1929-07-27 — Page 3

HUMOUR: ANCIENT AND MODERN.

Pass farther down the car, please," cried the tram conductor.

Sorry, we can't," said a girlish voice; "the old man's too heavy."

Engaged Sister: "When we are married, dear, we must have & hyphenated anme-it's 30 much snarter. What would go well with Eaton ?"

Her Small Brother: Moth !”

Is this the Willesden Court? asked a man making his first visit, "Yes, sir,” replied a policeman. "Good gracious!" said the stranger. I expected something far funnier."

John," said his wife over the telephone.." you must come home at once. I've mixed up the plug of the vacum cleaner and the wireless, and the loud speaker is sucking all the paper off the walls,"

Why Fennkie, why don't you ent the nice sbad I thought you liked fish."

Well, I do, Mumay, but this one's "full of splinters."

Mes. Henpeck: "Everything is getting higher."

Mr. Henpeek (meekly): "Oh, T don't know, Maria. For instance, there's your opinion of me, and my opinion of you, gud the neigh

Man at Lambeth: As it hap-bours opinion of both of us." pens, I happen to have a large

family, and I happened to do a bit of talking when the young man happened to pass, and he happened. to tap me on the shoulder/

Mistress:

wwwwwwwww

What are the prin cipal exports of Iceland

Brigh: Child: Please, teacher, depressions."

"Waiter! This sauce tastes like furniture polish!"

Yes, sir! But it goes splendid ly with the cabinet pudding."

He: Why didn't you answer my letter "

My neighbor has explained to me. With are the Eidstein theory. "Thanks," said I, for the dis sertation.

Now plese explain the explana- tion.'

An Aberdonian wished to catch the morning train to London, and, being a heavy slepper, was in doubt if he would wake up sufficiently early, He thought of several methods to ensure success, but each seemed to indicate the necessity for a tip.

In the end he posted himself & letter without a stamp

Next morning early there came a besi-thunderous rattle on the door. The Scot opened the window and the

She didn't get it." "You didn't get it 7". "No, I didn't get it: and, des. I didn't like some of the things you said.in it."

A small boy persisted in saying "I have went," so bis master ordered him to write" I have gone" fifty times, telling him he might go home when he had inished.

When the master examined the task later he found fifty I have gone's" and this P.S.: "Dear teacher, I have written I have: gone' fifty times, and I have went."

After the service the preacher, who was of an old-fashioned type, gave the old lady his views on eternal punishment. There was a great deal of fire and brimstone in it.

"I don't believe it," the old lady said. impulsively: no human con stitution could possibly stand it.”

44

18

19

postman-erled:-

"Here's a lotter for you, without There's thrippence to A stamp.

pay.

Tak' it back." commanded the wir one "Carelessness like that doesna deserve to be encouraged."

Did you say that your fancée had a slight accent?"

Yes, but you only notice it when she speaks."

..

THE HONG KONG DAILY PRESS, SATURDAY, JULY 27, 1929.

THE MINUTE THAT SEEMS A YEAR'

By GLUYAS WILLIAMS

JUST AS THE TRAIN STARTS YOUR WIFE TRIES TO CALL

A MESSAGE THROUGH THE WINDOW AND YOU CANT MAKE

OUT WHETHER IT'S IMPORTANT, LIKE YOUR HAVING FORGOTTEN TO GIVE HER THE TRUNK CHECKS, OR WHETHER IT'S JUST

TO REMIND YOU NOT TO EAT MUCH MEAT IF IT GETS HOT

(Copyright, 1929, by The Bell Syndicate. In:

SPORT

ENGLISH SCHOOLS SHIELD FINAL.

At the Southampton Stadium, be fore a crowd of over 30,000 specta-

tors, South Northumber ore beat Southampton Boys by two goals to one, and deservedly be "Is it true that Simpson, is suing the first time in their career. The come the holders of the Shield for Brown, for libel ?"

"Yes!!!

mad.

northern team showed superior What did Brown say?"

speed positioning, placing, and Nothing, but the other daythrustful and direct in their me finish. Their forwards were more when he was walking past Simp- son's milk cart a divining rod he

thods. Smith and Davidson, the was carrying started to jump like in the first half, both with cross two extreme wing players, scored

ahots. The losers only point was obtained by Marshall, splendid back, who went forward to infuse more dash into the home attack. It was a keen, fast game. The gutes had to be closed, but were Broken down, many obtaining free admission.

CROSSWORD PUZZLE.

26

30

36

50

Horizontal.

1.Porcelain-ware.

8. Place of worship.

11. Quick vibratory movement.

12. Firmly fixed.

14.-Symbol for samarium.

15.-Sweetened dessert.

17.-Boxing match.

18. Hail

20. Pertaining to Scandinavia.

21.-Crony..

2.-Corded fabric (plural). ...

24. A grain.

25.Seed covering.

26.-Shoots from cover.

93.-Glossy cloth (plural),

30.-Game of marbles.

31.-Portuguese title.

32-Groups of twenty.

35.-A fruit.

39.-Scotch caps, 39,To be indebted.

41.-Pace.

42,--A number.

43.-Water birds. 45.-Before, 46.-Four." 47-Day of week. 40-Half an em.

50-Achievement. 82.-Happeninga. 54.-Chairs. 35.-Thick:

Vertical

1.---Cowardly."

2-Pronoun......

2.-Demon.

4. —Name, ·

5.-Enthusiasms.

B-Gets up.

7.-Solitary..

A-Slangi to dress..

9,-By

10-To win back. 11-FinezoIS.. 13. Girl's toys.

* R

13. 19 HO

&

15.-Waterless. 19.-Concise summary. 21-Prelate.

23.-Boxes.

£6. Small particles.

27.-Mother sheep.. 20.-- FLUKE.

G

3-Que hardened to pala.

3A painting."

31-Plantera

35-Took care of.

38-Cylindrical.

37.-Unlocks.

40-Part of "to be." 43.-Fatty meat tissues. · 44-To rescue.

47-A beveragë. 48-Japanese cain. 51.-Prefix: again. 63-Canadian province (initials).

This puzzle took 2 minu is to solve. See how long it will take you to solve it.

YESTERDAY'S SOLUTION,

7477

TOP

NEW CYCLING RECORD. Brilliant riding by F. W. South. all, the Olympic cyclist, was the outstanding feature of the Catford C.C. meeting at Herne Hill. Southall attacked' the British amatour unpaced standing start mile record of 2mins. 3 2-6secs., made by V. L. Johnson at the Cryst al Palace in 1907, and beat it by 1 1-68еса.

W. F. Burl (Marlborough A.C.) won the 1,000 yards open scratch race, and in the heats of the N.C.U. club team championship Marl borough 4.C. beat Polytechnic C.C. and Norwood Paragon C.C.. beat Tooting B.C.

AND

RAI

Guras 72 WILLIAMS

ATHLETICS.

CHAMPIONS, BEWARE! The New York State Athletic As- sociation, acting on the suggestion of the British Board of Boxing in the case of shampions who fail Control, has adopted, a new rule to make the proper weight.

to scale the proper weight for a In future, should a champion fail title bout, his title will be taken away, and his opponent, if the win- ner, will be named the 'foremost contender," provided, of course, the challenger himself makes the re quired weight.

HAMMOND WINDOW

"

SMASHING. Gloucestershire gained a lead of Glamorgan at Swansea recently, 243 OF the first innings over but the home county, after losing three of their second innings wickets fairly cheaply, made a bril- liant recovery, Dyson and D. Davies being partners in a stand of 170 that was unbroken at the close, when the score was 230. Dyson had then made 73 and Davies 103, Glamorgan being 23 behind with seyen wickets to fall

his score by 40 in twenty minutes.

Gloucestershire began the day TEE SHOTS,

well placed, as with seven wickets Camberley Heath were beaten

standing in their first innings they over the Addington Club's course

led by 66 runs. "Hammond, 122 not by Ashdown Forest in the Starterprising mood, and he increased out, proved to be in his most en- women's golf challenge shield. Miss Molly Gourlay was taken to the twentieth hole before beating Mrs. Olaf Hambro, and although Miss Doris Chambera overwhelmed Mrs. Dveon by 6 and 4, the remain- ing Camberley Heath players coch lost.

In a seven aside women's match over the Hanger Hill Club's course West Middlesex defeated Hanger. Hill by five games to two.

NEXT SEASON'S PLANS. Queen's Park Rangers have sign- ed on Herbert Young, outside left, from Newport County. He stands 5ft 7ina and weighta 10st. 7lbs.

Gillingham have signed Campbell Whyte, an inside forward, of Cow denbeath. He is twenty years of age, stands 5ft. int., and weighs 11st. 12lbs.

ball from one of these strokes smash- He hit Arnott Ipr two 6's, the

house, and he had credite himself ing the windows of an adjoining

with 177 out of 992 when he was caught at slip. Alwaye master of delightful ease, and, in addition to the bowling. Hammond scored with

his two da, hit twenty-three" 4'a. He batted for three hours without

mistake.

GALLAGHER FOR TRANSFER.

Falkirk F.C. have placed Pat Gallagher, the former Celtic cen- tre forward, on the open-to-transfer. .Celtic two and a half seasons ago. list. Gallagher was secured from He has played for the Scottish League against Ireland, and for Ireland in eleven international matches.

MAINLY FOR THE MEN.

A men's dress reform party has | Red-haired теп are sometimes been formed in London to seek proud of their colourful thatchwork,

A huge map of India has been used to decorate one of the walls

SOME OF THE GRANDEST SCENES

EVER PRESENTED ON THE SCREEN!

CASANOVA, THE PRINCE OF ADVENTURERS

with

IVAN MOSJUKINE

EUROPE'S SCREEN IDOL AND STAR OF

MICHAEL STROGOFF

Unrivalled for gorgeous settings, thrilling sword duels, novel lighting effects and brilliant acting i

SUPERB COLOUR SCENES !

AT THE

QUEEN'S

FINAL SHOWINGS TO-DAY At 2.30, 5.10, 7.15 & 9.20.

ALL PICTURES SHOWN AT THE QUEEN'S THEATRE ARE THE PRODUCTS OF THE WORLD'S LEADING MOTION PICTURE MAKERS: UNITED ARTISTS. METRO- FOX, UNIVERSAL, THE FOREMOST AND GERMAN

GOLDWYN-MAYER, PARAMOUNT, AND ENGLISH,

FRENCH

PRODUCERS. ·

A THRILLING STORY OF THE UNDERWORLD!

WILLIAM FOX Presents

SQUARE CROOKS

with JOHNNY MACK BROWN, DOROTHY DWAN.

AT THE

WORLD

FINAL SHOWINGS TO-DAY

At 2.80, 5,15, 7.15 & 9.20.

A SURPRISE COMEDY-DRAMA! A splendid Continental picture full of romance, comedy and unusual situations" with a surprise ending!

THE

BOXER BRIDE

AT THE

with

XENIA DESNI

and a large supporting cast

STAR

FINAL SHOWINGS TO-DAY

At 230, 5.80 & 9.20.

means "whereby men may reform said Mr. Pinto, and sometimes they of the study and bedroom designed PO Box 1, Hong Kong

their clothes with as much profit to wish they were brunettes or albinos.for the Prince of Wales at the Cité their health and appearance as If the owner wishes to accentuate Universitaire. women have recently achieved." the hue of his hair, then green it the The founders include representatives thing to wear.

of the church, stage, schools and professional groups and are headed by the Very Rev. W. R. Inge, the

gloomy dean" of St. Paul's..

We want to make men's clothing less ugly, less unhealthy and less cumbersome," said Dr. Alfred C. Jordan, acting secretary of the or- ganisation. The loss clothing we wear, the better it is for us. Men wedr far too much clothing. Por haps the first thing to abolish is the collar stud. We must get rid of

The Prince has shown much in- tarest in this building for students of all nationalities in Paris, and the designer, M. Ruhlmann, evi- them,deatly appreciates the Imperial in- terests of the Royal occupant, for he has made the map of India the main feature of the decorations.

It is extremely pictorial, on the lines of the old maps, with ships. and monsters, all in warm colour- ings, harmonizing with the tones of the rest of the room.

When rich men die and leave their possessions behind their colleagues say to one another:

"He was a splendid fellow magnificent leader. a superb example to us all. How much will he cut up for Now he never does "cut up for as much as his neighbours expect. His fortune is always over-estimated. Yet in the aggregate the rich men of England that.

dying in the next twelve months "Then, too, men have far too will cut up for more than many buttons to trouble them and £200,000,000. Who dares say that on some of the latest shirts there England is done, when the rich men are as many as twenty. buttonholes. of England are annually leaving This causes enormous waste of time! £200,000,000 behind them? in dressing."

For two years, Dr. Jordan said, he had cycled to his office dressed in p shirt open at the neck and short trousers!

"Get accustomed to that," he anid, "and very sapa you will be dressing that way the year round."

Australia and the United States were represented at the annual con- ference of the Dickens Fellowship in Edinburgh.

This is the first occasion on which the conference has visited Edin burgh, and the Lord Provost, Sir Alexander Stevenson, in a civic wel- To save the red-haired man a lot come, reminded the Fellowship that of trouble and worry over what to the City made Dickens an honorary wear that will harmonize with his burgess in 1841 in recognition of his carrot-coloured foliage, clothes de- abilities $1.5 an author. Dickens signers have graciously made out a made frequent visit to Edinburgh. number of 'meaus which will Mr. J. Cooper Sands, of Notting allow him to buy his clothes table ham, the President of the Federa 'd'hote instead of a la carte. For tion, said they of the Dickens Fel- man's clothes this season will have lowship felt that the greatest hon to harmonize with his hair, is the our they could do Charles Dickens dictum of Joseph H. Pinto, pre- was to try to carry out the ideals

dation for diwalef Malfred nir Work the-usa- of Retail Clothiers and Furnishers. fting of the lot of his fellowmen.

is the Address. Write an Order for the Weekly Press to be sent you for Three Months or Thirty Years. The first will cost you $3.75, and the Annual Subscription is $15.

IT'S ON THE WAY!

THE

COMING TO THE

BABY

CYCLONE

QUEEN'S

-start laughing now!

TO-MORROW AND MONDA