HUMOUR: ANCIENT AND MODERN.
Hostess Mary, you must put Another place at the table. An un expected guest has arrived."
Maid: "But I can't, madam there is no more china.
Hostess: Oh, that's all right, They' be so close together they won't know one plate from another anyhow."
Employer (dictating an answer to letter from unknown correspon- dent, whose epistle gives no clue to age, race, gender, ormarital condition); Is Shirley man's name or a woman's "
It may be either." Secretary Employer: Dear it, then " Secretary
"Why
not Dear
Shir' 1'
+
Have you met 7
The unmusical man who said
that i could not distinguish be-
tween "Pop goes the King,” and
God anve the wensle.".
The man who knew only two Lanes; one was the national an- them and the other wasn't,
The judge who said he had no difficulty in deciding on the merits of a case when he had only heard! one side of it.
The lawyer whose bili contained the item For croming the street to discuss a matter with you and finding it was not you after all- 43. ad
The author who replied, when asked to read a proposed speech and cross out what he did not ap- | prove': One erasure will suffice."
An enthusiastic amateur motor- evelist was given a trial at a dirt- track meeting He was plucky but inexperienced, and in the first race (over four laps), though he was an "easy Inst, he went on innocently to complete fifth. The feat was greeted with amusement and ironi- cal applause. The rider drew up} at the winning-post.
"Have I won ?" be inquired. "Well, no," replied the judge kindly. As a matter of fact, you were last in that race, but you're a lap ahead in the next,"
2
12
j
|
THE HONG KONG DAILY PRESS, THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 19, 1929.
New Yorker (incredulously): **And you
mean to say that in California you have 365 days of sunshine a year?"
The Man from Los Angeles: "Exactly so, sir, and that's a mighty conservative estimate,"
When Walter H. Page was edit- ing the Atlantic Monthly, a woman contributor sent him a story.
She believed editors usually re
MSS. of unknown jested the authors without reading them, and therefore set a trap for Page by pasting together certain sheets.
The MSS. was returned with these sheets undisturbed. The Angry woman wrote to Pago,, ex- plaining how she had caught him. and denouncing the whole editorial | tribe as humbugs.
"Dear Madam," Page immedi
ately wrote back in reply, "When
1 brenk an egg at breakfast, I do
not have to eat the whole of it to
find out that it is bad."
The Batcher: "I don't like to play golf because I bring too much of my business into it.'
Partner: What's that ?!!
Slicing."
I see miss, that you have had letters marked argent on your desk for three days."
"That's quite right-they become more urgent every day."
"Miss Elderly anys she will only marry her ideal man.".
"What is her ideal?" "Any man who will propose to
her."
"Bill's a might good listener.' "He ought to be he's got a wireless set and a wife.".
I'm never going to Smith's house again."
"Why not?"
Last night they demonstrated a machine for telling how much peo- ple are lying."
Well-
"And just before they tried it on me they poured a lot of oil on the wheels
CROSSWORD PUZZLE,
16
旧 19 10
13
14
116
12 18
20
22
12:5
32
33
195
36
38
39 140
41
142
45
[46147
Horizontal.
1.-Sloping walk.
5. Domestic animal.
8.-Ring about saint's head. 19.-Musical instrument,
13.-Man's name.
14.-Matured.
16.-Beds:
17.-Washed.
19.-Condition.
20.-Summits.
21.-Old kind of harp.
23.--Cots.
24. Form of yes.
26.-Tropical fruit (plural).
28.—A number.
31.-Behold.
32.-By way of.
33.-Old pronous.
34.-Carryall.
36.-State of Germany.
38.-Wager.
30. Customs.
41.-Loyal.
43.-Up to the time.
45.-Metric cubic measure.
149
52
48.-Divisions of boxing match.
50,-Dog.
31.-Painful.
52.-Insect.
35.-Again,
64-Girl's name.
56.-Plaything.
37,-Soaks."
'L-Loota.
Vertical.
2.-To second.
3.--State of mind.
4.-Trivial.
6.-Posacsnive pronoun,
7.To talk idly..
6.-Conjunétion.
8.-Deteated.
0.-Struck, dumb with horror.
10.-Vegetable.
11.-Betting quotations.
10.--Flock.
18.-Simians.
29.-Roof edges,
23.-Animal.
24.-Clergyman's vestment,
23.---Pronoun.
27.-Poetic for it is.
29.-To look at.
30,-Seine,
35.-Surgical stitching, 38.-Retained.
37.-Gaelic,
38. Coleopterous insect.
40.-Tendon... ·
42-Complete.
13-One of two constellations,
44.-Mid-day; 46.-Remainder.
47.-Ages. '49.-Rested... 60.-Pig pen., 33.-Negative.
This puzzle took 22 minutes to solve. See how long it will tako you to solve. it,
YESTERDAY'S SOLUTION.
EXPEL
NEWLY
XOVER HOSE E
CAENA V ANT BA
END TI A RA HAS
LOUT N I LEV ENT
NOON NOR E EN
FAUN TA X D
RODNEY DEFT
BE LYCO B. DUET
OLD ATLAS LEO
AYS EA KA'LE" MP
SCA BR SOLO A THOR O
TOP.AZ
THE FAMILY ALBUM HELP WANTED
THINKS HOW QUIET AND PEACEFUL. THE HOUSE IS WITH THE FAMILY AWAY FOR THE DAY
WISHES WIFE WERE HERE
DECIDES TO GET A SNACK TO EAT SURVEYS PANTRY SHELVES WANDERING WHERE THE CRACKERS ARE
TO TELL HIM WHERE THE CHEESE IS. AFTER RAN- SPOKING KE CHEST DECIDES PEANUT BUTTER WILL. DO,
STALKS AROUND KITCHEN LOOKING FOR SOMETHING TO OPEN JAR WITH
(Copyright, vann (No The Ball Sendserts, Inc)
SPORT AND
30.
By GLUYAS WILLIAMS
AUTOMATICALLY STARTS FOR DOOR TO CALL TO YYIFE. REMEMBERS NOBODY
IS HOME
REMOVES CONTENTS OF SEVERAL DRAWERS, HOT TERNG HE DOESN'T SEE WHY SHE DOESN'T KEEP THINGS IN PLAIN SIGHT
AFTER TANING NUMEROUS PACKAGES OFF SHELVES FINDS BOX WITH TWO BROKEN CRACKERS, WHICH WILL HAVE TO DO
GNES UP QUEST FOR FOOD AND RETURNS "TO PAPER, WISHING FAMI LY WOULD COME HOME.
The dramatic story of a mother who ruled - asp almost ruined-her daughter's life.
AT THE
WILLIAM FOX PRESENTS
MOTHER KNOWS BEST
QUEEN'S
GRETA
IN
TO-DAY TO SATURDAY
At 280, 5.10, 7.159.20,
CARBO
The MYSTERIOUS LADY
AT THE
WORLD
TO-DAY TO SATURDAY CONTINUOUS PREFORMANCE DAILY FROM 1.15-11.15.
THE PRICE of HONOUR
with DOROTHY REVIER and MALCOLM MCGREGOR.
GUYAS WIWATS
AT THE
STAR
ATHLETICS.
SOLDIERS' TROPHY.
ENGLISH WIN BOWLS MATCH, Middlesex County B.A. Execu- LANCERS AGAIN TAKE
In the twenty-first match betive 83, Century, Wembley Park, tween the English and Scots of the London and Southern Counties B.A., which was played at Wes teliff, the English won for the ele
They scored 980 to venth time.
200, a record majority
·
The medal rink for the greatest majority were F. H. Dane (Ilford), A. W. Hare (Valentines' Park), F. W. Gibbons and W. Brisley (Essex County, Westcliff), the latter hold- ing the "Cohen "Cup for a year, Sussex led Essex all the way in a match at East Ham. Sussex led by 50-43 at tan ends, and won by
117-113.
Ladywell 56, Callenders 42. match at Shipley, Yorkshire bent In a British Parks championship Cheshire by 345-237,
HOAR RETIRES. Sidney Hoar, the outside winger who began his professional football career with Luton Town sixteen years ago, and who was transferred to the Arzenal five seasons ago, haa dreided to give up professional foot- ball. Other clubs were willing to secure his services, but the price asked by the. Arsenal was an ob- stacle, and Hoar has returned to
Leo Morgan (Parsons Green), F.the straw hat trade, in which he W. Ellis (Fulham), P. Barker was engaged at the time of joining (Civil Service), and R. Robison the Arsenal. (West London) are the last four in the Middlesex, District 1, Cham- pionship.
WORLD'S TITLE
"America" will nee A different Scott this time," said Phil Scott, the British heavy-weight boxing champion, when he left his home at Thornton Heath for the United States in quest of the world's In the Surrey pairs (divisional) title. You may fest assured." he final Dulwich beat Balham by 4-said, "that I shall not leave the
Ladywell beat Wimbledon Park 72-38, and Finsbury Park beat Barking Town 10-31 in the Lon don Parks Jackson Shield section- al finals on Saturday.
9.
Wimbledon League-Wandsworth 01, Southfields 53.
other side until I have had my whack at the world's heavy. weight title. 1. hope to meet Max Schneling, the German, in my first South Eassex League, West Ham fight, but, of course, if he does not 72, Rosetta 54.
want me there will be others." West Ham B.A. Single Rink Scott left" by motor-car for South Championship. First round: Westampton in good time to catch the Ham 28 Manley 17.
Majestic.
The 17/21st Lancers won the in- ter-regimental polo tournament at Bays in the final by 6 goals to 2. Hurlingham defeating the Queen's The same sides clashed in the final last year, the Bays then losing by a goal. They could nat produce that form on the present occasion, and were were well beater, no one playing better against them than England's old captain, Colonel Vivian Lockett.
The Lancers have a remarkable record for the event. The regiment. has won the championship on ele- ven occasions, and since 1920 their only defeat was in 1927, when the Gunners surprisingly beat them in the fins!.
The Pilgrims, Mr. Alfred Gresar's well-equipped team, scor- ed their fifth tournament success of the season by defeating the Old Etonians, from whom they receiv- ed three goals start, by ten goals against seven; and Lord Barnby's Scopwick side playing Eastcott on level terms, won the Sutton-Smith Challenge Cup at Rochampton by seven goals to three.
The Life Guards, with a start of 3 goala, were apparently beaten when in a great rally; they pulled; the match round and won the Colts Challenge Cup at Ranelagh from the 16-8th Lancers by 7 goals against 7. There was no tourna ment interest in the other games in London,
THE WOMAN'S CORNER
DO YOU KNOW?
TO CLEAN BLACK FLOWER BOWLS.
"These Children
Of Ours.
The insides of black flower bowls are often spoiled by an ugly white
| rim or film caused by sediment from! the water, which will not come off with ordinary washing.
If your bowl is spoiled in this way, try rubbing the stains with lemon juice, or if they are very obstinate, half a lemon dipped in salt will do the trick. Wash the lemon juice off quickly, and dry the bowl well. Then, when thoroughly dry, polish all over the inside with furniture cream, and you will find that the white film will not form again for quite a long time: Also, the furniture cream will give a love- ly deep shine to your bowl
GIVE THEM A ROAD SENSE.
4
TO-DAY TO SATRRDAYTM“ At 5.30 9.20.
STAR
FORBES RUSSELL COMEDY COMPANY
with"
APRIL VIVIAN
Farewell Performances
TWO NIGHTS ONLY
MONDAY, Sept. 23rd.
TUESDAY, Sept. 24th.
$3,
"BY CANDLE LIGHT" Now packing the Prince's Theatre. "HER
CARDBOARD LOVER"
A comedy adapted by F. G. Wodehouse,
$2,
$1.
Booking at Moutrie's and the Star
AUTUMN JEWELS.
Rubies, of course, have always been prized, but neither they nor their near relations, garnets, havs had the fashion importance they are soon to enjoy.
The entire front surface, with the exception of the central space, oc cupied by an immense, faceted dia- mond, is encrusted with small, flat- cut rubies.
WOMAN'S DASH TO SAVE 200 CHILDREN.
HANDBELL ALARM IN A GREAT FRENCH FIRE.
nightdress, with her long, golden St. Raphael-A woman in her hair floating in the wind and ber hands energetically ringing bell, was partly responsible for saving 200 children from death by burn- ing in the sanatorium at Lacroix.
Serious forcat fires broke out in the district known as "The Moun- tains of the Maures" in the wes terly part of the Riviera, Flames threatened a number of the pret tiest and most picturesque villages in this part of France including Cavaliere and Ramatuelle. The". forests of pine and cork oak were ablaze, and the flames, fanned by a strong wind, spread over a spnes
A handsome dinner ring, almost masculine in design and following the general proportions of a man's ring, is ornamented with rubies. At the centre front it measures almost being insistently pointed out a half an inch in width, but grows alim good plan is to wait for them to detowards the palm, cide the right time to take the plunge.
With help, they will soon be able to choose the exact moment.
The successful crossing of a busy rond, however, is but one point In a new bow brooch designed for gained.
evening gowna, diamonds, cloudy crystal and a garnet are combined Users of the more unfrequented in an original way. The crystal roads and by-streets expect to be forms the upper portion of the bow, able to get along faster and with the loops and flowing ends being of 300 acres, threatening to cut off less care.
Пева
||
او
+
Chapel Bell.
edged with small diamonds, while the railway line between To encourage the habit of alert the knot consists of a single large Raphael and Hyeres.
here, children
themselves garnet. should do the scouting. This they will thoroughly enjoy, along with shoulder strap, or may be used as the seeming responsibility.
a narrow buckle at the centre front of a narrow tailored helt.
Deserted corners, as well as busy ones, are danger traps, where the unwary may be caught.
This bow can be worn on the
Bt.
Children should become used to WINE STAINS ON SILK OR the small local chapel. She banged
keeping on the pavement. till the glance can sweep right round the
corner,
7:
Their attention should also be a dangerous as corners, and should drawn to bends in roads; these are be treated as such.
WASHING PAINTWORK. When Washing Paint. For or enemies as far as danger in the People who are their own worst dinary painted doors and other streets is concerned are deficient in woodwork, wash with warm, soapy road sense through never having water and a leather. Move in an acquired the habit of alertness and upward direction, and dry with an- correct judgment, other clean, damp chamois.
A little more trouble should be while very young, and should be so This habit is best established taken when washing white paint or firmly engrained by the time school dnamel Prepare the following mix- ture: Melt half a pound yellow age arrives as to have become in it to move on again before leaving soup to a jelly, add half a pound
Instead of being blindly led by whiting; stir until it is smooth, mother or amah, even the tiniest and then pour in half a teacupful tots should be encouraged to look paraffin,
out for themselves.
Keep this preparation stored in jars. "Add a small quantity of this to the soapy water, and proceed is
directed for ordinary painted wood work.
|
atinet.
4
Alertness,
Before School Ago... They should have practise, too, be fore school age in crossing the rond tramcar, becoming used to allowing
the pavement.
after alighting from omnibus or
Training children right from the start in vigilance and alertness will not only lesson anxiety when they come to journey to and fro unaccom-
GEORGETTE.
Wine stains or fruit stains on home quite successfully, georgette or silk can be removed at Dissolve a tablespoonful of finest soap flakes in a cupful of hot water and let it cool, but not jelly. Add cupful of methylated to this spirits and half a teaspoonful of
household ammonia, half an hour. If the stain is still Soak the stained part in this for there, rub gently. Then rinse in clear tepid water, squeeze as dry as possible in a towel and finish off by ironing on the wrong side.
It is more satisfactory if the whole. garment can be washed, as there is panied, but will help them to.ac- no fear of a watertanrk being left, After much practice in this-the quire a permanent habit, which may Thore is no risk in washing goor- danger of crossing in front of, be- save them from disaster in later gette if good soap flakes and tepid tween, or behind stationary vehicles | life.
water are used.
The woman, whose house was close by the spot where the fire started, gave no thought to saving her own house, but dashed away at the peril of her life with a large bell which was formerly used in
at the doors of the sanatorium, and rau round the building ringing her bell violently, The clanging of the hell aroused everybody in the neighbourhood, and soon a number of church bells were also ringing.
Boldiers from the barracks at St. Raphael and Hyeres were quickly on the scene, and all the available motor-vans and other conveyances were rushed to the spot. A large
number of British residents went dren were removed just before the in their motor-cars, and the chil building was attacked.
Women at Bow County Court: A lodger has some rights, even though she sleeps in the bathroom. Woman at Penge: He swore at me for over a month nearly five weeks. Solcitor: Rather a long swear,
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