1929-08-24 — Page 3

HUMOUR: ANCIENT AND MODERN.

"Say, mister, how do you tell a, bad egg

said an interrupter to a shy candidate at the British gener- al election.

"When I have anything to tell a had egg," replied the candidate sweetly, I always break it gent. ly.

Wifey Dear, please do take off that shabby suit. You don't know who may call."

Hubby Who's likely to call this morning, anyway?"

Wifey: Well--er-the truth is, there's a man calling who offered me 83 for it."

Lady of the House: "Who was that at the door, Dinah

Dinah: "Sum passon dat done want to sell you a vacuum cleaner." Lady of the House: "And what did you tell him?".

THE HONG KONG DAILY PRESS, SATURDAY, AUGUST 24, 1929.

THE WORLD AT ITS WORST

Dinah: "Ah tol' him we ain't' got any vacuum.”

A man from the country, went to the police station and told the po lice he had dropped his watch in one of the main "thoroughfares,

They told him no stone would be left unturned in trying to find it.

Next day the countryman walk- ed along the Strand, Oxford Street, Piccadilly, and lots of other streets. Everywhere he went he was evident.

pleased.

A wealthy business man, who, in- cidentally, had insured his life for £10,000, went on a trip to Southly América.

Shortly after a report was pub. lished that the ship had sunk, and there was no news of the safety af the man in question.

A week later, however, the brother. of the missing man received a cable from Rio de Janeiro:--

"Sale after "all. Break news .gently to wife,"

An Aberdonian, hearing that a doctor charged 6. 8d. for a first) consultation and 6d. for & se cond, went to him and said: "Here we are again, doctor."

"I don't remember seeing you before," said the doctor.

"Oh, yes, I was here last week," lied the Aberdonian.

are

Indeed, I had forgotten... How you keeping ?""

Not at all well!

"Then," anid the doctor, con- tinue your last prescription for another week. That will be half a crown, please."

I am sending you some manu scripts," wrote a young and ambi. tious authoress. I also inclose a letter of introduction from my clergyman, one from my Sunday school teacher, and a paragraph from our local paper, announcing my adoption of a literary carcer. Is there anything else I can send

ing."

They're doing as they promis they're ed," he told a friend; digging up all the streets, and it won't be their fault if they don't, find it.

A man came to the door of the ehurch and beckoned to neigh- bouring policeman.

Come in," said he, and re- move a man. He's creating a dis- turbance"

What's the matter?" asked the policeman.

"It's this way," was the reply. "You know Hock and Hick, the Simultaneous Dancers. Well, Hock came here to be married, and he brought Hick along as best man. But it's no go. Everything Hock dues, Hick does too, and the parson says if somebody doesn't interfere the girl will be married to both of them.

*

cl

"If you took a magnifying glass," he said, "and looked into the lungs of a dog, what would you nee

Everyone gave it up, after being told that "air" and "lungs were incorrect answers.

You would see," he told them, the seat of his pants.".

By GLUYAS WILLIAMS

THE MAN WHO THOUGHT IT WOULD

BE EASY TO UMPIRE A BALL GAME FOR THE BOYS "IS CALLED ON TO DECIDE WHETHER A RUNNER WHO STEALS FROM FIRST TO THIRD AND FINDING THIRD OCCUPIED STEALS BACK TO FIRST ENGAGING IN A SHORT BATTLE WITH THE SHORT STOP ON THE WAY, THE BALL MEANWHILE GETTING LOST IN THE BUSHES, IS OUT? GWYDS WILLIAETS

(Copyright 1929. by The Bell Syndicate, Inc.)

SPORT AND

12

ATHLETICS.

BECKENHAM OLUB MEMBERS | -URICKETER'S " PINK EYE,"

WINNING TITLES,

Alfred Dipper, the Gloucester- shire batsman, could not play in the match with Lancashire at Old Traf- ford, as he was suffering from an optical disease known as pink

VETERAN'S GOOD SHOT AND.

you to interest you in my writ- tion nt work. No anawer was forth. 100 yards and the 220 yards, and, cye," a form of catarrh of the eyes,ciation, and with a beautiful wood,

Dear Madam," wrote the editor in reply,You need send me but more thing good short Story!

опе

12

The two Beckenham clubs have fine record in Kent swimming this year. Three county championships Loud guffaws followed this, and have been decided, and each has Uncle Dick was particularly amus been won by a member of a Becken. ed. Next day he asked the ques- ham club, E. F. Cox won both the coming, so he cleared his throat, for now Miss Dorothy Coppard (Becken- and a condition which is highly can the laugh.

ham Ladies') has gained the 100 tagious, "You would see," he said,, im-yards women's title, winning in the

Walter Hammond, the Gloucester the spat of bis record time for the event of 71.3-5 pressively, trousers!"

seca. Miss D. M. M. House (St. and England batsman, was also James'), the holder, was second,|affected, and, although he took part and Miss T. E Jinks (Tunbridge in the game, it was possible that he Wells) was third.

The Amateur Swimming Associa- might not be able to play in the tian, have informed the S.C.A.S.A. Test match with the South Africans that they are unable to protest, against the prizes to be awarded for clean play at the international water pola tournament at Budapest. "The circumstances are auch," the letter atates, that any representations by this association just now might easily be misunderstood."

CROSSWORD PUZZLE,

49

16

5

7

te

29

3

32

34

140

44

47 148 149

130

1541

57

Horizontal.

1-Unit of work.

4.--Musical drama.

-Collection of sayings. 12-Wire measure.

13.-Sounds.

14.-Dog.

15.-French coin.

18.--To jog. 17.-Feast,

18-Holds session.

120-A sloth 21.-To act. 23,-Prefix: three. 24.-Long step. 28.-To possess.”

.30,--A month,

32-A key in music.

34. To be sorry for

35.-Hindu god.

38.-Illuminating liquid (plural).

38.-To occupy a chair.

40.--Shops.

41.-Man's name.

43.-Behold.

44.-Pronoun,

45.—Prevaricating.

-47~~Barrels.

50.-Horse colour.

61.-Nautical: toward the stern.

64.-Man's name..

56.-Watered silk.

$0.-Collection of animals,“

37.-Sleep.

".

58.-Repairs. 30.-To mistake.

Vertical, 1.-Type measure. 2-Spanish for river. 3.-Sullen. 4.--Water mammals.

8-Curtains.

a-Man's frame.

7. To soak.

8. While

9.-High card.

10-Hard shelled 'Iruit. 11.-Part of "to be." 1-Businese associations.

24

20

125 126

19.-French for and. 20.-Devoured.

21.-Wharves.

99-Young nocturnal bird. 24-Weighting device."

26.-Sacred Egyptian bird. 23.--Demon.

27.-Muse of lyric poetry. 20.-Roman emperor. 31.-Play on words.

23-Shapes.

37. To observe...“ 28.-Fish-nets. 42.Upon. 45.-Part of body, 46.-To look steadily. 47.-Relative.

48.-Age. 140-Opening,

BO-Fish eggs."

52.-Because.

53.-Crag-

55. Two thousand.

This puzzle took 23 minutes to solve. See how long it will take you to solve it,

YESTERDAY'S SOLUTION.

DOVER BARZD ROZICE FILTER 11 EDIGUJJ BI 712-POZE BAR 30R4 272' BINE BOURED DEOXES

D7% ARO RE MABULO D1BEDD BROD J02 DEEL 082 83BOJ ERL 10: DIEZROB ZN HIGOLE EKZULL (COOKS SETLE

22

The result of the half-mile Hamp stead Heath Swimming Club sealed

handicap,

held at Walton-on- Thames, was: G. Cox, 1; F.-A. Westoa, 2; J. Gibbs, 3. The final of the 58 yards clothes race resulted: A. Reedell, 1; J. Gibbs, 2; R. Austin 3.

Dipper informed a Press repro- sentative that he hoped to be able to turn out shortly. The trouble began after yesterday's play," he Buid. "My right eye showed signs of inflammation and then started to run, and though I'applied ointment the lid was gummed up" when I awoke. Dr. Heywood Jones examin- ed the eye and advised me not to Piny."

ARMY CHAMPIONSHIPS,

BAD TEMPER. Colour-sergeant Jim Barnes, one of Chelsea's oldest pensioners, was angry. He had fired the first shot in a bowls, match between the Chel- ses Pensioners and the Bristol Post-office Retired Officers' Asso- hit the jack. The applause of the Civil Service pensioners should have, but did not, make "Jim" a happy man. He has never fred a | shot in any campaign, although he has worn Eis country's uniform for sixty-six years.

led. A man wants to make good shots when he is young, not when he is nearing the century mark. I'd give anything to have made a good shot for the old country."

"Good shot be blowed," he grow.

The game was the first bowls match between pensioners of the armed forces and pensioners of the Civil Service. The Bristol team made the journey to London in a special train. All the players were more than seventy years age and the total ages of the two teams were more than 1,300 years.

"

The result was: Bristol 73 points,

PREMIER'S GOLF.

Moray Golf Club, Lossiemouth, unanimously decided at a meeting recently to rescind its former resolu tion expelling the Prime Minister from membership.

The Army Unit Team champion-Chelsea 44 points. ahip meeting began at Aldershoty SPURS' HEAVY LOSS. with the decision of one event, the Tottenham Hotspur Football Club three miles title, which was won by lost £7,061 on last season's working, the 2nd Battalion Royal Tank Corps This is accounted for by the increase with 30 points. 3rd Divisional in. the salaries and wages of staff Signals were second with 45 points. and players, the expenditure of Duke of Cornwall's L.I. third, 50 £6,603 on the engagement of players, points, and 1st Yorks and Lance and decreased receipts from cup-Regiment, fourth, 70 points. ties. The gross receipts from home Second League games were more than the previous season when they were in the First Division.

Sergeant Cotterell, Royal Corps of Signals, finished first for the ninth consecutive year. His time was 15 mins, 278ecs.

Mr. MacDonald was deprived of his membership of the club in 1916 owing to his attitude on the war. An attempt by two private members in 1994 to get the resolution res- cinded failed.

MAINLY for the men.

Grand Master G. A. Hutaf mode | now corresponds to July 4. The States appealing to the patriotism on officia) visit recently to Big Bear Provincial Grand Master of the of Welsh Americans to start the Lodge No. 617 at Big Bear Lake, United States of America is Brother European round on their ancestral Calif. He was accompanied by the Sam P. Cochran of Dallas, Texas. ' soil. Mr. Hughes obtained a good several Masters of Lodges and other brethren of that Masonic District

deal of support for his scheme for attracting some of the New York. 1. The new $3,500,000 temple at St. passenger traffic direct to Cardiff. And with the assistance of Worship Louis, Mo., will have in the rotunda He reports that the United States ful Master John H. Logic and the officers of Redlands Lodge No. 30029 symbolical busts representative lines have agreed to run the George exemplified the Third Degree. Big of the ideals and traditions of Free Washington-the famous liner that Bear Lodge is in the mountains at masonry. These figures are part of brought President Wilson to France an altitude of 6,800 fect. The site development programme which into Cardiff in the summer of 1920 of the Lodge home was donated by cludes the establishment of a war in time for the National Eisteddfod Brother J. G. Tavelli and the two memorial, the installation of win at Llanelly.

story rustic building was construct-dowa depicting scenes in the New

ed by the members while the Lodge Testament and the expansion of the

Speaking at the 90th annual meet- The furniture of the building was Strength, Justice, Beauty, Prudence, ing of the New vendors' Benevolent made complete by the brethren. Wisdom, St. John the Baptist, and Provident Institution at the Altar, pedestale, officers' chairs Philosophy, Faith, Hope, Charity, Memorial Hall recently, the Presi were bewn from juniper logs and the Crusader, King Solomon, the dent, Lord Marshal of Chipstead, finished with bark on. Lighting fix-High Priest of Israel, King Hiram said the Press was often criticized tures, gavels, Wardens' columns are of Tyre, Jeremiah, the Bible, the and denounced, but there was far from amali.juniper limbs. After Master Builder, Scripture Light, more good in it than bad. It engag lights are made from a small pine Ruth, and St. John the Divine ed some of the best brains in the tree with three branches forming a Each figure will be cast in bronze, country and was not only important Doors and windows are 18 inches high, and will be presented but essential to our civilization, triangle. pine slabs with bark exposed. This Lodge is the outcome of the or. ganisation some years ago of the Big Bear Masonic Club.

was working under a dispensation. museum. The busts will represent

by a Mason as a memorial to some Lord. Biddell said he was told that. distinguished member of the Order owing to the sagacity of newspaper The collections in the museum are proprietors and the brains they dis

were doing being enlarged and it is planned to played newsagents. make it the largest Masonic museum better than they were a few years west of the Mississippi and one of ago. (Laughter.) The report show. the largest in the country.

ed that the assistance rendered dur ing the year amounted to 28,213, a larger sum, than in any previous

This year the Royal Order of Scot land which in the United States is to popular among Scottish Rite Masons had occasion to observe the The Come to England" move year. Of this amount, £3,312 was six hundredth anniversary of the ment seems to have stirred up for pensions and £1,001 for con passing of King Robert the Bruce rivalry in Wales, One hears that valescence and other forms of as- and the usual celebration of his the slogas Come to Wales insistance. Contributione aggregated victory at the battle of Bannock-being raised and has been heard £8,433 and funded income was burn, The former took place on to some effect already across the £3,248 Funds and effects at the June 7, the latter on June 24, 1314, Atlantic. Mr. Gwilym Hughes, of end of the year stood at £74,470 105. by the old stylo calendar which date Cardiff, has been over to the United 3d.

A POWERFUL DRAMA OF THE

UNDERWORLDI

wios

The star of "The Big Parade” at his best as the East Side Gangster who regeneration against overwhelming odds!

JOHN GILBERT

in

Four

Walls

·with"..

JOAN CRAWFORD

AT THE

QUEEN'S

FINAL SHOWINGS TO-DAY At 2.80, 5.10, 7.15 & 9.20,

A LIVELY STORY OF YOUTH!

Thrills galore in a splendid action picture of modern college life.

RED LIPS

with

MARION NIXON, CHARLES ROGERS

AT THE

FINAL SHOWINGS TO-DAY

WORLD At 2.30, 5.157.15. & 3.20.

AN EXCEPTIONAL PHOTOPLAY, DRAMATIC THRILLING, ALLURING I

ROD LA ROCQUE

IN

GIGOLO

with

JOBYNA RALSON, LOUISE DRESSER

AT THE

FINAL SHOWINGS TO-DAY

STAR At 2.80, 6.80 & 9.20.

NONE BUT THE BRAVE

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