1929-07-20 — Page 3

HUMOUR: ANCIENT AND MODERN.

Tompkins (meekly): "My dear"] A conumercial traveileg put up a small country did you read about the man who for the night at was shot at by a burglar, and whose inn. In the breakfast room the fol life was saved by a button the ballowing morning he was asked by let struck 7'

the landlord how he had enjoyed Mrs. Tompkins: Well, what of the cornet, playing in the bedroom

rxt door during the night.

it ?

Tompkins: "Nothing, my dear-only the button must have

best on

you

Policeman: "Are

Tost, "Sonny"

Little Boy's

"Dunno.. I know I'm here, but I don't think my maina lees."

1

Mrs. Smith seems to have got over the death of her first husband." Yes, but her second husband hasn't.

She: If you sent me to the mountains, I should dream all the time of you.

. է

He: Then you may as well stay here and dream of the moun thing,"

lis.

гри

"I'm miserable," declared

|

Enjoyed it." eried the bagınan,

should think not. indeed! Why, I spent half the night pound- ing on the wall to make that cornet lunatie stop."

1 am afraid there has been a misunderstanding." said the land- told me that the person in the next lord, stify. The cornet player

room applauded him so heartily that he played every piece he knew

te times over."

Little Sydney was rather puzzled. Daddie, la "to-day tomorrow {" Certainly it isn't," answered

he asked.

́his father.

But you said it was."

THE HONG KONG DAILY PRESS. SATURDAY, JULY 20, 1929.

THE MINUTE THAT SEEMS A YEAR By GLUYAS WILLIAMS

When did I ever say to-day was to-morrow ?"

"Yesterday.

"Well, it was-to-day was to- Phyl-morrow yesterday, but to-day is to- day, just as yesterday was to-day yesterday but is yesterday to-day and tomorrow will be to-day to morrow, which makes to-day yester- day and to-morrow all at once. Now run along and play,"

"Why asked her friend. "I'm beginning to realize that Reginald married me for

my money,

"Well, at least you have the con- solation of knowing he is not as stupid as he looks."

Frenc, aged three, had been given a penny for the missionaries on the ocension of her first visit to Sunday school. On her return, Mother ask el her if she had given her penny,

"Yes." replied Irene, didn't get a missionary."

"I've had to say 'no' to several young men recently.

but I

"Yes, you can't buy everything the salesmen bring around."

Look here, Smith, it's no 90 our coming round here again. You've borrowed everything I've got in the place."

Oh, but this is different. I wonder if I could berrow your gar- den for a bit of a party I'm giving on Saturday ?"

Father: "Well, son, you get some good marks this term.".

you

Boy: "Yes, Dad, Since haven't had time to help me with my home work I get along fine."

A well-known cricketer was pre- vailed upon to take à team into the country to play a charity game," On arrival, the home skipper eon- ducted the other to the ground. The wicket was in a horrible state, all holes, and bunkers, and worn patches,

"Well," said the city cricketer pleasantly, this is a surprise. Fancy a small village like this hav ing a dirt track."

Jones: These are the questions I'm going to ask at the election meeting to-night."

Smith (after reading): "I'm, regular posers.”

Jones: Yes, my little boy naked them of me.'

"

"Mra. Loude is quite frank, isn't she?"

Frank? Why, she calls a spade a steam shovel !!

That pair of 'fu germs was some- thing else Noah might just na well

have left out of the Ark.

CROSSWORD PUZZLE.

17

14

16

7 8

19

10

12

06

18

19

20

24

26

27

28

30

BELUK

151

Horizontal.

1.-Venomous serpent, 6.-Spars.

1. Innumerable.

12.

Making eyes.”

14.-Type meastre.

15.-Snarled.

17.-Forward

18. To flow back.

20. To eat away.

31.-Neckpiece.

22.-Ancient Irish capital.

Born.

25-Wets.

28.-Hard brittle rock (plural),

28. To work over again.

30.-Crooked.

31.-Part of "to be."

32-Creed.

35.--Saucier.

38.-Superficial extent.

-.-Colloquial: note acknowledg

ing debt.

-41-Gambling game.

49-Address of knight.

43.-Flowerless plants.

45.-Moisture.

48.-Within.

47.-Church screen.

40-Egyptian god.

50.-Pertaining to Syria.

32-To oppose as fales,

54-Shop.

55%-Pathetic.

Vertical.

1.-Resounding. musical instru-

ment.

2--Conjunction.

3.--Large.

4:-Unusual.

3-Decorates

'B-More" courageous,"

8-Antique.

-Third note of scale.

155

144.

149

150

10.-Spies.

11. Encounters.

B

13. To grind together.

16.—Misery

19. Quarreler.

21.-Bragged.

Mother sheep... -Foundation.

33.-Avenging deity.

WHEN YOU'VE STOLEN DOWNSTAIRS EARLY ON A HOT MORNING" TO GET THE SUNDAY PAPER TO READ IN BED, AND THE FRONT DOOR BLOWS

SHUT BEHIND YOU.

(Copyright, 1929. by The Bell Syndicate, Inc)

SPORT

CHALLENGE TO ARNE BORG..

It is a matter of interest to hear that the Swedish Swimming Federn- tion have invited France's young

[

star, Jenn Taris, whe has made amazing strides during the past nine months, to try conclusions with Borg at a vala to be held at Eri-

Kadal, in view of the rumours abroad that the Swedish champion intends to turn profesional. Borg. meanwhile, has been competing on the Pacific coast, and he encounter- ed a rival worthy of his mettle when he met Weston Kimbal in a 23 yards bath at Hollywood, California, in a 990 yards free-style contest. The American led for three-fourths of the distance, and Borg was forced to make a great effort to gain the deci sion by half a yard in main. '16 3-5secs.

Taris, who blossomed suddenly from a third-rater into a potential world-beater, has changed his method of respiration, and now breathes on alternate sides and at every second stroke. Several Eng- lish champions, who have been pur zled by the rapid advance of Taris, are now experimenting with his method of breathing.

TWO IN ONE IN ONE DAY. Two players holed in one on the Ealing Golf Club during & recens week end. A Moir holed the fifth (207 yards) and C. W. H. Pane the seventh (147 yards).

I

C. Studer, playing at Pollards Hill holed out in one at the ele venth hole, which measures 303 yards. There are only four other cases of a hole of over 300 yards being obtained in one stroka.

BUYAS 6-25 WILLIAMS

AND ATHLETICS.

A QUESTION OF CAPS.

It is questionable if there are any places where so many different caps are seen on the cricket held as at Oxford and Cambridge, but it has been left te 31. J. Tarnbull to start

N.8.0. AUCTION SALES.

There was good attendance at the henefit tendered to Mr. Eugene Club recently bat almost as much Corri at the National Sporting time was devoted to auctioning articles as to boxing. Nearly £750

a new fashion at Cambridge, whereas paid for cases of champagne, whisky, and for pictures and he always hats in a Glamorgan flowers, a Webster cartoon and a cap. When fielding he follows the replica fetching 480 guineas, usual custom of captains of play ing either in a Light Blue or A Quidauae exp. He in evidently one

of those people who believe that there is good luck under a certain cap, and, there would seem to be some justification for this belief as he has never batted as well as he is doing this term. somewhat strange to those who have followed Cambridge cricket for some years to see a captain wear- сар

It appears

a county cap. The "blue is seldom donned after a man has left Cambridge, when the Quidnune (which is a darkish blue with a yel- low stripe running from the centre) becomes the favourite, just as the Earlequin is invariably worn by Охоліаль The latter is better known because it is more striking in appearance. In the old days the Crusader cap was the general favourite. That was when those colours were only given for trialį matches, but now that more of them are given fewer are seen in important matches and yery few men wear them after they have gone down." The Quidnunca are limit ed to "14 in one season, including the "Blues."

The ten-rounds contest between George Thompson (Newport) and Johnny Quill (Stepney) was declar- ed a draw, although it appeared

xin. Charlie Hickman (Birming→ that Thompson had done enough to ham) was a poor match for Charlis Mansfield (Old Ford) in a light- heavy-weight contest, and after be ing down four times, be was knock- ed out in the second round.

A four-rounds contest for a sil- ver cup between the stable lads, E. J. Meen (Nightingall's) and E. G. Evan (S. Woolton's) was won by Meen on points.

TEE-SHOTS.

In a match over the South Lodge course at Mitcham, the home team defented, the Vaudeville Golffing Society by 20 games to 4

|

Stanmore women, at home, lost their Pearson trophy match with Northwood, who won by four games

to three.

J. Fuller won the Wanstead Club's bogey competition in the senior division with a return of two up. The junior award went. to C. Langerman, who finished one up.

Dr. J. C. Lee (4) and H. Gould (13), tied at 71 net for the club prize nt Cooden Beach.

MAINLY FOR THE MEN.

The residents of the Isle of Man, Shaw Has always claimed there is win. He took the error with good- that queer spot of land in the Irish no complete manuscript of any of part. Alister's resemblance to young sea. are disturbed over the dimish his works in existence, but Wells is Baldwin is traced to his recent ing number of its Marx cats and satisfied the work is genuine. The growth. of a moustache, giving him are thinking of restricting the purchase price has not been dis- a marked resemblance to the young purchases of visitors. American closed. «The sale of the manuscript politically-minded son of the former tourists, says the natives, are the has provoked a characteristic letter Premier. Although Alister is an heaviest purchasers of the duffy, from Shaw. Writing to a friend, he architect he is tremenously interest. £3-Entrance halls (Latin plural). woolly creatures, and the prices they says: "I shall always disparage ed in politics and when his father 25.--Voracious fish.

are willing to pay makes even the relics, because I am Irish Protest was first called to Windsor Castle most ardent eat protectionist waver. ant in the marrow of my bones. I to confer with the King be accom- 27.-Organ of bead.

Long ago Manx cats lost their tails tear up. MS. with savage glee, panied him. On this occasion he And now it is feared that Manx is though I suppose you could sell was again mistaken for, Malcolm, his going to lose its cats. Mr. S. them at £300 an ounce. I tore up younger brother. Norris, member of the House of St. Joan,' except ten pages which Keys (the Manx House of Com- have dates on them, and I did the mons), while in London recently same with The Applecart.' .. So, if said the cat situation was getting you are offered an original MS. for plexion and bright red hair should critical. "If we go on at this rate a million or so, it will be a forgery.' there will very soon be no more cats į Most of the play in Wells' posses- The contrast will give him a boiled not wear green or other cool colcura. left in the island," he said. "I con sion is written in an exercise book lobster' appearance. He can sel tom sider this would be a great pity, but the last half of the third act!

the because after all, these eats are is on slips of paper.

In Shaw's go wrong if he sticks, to peculiar to the island and it would handwriting at the end of the book browns. These will blend with the warmer colours, chiefly tans and be unfortunate if the breed were to is written: Go on to MS. on loose colour of his hair and tone it down. die out. It is possible that we shall | slips." introduce some sort of legislation | to restrict the number of cats taken out of the island."

34. Ferocious.

15.-Learned person. 36.-"Pep."

37.-The mountain ash; 40.-Mineral.

43.-Terror.

44.-Indefinite amount," 47.-Spanish river. 48.-Watering place. 61.-Right (abbr). 53-Abraham's home.

YESTERDAY'S SOLUTION.

1408

BARREJ ENTRZE

ZABESAX

B702

220-8ZLI

AK

POI AR ME

STLE

PO: FAPE

DOY YUUUH

"But," Mr. Pinto continued, "# man with an especially ruddy com-

Dark blues oxford grays, and black and white effects can also be worn, When the English public jan't There are three ensembles that may getting Premier Ramsay Mac-be suggested to the red-haired man: Donald's two strapping sons confus- "The first: A light tan suit, dark If Mr. Frank Heffer Moore, ofed with each other, then it mistakes brown self-coloured or conservative-

one of. MacDonald's sans for Oliver London, writes to his wife within Baldwin, son the former Premiery patterned necktie, white shirt to three months imprisonment. The new Premier. Minister has two hose, and tan shoes, twelve months he will be subject Rather bewildering, but amusing with starched collar handkerchief with brown border, dark brown This queer sentence was passed

sons. Alister, the elder, is an

His wife

upon Mr. Moore after he annoyed architect, and Malcolm, the younger, "The second: A blue suit with his wife by snatching her handbags new member of Parliament from contrasting blue necktie, blue strip- from her the street. said she left him because of his irres: Bassetlaw. Incidently Malcolm is ed starched collar-attached shirt, quite familiar, with the United white handkerchief with blue border, ponsible conduct.

"States having touring the length of dark blue fancy hose and black

that country some years ago with shoes.

The highest price ever-paid for a the Oxford debating team. News-The third: An oxford gray suit, work by modern author is said papermen, as well as the general a black and white tie, white hand to have been paid by Gabbiel Wells, public, are constantly getting the kerchief,. black hose with white the Nam Hayle binalgaller for the then agna, nanlyned. At a recent clarks and black shoes. The shirt manuscript of George Bernard public gathering the crowd greeted should be white, plain or bgured, Shaw's play," Widowers' Houses." Alister MacDonald na Oliver Bald- with starched collar to match.

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