Page
14
ALICE AND THE MONSTER PETITION.
entered the
As the Great Panjan Chamber the Councillors rose from their chairi The Crest Panjandrum howed noce to the Councillors, and the Council lors bowed three times to the Great Panjaúdrum.
He took his seat und, referring to the papers before him, said: “I understand thut today we have to deal with a Monster Petition." He turned to the door-kerros, and added: "Let the peti- tioners be admitted."
The door-keeper advanced to the portal, and, throwing it open, admitted Alive and, her friends.
THE HONGKONG DAILT. PRESS, --FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 21ST, 1924
He seemed to be about to add some "Rather a pleasant way of spanding thing further when the High Cockulorama shart holiday, in fact?" suggested the rose and, without any accompaniment. Mad Hatter.
began to sing:
#
Exactly agreed His Most Exalted, "I well remember, as a young emlęt, and added: “You know, I often think) Thinking owed the Commonwealth that, a great deal of misunderstanding |
some dent Of willing work for sorry recompense-might be avoided by a little friendly and I've long since erased to feel like that, informal exchange of views between those without and those within the Council upon such subjects. For instance, it Medico in the office of the High Obstruc Alice "howing to her-"met the High
you het
Ηλ
план
But how to proft by my 'prenticeship To entch the eye, perhaps to gain the Of some one practised in bureaucracy From one most highly placed I got the
tij
This was the precept stamped upon my
will.
This the condition that I must falf To keep the savour of omniscience" A simple code-Don't Think Don't
Rob the T2)**
"And when, ere fifty-five or sixty lack
Of years laborious spent. I turn my
hack
"The Most Exalted, the Great Papjan- drum," he called out, in a loud voice. motioning towards is Most Exalted, then, waving his hand in the direction of the petitioners, he said simply: "Alice... His Most Exalted bowed to Alier, and) Alice curtseyed respectfully to His Most Exalted.
On tropic days, and take iny well-
earned whack. Nor George nor Clynes himself can take
it back
for."
44
She said How's the Prince Wales?' "shouted the Mad Hatter.
of
of
CRIMINAL SESSIONS.
[BEFORE THE CHIEF JUSTICE (IE HENRY DOLLAN.)]
COOLIE SENTENCED TO DEATH. THE ABERDEEN MURDER CASE,
day on the coolie Lan Yin, who was Sentence of death was passed yester charged with the murder in Aberdeen Harbour, of a boatwoman named Chau Ya Tin, on September 2ard,
Crown, said that there was no doubt that Addressing the Jury, Mr. Nihill for the prisoner was one of the men who boarded the evidence, but they had to remember the sampan. There were discrepancies in that" dovetail" evidence was often con- cocted. He asked the Jury whether pri saber acted like an innocent man.
Mr. Fitzroy, for the defence, suggested
He said; What's the price soap yelled the March Hare.
"And the consequence was they both that the bruise on the woman's head was
11
@
"Silence," thundered. His Most Exalt ed, and, turning round, he again called out "Executioner.''
"Here," answered the Dormouse, denly waking up again.
caused previous to the men boarding the by hamorrhage of the brain, and Dr. sampan. The woman's death was caused MeKenny bad agreed that the injury
could have been caused
as early as
sud-September 2nd, by the woman suddenly rising and striking her head on the our with which the sampan was propelled. There was not the slightest evidence that man with the common purpose of com- the man in the dock went with another mitting a felony. They had no right to prisoner.
"Sit down, sir," commanded His Most Exalted. I told you before that you
Why it reminds me of the Council of When the applause had ceased Alice weren't the "Executioner." Ten at Venice." she exclaimed.
Yes, sixteen people would remind you of teu," laughed the Walrus sarcas tically
fwaan't thinking of the numbers so Anuch, explained Alice,
of this stately hall, these noble presences, and the weighty matters they meet to dis-
3N."
They look to me more like the Twelve Apostles," said the March Hare, “only they haven't got any beaudis.”
"Yes, or the Seven Wise Men of Alexandria," suggested the Carpenter.
"Oh, not a bit like them" interrupted Alier, at least I shouldn't think so from the look of them," "Anyhow," she went oa, they seem to be quite unique."
"You shouldn't say that." whispered the Walrus, unless you are quite sure! of what you say; and I don't see how you as be-Oh, excuse me." he went on hurriedly. "I was thinking of some thing else."
**Well, what does 'unique' mucun any ho?nsked the Walrus.
"It means," explained Alice, some thing that has nothing in the world like
itu" i
"Yes, they seem to answer to that description all right," grusted the March Hare.
"He has a Should you
turned to the Mad Hatter. sweet voice," she said. call it a bass or a tenor ?”
denly waking up.
"Or fiver," said the Dormouse sud- "You don't often see a tenner now-a-days.**
* If you nak me," said the Mad Aat ter, "should call him a ten-to-fiver- if not a quarter-past-ten to a quarter. to-fives."
4
"That" reminds me." began the High
Cockaloram
"Oh help," murmured the March Hare, ous" "hold my hand, he's going to be humor.
the High Corklerim. Were you going His Most Exalted turned sharply upon
"Clearly understand," said His Most Exalted.that no one banters in this Chamber except myself; and if he does ---" he laid his hand suggestively aerosa his throat and called out loudly “Execu-
"Yes, I know you told me that, but I didn't know I wasn't always," grumbled the Dormouse,
"Wasn't
"
always." exclaimed the Walrus, "What an expression! How can you he wasn't always "There's no sense in it." he added torning to His absolute non-
Most Exalted. sense."
(It's
me anything, and must acquit the
His Lordship, in summing up remarked that it was a difficult case, made far more difficult because the defence did not put pened (prisoner) into the box. Prisonct the only tuna who knew exactly what hap had made no attempt to repudiate taking, part in the attack.
The Jury, after 23 minutes' delibera- tion, returned a verdict of guilts, and his Lordship passed sentence in the usual
Pray don't let that trouble you," said way. His Most Exalted pleasantly,
"we are used to that here."
Alico gently pushed the Walrus aside and said: "I am so sorry, Sir, that we interrupted your remarks, but the fact is we quite thought you were playing Consequences."
ed His Most Exalted, and we don't "We don't play games here," exclaim
DISCOVERY ON A JUNK.
CHINESE IN COURT ON ARMS CHARGE,
Two Chinese were charged with having
automatic pistols, 1,842 rounds of pistol the anchorage of the Western district, 15 in their possession on board a junk in
munition. ammunition, and 400 rounds of rifle am-
to be bumorous !" he demanded sternly. He paused for a moment and then went care twopence about the consequences." No, No exclaimed the High Cocka-on was trying to suggest that we Mr. H. K. Holmes, the Crown Solicitor. Joram. L
Upon my honour, not really must try and understand your com- bumerous-only just a little banter, per stand the extraordinary difficulties under chorage off the Western district, was prosecuted and remarked that on October plaints, and you must try and under 14th, a junk which was lying in the an haps."
which an exceptionally talented, and boarded by Inspector Lane, accompanied unprecedentedly assiduous, stall carry on by four Chinese detectives and two in- great many complaints, but there is board. First prisoner was the acting highly responsible duties. We have a formers, and they found 13 persons on always a perfectly satisfactory explana- master of the junk, and the second man tion if the Man or the Men in the Struct described himself as the quartermaster. "Before he could finish his remarks the one of the informers crawled over this. would only listen to it."
There was cargo in the after-hold, and
sing:. Mad Hatter jumped up and began to and right in the stern, he prised open a piece of wood, and behind this board 17 pistol was later found in a locker. After automatics were discovered. The other.
amidships, and amashing aside another this the informer went to a partition plank, disclosed a large hole," in which the pistol ammunition was found, and elsewhere the Police found the rifle am unnition.
tioner
"Here," said the Dormouse, starting up again.
•
Sit down, sir," shouted His Most Exalted," you're not the Executioner.' "Well, how was I to know?" complain-
The petitioners having been seated, Elis Most Exalted rose and, addressing Alive courteously, said: "I understand the Dompouse, "Nobody told me→→ that you are presenting something in the and I never said I was," he added as he nature of a Monster Petition, but I do not abe it on the table."
"dozed off
Elia Most Exalted leant forward and "Well the fact is," explained Alice,
took the lysis out of Alice's hands. "we did start to get signatures, but we
"Well, the water's all right. isn't it found that everybody wanted to sign; he asked. that everybody thought the same way:
"That's as plain as the nose and so we came to the conclusion that
on your face." the einiplest thing would he just to come slong and tell you what the general public opinion is.
up:
Releit-till-called-fors, money orders,
post-
They take the name of God in vain
almost,
They believe the vaguest rumour Show no slightest trace of humour At delays impossible to obviate. They ask why local letters take so long. They ask why nearly half of them go
wrong
They cannot understand, and say it
beats the band.
If they have to wait an hour, to get a
stamp."
Concluding, Mr. Holmes said that when the arst prisoner was charged, he said: about these things." The second man I have nothing to say. I know nothing said: "I don't know who brought them aboard."
تہ
Inspector Lane gave evidence as to the discovery of the arms on the junk He The perfectly satisfactory explanation sal that the 900 rounds of pistol an "Weli-
The Mad Hatter started don't admit that the nose an her face is plain," he shouted loudly.
"But how does that affect us?" ea- quired His Most Exaited
"You misunderstand me," began His "However, without going into that, what was it in Most Exalted, but the March Hare broke particular that you want to petition in: "We must insist upon taking the about--because if it is of no importance sense of the Council upon this subject,” whatever I am sure we shall all like to meet your wishes."
be exclaimed and cleared his throat
"Oh but it is of great importance, »loudly.
xaid Alice.
As for instance 7" queried His Most Exalted.
Well about these Health questions, and the Water-that's what we want to keow about.
"I dare say the High "Obstructor of Private Works one of our passed cadets -can satisfy you in that respect," said His Most Exalted.
"I can assure you that it is of excel fent quality, said the High Obstructor.
"Can you drink it?" asked the Car penter.
**Oh, I should think so," answered the High Obstructor, though I can't honest. ly say I have ever tried to."
T
"I mean can you drink it safely ' demanded the Carpenter aggressively.
"I think you should give notice of that question,"
"interrupted the High Cocka lora; it is of a markedly controversial character."
His Most Exalted leant forward: "Knowing the interest that you were likely to take in this matter of the srater," he said, "we have had an analysis made and laid on the table. The High Analyst himself is engaged upon other and more important duties; but this bas been done very carefully by one of our young cadets-a person of exceptional ability."
Alice took the paper in her hand and read it out aloud:
87.120 10.892 .00*
Oxygen
"Orange peel....
Hydrogen
Dead dogs
1.631
Cigarette enda
.138 .083
.......... & trace
100,000
Cheese riad
Fish bones
Falso teeth
"Better
Master of Debate, they're tickled to let them," whispered the
death at having a division."
His Most Exalted turned to the table: division. Those in favour sigaily in the "Very well," he said, "we will take a usual way; on the contrary The Noes have it," he announced.
"I suppose you mean the nose has it," snapped the Carpenter" really their grammar !** ·
Most Exalted sharply.
I mean what I say," answered His]
But do you mean the Nose' or the Noca" persisted the Carpenter.
"I mean the .Noes," shouted -His Most Exalted. I had meant the 'Ayes' I should have said so."
"Nobody said anything about her eyes," murmured the Dormouse.
|
"Well, well, its not worth quarrelling about," said His Most Exalted, trying to smooth things down, "and, after all, you know, beauty is only skin deep."
"How deep does he expect it to be?”. muttered the Mad Hatter. Does he ex- pect it to go down to the bone?"
"The nearer the bone the sweeter the meat," murmured the March Hare.
"What's that got to do with it " de. manded His Most Exalted
Nothing," replied the March Hare, "I thought I'd just mention it."
Having disposed satisfactorily of the question of water," weat on His Most Exalted, "we now come to that of Public Health. What is it that you particularly, want to hear about that
Well, how about all this typhoid and all the rest of it! There must be some- "It seems a very satisfactory report," thing wrong there," put in the March Asid Alice," and the marked excess of
Hare rudely, and before Alice, could oxygen and bydrogen over cheese-rind speak,
and other ingredients must, I presume, Oh, that's quite all right," answered be taken as a very, favourable circum- His Most Exalted. "I am not an 'ex- stance. If I may be allowed to say so, pett myself, but I understand from our it reflects great credit upon the officer who prepared it."
One of our young cadets," repeated His Most Exalted, and added: "An exceptionally gifted body,"
High Medico-one of our passed cadets -that the accounts of its prevalence have been much exaggerated, and that, in point of fact, it is quite a healthy complaint to have an attack of."
il
They're understaffed, they're under;
staffed,
munition were discovered in a hat box. the box, and stated that he was assistant Chung Fat, the first prisoner, went into
Upon my word-ly, so absurdly under-captain. At the time the Police raided
staffed.
51
There are special seasons when They have to start the day at ten They're so absurdly, 'pon my word-ly,
understaffed.
Concerning Hospital and Medical ad-
vice
They say things that are well, any-
thing but nice,
"j"
They jump to the conclusion And cling to the delusion That it's based on sloth and valgar
prejudice.
They sak you what's the present price
of bugs,
They ask you why the cupboard's bare
of drugs.
They want to know the reason why most things are out of season, If they're wanted after eight o'clock at ... night.
The perfectly atisfactory explanation
They're understaffed, they're under-
staffed,
Upou may word-ly, so absurdly under-
stuffed.
They sometimes have to chuck their Grill, because some blighter wants his pill.
They're so "absurdly, 'pon my word-ly,
understaffed.
Take Public Worka-or want of them
they say
This place, like Rome, was not built in
*day,
Their argument infers:
That a hundred thousand years" Would be nearer to the mark; and so
ait may.
|
the junk there were between 160 and 170; tons of cargo aboard. He was not the licensee of the junk, but when the latter was not on board he was in charge.
Second prisoner said that he was quartermaster and steersman, and when in port, bad no„ duties, named Chan Fut, was responsible for the The bosun,
Inspector boarded the bont he did not atoring of the cargo. When the Police
see the bosun there, but he was on board before the police raid. He did not know board. that the arms and ammunition were on
this morning.
His Lordship adjourned the case until
and well sung, and expressing senti “A good song," said His Most Exalted,
Personally, though I am in sympathy ments that, I am sure, appeal to us sli.
with progress, my inclinations are to wards conservatism, my colour is blue- true blud. What is yours?" he asked pleasantly, referring to Alice,
Mine's Old Tom Red, muttered the March Hare.
Gordon, Orange everytime for me," shouted the Mad Hatter.
Well, he asked as," he grumbled as Alico tried to push them aside.
His Most Exalted rose hastily think that is all the business we have to deal with," he said. The petitioners may withdraw.”
Thank you so much for receiving us," said Alice bowing first to the Great Pan- jandrum, and then to each of the High Councillors in succession.
"It's very good of us to have listened added the Carpenter, giving a ned all so patiently to what you had to say," round.
Hi Most Exalted bowed his know- Pledgements, and the petitioners, left the They ask why drinking water tastes so Chamber.
strong,
They ask why building contracts taka
so long.
They venture to enquire.
Why so many months expire
As the door closed, he said: "You know there's a good deal in what they say, though, of course (winking), it He turned his head in listening
Before a proper. business answer comes wouldn't do to admit it."
along.
attitude, and, to the accompaniment of The perfectly untizjuctory answer is pattering feet on the great stair esse, They're understalled, they're under-there could be heard the Carpenter's
staffed,
voice dying away in the distance
Upon my word-ly, so almurdly under-
staffed
Why, goodness ankes-alive,
They sometimes work till nearly fire. They're so absurdly, 'pon my word-ly,
understaffed
(Continued on next column.)
I'm understaffed, I'm understaffed," Upon my word-ly, so absurdly under-
*staffed.*
Things sometimes go so far
I have to smoke my own cigar I'm so absurdly, pon my we
understaffed.
word-ly,
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