1929-09-07 — Page 3

HUMOUR: ANCIENT AND MODERN.

Proud Father: Let me tell you, son, that the man who gets my daughter will get a prize.

Hopeful Candidate: May I see it, please "

fa

his

"I feel awfully anxious about my wife," said Brown to friend; "she's out in this down- poun"

Oh, she'll be all right, old man, answered Black,, she's sure He:"Do you know Miss Bid- to take shelter in some shop"

der 1

Re: "Certainly, for years we used to be the same age when we were children."

Jones was an enthusiastic golfer and his wife was always attending Auction sales. One night Jones

shouted in his sleep: Fore!"

Immediately Mrs Jones chimed in-" and sixpence !?!--

Elderly Woman (to man who has given her his seat in bus): "I am glad you have respect for old age

"Yes," sighed Brown, that's what makes me so anxious. She's got a fiver of mine.",

Same: "Yes, suh, business ben fine. Mah wile done gib me $10 an' Ah bought a pig. Ah kept tradin foeherything under the sun, till finally Ah gets a bicycle, an' Ah sold if fo' $10."

Rastus: But you-all ́doan' nke any money."

Sambo: Co's not. But look at de business Ah's been doin'!''

Chief: What was your last. Jof: 7 "Man (smiling); "bly dear ma- Applicant: "[ worked at 1 dam, since childhood I have re-school that taught how Lo write spected a woman with a strap in ber hhod"

"Well," reported the new sales- man, swinging jauntily into the office. I got two orders from Hash & Co. to-day.”

"Fine, fine!" exclaimed the manager enthusiastically.

Yes. One to get out and the other to stay out.”

་

well

But what did you do there ?" "I had to jog the table while the pupils wrote: This is a sperimen of my handwriting befors taking Seribe's writing course."

Culton tells of Voltaire, who, on bearing the name of Haller inen. toned by an English travellery burst forth into impassioned Ipaise. The traveller told him that such praise was certainly disia- A busy city man entered a tele-terested; as Haller by no phone kiosk and naked

spoke so highly of Voltaire.. "Doubletwo, double-two."

"Two, two, two, two replied Well, well, it doesn't matter," replied Voltaire, perhaps we are both mistaken."

for

the operator, reproachfully.

All right, "sighed the city man, but get me the number first, and we'll play trains afterward.'

She (log the hundredth time): Do you love me?"

mean

The young and keen police officer was being shown over his new Bight best by the sergeant. D'ye see that red light in the distance Well, that's the limit of your beat. He (desperately): "Do I-look Now, get along with it." The here, dear; I've missed the last car young constable set out and was home; you've been standing on my not soon again for a week. When toes half-an-hour; your little bro- he did show up at headquarters, ther has torn the brim of my, the sergeant demanded furiously brand-new hat; your' father's made ¦ where he had been, me amake one of his awful cigars; I've spent my last half-crown on your box of chocolates; and I've never grumbled once-do you think I hate you?

CROSSWORD PUZZLE.

THE HONG KONG DAILY PRESS, SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 7, 1929.

DIFFICULT DECISIONS

(Copyright, 1929, by The BelFSyndicate, Inc.)

By GLUYAS WILLIAMS

WHEN YOUR WIFE WRITES ONE OF THOSE HASTY LETTERS SAYING SHE'LL BE BACK ON THE ONE O'CLOCK TRAIN ON

WEDNESDAY, THE IS TH AND. PLEASE DONT TAIL

MEET HER AND YOU'VE NO IDEA WHETHER SHE MEANS WEDNESDAY, THE 14TH, OR THURSDAY, THE 158 AND WHETHER IT'S THE TRAIN THAT LEAVES THERE AT

"ONE O'CLOCK OR THAT GETS IN AT ONE

SPORT

TWENTY-FOUR BOUNDARY

HITS.

Barnett and G. A. Wedel also made their best effort of the pre- seat season for Gloucestershire, Barnett once hitting the ball out of the ground. His 48 included a and seven' 4's... Wedel, in a dia- play of free hitting, sent the hall to the houndary eight, times in scoring 63.

AND

ATHLETICS.

BREWERIES' SPORTS

TOURNEY.

STRENGTH OF WALKER SUP -TEAM.

A splendid innings by Dipper, The majority of the London Bre-

There is a strong probability of who in four and a half hours' sound weries A.S.A. athletic champion both Dawson and Westland being cricket made 163-his highest in ships were retained when the eighth included in next year's American nings this season was the out-annual meeting took place at Billet Walker Cup team against Our standing feature of the play at law, Walthamstow.

amateurs in the States. Bobby "Kettering.

Athletes to distinguished them-Jones has signified that he will play Gloucestershirt, batting nearly selves were B. A. F. Cameron, who in the British Amateur and Open "Ye remember that red light?" all day, scored 356, and Northamp retained his long jump and hurdles Championships of 1930. On the face asked the bobby.

tonshire, parting on in the last titles and also annexed the high of it, that means that next season "Yes!"*

twenty minutes for the loss of jump championship: G, Pierce, who will find Mr. Jones taking his golf "Well, that was a moving van Woolley, were 333 in arrear, with again won the two aprints, 100 in earnest again, a thing which he bound for Newcastle,”

nine men to be disposed of.

yards, and 221 yards and R. Patton, has not done in the past twelve Dipper reached 30 in seventy-five | who repeated bis 1029 success in the months, if one omits the few weeks minutes, and doubled his score quarter mile and beat A. Clark, the preparatory to "the United States after two and a half hours. He half mile champion, by 20 yards in Open Championship. Having gond gave a chance to the wicket-keeper the 880 yards event.

so far, it is a fair deduction that 11 114. but otherwise Salted E. A. Livermore, the two miles Jones will again captain the Ameri- etylishly, and among his hits were walking champion, was beaten into can side, which may or may not twenty-one 1's.

second place by WJ. Warren, both be pleasant news for some of our representing Black Engle. which fellows in one way. It may be that i team finished third for the aggre-Jones 18 more suited to the gute trophy.

hurly-barly of stroke play than he ARMY CHAMPIONSHIPS, he is to be admitted that will be a The 1st Battalion York and Lan- renewed danger to the British de the Army fenders. His golf may now show an caster Regiment won team athletic

championship at improvement upon that which he Aldershot with a total of 56 points, has already served up, and that is the 2nd Battalion Dorset Regiment anying a lot. But it has to be re- LONDON OLYMPIADES SPORTS. being second with 50 points and the membered that Jones now has com Miss D. Uglow and Miss H. M. let Battalion K.O.S.B. third with pleted his studies for the American Hatt, the holders of the London 1,494 points. The lat York and Lan- Bar, and he will be able to give Olympiades A.C. quarter mile and caster. Regiment, thus retained the high jump championships respec- title they won last year, and during tively, retained their titles when the the three slays of the championships club held its summer meeting at Ed-they set six new Army records.

Most of their successes were gain. Miss Hatt, who is the 80 metres ed in the track events, and they world's fecord holder, cleared 4ft. won the 400 yards relay, in which Sin. to win the high jump event.all three placed teams beat the old Miss Uglow finished two yards record in 41.1-5secs.; and in the half- nhead of Miss Christmas in the 440 mile relay they improved on their yards race in 1min. 4.1-5seca. own record of Imin. 32.9.10secs, by a

Miss F. B. Moore accomplished a second. "double" by winning the 100 yards į Another record was established in open handicap, from the 7 yards the pole jump, when their two re- mark, in 12,2-5seca., and the 75 yards presentatives aggregated 19ft. 8in. scratch race in 9.4-6seca.

(Continued on next Column).

|25 |26 27

12 13

4

5

16

7 8

9

12

13

14

105

16

17

18 19

20

+

21 122

23

23

29

30

31

152

134

136

138

40

41

142

[44

45

47 48 49

50

[54

55

LY

Eorizontal.

818

58

1. To scold continually.

4.-Gauze-like material.

9. Anger.

12. To mature.

13. To drive back!

14.Shrinking from familiar ad-

vances.

15.-A serpent. 16.-Egyptian goddess.

17. To allot.

18. Plays roughly.

20-Thus.

21. To accomplish, 33.-Preûx: recent.

24-To distribute widely.

-Girl's name.

30-Something that vexes. 32.-Long fishes. 34.-A heavenly body. 35.-Left alone. 30-Continued. 39.-Poetic; to know. 40, Rears of vessels. 41.-New Zealand bird, -43-Prefix: down.

44.-Public notice (colloquial). 45. To become available.

47.-A blow.

20.-Goddess of discord. 51.-Article.

54. A number.

65.-Napped woolen fabric.

38.-Dog.

'57.-Still,

58. Horse.

159. Feminine pronoun.

1.--To seize.

Vertical,

2.In the past.

3.-Property.

"4-What peninsula gave the

name to a war in 1854 ?

B Replies.

-Egyptian sacred bull.

7-Foot-like part.

B. Spanish article.

0.-A dessert.

20.--To decay, 11.-An organ."

39

146

སྙག པ མ ག

51

52 53

56

59

17.-Ethically right.. 19,- Upoa. 24-Secret scout:

21.- Abyssca.

2.--Inconcealed..

21-To observe with impressive

ceremonies.

25.Poetic: enough.

43.-Pungent.

27.-Thick.

20.--Medicinal plant. 31.-Bow.

33.-Small piece. 37.To finish,

38.-Plunged.

42.-Symbol for argent,

45.-North American lak..

46.To engrave. 47.-Pen.

49.-Sheltered side.

49. An insect,

50.--To consume.

52.-Colour.

33.To mistake.

55.-College degree,

This puzzle took 23 minutes

to solve it.

YESTERDAY'S SOLUTION.

monton.

even

more concentration to the

game of golf than he has done. So 1930 possibly will contain something more than a Buchan's winter.when it comes to the Amateur Champion- ship, which is regarded by many as being the least likely of the two events for Jones to win.

The 2nd Dorset Regiment estab lished a new Army team record in winning the mile relay in 3mins. 29.2-5accs.,, while Lee.-Corp. Grice (lat K.O.S.B.) secured a new Army individual récord in the javelia event with a throw of 173ft, 6lins.

MAINLY FOR THE MEN.

An income tax question of con- "We thought there were burglars; "Fre all the boys to dear old. siderable importance, was raised at in the House of Lords," replied Tom." Brighton Police Court when it was the policemen. The locked doors contended that a husband was en- of the House of Lords were then titled to make a deduction for in-one, by one re-opened. "I don't come tax from his wife's main know the House of Lords," ex- tenance where the magistrates had plained Mr. Markban. " not previously dealt with the hus- band's income na net income, Mr. Mr. Thomas Smith, who found Howard Collins, of Hartington, ed West Kensington Thursday Middlesex, who applied for the Football Club, and who is now variation of a maintenance order blind, is an expert sporting cri-

tors in the case came to an" agree-

secret,

never

Mr. George Ian Malcolm, eldest son of Sir Ian and Lady Malcolm, and a grandson of Lily Langtry, is to marry Miss Enid Gaskell, daughter of Colonel and Mr. The Gaskell, of Seaton, Devon. marriage is entered at Kensington Register Office. Lady Malcolm, who is considered one of society's

There were more than 360 murders

ANOTHER SPLENDID DOUBLE BILLI

A rollicking comedy

of Hollywood!

Davies Haines

MARION®

WILLIAM

In

SHOW PEOPLE

AT

THE

TWO" GREAT STARS

1000 LAUGHS

ALSO

7.18 & 9.20.

www

TORCAT'S ROOSTERS

•

THE GREATEST BIRD ACT OF THE CENTURY

(Special Matinee: TO-DAY at 2.30)

QUEEN'S

FINAL SHOWINGS TO-DAY

At 280, 5.10, 7.15 & 9.20.

THE

CHINESE PARROT

with

MARION NIXON & HOBART BOSWORTH

AT THE

WORLD

FINAL SHOWINGS TO-DAY

At 5.15 & 9.20 Only.

CHINESE PICTURE THE MARK OF PLUM" at 230 & 7.15;

A THRILLING SPY, DRAMA DIRECTED BY THE

MAN WHO MADE “REN HUR”1.

GRETA

GARBO in.

The

"Mysterious

AT THE

LADY

WA CONRAD NAGEL

STAR

FINAL SHOWINGS TO-DAY

At 2.30, 5.30 & 9.20.

THEATRE ROYAL

TO-NIGHT

At 9.15

ANDRES

SA

EGOVI

A

"WORLD'S GREATEST GUITARIST "

BOOKING AT MOUTRIE'S

PRICES

$5 & $3.

DIRECTION-A STROK.

H. K. V. D. C.

of 218. a week made in favour of tic. Tom is really a wonder," most beautiful women, is a daugh- his wife, asked that the amount Mr. Howard, of North End-road, ter of the late Lady de Bathe should be reduced by Bda West Kensington, who is a friend (Lily Langtry). Mr. Malcolm is week. The income tax authorities of Mr. Smith, said to a press,, co-aged twenty-six and is a lieutenant had refused to make him a mar-1 presentative. I have played and in the Argyll and Sutherland ried man's allowance on the

watched football for twenty-five Highlanders. Miss Gaskell is a ground that he was not wholly years now, and I have never met a keen horsewoman and amateur maintaining his wife. The solici- better crilie. Often I have asked artist. She is twenty-one years of POSITIVELY ONE APPEARANCE ONLY.

him to tell me about some match age. The wedding will take place toment by which Mr. Collins should be has attended, and next day I quietly at the Brampton Oratory. solve. See how long it will take you deduct the appropriate amount of have "compared his account with tax before making the weekly pay those appearing in half-a-dozen ment. A summons for arrears was.newspapers, and he is

in New York in 1998 and only seven withdrawn.

wrong. Mr. Smith explained his convictions of murder in the first Long before I went degree, according to a statement An M.P. lost himself in the blind," he said, "I had been a keen issued by Mr. W. Bullock, director Houses of Parliament recently, football player. I founded this of the city affairs of the New York with two of his constituents, and club myself in 1911, and also the Republic County Committee, while they found themselves locked in. West London Thursday League. London had eighteen murders and The M.P. was Mr. Frank Mark Then the war came, and I lost my eleven convictions. Mr.. W. H. Ellis, ham, the young Socialist who de sight. I started going to football former assistant Attorney-General, feated Colonel Megre-Brabazon at matches again, and approached as of the United States, in a wireless Chatham in the last election. He near the ground as possible so that address recently, said that: 12,000 was showing two of his consti- I could hear the ball being kicked. murders were committed annually tuents round the Houses. The I can tell by the sound which way in America, fifty times as many as three found themselves locked in it is going. I also listen to every-in Great Britain. He estimated that the House of Lords and were un- thing that is being said all round crime costs America £2,000,000,000 able to return to, the Commous. me. I have a sort of mental pic yearly, and added: "The murder They climbed stairs and tried ture of the game before.me. A rato in the United States has in- doors, but all in vain. At last proof of Mr. Smith's popularity | creased 300 per cent, since 1000," they heard footsteps on the stone- WD5 shown when Bir Kenyon He suggested that the United States D80IVETM ABBOLD" stairs above them,, and then in the Vaughan-Morgan, M.P. for East should have a bureau of crime detec

gloom BLW two policemen. Mr. Fulham, presented him with a tion after the pattern of Scotland-i Markham explained his plight.silver Braille, watch, inscribed, yard.

No. 3424 200LIN PAGAN

BLATEG 031062 DI• FIB3240-BA (45) 2702 TEEL SJIB KHY DO

FAKED

•BZOG. GIGT: COMPLOD, BORDB KELE FED). LIEB PAUS IRAN. DR. £17NBEATED" CE

JOLAR 08 – 042

PROMENADE CONCERT

VOLUNTEER HEADQUARTERS.. FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 13th at 9.15 P.M.

By The BAND of The 2nd BATTALION, K.O.S.B.

By kind permission of Major B. O. Lake, D.S.0., and Officers. MR. AND MRS. D. M. RICHARDS.

THE ALOHA SERENADERS.

THE CORPS BAND.

ADMISSION: $1.00.

[6336