1929-09-17 — Page 3

HUMOUR: ANCIENT AND MODERN.

Two golfers, strangers to each other, wore drawn as partners in aseaside foursomes tourumuneut. One was clearly novice at the¦ game. He had a positive genius for sending the mutual ball lato the rough.

At last his exasperated colleague approached him and whispered, You've paid your entry money, haven't you

Certainly," replied the other. Very well." said the first man, confidentially, I just wanted to tell you that if you've paid, you are quite entitled to use the fair-

war.

"And how is your golf, old- timer ?".

"Not any better. In fact, it's going from bunk to bunker."

"If you had the kind of job I have, you'd wake up a different man every morning.

"Why, how's that?"

"I'm a bellboy in a hotel."

He,"In the morning you are my loat thought and at night my first."

She:

Don't you mean it the other way round?"

He: No. I am a night watch-

man.

Bill had been told that a tradi tion is something handed down from parents to, children.

So the next day at school he ex- plained to his teacher that he was late because Mather had to mendi my traditions,'

Vicar (filling in date on baptism certificate): "Let me see, this is the sixteenth, isn't it?"

Moher: "Oh, no, sir! Only the sixth."

Mother: We are going up to Uncle's farm for a visit."

Daughter: "Has Uncle' any nice neighbours 7"

Mother "Oh, yes; I've often heard him speak highly of the Holsteins and the Guernseys."

got that

Husband"I never parcel you sent to me."

Wife: "I can't imagine why. I took it to the Post Office and put the stamp on myself." Husband: No parcel didn't arrive,"

H

wonder the

THE HONG KONG DAILY PRESS. TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 17, 1929.

Waiter: Isn't this pie just like mother used to make?"

Diner: "Yes, indeed, but it isn't cut like mother used to cut it."

*

Appel: My son is a jack of all trades. What shall I do with him?" Sass: Buy him a drugstore,”

while

I

Any callers away!"

"Oaly one. A young man called and tried to sell me an aspidistra,

but he went away when I told him the family wasn't musicul."

Seen my well, Hiram Cyclone blew it out of the ground.'

Guess that's it yonder, Peleg. I thought I had a new silo.”

Customer: "Are you sure it's an exclusive perfume !"

Salesperson "Oh, yes, madam. Only a very few presons en ven pronounce it.

Here is my bill," said the law. yer. Wish you would pay $100 down and then 625 a week."

Sounds like buying an automé- bile." said the client,

I am." said the lawyer.

Father: "Are there half fares for children "*"

Conductor: "Yes, under 14.” Father: That's all right. I've only five."

He (teaching her to drive): "In case of emergency, the first thing you want to do is to put on the brake."

She: Why, I thought it came with the ear."

The Mother (to vicar's wife); "Well, as I say, mum, I like all my pals to start with you first, and then go into a lady's family after wards."

Beggar: "Can you spare a cop per for a poor man, sir "

Gentleman: "I'm sorry, but I have nothing smaller than a five pound note."

Beggar: That's all right. I

can give you change.'

CROSSWORD PUZZLE.

Horizontal

38

1.Plant used in salads.

6-Smiles broadly. 10.-Sailing vessels.

11. Fabulous monster.

19. Twice-related. 14.-Ladder step. 16.-Other name. 17-Conjunction 18-Small island. 10. To relieve. 20.-Deer...

23.-Exists.

22. To terrify

23.-Toys.

24.-Africans.

26-Alloy of copper and zinc.

.-Dry.

28.-Greek god of war.''

29.-Legal hearing.

31.-Confided.

34.-Soaki

35.-European city.

38.-To act.

37.-King of werm.

kill!

38.-Whom did Charlotte Corday.

39.-To go into session.

40-French for and.

41.-What beauty's elopement

started a war 1

42.-Tropical fruit,

43.-To crave,

45.-Scooped with chisel.

12

11.-To run off water. 13.-Gown.

18.Grassy plains.

19. To ruin.

20. To cook,

10

sz.-Tapestry. 21-Lock of hair. 23.-Styles of walking. 26.-To noise abroad.

28. To put in order. 20.-Colloquial: cornered. 30.-Reposed,

31. Biblical weed.

32. Prepared for press. 33.-Was fond.

33.-Grows white.

38. Simple.

30.-Wise man. 41.-Masculine pronoun.

42.Shell that fails to explode. 44.-Symbol for silicon. 48.--Upon.

This puzzle took 24 minutes to solve. See how long it will take you to solve it.

YESTERDAY'S SOLUTION.

TO 1442 B12 ADI KDE. RO[2.

47.-Small silver coins. 48.--Finished.

*

Vertical

BAGE ORE EDO

PREM

1.-Trip.

2. To rave.

"3.-To urge.

4.-In this way. B.Broke suddenly. 6.-To broil. 7.-Genuine.

8.-Pronoun. 9.-Not any.

QUEZ

HERCEDARY PAS

BA

LCHE

KEB2

PEACE E 3RD BLEED ZER

SNAPSHOTS OF A WOMAN EATING CANDY

DECIDES TO UMIT HERSELF STRICTLY TO "TWO PIECES OF CANDY

FINDS THAT THE SECOND WAS A RASPBERRY CREAM WHICH SHE DOESN'T UKE

By GLUYAS WILLIAMS

SELECTS THE FIRST AND MUNCHES SELECTS THE SECOND, WISHINS. IT CONTENTEDLY

SHE HADN'T SAID SHED TAKE ONLY THO

FEELS THAT SINCE SHE DID NT, LIKE THAT ONE SHE WOULD BE JUSTIFIED IN TAKING ONE MORE TO MAKE UP FOR JIST

REMEMBERS 'SHE' HAD ONLY ONE LAST NIGHT SO IT WOULD BE FAIR TO TAKE ONE MORE NOWŲ.

(Copyright, 1929, by The Bell Syndicate, Inc.)

SPORT

UMPIRES SIGNAL TOO SOON.

When the match between Glamor- gan and Essex was continued at

GDES ON READING, FORGETTING ABOUT THE LIMIT OF TWO AND

DIPPING INTO BOX NOW AND

THEN

AND

SELECTS IT, LOONS WISTFULLY AT REMAINING CANDY AND. PUSHES BOX ACROSS TABLE

RESOLUTELY PUTS COVER ON BOK AFTER TAKING ONE LAST PIECE. WISHES SHE HADNT

EATEN SO MUCH CANDY

ATHLETICS.

cessful. Ho defeated N. G. Wymet by 0-1, 6-2, and Chong disposed of O. Joseph by 6-9, 3, J. Hen- derson-Brooks lost the first set to to P. J. Bukkana, but won the next two easily. 2

Cardiff, there was little prospect of a definite result being achieved. Glamorgan, who had made without loss, declared after taking. Allatt, a promising girl In the women's singles Miss Y the total to 210 for four, the home

sterd match captain putting Essex in again for player, survived the last hour of the day. As anti- with Mrs. H. Franklin, whom she eipated, however, the match ended beat by 0-2, 5-7, 6-3." in a draw, Glamorgan taking five points for their first innings lead.

Batting of distinctly different

types was seen while Glamorgan were in, for while Bates and Hills hit freely, Bell was unaccountably restrained Hills had an escape when he had made 3, the umpire being so sure that an easy catch behind the wicket had been accept ed that he signalled the batsmar out, but the fieldsman dropped the ball.

+

WELSH TITLES. Following are result, of the Welsh lawn tennis championships at Newport, (Mon).

AT THE

THE

HEART

OF A

NATION

with

GEORGE SIDNEY

and

PATSY RUTH MILLER

TO-DAY & TO-MORROW

QUEEN'S At 2.80, 5.10, 7.15 & 9.20.

AT THE

The

Emden

WORLD.

TO-DAY & TO-MORROW CONTINUOUS PERFORMANCE, DAILY FROX. 1.15

JOHN GILBERT

IN

MAN, WOMAN and SIN

AT THE

STAR

AIRPLANES ARE A

NUISANCE."

JUROR'S OUTBURST AT AN

INQUEST.

Captain T. N. Stack, the famous

quest at Hounslow on Mr. Jack Harley Caulfield, aged twenty-five, on air pilot employed by Nation. al Flying Services, who received injuries when an airplane he was piloting crashed into a wood near Hanworth Aerodrome, Middlesex, on Sunday,

TO-DAY & TO-MORROW At 5.30 & 9.20.

"SAD" PHOTOGRAPH OF A COMEDIENNE.

ACTRESS HOLDS THAT A CAMERA LIES.

"The photograph makes me look as if I would burst into tears" said Miss Gladys Tudor, an ac tress, at Westminster County when she sued the firm of Miss Dorothy Wilding, photographers, of Old Bond-street, for £3 Bs. deposit paid on a photograph.

Miss Tudor is understudy, for Misa Violet Loraine,

3

comedienne in Charlot's produe tion. "Clara Gibbons," and Mr. "Caulfield was flying at about Lloyd Williams stated on her be 500 feet," said Captain Stack. Ihalf that the photograph made her noticed that he rolled his machine, look more like a tragedienné that made a bad recovery, lost speed, a comedienne. and then dived in what appeared to be part of the turn of a spin into the top of some trees, which were about sixty feet high. ́ ́

PONTYPOOL CAPTAIN. Ben Butler, Pontypool's interna- tional forward. choice as captain for next season. is the players' Joe Williams, the veteran forward,air pilot, gave evidence at an in- who retired from the game last ber of Pontypool club. senson, has been made a life mem-

HEAP WINE CHISWICK SPRINT,

Six thousand people attended the. annual charity sports at Chiswick. J. C. Heap (Surrey A.C.), the Olympic sprinter, accomplished a fine performance in winning the 100 yarda handicap (open to resi Women's Singles (Welsh cham dents within a radius of five miles) pionship).First round Mrs. R. from the scratch mark in 9 4-Seccs., A. Seel br Miss P. J. Bucking and mile scratch race with hara (6-0, 6-1), Miss M. D. Bre- similar restrictions was won by J. wer bt Miss B. Harrop (80, 60). E. Bain (Great Western Railway) Miss M. Wooliand W.O.. Mr. Ó. from D. A. Trieh and W. E. R. Bradshaw scl. Mis N. Heard Adamthwaite in 4mins 35aces, bt Mrs. S. C. Row (B-2, 6-9), Se-i Heap, who was on the virtual cond round: Misa K. Bassett bt scratch mark of one yard, just fail- Miss D.. Hazeli (6-0, 6-2), Mies ed to complete a brilliant double J. C. Humphrey bt Miss M. Lwhen he was beater by inches in the gao, winner of the welter-weight Stewart (6-1, 6-2), Mr. Burdon 100 yards open handicap, the win- championship at the Amsterdam W.O., Mrs. Lyttleton ser. Miss P. ner being E. H. Rickett, Croydoa abominable nuisance.

R. Lewis bt Miss G. E. EaureH. (3 yards), in 9 7-10scus Olympic Games last year, has been granted a licence to box as a pro-

(6-3, 7-5), Miss J. R. Cory bt The fast times in the short fessional.

Miss B. R. E. Ford (6-0, 6-1), sprints were due to a strong wind, Miss N. Graham bt Miss J. Stavier which gave every assistance to the 1'(6-2, 6-1), 'Mrs C. C. Williams bt runners. Another backmarker to be prominent was Miss R. Christmas (London Olympiades A.C.), who, starting from scratch in the 880 yards women's open handicap, only just failed to win, being beaten by Mias D. Phillips (Croydon H.), who had 60 yards start.

OLYMPIC CHAMPION A PEO.

The New Zealand boxer, E. Mor-

KASH, CHONG AND HO. Three Eastern victories were re- | Miss ́ R. Elliott (6-1, 6-2), Mies | corded in the men's singles in the E. M. Lloyd bt Miss M. G. Wil¦ Harrow lawn tennis tournament.liams (6-0, 6-3), Miss Mr. M. In the first round R. Kash won two Coulman bt Miss F. M. Colborne close nets against G. S. de Silva | (0–3, 6–1), Mrs. C. L. Sweet (6-4, 6-4,) and in the second J. Escott bent Miss B. C. Cory (3-8, H. Ho and T. N. Chong were suc 0-0, 0-4),

背

THE WOMAN'S CORNER.

SALES NOTIONS" FOR A

CHARITY FETE.

mg |

Successful charity garden-parties and bazaars, like charity itself, begin at home.

Many cunning novelties can be made by crafty fingers at sinall cost to bring good returns.

Jolly battle corks always sell well. Here is one that any one can make. Screw a tiny brass curtain knob into the larger end of a new cörk. Smear it with sealing wax of different colours.

small

Substitute AR equally wooden handle, put an ordinary transfer on top colour round it with enamel. Again, use the little handle as be basis on which to build a doll.

Small round tins, nicely enamelled or lacquered, make dainty biscuit boxes for individual morning tea trays.

Like Peasant Pottery." Bon-bon boxes may be made of

larger ones, while the large tins which can be bought for a few pence at the nearest sweet shop are ex- cellent for cake containers.

These Children

Of Ours.

DO YOU SPANK 'YOUR

CHILD?

distraction and arguing uselessly with her husband about the fitness of this or that punishment, the leaves the children to do it for themselves.

*

Regularly once a month, the boys, with their mother and their nurse, meet over their morning glass of milk, to discuss solemnly what shall be done for different kinds of naughtiness.

":

A list is compiled which reads something like this.

Defiance to nurse. Meals alone in room for a week.

Leaving toys out at night; general untidiness. Wash hands and brush hair every ten minutes throughout

day,

Roughneas; teasing crying over nothing. Ignored by father for two days.

A juryman: Why are airplanes allowed to fly at such an altitude) I thought the regulation was 2,000 Icet. These airplanes are

&B

The hum-

ming and strumming of them is terrible. We cannot sleep at night because they hum over our houses something terrible, and very low down

Captain Stock: Our regulation is that there shall be no stunting below 1,000 feet. Mr. Caulfed had been warned and ordered not to stunt below 1,000 feet.

Captain Stack added that he be- lieved if Mr. Caulfield had been 500 feet up, he could have recovered. A verdict, of Death by misad. venture was returned.

PASTOR BECOMES A TRAMP.

HOLIDAY IN CASUAL WARDS.

real

Judge Turner: Let me have a look at it.

Miss Tudor: I wanted a bright, attractive photo.

Judge Turner: It is a speaking image. What is wrong with that- It is a sad photo.

Just as you are looking at me now Well, that is because I feel sad about it.

Judge Turner: Seeing it, I could not say if I were a younger man what might do. I might want to go to your aid at once. And we are told that the camera does not lie.

Miss Turner. But it must; it lies terribly,

Judge Turner: That would bring tears to the eyes of any one.

It is a most effective photograph.

Miss Tudor: But I did not want to bring tears to the eyes of any one. I wanted to look bright,

Mr. H. Shanly, for the defence, said that the firm had offered to give another sitting and twelve photographs for seven guineas.

Judgment was entered for the firm with costs.

BETRAYED BY A HANDKERCHIEF.

WOMAN FINDS A MAN UNDER HER BED,

The call of the open road was stronger to the Rev. Frank L. Jen- nings, minister of Marlborough Congregational Church, Old Kent- road,- S.E., than the lure of the golden sands by the sea, and so he put aside his clerical garb, den- ned his oldest suit, and set out for

a his summer holiday as

A handkerchief on bedroomá knight of the road.

floor led to the detection of Char The tramps with whom he livedles Bollman, aged twenty-nine, a and slept for a month in the casual chief, who pleaded guilty at Lon wards never discovered his ident: don Sessions to stealing a brooch

Bill,"

and other articles. He was sca→ tenced to nine months? hard labour.

Mrs. Edith McLaughlin, while staying at the Royal Park Hotel, Knightsbridge, went to her bed- room and found a handkerchief lying on the floor. She stooped to pick it up and saw two feet pro truding from under the bed.

ity. He was known as or Jock," or anything else that came handy.

He tramped 300 miles of the King's highway, doing the regular tramps of fifteen or sixteen milea a day to the "spike," as tramps

This is hung with suitable gravity in the nursery, and whenever wrong is committed the children know call the casual ward, begging his exactly what to expect. There is food or doing odd jobs on the way: no crying, no screaming, no des- and now he has come back tired perato effort to evade the lawful and footsore. His "feet are cover consequences Better still there is ed with blisters, but he declared no feeling of unjust treatment left it was worth while.

Smackings, every one interested in infant paychology will tell you, have gone completely out of fashion, Punishment, every one possessed of children will tell you, is vitally rankling in the small mind.

посевногу,

A friend of mine has been trying

*

+

She then discovered Bollaan hid-

ing there, raised an alarm, and Bollman ran downstairs, but was Later he sat in his little study caught by the hotel porter. in Bushey Hill-rond, sketching Any of these look well enamelled and stencilled like pensant pottery.

Almost invariably there are alter- with human touches the lives of an unusual experiment on her two native punishments to be suggested the men who were his companions. It is wonderful what a little make sons, aged seven and three and a at the monthly meetings for in- about the tramps he encountered The thing that struck him most up can do to alter the complexion half respectively. Bo far it seems stance when John, the mall boy, was their anxiety for work. of the most homely things. Pickle to be working extraordinarily well decided that not having tea in the jars with the labeln removed, and She recognises, ns do few women, tent was no longer a real punish- a little gold paint thinly coverly that the punishments devised for ment, "Cas he was tired of the the shoulders, become as ornamental children of to-day by grown-ups of tent anyway." as they are useful.

ito-day are seldom apt or beneficial. A novelty is a birdcage cover A few hundred lines and a lectura which effectively prevents draughts if he is big enough and the docking reaching the inmate. It is simply of sundry "treats" if he is not, a strip of lined cretonne, long and that is that.. enough to go round an average cage. It fastens at the end with press fasteners.

Peter, the elder boy, was shocked when a friend of his father's sug gested jocularly that he should take care to find punishments he did not

mind. real I couldn't. It would not This woman, has instituteda "punishment club," and instead of fair," he said-and be really meant worrying herself and her friends to lit.

be

Seven previous convictions were proved against Bollman, who told The court that, after his liberation this year, following a term of four from Parkhurst Prison in March

years' penal servitude, he went to Not more than thirty per cont. ses, but bis racord leaked out and of tramps, he is convinced, are re he became unpopular on board. ally work-shy,

He left the ship in South Ameri- "The present system of dealingen, worked his passage, back to with the vagrant on the road seems England, and tramped the whole. to me,” he said "to be uneconomic and un-Christian, It leaves the man, where it receives him, and he comes out of the casual ward the next morning in the same condi- tion he went in,

of the south const unsuccessfully in search of work. He had become re- conciled to his mother, who had promised him that if he could show two years good work she would start him in business.