HUMOUR: ANCIENT AND MODERN.
The visitor had booked his rooms
THE HONG KONG DAILY PRESS, THURSDAY, JULY 25, 1929.
"See that little man over there|
at the seaside town by post, and He's an etiquette teacher in a deaf. was surprised to find them a long-and-dumb school," way from the front.
"What are his duties ?"
But I understood they were « "He teaches the pupils not to within easy distance of the sea, talk with their hands full."
he complained.
Yes." replied the landlady. but I wasn't to know you didn't have a car."
יו
"I always think of the unkind things I've said during the day be fore I go to sleep at night," boasted Elsie.
You don't say so?" replied her How can you do with so friend. little sleep "
A man wanted to ring up the
parcels office at a railway station.
Ta "that the parcels office he inquired, when he heard the sound of a girl's voice over the wire.
No, she replied, sweetly; "I'm the goods!!!
The director of the local Zoo was away on holiday when he received the following note froin his chief assistant:-
"Everything all right except that the chimpanzee seems to be pining for a companion. What shall we do until you return }"
Magistrate: "How often have you been bere before?"
Prisoner: I thought you were scoring."
Din't some brainless idiot pro- pose to you before we were marri- éd!
"Yes."
I wish to goodness you'd marri- éd him.'
"I did.'
Counsel in Mr. Justice Swift's court (to a woman witness): "Why did this woman say this
Mr. Justice. Swift:
"Who can
tell why a woman says anything,"
Visitor: And where is your daughter in service, Mrs, Miggs"
Mrs. Migg: "Well, sir, she don't date er letters, au' I've got 'eni all mixed up, so goodness kaows where she is!
|
Darling. I've just heard the most terrible bit of scandal."
י
I thought you had, dear; you looked so happy when you came in.”,
"I once knew man, said Robinson, who was so economical that he used to cover up his ink- well, between each dip to prevent loss by evaporation.'
"And I knew
A man.
" said Dobinson," who stopped his clocks every night to prevent the works wearing while everybody 18 asleep."
Then up spoke Hobinson:- that he gave up reading the news. papers in the free library in order to save his spectacles."
I knew a man who was so mean,
"I married my wife because she was different from other women I had met."
How was that?"
She was the only one who would
have me."
Magistrate at Southend: "Are you Singlet
Man: No, sir, a widower." "Is your name Single?" "No, Doubleday."
Man at Tottenham : When I
heard the door being broken open
I told my wife to go and see what was the matter, while I went upstairs to get a police whistle.
An Irishman was told one morn- ing by his wife that there had been a terrible thunderstorm during the night.
"Well, why in the world didn't you wake me up?" he demanded. You know I can't sleep when it thunders!"
THE COAT CLOSET SHELF
GLYPS
By GLUYAS WILLIAMS
JUNIOR'S OLD FOOTBALL PUTS FOOTBALL BACK FLOOR AND STUFFS THEM. IMMEDIATELY ROUS OFF AND CATCHES WATERING
| SAYS IT'S DISGRACEFUL THE
WAY THE COAT CLOSET SEB UTTERED UP, WHY NOT PUT THINGS ON THE SHELF"
PICKS THINGS OF OFF
ON SHELF WHICH IS ALT AGAIN READY CROWDED
FINDS A PLACE FOR
CAN
BITS. MANDOLIN. AND WATERING CAN BUT BOX BACK, ONE OF JU- KNOCKS DOWN HIS OLD. MOR'S SKATES SUDES " MANDOLIN AND A BOX OFF ONTO HIS, TOE -
(Ccoveight, 1929, by The Beli Syndicate, X)
HOLDS EVERYTHING IN PLACE WHILE HE MAKES ROOM FOR THE SKATE
SAYS THERE! AND SHUS POOR. HEARS AYNANCHE FROM SHELF TO FLOOR - IDUKS HIMSELF IN DEN AND READS PAPER
6-291
SPORT AND
AND ATHLETICS.
DURHAM DITY CLUB TO BE
WOUND UP...
At a recent general meeting of the shareholders of the Durham City Association Football Club, Limited, held at Durban it was resolved to wind up the affairs of the company, and liquidators were appointed, The Durham City club was the
FRENCHMAN BEATEN, George Rose, the old-time Bristol schoolboy, outclassed Heari Deck- myn, of France, at The Ring, so much that the visiting boxer retir ed early in the tenth round of a scheduled fifteen-round contest. Deckmyn sang bis swan song dur- ing the ninth round. He rushed at Rose, swinging wildly and "There is one word that is al vigorously with both gloves. For ways pronounced wrong."
the moment be flustered the Bri- tisher and the crowd reared in on-foundation member of the English ticipation of a French victory. However, this expectation was short-lived as Rose, getting over the surprise, fought back hard, cutting Deckmyz's lips and bruising his nose. The Frenchman surrendered halfway through the tenth round.
What word is that Wrong, of course."
"You don't mean to say you are Big Sister: "What did Captain opening this part of the road again Smich say about my voice?! after you have just filled it in ??? Young Brother: "He muttered
"Well, sir, this is our last hope something that sounded like of finding the foreman's pic-dish." I night in a gale.""
12
CROSSWORD PUZZLE.
50
3
Horisontal,
1-A Glossy fabric.
6. What king of Tyre helped Solo-
mon build his temple!
11. To dedicate.
12-Gotten up.
14.-Hibernia.
15. To bare."
IT-To act.
18.-Free. 19.Quits. 20. To place." 21.-Objective of "I." 90-Collection of maps. 23.-To ascend. 24-Aimed high. 28.-Single-celled organism. 27.-Greek war god.
98.--To show sullenness.
99-Nagging woman. 31.-Mare irritable.
34.-Cultivated,
35.-Coast.
30.-Musical note,'
37. Goddess of dawn.
38.-Large vessels.
30.-Tow bost.
40.-Alongside.
41.-Strand.
42.-Journey by conveyance.
43-To-bring to memory. 45-Musical exercises. 47.-Italian poet.. 48.-Sounds.
Vertical... -Connected succession. 2.-Desirous.
3-Weight.
4.--Pronoun.. 5.-Cuddles."
7-Part of the eye. 8-To tear. 9.--Like.
B
ER
10-Gorgon Lilled by Peraeus. 11.--Skin.
13.-Famous.
16-án amphibian, · ·
19.To scatter.
20.-Capacity measures.
22.-Ventilated.
23-To awaken.
25.-Peels.
96.-Inhabitants of. Morocco.
28.-Seer.
29.-To clip.
30.-Jcered.
31-Smart in appearance. 32.-Evades. 33.--Raves.
35.-Colour. 33.--Dispatched.
39.-Rise and full of water. 41-Storage box. 49-To go.
fast. 44.--Mother. 46.-Toward.
YESTERDAY'S SOLUTION.
67070 QUIBE BERNEN BLUTZE 10 213LORY BE 102 2001. 7BL 78AP FBI OMIE STAUAD SHAD ROAD DELUJE 1337 202 B324 ITS LOYEE BAE 10 2802TAZ YZ
35429
a
· PENGUINS' AMBITION, . Penguin Swimming Club are making great efforts this year to regain the position they held in 1926-7, when they won the water polo and team swimming cham pionships of England. They made a serious 'start when they beat the Otter S.C. in the first round of the Southern Counties water polo cham- pionship by 7–4,
The team under the captaincy of the 6ft. 8in. Jack Budd, who skip pered England against Scotland inat year, has been rearranged, and the younger blood should make the side really formidable.
League Third (Northern) Division, and failed to secure re-election some twelve months ago. Since then it has been operating in the North Eastern League, and finished at the bottom of the table at the end of last season. Among the prominent players who started their career in Durham are Jack Hill, the New castle and international centre balf back; George Camsell, the Middles brough centre forward: J. Dent, Huddersfield; and S. Crocks, Derby County,
**** BELGIAN SWIMMERS IN
LONDON.
The Royal Brussels Swimming Club were seen in London for the first time in a match against Otter S.C. at St. George's Baths. The visitors won both the team race and the water polo match. The team race was over 450 yards, four swim- G. Hanslip won the Barry S.C.-ming 60 yards each and two senior 40 yards' handicap... at swimming 120 yards each. Otter Dulwich Baths, in 22 1-6secs. H took the lead at the start, and at Greenhill was second and P. And the half-way mark were level. The rews third.
Brussels club gained their lead on the 120 yards swims, winning in 4min. 46 1-sec. Otter's time was was 4min. 509-5sec In the first half of the polo match the London club had the best of the play, lead ing at the interval 3-2 On the restart, however, the Belgians im- proved, and quickly scored three goals, the final score being 6-4 in their favour.
OVERSEAS BOUTS. Maurice Griselle won by a techai cal knockout from Knut Hansen, the Danish heavyweight, at Paris recently. The Dane was badly beaten when the referee stopped the fight. Primo Canera, the Italian, gained victory over Marcelle Nilles in the fifth round..
THE KNOCK-OUT. Scenes were witnessed at a boxing vakia, when the whole audience tournament at Zanim in Crecho-Slo- started to fight after one boxer had hit his opponent on the head with a stool.
The evening's entertainment be gan when Jirsa, the Czech cham- pion, suddenly sprang into the ring Austrian champion, to contest. and challenged Fristenaky, the The Austrian, who had come as a spectator, accepted the challenge on condition that the fight would be there and then fought to a finish without intervals between rounds. The champions stripped on the spot and get to. Jirsa, feeling weak after nineteen minutes of a splen- didly even fight, backed to his cor- per, picked up his stool.by the leg, and struck Fristensky on the head with it.
The Austrian champions' seconds jumped into the ring to lynch Jirsa, but the latter's supporters saved him, and a free fight over the fallen body of Fristensky was fought in the ring between the rival camps. The audience joined in, some taking one side, some another, according to their politics, while the less valorous dashed out of the building. The police eventually restored order, but not before seren men had been arrested and a score of wounded, including Fristensky, with a broken head and several teeth missing, had been despatched to hospital.
VETERAN BOWLER RETIRED.
After 28 years' unbroken service with the Lancashire League, Mr. Fred Duerr, Ramsbottom's veterat bowler, has retired. One of the best and most popular cricketers the League has produced, Mr. Duerr has taken 1,840 wickets in League cricket, an average of 74 per season. In some seasons his bag exceeded 100 wickets.
THE WOMAN'S CORNER.
SNACKS!
[BY A CHEF.]
Add twelve peppercorns, two cloves, a bayleaf or two, a blade mace and a tablespoonful of beef extract. Let all come nearly to boiling point, then simmer gently for half an hour,
Dissolve in a cup of cold water oz. of gelatine and stir into the pot gradually. Add the slightly juice of two lemons as well, as a beaten yolks of two eggs and the tablespoonful each of tarragon and ordinary vinegar.
Snacks are a boon and a blessing to mady a hostess in these days when informal hospitality is so much more common than the older mode of dinner, tea and super party enter taining.
Stir constantly until boiling point Picnics, too, as well as cocktail is reached, then simmer for five parties demand the production of minutes. Put aside on a warm part dainty and palatable macks,
FASHION NOTE.
has
of the stove for ten minutes, skim Scarves are just as important as ever they were for the evening One sure way of succeeding is the and strain. concoction of savoury trifles in Have ready whatever number of gown, a fashion fact that will please jelly.
little aluminium or enamel moulds, the picturesque woman. Many of The making of real aspic jelly is may be required. Rinse them with the newer models have these becom a long and rather costly business, cold water and set out on a tray. ng accessories in some form or however, but an excellent vegetable Into each pour a little jelly, and the other. They form capes when cut aspic is prepared quits quickly and necessary amount of the chosen with rounded ends, and hanging economically, and can be used to meat, fish, rabbit, poultry or diced from the shoulder at one side, at the enwrap and embellish almost every vegetables already cooked, leaving back; or even "tails," as the new kind of meat, fish and fowl imagin-room for a little more jelly to be able.
poured over
the top.
Let them stand overnight in a cool place, or set them on ice if they are need quickly.
trains are termed, when the ends are printed, and they become a flattering drapery on the skirt. ⠀⠀ All tulle or chiffon frocks are sach light and airy confections that they require very perfect accessories, all If wanted for picnics, they can be favourite materials, for these semi- packed in their moulds in the picture frocks, which are sometimes hamper, and turned out when re-enriched, when in a plain material, quired. If they are to be served at with various forms of decoration Here is the recipe for the jelly. a cocktail or other informal party, To have shoulder straps and a Cut up into small piecos a carrot or turn them out on to dishes.
deop hip girdle in pearl and día
It disguises, enhances and renders more than palatable all manner of bitments and oddments; left-overs of salmon, lobster, chicken, minced meat, thin-sliced ham, sausages, cut lets and vegetables
Top Esca withdreksona favquzik into a stock pot containing a quart gherkin, pickled walnut, cucumber way which commends itself to dress of cold water
or a alice of hardboiled egg.
designers,
SOME OF THE GRANDEST SCENES
EVER PRESENTED ON THE SCREEN !
CASANOVA, THE PRINCE OF ADVENTURERS
with
IVAN MOSJUKINE
EUROPE'S SCREEN IDOL AND STAR OF
"MICHAEL STROGOFF"
Unrivalled for gorgeous settings, thrilling sword duels, novel lighting effects and brilliant acting!
SUPERB COLOUR SCENES :
AT TER
TO-DAY TO SATURDAY
QUEEN'S At 230, 5.10, 7.15 & 9.20.
A THRILLING STORY OF THE UNDERWORLD!
WILLIAM FOX Presenty
SQUARE CROOKS
with JOHNNY MACK BROWN, DOROTHY DWAN.
AT THE
WORLD
TO-DAY TO SATURDAY
at 2.30, 5.18, 7.15 & 9.20.
A SURPRISE COMEDY-DRAMA! A splendid Continental picture full of romance, comedy, and unusual, situations with a surprise ending I
THE
BOXER BRIDE
AT THE
with
XENIA DESNI
and a large supporting cast.
STAR
TO-DAY & TO-MORROW at 6.30 & 9.20.
SATURDAY at 230, 5.30 & 9.20.
DIRECTORY
OF
THE FAR EAST
1929
Classified List of Manufacturers
and Merchants in Japan,
China, Straits, Etc.
Hong Kong Daily Press Office.
No comments yet.
Private notes are available after approval.