HUMOUR: ANCIENT AND MODERN.
"How grapefully, Jacobs eats, corn off the cob."
"He ought to. He's a piccolo player."
"Will you give assent to my! marriage with your daughter,
sir 1
"No, sir, not, a cent.”
The rain is raining all around;;
The holidays are damp: It rains a lot on many folks,
But mostly those who camp,
Urchin (with his foot on a three! penny piece): It's mine," Se- cond. Urchin : It's mine, dropped it "Garn! Yours ain't got a hole in it. Yes, it hea
Well, this one ain't.'
"My roommate always gets to the shower first and makes me wait for him. What do you think of a fellow like that!"
Why, I should say your room- mate must be, a gentleman of the , first water."
Housemaid: "I am glad to see you have such nice, clean hands, Maggie."
Maggie: "Yes, aren't they But you should have seen them when I started to work up the dough
for the cake "
Sergeant: "Halt: You can't go in there."
Private: "Why not, Sergeant?" Sergeant: "Because it's the eplonel's tent,
Private: "Then what have they got Private over the door for ?"
"You are not always troubled with poor light, are you said the com- pany's inspector.
"Oh, no," said the patient cus tomer.
so. It's only
Ah ha. I though at certain times, cht"
"Yes. Only after dark."
D
f
THE HONG KONG DAILY PRESS, SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 14, 1929.
THE WORLD AT ITS WORST
"Does your wife drive well 7". "Well, she at least gives the.. other fellow half of the road-that is, half on each side of her."
Picnicker (togrambling hus band, up tree): "Well, you hadn't forgotten your watch We I wouldn't have to boil the eggs by
the village clock."
"It's remarkable how that singer can hold one of his notes for altuost minute."
"That's nothing-why. I've held one of his. for years."
Club Waiter: "There is a lady outside who says that her husband promised, to be home early to night."
All (rising): "Excuse me, gen- tlemen."
Auto Salesman: Ever drive a car"
Prospect: "No, but my neigh- bour and his wife frequently take us riding, and I've often listened to her drive."
Wan
The young naval officer showing the pretty girl over the ship.
Awfully interesting," was her verdict, and tell me, do they close portholes, when the tide rises "
Franz had been kept away from the history class. When he return. ed, the master said:
"You have a lot to make up. How long have you been absent ?
"Since the Seven Years' War. sir!"
went
John, it's positively shamefu! the way Junior talks. I just heard him say "I ain't never nowhere.
Shameful? Why, he has traveled twice as much as most boys his
#
Mother (lesturing Billy after the She was trying to be nice to the company had gone): "Don't you little girl, whose mother was
know the difference between 'suffi grent friend of hers.
cient' and 'enough' !" "I hope you are getting on well at school." she said. Now, I wonder if you can spell horse."
"I could if I wanted to," repli- ed the little girl. But don't you think it's rather old-fashioned P
fel.
Sure. Mother!" answered the boy, "Sufficient is when low's mother think's it's time for him
eating dessert. "Enough' is when he thinks it is,"
to stop
CROSSWORD PUZZLE.
18
12
14
15 16
7" B 19 110 111
12
15
14
15
16
17
19
20
21
25
124
27
28
31
32
133 134
107
39
40 141
43
15
147
43
49
50
51
152
53
55
156
Horizontal.
1.-Scotch for children.
7.-Expended foolishly.
13. To absolve.
14-Pertaining to Europeda moan-
tains.
15.-Proncun.
16.-Flattery.
18.-By.
10.-Basin. 21.—To avoid, 92-A cool dessert. 23-English school. 25. Organ of head, 20.--Insects.
7.-Resigns. 20.--To oppose. 31.-An insect, 32.-Part of a drama. 23.-Adorned.
38.-Cooks over coals. 30-A flower,
10-River in Switzerland.
49.-Appendage.
43. To consume. 44.-Part for three. 46.--Shelter.
47-Part of "to be."
48.-Venetian boati 50-Symbol for iron.
51.-Goddess of the moon.
53.---Fate.
55.-Roviied.
36-Flight of steps.
Vertical.
1.-Provided with lure.. 2.-Shrewd.
3.-Exists.
4.-To loot.
5. A famous river,
Involuntary servants.
7.-To roam.
8. On the sheltered side. B.-Secret scout. 10-Musical note.
11. Represents, as in a play: » 12-To hate.
17.-A fish.
-Grundiloquent language.
First.
24-A relative.
20-English race course. 28. Calter's mound.
30-Organ,
33. To fabricate.
4.Wandered. 35.-Mendod, 38.-Small streams.
37-More willingly, 38.-Fails as icy rain. 41.-Assistancs, 44.--Sound. 45.Narrow opening. 48. To obtain, 19.--Man's name. 32.-Symbol for lithium.
4. Musical note."
A
This puzzle took 23 minutes to solve. See how long it will take you to solve it."
YESTERDAY'S SOLUTION.
10.1440
BURMA BRAND BBRENDAN BELPROado ABABAMENI DOZBBINAS 93LPRO*AZONER
ABODNA AVANZE DANN IDL BHAR 270 DREAD #Dia COVGRAD DEJA ETIO DENIED" AMULE. DANTE DIUGR
By GLUYAS WILLIAMS
WHEN YOU'RE TRYING TO MAKE TIME, AND THE FAMILY BEGINS TO SUGGEST STOPS TO LOOK AT THE VIEW AND TO GET DRINKS OF WATER FOR THE
CHILDREN AND AT THE NEXT GOOD
STORE LET'S HAVE ICE CREAM
CONES ALL AROUND
1925, by The Ben Syndicate, Esc
SPORT
HENLEY SUCCESSES,
The crew of American schoolboys from the Browne" and Nicholis School, Cambridge, Mass., provided the thrill of a stirring daye racing at the Henley Royal Regatta Never before had an American eight won the Thames Challenge Cup, and only once since the regatta was instituted ninety years ago had an American eight won at Henley. That was in 1914, when Yale Univer. sity won the Grand Challenge Cup.
rowed two great races. They re- The Browne and Nicholls boy feated First Trinity, Cambridge, who had knocked out the other American crew, Columbia Univer- sity, by a quarter of a length, and, later in the day, bent the holders, Thames R.C., to whom they showed the way all along the course, giving apurt for spurt to win by one and a-quarter lengthy. They have a cox twelve years of age, and this boy hhs to take a ducking every time his crew wins.
The members of the crew, after taking their boat ashore, shouldered the lad to the shore, and, swinging him by arms and legs, threw him into the river. This happened twice, but the cox was moat anxious for his ducking.
Another incident which aroused cheers was the efforts of one of the students of King's College Hospital, who dropped her collecting box from the punt on which was a travelling band. She dived, fully dressed, into the river and recovered the box, much to the delight of the onlook
er..
ૐ
WHILE THE CITY SLEEPS
WITH
LON CHANEY
Now
*
QUTAS WILLACES 8-20
"MYSTERIOUS DWARF WHILE THE CA
You have seen Chaney a crook.
you see him as an arch-foe of crooks in one of his most exciting performances.
"AT THE
QUEEN'S
FINAL SHOWINGS TO-DAY
"At 230, 5.10, 7.15 & 9.20.
A love drama
that will lift you
пр the heights of
romance and leave
you between laughter
and tears.
AND ATHLETICS.
GOLY: A LARGER HOLE.
the
17
ORIENT'S NEW SPHERE, Clapton Orient, after twenty-three years in the Second Division of the example given in support of a larger A London correspondent in the League, fell from grace last April. hole, complains that
A,' Finance considerations compelled better player, having missed his then to part with several of their putt, his partner, "B," to whom best players towards the end of the he is giving a stroke, is able to senson, with the result that they halve the hole. Why not? and sa make Grst appearance in the ranks make a match. Why endeavour to of Div. IIL Relegation, however, make winning a certainty for "A has not destroyed the cheery op-by enlarging the hole? The effect timism of Peter Proudfoot, the man would be the giving of more strekes azer. "The 'O','" he said, are to B. not a fashionable team. We have no cinder track to speed up a man, and we have no gymnasium in which to take indoor exercise. Work on a heavy playing pitch and in
conducive to colds and chills than it is to physical perfection, and several times last back-end I had to take men from a sick room to play.
draughty stone passages is more
Yet, with all our disadvantages, we manage to get hold of good men and develop them. During the past three or four years we have been forced to part with valuable players, but at the end of last season I was left with the nucleus of a good side, and I have hopes of being able to keep any stara I may develop."
So far there are no new naines in the defence: Last season's goal- keepers, Wood and Slater, have been re-engaged, and in the back division Morley, Gay, and Lyons re- present a sturdy defence. In the half-back line there are two new- comers in J. H. Hughes, from Black. pool, and J. Little, from Brighton, (Continued on nezt Column).
MAINLY FOR
J
PLAISTOW SWIMMER'S WIN.
In the international swimming contests, held at Damme, near
BLUE SKIES
IN HUPEH.
Bruges, Pascoe (Plaistow United SERIOUS PROBLEMS S.C.) won the free-style race, "cover- ing 4,500 metres (two miles 1,400 yards) in 1hr. 15mins. 30secs. Hems- borghen, of Haarlem, was second. There were thirty entrants.
while new forwards are Saunders, from the 'Spurs, Menlove, from Wrexham, and Dominy, who was previously with Everton and Gilling ham. About a dezen, new player are still needed to compléte the Orient list. So far the men signed on ure as follows:-
TROUBLE FORECAST WITH -
STUDENTS AND UNIONS.
RELIGIOUS TUITION
IMPEDED.
Haakow, Sept. 5.-The Hupeh Provincial Assembly has announced three decisions which may have Goal-Wood and Slater.
very far-reaching effects. First, Backs-Morley, Gay, and Lyons.
body which is known as the Labour Half-backs. Broadbent, Law Rehabilitation, Union has been rence. Spence, Galbraith, Hughes, allowed to take steps for the re- and Little...
organisation of the unions which Forwards--Ames. Tricker, Turn-existed in. 1927-8 in the cotton mills hull, "Saunders, Menlove, Dominy.
THE MEN.
and
He must be able to verify bills (this would seem to be his one of portunity of retaliating on the perfect wife), he must have the disposition and the habit
AT THE
FINAL SHOWINGS
TO-DAY "
STAR"
·At 2.30, 5.80 & 9.20.
at the meeting of the City Council held yesterday, overal important matters were discussed. Among these were the projected Bund and the unification of the lighting sys-
tems.
As regards the former, instrue tions were issued to the police and the Construction Bureau to jointly. take such steps as may be necessary to overcome the difficulties created by the failure of the China Mer- chants E.N. Co. and Mesars. Butter. feld & Swire to surrender their river frontages.
As regards the latter, it was sug- gested that all such steps as are legally possible should be taken to close down the Hankow Light and Power Co.
A Naughty Old Josaman. By way of comic relief from these sterner thames comes the story of an old man who was accumulating in Wuchang
These unions were disbanded when merit by collecting paper on which the Kwangsi party was in office in characters had been written or Hupch, with the result that there printed and burning it at the has been freedom from serious temple. labour trouble in the mills for some his religious fervour gained him Among the other places to which"
time.
Secondly, the Youth Rehabilitaccass was the compound of the tion Federation has been allowed to Waterworks Co., which he visited re- arrange for the formation of gularly. Clothes and other all Student federations in all the goods have been missed from time to colleges and middle schools.
time, but suspicion did not fall on This seems
the old man till the gatekeeper opposed to the wish of General noticed that he was grunting a good
00.
14
move completely
An investigation followed and one
stores of the company. His grey hairs saved him, from being banded over to the police.
Mr. R. T. Caiger, who, as a good provider, one who is able young Volunteer, saw Queen Vic-
to solve successfully the economic toria fire the first shot on Wimble-
problems of family life." This nesne simply that he must always don Common at the inaugural have enough money to give the meeting of the National Rife Ar- model wife what she wants. Forty ing regular in paying and collect body should cease to interfere in day it was found that he was re-
of be- Chiang Kai Shek that the student deal as he carried out his baskets. sociation in 1860, has died at his clude ability to "repair gas or
minor points follow. They in- ing bills, and the proper ideals political matters, for the chief ac- home at Mortlake, "aged eighty-water pipes, set up and adjust saving of money. He must to have always been processions and so inch joints and bends from the and perspective" regarding the tivities of the Student federations moving about forty catties of half- nine. The newe was received at stoves, manage, the furnace; and select a few more points know Bisley at the same moment as the The husband must be prepared al- care, bathing, dressing, feeding, look after the doors and fences." something about the management,
Interference with Religion. N.R.A. officials were issuing the so "to sell at a maximum ad- and the moral, intellectual and. last results Mr. Caiger, in the ¦ yantage old clothing and old religious training of children. vicusly issued for the control of Thirdly, all the regulations pre- first year of the competition, reach furniture."
Then he must be able to tell stories private schools have been cancelled ed the final stage for the Queen's
and answer questions, to beautify and a new set issued. Since all Prize, and until this year had.)
the house and lawn and keep the schools opened by religious bodies never mised the annual meeting.
place free of flies, to keep peace are ranked as private schools, these He was for many years the N.R.A.
and inrmony in the home, to con representative at Bisley. When
trol his temper and tolerate the new regulations have an important Mr. Caiger first began shooting
faults of his wife and children. bearing on missionary work. the targels were of iron, and the
It would appear from all this that markers during the firing took and female, working either as the wife of such a husband will sheiter in iron mantlets. He had single or double turn, entertain have nothing to do but try to catch seen many changes in uniform and passengers in the crowded coaches him out at missing one of the 143 targets, but most of all the rifles by singing the latest and most po points. had altered out of all knowledge. pular songs, to the secómpani- The old man had many happy me-
nent of an accordion or saxop ories of the early days of the hone. The saxophone, it should rife competitions, and on one" oc be stated, is always mercifully casion seid:-
muted.
"Those were the days when one had to rise from the ground to load after every shot. One was no- ver quite certain when the rifle was going to explode."
Tired city workers, journeying to their homes in the outer suburbs of London, by Underground Rail way, now often find the tedium of their journey relieved by travelling Buskers," both male
"buskers."
During the entertainment a col lection is taken, and in a coach containing more than forty per sons it was observed that only six or seven refused to contribute
**
4:
BIG SCHEMES. FOR NANKING.
DEVELOPMENT OF HSIAKUAN.. The chief alteration is in the re- gulation dealing with religious sub- lects. Whilst it is still permissible; Elaborate schemes have been for a college or middle school to draws up by the National Capital hold religious services and Bible City Planning Commission to de- classes, to which the student body velop Nanking as a large com Stags hunted by the Devon and may be invited, the holding of mercial port, save the Shunpao. Somerset Staghounds are to be religious services in connection with
According to these, Hainkuan shot in future at the end of the a primary school is completely for will be made the principal centre chase, whenever possible, instead bidden. of being killed with the knife, A
of the port and Pukow, on the op 'This means that, though the posite side of the river, will be stag will no longer be hunted up scholars may all be children of used for the deposit and trans- stream and down when it takes Christians and the parents are portation of special cargoes, to the water, but hounds will be anxious for them to have religious Means will be devised to connect called off and the animal killed instruction and to attend religious Haiakuan and Pukow so that with a lethal bullet.
services, yet the Government inter- through traffic may be established These concessions to the loud feres with the liberty of the subject between Peping and Canton, and The ordinary British husband, if
Protests raised against stag-hunt in this vital matter. ::
batween Peping and Shanghai, asked: "Are you a model hus
ing methods were announced by the.
Civic Dificulties,
It is estimated that the popula- band would probably reply,
of the Devon and "Yes." He does not know Pro-
tion of Nanking will increase and Somerset Stag Hunt, which met for The Mayor of Hankow, Mr. Liu that 2,000,000 citizens will be living fessor Charles C. Peters," of the
the first time this season at Clout-Wen Dao, has issued an official cof- there in the
near future. Tho Sociology Department ut Pen- "We have to choose our trains sham. Exmoor.
tradiction of the rumour that he is wharfage required to meet all nsylvania State College This carefully, as some guards and por The secretary stated that's horse to be transferred to another post. { needs will amount to at least professora traitor to his sex, if ters are not as sympathetic as wo man would carry a twenty-bore One report was that he was to go 60,000 ft., about 37,000 ft. of which: ever there was, one-has issued a should wish.??
gun with a lethal bullet to kill ex to Nauking and another that he will probably be built on the definition of the domestically This lack of sympathy may per- hausted staga.
was to go to Taingtay important remainder on the Pukow side,
Hsiakuan side of the river and the efficient husband," and it is a terri-haps explain why the music ceases. More than a hundred riders He says that the ble thing
immediately the train enters a turned out for the hunt. There matters under consideration or id It has 143 points, and the first station, only to be resumed when were rumours of hostile demonstra progress in Hankow City necessitate is that the model hueband must be the train moves on again..
tions...but none took shape. his remaining here. Incidentally,
"This class of work is morore munerative than playing outside public houses or theatre quener," said a "busker" to a Press repre- sentative."We sometimes make secretary as much as 12s. to 15s between 10.0 p.m. and midnight.
Other schemes, such as the con- struction of warehouses, etc., also have been drawn up.
No comments yet.
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