLIST WINS,
S, T. Cozens, of the Manchester Wheelers, won the French Cycling,
Capt. C. H. Tremayne (11th ton, who severed athletic conuer-Grand Prix, decided at Vincennes. Hussars) has been chosen to captain tions some time ago. the England team, and the selection
of the side has been left entirely.
The first step toward a recon- in his hands, but a provisionalciliation will be made, when Dr. follows:-Major G. H. Phipps, the Harvard and Yale v. Oxford and British side has been chosen as Kennesy, of Princeton, refereed Hornby (handicap 7) No. 1, Capt. C. T. L Roark (handicap 9) No. 2, Capt. C. H. Tremayne (handicap 7) No. 3, Wing-Commander P. K. Wise (handicap 9) back.
Cozene covered the 200 metres of the race in 12.2-5secs.
The professional Grand Prix, in
for the third successive year. which W. J. Bailey was to have competed, was won by Fauchbeux
Cambridge contest at the Harvard Stadium. The Oxford and Cam-
WALSALL TO MERTHYR, bridge v. Princeton and Cornell was refereed by Mr. Bill" Bing- Gough, a centra forward, from Wal- Merthyr Town have signed A, V. ham, of Harvard University,
sall F.C.
MAINLY FOR THE MEN.
To Londoners who dwell west of Road is infringed. There is the Aldgate Pump the river is nothing; Rule of Help, If you want a tow against the tide, you but have to
ant
sunset.
Fielding H. Yost, University of Michigan coach, who recently said: "If you should take away five hun
m
The dramatic story of a mother who ruled - and almost ruined-her daughter's life.
AT THE
WILLIAM FOX PREVENTS
MOTHER KNOWS BEST
QUEEN'S FINAL SHOWINGS TO-DAY
GRETA
IN
At 2.30, 5.10, 7.15 & 9.20.
GARBO
The MYSTERIOUS LADY
AT THE
WORLD
FINAL SHOWINGS TO-DAY CONTINUOUS PERFORMANCE DAILY FROx 1.15 to 11.15.
THE PRICE of HONOUR
with DOROTHY REVIER and MALCOLM MCGREGOR.
AT THE
STAR
FINAL SHOWINGS TO-DAY At 230, 5.30 & 8.20.
STAR
FORBES RUSSELL COMEDY
COMPANY
with
APRIL VIVIAN
Farewell Performances
TWO NIGHTS ONLY
MONDAY, Sept. 23rd.
TUESDAY, Sept. 24th.
$3,
"BY CANDLE LIGHT" Now packing the Prince's Theatre.
"HER
CARDBOARD LOVER"
A comedy adapted by. P. G. Wodehouse.
$2, $1.
Booking at Moutrie's and the Star.
BY MAIL, WIRE, AND
WIRELESS.
London.-The Music Hall Ladies' Guild announces that 2325 156, 78. net resulted from the Forget-me-not Day collection in London, in aid of the orphans and the sick and
needy of the variety profession...
NELSON DAY CONCERT
AT, THE
LEE THEATRE. KEEP THE DATE OPEN.
{8067.
ON SALE.
OTS of the MEETINGS FONG KONG HANBARD RE-
it makes no part of their mental sheer alongside à tug (if you can, dred of the eleven thousand stud. who was defeated at East Islington
Islington—As Major R, L Tasker, On MONDAY, Oct. 21st, at 9 p.m. picture of London; unless per fur she will not stop), heave a rope ents on the University of Michigan at an ass chelms Cazalet. chance their Chelsea windows over and make fast. A trifling compli- campus, a bootlegger couldn't find sister cf Capt. V, A. Cazalet, M.P.,
stand again, Miss mont in silver at the end is under-a sale for a quart of liquor in a look the mirror of the When they think of the Thames, and he will pay you twopence, and college student drinking is confined
stood. Put a man across the river month. My observation is that has been selected at the prospective they think of Richmond, Henley, refusal of the fare is not permitted.
Conservative candidate. Shiplake, Mortlake, Sonning, and
to a few "smart alecks" and the the rest of the bead-roll of pleas. The vigilant, silent River Police, upper crust, and is done mostly on Commissioners have contracted with Liverpool. The Carlingford Lough sliding by in a black motor-boat, special occasions, such as partice." Messrs. Gibney, salvage contractora names charged with happy are your friends. memories. But upon the flood coil- ing beneath the London bridges
of Liverpool, for the removal of the burdened with impetuous tags and
Arab chieftains in Cyrenaica, L.M.S. Company's steamer, Conne of the LEGISLATIVE COUNCIL droway barges, Londoners look the shores of a new city: a city of ending of their long revolt against of nearly 100 liver off Cranfield point
And then you go down between Libya, are going to learn that the mara, which was sunk with the loss for the Session 1928. askance. There are millions liv-wharves, docks, warehouses, canals. Italy is going to prove the value on November 9, 1916, in collision Ing within hearing of the ster
cranes, steamers, mastay wooden of petee over war. Italy had set with the Newry collier, Retriever, mers' sirens to whom it has never houses tottering on piles, mud, and aside a large sum for an intensive which was also lost. occurred to embark upon the river factories. That is the city east of campaign against the rebels. This in a boat,They are dimly appre Aldgate Pump: a city as unknown money is now to be devoted to railing Canora's bust of Napoleon, busts hensive of the powerful tide, aweep-
Paris. A small museum contain- as Baghdad to the western city. It road construction and agricultural of the principal Napoleonic generals, ing up for five hours and down for seven, every day and night, with a is grim and squalid, but it is Fort purposes in the devastated. ter and prints and drawings relating to Kasal. The Commission includes twenty-foot fail and rise. Besides, men and shipa depart to every
of London,, the port from which ritory. : nobody takes a boat. It is not done.
occan, and to which they return from every quarter of the globe.
hrating ten years of sale air With British civil aviation cole transportation, airplane travel can certainly claim that it is far beyond the experimental stage.
Nevertheless, it can be done. And once afloat upon: the broad "A newspaper's highest misaion," stream you pass into another world said Louis 1. Jaffe, editor of the which is not London, though it is Firginian-Pilot, in addressing the in the heart of London. On either, Institute of Public Adairs in Char- hand, remote and silent, tall build- lottesville, Va., is not to give the plane at Roosevelt Field, New A parachute jumper leaped from ings and distant spires, but with public what is relished and smirked York at an altitude of about 10,050 the myriad crowded streets which over by readers of lowest mentality, feet and described to a large radio lie over there, we have no more to but rather to present what is enjoy audience his experiences as he de do. We have passed to the lift anded and welcomed by readers of more scanded. Officials of the National the breath of open water and than average intelligence and dis Broadcasting Company said it was the farther aea. We are made one, crimination.' also, with that strange brotherhood denied that a general adoption of kind. The feat was performed by It can hardly be the first successful radiocast of its of the river which prevails from this ideal would lift the thought of U. O. Bushmeyer, who, on leaving Teddington to the Nore; provided, newspaper renders to a higher his plane remained in communica that is, you know how to behave. lavet
tion with a radio audience until he There are rules to be observed..
was 3,000 feet above the ground He wore a 24-pound transmitter strapped to his chest and a micro- phone, attached to a band around his head."
There is the lule of the Road, Those who continually harp on which is international. There is the the increase of drinking among Rule of Courtesy, which allows college students will find little en- plain language if the Rule of the couragement in the statement of
RAVIBED BY MIMBRE.
PRICE
·Hora KoNG DAILY Pazza Orrion
their campaigns was opened by the Colonel Townsend, of the U.8. Director of Fine Arts in the Arc de Army, Mr. Reed, consulting sngin- installed in the north-west pillar M. Armand, inspector-general of Triomphe in Paris. A lift has been oer to the Manchester Ship Canal, giving access to the museum and the Dykes and Bridges in France, and a roof of the Arch.
number of Dutch and Belgian ex- parts.
Calcutta, Motorcar bandits have appeared in Calcutta. While a Ischl. A memorial tablet to Sir Shell Company was carrying a bag chemist, was unveiled in the Pump lurran (porter), of the Burmah Humphry Davy, the eminent British containing 1,000 Rupees (about Room of the Wirer Endowment, at £300) in broad thoroughfares of the Ischl in the presence of Dr. city, four Punjabis got out of a Streeruwitz, the Austrian Chan- taxi-cab, seized the bag and drove collor, and a party of distinguished off, firing revolver-shote to deter guests, including the Secretary of pursue. The ohhors escaped Humphry Davy spent several weeks the British Legation in Vienno. Bir Matadi. With the object of re at the Austrian watering place in gulating the channels of the Congo the twenties of the last century. below Matadi, so that ships of The Chancellor, in a short speech, greater draught can use it, the dwelt on the gratitude the world Belzian Government bas appointed owes to the inventor of the Davy a Commission to investigate the safety lamp, by which the lives of navigation of the river, and the innumerable miners of all nationa (Continued at foot of next column), have been saved.
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