HUMOUR: ANCIENT AND MODERN.
"Takin' 'im to the 'ospital." an- nounced the woman to the ether passengers in the bus, na she gave a frightened-looking bay by her side 1. vigorous shake. Don't know hat boys are comin" to "nowadays, I'm sure. Can't trust'em nowhere. Nobody needn's shrink away as if they was afraid o' gettin' the flu," sh continued. glaring at a timid- looking man who had shifted his "I never heard as 'ow awal. lerin' dominoes waa vatebin." Swallowing dominoes "Set-in to mind the baby for ten minutes," explained the woman
and 'e starts doin' some conjurin' tricks with the dominoes, and bolts the double-ve by accident."
H
The timid ma expressed зд opinion that the consequences were likely to be serious.
An' so they ought to he snap hed the woman. And, noticing that the boy had stopped crying. she started him off again with another shake.
Bit LI
wild.
Agat Hetty: My dear, I am much perturbed by the scheme to start a Channel Tunnel from Vie toria. Why, any time I was re turning from an afternoon's shop- ping by Underground, I might take the wrong turning or something and find myself in France!"
How much is this pair of silk stockings ?**
Twa dollars A pair, and the finest stocking made."
Well, how much is this other Fair
"Oh, they are 83. You cari se for
yourself that they are much better,"
A man was attempting to liven up a dull dinner-party, and sprang upon the guests the time-honoured jest, "The sweetest hours in all my life were spent in the arms of an other man's wife" (horrified pause) -my mother."
"
on 70
This amused one of the guests so much that he determined to quote What makes the SO though," she added, is that weit on the next possible occasion. He appened to be givin' a bit of a did n party tonight, an
usband ad mapped out that w was goin' to get the expenses back at.fives an' threes at thrippence a time. Now if this ere varmint Lin't broke up the only set we know
the backs of
Hasr
you heard this myThe sweetest hours in all my life were spent in the arms of another maa's wife-er-another mta's
It was midnight. In the smok ing-room of a club a young man ant huddled in a chair. A friend en- Lered.
"Hallo, Smith he asked, cheer
Not going humne yet? fully
No muttered the despairing
I-i darey *.**
ODE.
זיין .
Why, what's the matter!" Matter At eight avlack 1 telephoned to my wife and gave her a perfectly gond excuse for not com in straight home, and-" his voice sank to a whisper-"I've forgotten wh I said."
Father: Didn't your friend My rither late last night?"
raghter: Perhaps hut I was showing him some photographs."
Father: Well, nometime show Line of my light bills."
How many times, Bobby, must I sell you that one must keep one's eyes closed during prayers!
"Yes, muinmy; but-er-how do you know I don't?"
£1
15
2
152
34 35
40
44 45
48
wife Dammy, for the life of me I
an't remember who she was
It is suggested that the way things are going now, some, bond inses any change the signs on the dois to read Stock and Bond Brokers." which recalls the story
the man who opened a bucket shop in the West.
What kind of a sign de you want on you door I asked the sign- painter engaged to do the work.
Oh. just John Smith. Broker." replied the bucket shopper.
Why don't
suggested the enter and Broker you make it Banker
sing sign panter,
How much would it cost?" in- quired Smith.
About 8 replied the painter. "Go to it," instrueted Broker
wouldn't be Smith." Who Lenker for 827"
Dad (severely): "And look bere, Ethel, you mustn't encourage that young man to stay so late every night. What does your mother say
all it ?
Ethel: "She says men haven't altered a bit. Dad!"
CROSSWORD PUZZLE.
Horizontal.
Body of water.
1.-Supposing that.
6. To perform.
8.-Fuss.
11. To stimulate.
13.
20
16 17
106
30
50
154
55 156
58
59
Became available (variant).
15.-Moistens.
16.-Prefix to Scotch surnames,
16. To transmit.
10,--Pronoun.
20. Sweetening substance.
29.-Therefore.
23.-Article.
21.-Inveterate, as disease.
5.-Part of English infinitive
29.-Metric cubic measures.
30.-Rang slowly.
32.-Grassy plane.
33.-Golfer's mound.
31.-Picture taking machine.
37. More skillful."
40-Conjunction.
41.-Sweetmeat. 43.-French article.
44. To depart...
40. Watch faces.
47.-One of the Central United
States (abbr.)
48.-To reside.
50. To change colour of
31.-Poker, stake.
33.-To retaliate.
35.-Rag.
57.-By.
58.-Bone.
69-Type, measure. co.-Foem.
Vortical.
1.To stitch. 2-Stage direction. 3-Parts of play. 4.-Pronoun. 5.-Thigh bonės. awwarangan pezzafi. 7-Upon
8.-War gods. 9.-To,signify. 10-Unusual,
12-Exista.
14.-Plural of "we"
17. In the past.
20.-Clipped.
31.-Disturbers. 23.-While.
21-Belief.
45.-Split.
Hypothetical force.
29.-A tree.
31-To permit,
A
34-Business association (abbr.) 35.-Pertaining to Argos. 36.-Theatrical: phrases spoken
apart.
37.-To strike out.
38.-Cheered up. 39.-Musical note. 12-To state.
43.-Above..
47.To and in.
4. Once around the track.
43-Half an em.
61.-By.
32-Before.
54. To depart... 56.-Part of "to be.
SATURDAY'S. SOLUTION.
20. 1400
PRATI HABIT
FACE
HAILS KAN RODPO BAKIJIB PARA
AGED
Po
2338 PAS
TESDON NED
THE HONG KONG DAILY PRESS, MONDAY, JULY 15, 1929.
SUBURBAN HEIGHTS—THE 8:12
"By GLUYAS WILLIAMS *
GWYPS WILLIAMS
EETS TO STATION EARLY. HEARS, RUMBLE OF READS PAPER
TRAIN. FOLDS PAPER NEATLY AND STROLLS OUT" TO PLATFORM
FINDS IT'S JUST A FREIGHT TRAIN_
RETURNS INSIDE AND UNFOLDS PAPER AGAIN
(Cepyright, 1529, by The Bell Syndiexte, fac.)
HEARS ANOTHER TRAIN BUT REFUSES TO FOLLOW CROWD, TO PLATFORM BE- CAUSE THIS MUST BE THE EXPRESS GOING BY
SUDDENLY REALIZES HOW) STILL EVERYTHING IS, HEARS CRY OF ALL A- BOARD" AND DASHES OUT JUST IN TIME TO SWING ON TO LAST CAR.
6-27
ROLLICKING NEW FARCE !
Don't miss this sparkling laugh-special! See how the country boy became a "Prince," flooded the country with peanuts and thereby won the girl of his heart!
Learn a Lot- Laugh a Lot-
with
MARION NIXON
AT THE
SEE
GLENN
TRYON HOW TO WOMEN
HANDLE
UNIVERSAL PICTURE
FINAL SHOWINGS TO-DAY
QUEEN'S At 2.30, 5.10, 7.15 & 9.20,
HEARS ORINDING OF BRAKES OUTSIDE PEOPLE START" "TOWARD DOOR
FOLLOWS THE CROWD BUT ..FINDS IT'S THE UP TRAIN.
PICTURES
Aged only 18, Miss Mary Lawson, a shy girl, who a year ago was drawing £4 a week in a seaside con cert party, has secured an engage ment worth between £2,5000 and £3,000 year.
She has been given a contract by Sir George Tallis the Australian theatre magante, to appear in his productions, the first year at £50 week and the second year £60 a
AND PLAYS.
After I leave the films my life will go to those children. It will be farewell to Pola Negri so far as the public is concerned. I have done my utmost, and I wish everyone well.
The Universal movietone "Show Beat, adapted from Edna Ferber's famous novel and combined with most of the musical numbers from the stage production is one that cer-
Drury Lane; and Messrs. Clayton and Waller, feeling the affinity be tween large-scale theatres and large- scale musical shows, are discussing with Walter and Frederick Melville the possibility of their presenting at the Lyceum for a period of years series of spectacular plays. Lon don has only two theatres--the Lyceum and Drury Lane--really ad- equate to the production of these spectacular musical comedies; and Miss Lawson, who: the daugh-tainly deserves to be visited. I Messrs. Clayton and Waller are ter of a Darlington railwayman,
entertainments somewhat on was appearing in Good News is an unequal affair, exceptionally anxious to inaugurate a series of at the Theatre Royal, Leeds, and elever and interesting for half the lines of the Drury Lane plays, but after seeing her performance Sir time, drifting into dullness and having in their composition per- tieorge Tallis made his offer: This wearinessness for the other half haps a little more comedy. was made by wire, said Miss Law- son, and at first she regarded it as ate, but when she received a letter later she was convinced that the offer was genuine.
week.
Mias Pola Negri, the film star, who arrived in London recently, said to a reporter:
.1
Miss Laura La Plante is almost an recognisable in the role of Magnolia, the over-tearful heroine, and Mr. Joseph Schildkraut particularly at tractive in appearance as Gay Lord Ravenal, bat not wholly satisfactory in his interpretation of the charac-
ter.
The Clayton and Waller produc tion in London, Merry Merry, has been transferred from the Carl ton to the Lyceum, which the end of the Seymour Hicks season has left vacant; it was felt that the enormous seating capacity of the Lyceum in the more "parts. of the house will be of benefit
the
The rumour that "The Escape" was to be Mr. Galsworthy's last ping has been proved false. Mr. Leon M, Lion has secured a new three-aut comeby by the famous dramatist, which he will stage im- mediately after the general election. Its title is The Disinherited.". Meanwhile, Mr. Lion and Mr. Lewis
"I am retiring from the films in- two years' time. I have come to England to make a film-my great Am,-and our which will end my career, What that film will be I cannot say. It may be that I shall direct it for myself and then--fare- well to filmland. But it has been wonderful life. After that. film is made I shall devote myself to charities. In Poland, my home-ously produced. The Lyceum can land, I support twa orphanages. actually seat more people than ter, May will be an understudy
Casson have produced Mariners," the Clemente Dane play. Miss Sybil Thorndike, Mr. Lewis Casson, Miss Alison Leggatt, Miss Louise Hampton, Miss Clare Greet, Miss Mary Dibley, and Mr. Brenher Wills are in the cart. Miss Thorndike's youngest daugh to an entertainment so splendiferter, Ann Casson, will be playing. ber first part, and her elder daugh-
popular
THE WOMAN'S CORNER.
DOES SELFISHNESS
PAY?
YES, SAYS A WIFE.
Really, it all comes down to what
men actually demand of marriage.
Do they want
efficient house-
LOOK TO YOUR LUGGAGE.
When travelling time comes round again, it is often found that the luggage requires some slight repairs to make it perfectly reliable.
If this discovery is made within, a day or two of packing, it is made too
keepers good cooks, patient and Far better to be selfish and let late... painstaking mothers to their child-the work slide while you go for Only the professional leather- rea, cheery companions in their pas-your permanent wave or to buy a worker can mend luggage properly, times, or do they want romance ? new frock than to slave all day and Therefore, it is wise to overhaul Surely they marry for the last-be all hot and bothered with, the one's luggage some time before it is
actually needed. Lamed reason more than for any of man gets home at night.
He will not notice that the draw-
Do this systematically. the others, although, of course, they expect that in time their wives will ing room has been turned out from examine the straps. Notice if there become more or less capable in the floor to ceiling, but he will notice are any signs of the leather crack-
if his wife is fresh and dainty. other roles I have mentioned.
ing. See that the buckle is quite Much is made of the importance secure and that the stitching has After marrying for romantic, rea-
not become perished. sons, is it not all on the board that of meals. they will become discontented if the
Remember that the straps have to
It is true, indeed, that every man
glamour of the engagement and the must be well fed if he is to be happybear the full weight of the bag.
honeymoon is allowed to die, com- pletely 1
First
and well.
But those unselfish wives who If a strap fails it does so at the spend the greater part of their day last moment, which is very incon- It will fade a little that is cer-in preparing a bost of varied dishes venient. tain and quite natural-but the would please their husband con-
Pay particular attention to the spark must be there to be fanned siderably more if they set before handles. They receive more wear into occasionl Bame, or man, who them plain dinners gardished with than any other part of the luggage. must have romance in his life in cheery, delightful conversation, in- not going to continue bis faithful stead of bringing a jaded appear worship of the girl he made his ance and a grouse to the table.
Not the Drudge. Who are the wives who keep alive this vital spark of romance which holds a marriage together more sure- ly than anything else?
bride.
Not the domestic drudges, that is quito certain
Men hate to feel they have reduced women to such a state na drudgery: It hurts their pride and kills zo- Mance
Vives can be perfect Houses for or almost perfect ones, anyway- without putting the whole of their energy into the task.
The Wise Mother. Wives should not be too unselfish about their children. either.
Then Bee whether the eight corner- caps are intact. The corner-caps
-take most of the knocks which the
bags receive when travelling.
A little oil never does any harm to a lock, especially after it has We know they are the woman's been out of use for a while Use job, bat after all they belong to the end of a quill rather than an the men as well, and the wise oil-can when oiling lugguage locks. mother is selfish about them, and There is then no fear that so much. does not permit their coming to oil will be used that some of it may interfere absolutely with her own soak through the bag and damage
is contents. personality..
Men do not like slaves, whether they are slaves to the house, to the childrm, or to themselves
It is the selish wife in nine cases out of ten who keeps the fame of romance burning brightly.
Take the precaution of fitting each lock with its appropriate key. If a key, cannot be found-and it is re markable 6 ore keys are lost-an ironmonger will sta new key for a few cents.
THE famous dog star in another thrilling adventure
story!
BIN-TIN-TIN
IN
WHILE
LONDON SLEEPS
AT THE
with HELENE COSTELLO
WORLD
FINAL SHOWINGS TO-DAY
At 6.15 & 9.20 Only. "Love's_Frailty.”
280 & 7:15-Chinese Picture,
A RURAL ROMANCE CHOCK FULL OF CHUCKLES!.
WILLIAM FOX Presents -
FARMER'S DAUGHTER
CEORGE
AT THE
with
MEEKER, MARJORIE BEEBE.
STAR
fil
FINAL SHOWINGS TO-DAY
At 5.30 & 9.20.
A GREAT DRAMA OF STAGE LIFE!
WILLIAM
HAINES
in his latest
and best
picture
EXCESS BAGGAGE
CORTEZ
with RICARDO SHOWING AT THE ·
QUEEN'S
May
THURSDAY TO
SATURDAYTM
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