1926-05-25 — Page 2

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THE DISTILLERS AGENCY, LTD. LONDON, EDINBURGH, GLASGOW.

I

THE

"TOP NOTCH"

SCOTCH

"KING

GEORGE IV

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Pint flasks suitable for picnics, etc, now obtainable

at $2 per flask duty paid.

80ĻE AGENTS:

GANDE, PRICH & 00.,

THE HONGKONG DAILY PRESS, TUESDAY, MAY 25TH, 1926

LTD.

St. George's Building, Ice House Street Tel. No. Central 135.

THE CLOTH-MOTH

ENGLARGED, ..

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THE SEAMY SIDE.

KNEES MUST GO. TALES TOLD TO THE MAGISTRATE. AN AMUSING COMMENT ON THE

KNEE-GIRL. [SY R. K CORDER.]

A white-haired lady recently took me Family squabbles seem plentiful, inside at a dancing tea and demanded: this district'; must be unpleasant," rehat do you think of such short skirts marked Mr. Bingley, the magistrate, who for girls Surely it is not necessary for was doing relief duty at South-Western the little monkeys to exhibit their knees.” Police Court recently. He was contem- plating a young man whose fare had been amacked by his (the young man's) mother-in-law..

"I am separated from my wife," wailed the husband, "but she comes round to my place and brings her mother, who slaps my face every time she sees me. Most unpleasant," peated the magistrate sympathetically, Expecially in this cold weather. I will have her caationëd."

*

"I, ah, cilled at a house, ab, to collect ah, an account, and ah, I was, ab; as- saulted most grievously," appounced a precise young man.The woman, ah, paid me, ah, a shilling and ben 1. ah, asked for eighteen pence, ab, her hus band rushed out and, ah, hit me on the jaw three or four times

Ab, ob- served the magistrate. Take a. sum

mons."

Several persons out on bail did not appear. One'sent his wife, who said that he was ill in bed. And a good place, too, this cold weather," remarked Mr. Bingley, genially, whereupon an inspce tor muttered that he would make it warm for the absentees.

Jean Sims ought to have been among the missing for, although she surtender- ed to her tail, she had repeated yester day morning the offence for which she was arrested on Saturday. She arrived in the dock joyously hanging on to the embarrassed gaoler's arm. Solemnly she counted two Mr. Bingleys closed one eye and ejaculated "G'morning." " Tea shillings, ordered the magistrate.

Jena is slowly and deliberately made a half-tura, like a large ship cramped for sea room, and then, ignor ing the proffered arra of the goaler, put down her head and butted her way out of court like a Rugby forward in a

scrum.

Misplaced chivalry on the part of a well-meaning stranger brought a married couple to the dock. Husband and wife were having an argument in Putney Bridge-road when the suburban knight errant, coining to the damsel's aid, amote the husband a blow on the chin, laying him low, and then went on his way re- joicing in a good deed in a naughty world.

It was the husand, enquiring engerly for the whereabouts of the chivalrous stranger, that attracted the attention of 4 disapproving constable.

But why should not a map argue with his wife?" asked Mr. Bingley

were arguing with a friend in Fall Mall would you arrest me "

The constable said he would not, and Mr. Bingley dismissed the case.

*

"It is nat," I retorted with great eagerness. "Knees are unlovely. Kaces are nobbly K.MG. KYEES. Mest Go."

Thon take up your powerful pen and annihilate them.'

I took out my "poweriu! fountain pen and looked around. There it was, the joins between the thigh and the shin- bone, bulging out at me all round the room. Sometimes it was covered with pink silk, sometimes with brown. Some- times it looked as if it had nothing on it at all, but we know this to be an optical illusion.

How can I stop it "I nailed to my hostess.

Write about them Tell them how wrong they are.

In the first place, let me neknowledge that the public exhibition of the kne has been brought about in the main by the arrival of the electric carpet sweeper, Once upon a time girls had to go on their knces with a brush; and the joint became so bard and rugged that girls had no desire to show it to anyone. Now, in order to clean their boudoirs or fats, they have only to connect the electric light with a nasty, snakelike machine, and do not even have to bend. It is no use com- plaining about this. The world must pro- gress. But it is high time that someone explained to the new young woman that we are got remotely interested in the bristling promontories of leg-land.

* Down on your knees.

And thank Heaven, fasting, for a good

man's love."!

Thus wrote Shakespeare in "As You Like: It. Now, I do not suggest that knees were given to women just to enable them to express gratitude for the existence of men, but knees are certainly intended to be bent, and so assist one to the appro- priately humble attitude for praser

Women are amazingly subtle. They are mostly good, too, and it may well be that feminine knees are now being shown in order to convince the male that the owners any their morning and night prayers! regularly.

But

Do you girls ever stop to look at your knees No, the majority of you will reply very sharply. You have not the vanity. Well, I believe you, for I am surr that the most horrible forms_of vanity are exclusively masculine. now that you are showing them, I think you ought to look at them. If you will not look at your own, look at your brother's. the next time he turns out for his Rugby team without knee-pads. There is practically no difference in the appear- ance of bis and yours, and I think one good, long look at Alastair's knots wit send you running home to add six inches of fur or something to the edge of your frock.

What is the knee?" argues the knee- girl. Surely it is the physical armbel of submission. Men are supposed to be strang, to dominate, to be unconquerable. It is therefore quite fitting that they should never show their knees. Women, on the other hand, in the desire of the

Mr. Bingley then developed an argu- mentative mood himself, and by way of illustration assumed situations for him-average man, should be humble and sub- self that shocked the court, He imagin-missive. Some men wish us to stand level ed himself singing outside a coffee stall, an offence with which a youth of eighteen was charged.

Why shouldn't be sing 1" demanded the magistrate. He was pretending to be druk and using bad language," said on officer

"That is different, 108.," said Mr. Bingley, who next imagined himself receiving sixpence in the street from a charitable person.

This was in the case of William Parr, two years short of his old-age pension whom a constable accused of begging in Mitcham-road.

"He was making a noise, and people were giving him money," said the officer. "I followed him into a public house, where he had a glass of beer and changed 43. worth of coppers into silver. Then

with them, but, believe rac, they are few. Since the bending of the knee is what nearly all men want from women, how can you blaire women for showing men that they have a knee to bend ?"

Now, whatever in the world can one say in reply to that? But I have given my word to prod the kuec-girl with my powerful pea, and here is the prod Knees were given to you for working and praying.. Man's knees were given to him :~~

1

(1) For the bonourable purpose of supporting a principal in boxing match between the rounds;

(2) For supporting the betrothed, in a chaste embrace; and

(3) For prayer before and after matrimony.

If either sex were justified in exhibit-

he went outside and began to make aing knees, the right would fall to the noise again."

"But was he begging" insisted Mr. Bingley. Suppose someone gave me sixpence in the street would you arrest

me

"I would if you were attracting at- tention by making a reise like he did." replied the officer.

"Did you hear a noise?" asked Wir liam Parr, beaming at his unexpected ally on the bench.

1

"I did," said the officer feelingly. "That was me singing, brights re tarted William Parr, who was sent to the

mary.

•

Mr. Bingley next became a hawker. A young man who had been making, flowers bloom in a bowl of water in most of the market-places of the country during the. last three years was making flowers bloom as they had never, bloomed before in Mitcham-road. A crowd had contribu- ted £1 4d. to the entertainment when a constable arrested the hawker for ob struction.

"But where has he to sell flowers in water? They are very interesting things," tom15

male, for masculine knces are put to more purposes. But modest man (which does not include the Scotch) puts the sugges tion aside, and it is for you meekly to follow his example.

You will write to me and say that once I sat upon a mother's knee, that you are at least prospective mothers, and that the owner of the mother's knee is the exclu sive authority on whether it shall be draped or undraped. You will remind me that women were given knees not only for praying, but for putting naughty little boys across for a well-earned smacking,

.And I? I shall wish that I had Dever raised the wretched subject.-BASIL MACDONALD HASTINGS in the Evening Standard.

MORE SHIPS BEING BUILT. HOPEFUL FEATURE OF LAST QUARTER.

"An appreciable increase is shown in ter." the tonnage cominenced during the quar-

This statement is the hopeful feature queried Mr. Bingley. "If I had of Lloyd's Register Shipbuilding Returna

for the quarter ended March 31. They were not real flowers, ~ your Shipbuilding in general during the quar- worship" interpolated the constable hurter continued to suffer great depression. riedly. They are paper things."

There were 183,121 tons begun, as com

I know, in packets. Most interest,pared with 160,988 tons during the last ing," said Mr. Bingley, discharging the quarter of 1923, but the tonnage, launch-

bawker.

*

A young bookmaker then entered the dock, and every policeman present sigh ed with relief. Mr. Bingley could, not gure as a street bookmaker making his, -second appearance.

ed (180,705 tons) was 25,776 tons lower than for the previous three months.

The tonnage, under construction during the quarter in Great Britain and Ireland (813,070 tons) was nearly 42,000 tons les than at the end of last December, and about 322,000 tone less than the tonnage building twelve months ago.

"You were fined: £5 Inst time," said the magistrate. Do you know how The present totale are the lowest re- much you can be fined now?" "Seven corded since. Beptember 1908, and are pounds," suggested

the bookmaker 1,047,000 tons below the average tonnage Wrong. £20," corrected the magistrate, building during the twelve monthe "im- "but you look so young and innocent,

mediately preceding the war-1,890,000 I will make it £10.

tonă.

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185

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